


Impossibility Is a Kiss Away from Reality

by sapphicalexandra



Series: Sense8 AU [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sense8 (TV) Fusion, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Jace Wayland, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Parabatai, Past Relationship(s), Psychic Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-01-31 06:49:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 95,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12676590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicalexandra/pseuds/sapphicalexandra
Summary: "Parabatai. An enhanced species of human, any two people that from anywhere in the world find themselves to be essentially one person, one soul."If parabatai were like sensates...Alec is a cop from New York, Jace is a musician from London. They lead normal lives, until...





	1. Prologue: Para-what?

**Author's Note:**

> Who doesn't like Sense8? If you don't know it, RUN TO WATCH IT ;) It's not _necessary_ necessary to be able to read this story since i'll try to explain things as much as possible, but it's still a crime not to have watched it...  
>  Anyway, so, i'm taking the parabatai bond and what sensates are in Sense8 and fusing them into a slightly different concept that has aspects of both plus some, with only two people connected and not eight. The story will also be based on the plots of both shows with new spins to it all.  
> The rating may vary greatly from chapter to chapter, so i'll prevently tag things now that will come up in the future and then specify later in the chapter summaries.  
> Hope you enjoy this first chapter that is essentially a prologue.  
> 

“You are parabatai.”

“Para- _what_?”

“ _Parabatai_. An enhanced species of human, any two people that from anywhere in the world find themselves to be essentially one person, one  _soul_. So  _no_ , you haven’t been going crazy. Jace is real. You two are connected in a way that transcends physical boundaries…you share emotions, thoughts, instincts, strength. You are bound together for  _life_.”

Hearing Magnus Bane give an explanation, or _confirmation,_  to what had been going on in his life recently, Alec didn’t exactly know what to feel.

On one hand, that eccentric man was literally a  _fortune teller_  who no one in their right mind should ever listen to…yet, after how drastically Alec’s perceptions of reality and impossibility had changed in the past few weeks, everything that Magnus was saying finally,  _finally_  gave some sense to it all. And Alec was caught in the weirdest form of relief.

While he tried to digest the words properly anyway, still quite unsure how to react, or  _move_ , Magnus regarded him with sympathy, “You said he lives in London, right? And that he’s a musician? You even confirmed for  _yourself_  that he's real, so why are you still doubting? Is he not  _here_ , right now?”

Alec reflexively turned his head to the left, and, of course, there he was. Jace was looking at him with a glint in his eyes, which told Alec that he had listened to every word Magnus had said.

“Makes sense, doesn’t it?” Jace spoke, a corner of his mouth quirking up.

But Alec  _knew_  that he had never been more serious, which was confirmed when Jace stretched out a hand towards him with nothing but  _fire_  in his peculiar eyes. Alec could only be enraptured.

“We are one,” Jace whispered. Something like that could only be said in a whisper, even if no one else but Alec could hear him. _Exactly_ because no one else but Alec could hear him.

Alec nodded, solemnly, and when he took Jace’s hand, he could swear he almost felt it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	2. Imaginary Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I’m eight years old, mom! I’m not a little kid like Izzy, I don’t have imaginary friends anymore!”_   
>  _“Rude,” Jace said, but Alec ignored him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't always expect such fast updates, but i was on a roll today, so here you have this one ;)  
> So, this is your big reminder to watch out for the tags...don't say i didn't warn you.

“Alec, who are you talking to?”

Alec jumped, letting his toy car fall on the carpet as he raised his head to look at his mother.

“No one,” he immediately lied.

Maryse crouched down to get on Alec’s level, speaking more softly than was her usual, “Is it your imaginary friend again?”

Alec rolled his eyes. “I’m _eight_ years old, mom! I’m not a little kid like Izzy, I don’t have imaginary friends anymore!”

“Rude,” Jace said, but Alec ignored him.

Maryse smiled. “Honey, you don’t have to feel embarrassed with me, and you don’t need to lie. Imagination is a powerful gift far too many adults forget how to use. It’s okay if you still have an imaginary friend…I just want you to not forget the difference between what you’re making up and what is real, okay? Do you understand that?”

Alec nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But I _told_ you I don’t have any…”

“Okay, okay. It’s still time for you to go to bed, mister.”

Alec pouted, before sighing. “ _Fine_.”

He got up, and him and his mom started making their way up the stairs towards Alec’s room.

“Night, dad! Night, Izzy!” Alec called out from the door to his parents’ room.

“Goodnight, Alec,” two voices, one deep, one high-pitched, responded in unison. Izzy’s head was barely visible for how she was snuggled under the covers in their parent’s bed, while their father read a book.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” his mother told him when she tucked him into bed.

Alec said one last goodnight, before he let his eyes start drooping. His mother got out.

As soon as the door closed, Alec swiftly removed the covers and sat up. Jace was curled up at the foot of his bed, hugging his knees, and was clearly having another episode of what Alec called his blues.

“What is it this time?” Alec asked him.

Jace shrugged. “Nothing, it’s just…I like your family.”

Alec didn’t need him to elaborate. “Is your father home yet? It must be so late there…”

In the blink of an eye, they were sitting on the floor of Jace’s pitch-black living room, which had no soft carpet like Alec’s house had. Jace shivered lightly at the cold, and Alec did too, even though he was still technically in his warm bed at home.

It had always been like that; him and Jace had shared things and visited each other as if by magic for as long as Alec could remember. And even longer than that. There were tapes of him at _one_ , _two_ , _three_ years old, where he was shown facing or talking or playing with someone invisible. Everyone in his family knew that that someone was called Jace. 

Grandparents, aunts and uncles always used to ask him about it; they said they were amused by his stories of his adventures in London with a blond kid...and Alec always thought they were so interested because they believed that it was real.

Until, one day, Alec had overheard his grandmother talking to his parents.

“ _Alec goes to school now, it's not appropriate of him to still have an imaginary friend. He needs to start making_ real _friends sooner rather than later, if he doesn’t want to be left out._ ”

Imaginary friend. That word had struck Alec more than any other.  

His parents hadn’t talked to him about that, but ever since they had tried to get him to go on playdates with his classmates more and more often, or encouraged his stories far less, so Alec knew that they agreed with Granny.

He had felt angry, then. Jace was his _best friend_ , and he knew he was _real_ , even though he lived far away and only Alec could see him or speak to him. It was so _obvious_ to him, so why couldn’t others see it?

Adults were stupid, okay, but even his classmates had started making fun of him for it, calling him a little kid…but what did they _know_? And Alec really didn't understand why everybody just wouldn’t _believe_ him!

Only his baby sister Izzy thought that Jace was real, and Alec always helped her and Jace talk to each other. Yet, she _was_ a little kid…so that didn't count much.

That was why Alec had started lying. As soon as he had done that, everyone had started laying off his back and him and Jace had been finally left alone in peace. Jace always said that having it be their secret made it more fun anyway. 

"No, he's not back yet," Jace answered him, still blue. 

Alec didn’t really get him; his father wasn’t a very nice person, and Alec rather preferred it when he wasn’t home. Jace, though, was saddened by it, so Alec patted him on the head hoping it would make him feel better. Jace could never fall asleep until his father came back from work, whatever Michael Wayland did (Jace wasn’t sure). 

“It's fine. You can go to sleep now, you know," Jace told him crossly, even though he didn’t shrug Alec’s hand away.

"Who are you talking to, Jonathan?"

They both jumped. They hadn’t heard Michael enter (twice in a night, they should be more careful than that!).

Alec didn’t like it when Jace was called Jonathan, even though that was technically his real name, while Jace was only the nickname that Alec had made up for him from his initials.

"No one, father," Jace answered immediately.

Michael first got rid of his coat, which he threw unceremoniously on the couch, then started approaching them. His steps were so heavy that the floor creaked under him.

Alec couldn’t help but start to feel a sense of nausea in his stomach, of the kind he got when he ate too much candy. He reflexively looked at Jace, who was staring up at his father in that way Alec hated.

Jace was always brave, much more than Alec ever was…except for when his father stomped his feet and slurred his words and reeked of what Alec knew was alcohol. 

"What do I always tell you about liars, Jonathan?" 

Michael towered over them now.

Jace stuttered as he responded, "You don’t like them."

"Not only I don’t like them, I don’t _tolerate_ them. Try again. Who were you talking to, Jonathan?" 

Jace glanced quickly at Alec – who felt literally frozen in place – before repeating, "N-no one, father."

Alec held his breath, then he shut his eyes right before he heard the smack. When his cheek started burning, tears were already pooling in his eyes.

_Please, no, don't_ , he wanted to say to Jace's father. But like every other time, Alec couldn’t do anything to stop the second slap from coming. 

"I'm sorry, father," Jace said shakenly. Alec dared open his eyes, and he managed to see through his tears how Jace was hugging his knees again. His face was dry, though.

Jace's father was much stricter than Alec's parents, that had also always been true. Michael didn’t like it at all when Jace disobeyed him even a little bit, and he became angry. When that happened, Alec could never help but burst into tears straight away, afraid like he never was any other time, and as he got older and older he had to start making up excuses for when he got like that all the way in New York.  

Jace, instead, rarely cried; he simply took the punishment as if it was his due, and he always told Alec that he was a wuss for having to be calmed down by him every time, and not the other way around. But Alec simply couldn’t understand how he was always so calm, since he knew that Jace felt the same hurt that he did. Plus, Michael’s discipline didn’t seem fair to Alec at all, especially when he didn’t let Jace eat for days on end, and Jace had to constantly hide food in his room in preparation for it. 

At least, usually, after a few slaps, Michael simply let Jace go to his room in disappointed silence...

Not this time.

"It's Alec, isn't?!" Michael shouted, as he _kicked_ at Jace's curled up form, causing him to fall backward.

Alec let out a whimper as that new kind of pain hit him, then he looked up at Michael with his mouth hanging open.  

It was inevitable that Jace's father knew his name, after all the years they hadn’t know they had to hide each other, so Alec wasn’t shocked by _that_. But Michael had never kicked Jace! He shouldn’t have done that! 

"N- _no_ ," Jace strangled out, and Alec wanted to yell at him to not be stupid and just tell his father the truth! But his voice wasn’t working.

"Do you think this is a _game_? Does my word have no authority anymore? Eh, you little _brat_?" Michael grabbed Jace by the front of his shirt and pulled him up until Jace’s feet were dangling. “Answer me!”

“Y-yes, it’s Alec,” Jace finally admitted in a small voice, as he held onto his father’s arms for support. "Dad, please..."

Michael’s eyes only glinted more dangerously.

“I knew it,” he yelled as he threw Jace on the floor.

Jace landed with a sonorous sound and a whine of pain, and Alec reflexively wrapped his arms around himself, letting out a scream.

“You thought you could trick me, didn’t you? Make me believe that you were just a normal kid who didn’t hallucinate other kids?”

“P-please, father, I-I’m sorry. I d-don’t know w-why it happens…”

But Michael wasn’t listening to him anymore. He grabbed Jace once more only to throw him again, and this time Jace smacked against the wall. Even then, Michael wasn’t finished.

“STOP! PLEASE STOP! DON’T HURT HIM! DON’T HURT HIM!”

Alec had never felt anything like this, he had never known fear before, nor anger, nor desperation. He screamed and screamed at Jace’s father, but nobody could hear him except the boy who silently got beat up.

Until Michael simply stopped. Taking a step back, he looked down at the bloody, whimpering child on the floor, breathing hard as if he had just run a marathon. “See what your abnormality has made me _do_?”

Then he turned around and got out of the room. Alec didn’t know where he went, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Instead, half-blinded by the tears, he immediately ran to Jace and crouched down next to him.

“Jace, Jace, please, be okay, Jace, talk to me, what do I do, what do I do,” he cried out desperately.

Jace barely moved, until he slowly removed a hand from his face, and looked up at Alec. “Go away,” he croaked out at him.

“What? Jace, you need help, I need to – to call someone, you need to get away, _please_ …”

“I SAID GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!” 

Alec fell back as if a rush of wind had just blasted him. Jace had never shouted at him before...but now that was all that he was doing, his face unrecognizable, and Alec sobbed and sobbed, unable to understand that reaction, or anything that was happening.

“J–Jace, p-please...”

“ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT? **GET OUT OF MY** **HEAD**!”

Alec let out one last sob, before his eyes opened and he was in his own bed. Immediately, he started screaming and thrashing uncontrollably, even though his throat burned, and his parents were in his room, calling out his name in a panic. But he couldn’t do anything else.

Until his mother hugged him to her chest, while his father typed on his phone, and Alec fell unconscious.

Alec opened his eyes, and he wasn’t in his room. Everything was white and strange, something was attached to him, and Alec was about to panic when his mother came in his line of sight.

“Alec, Alec, oh baby, you’re alright, it’s okay, mama’s here,” she told him, as Alec hugged her tighter than he had ever done.

“Mom, where am I, why am I here?” Alec sobbed against her neck.

Maryse put him back down on the bed, brushing some of his hair out of his reddened face. “You’re in a hospital, baby. You had a very bad nightmare and me and your dad and the doctors got very scared. Can you – do you remember what you were dreaming about that had you feeling so bad?”

Alec blinked. “What? No.”

His mom’s hand was caressing his cheek. “You were screaming in your sleep, baby. ‘Don’t hurt him’, you kept saying, over and over again…was that about your imaginary friend again, Alec? Because if so…”

“What are you talking about, mom?”

Maryse sat more comfortably on the bed, now holding Alec’s hand. “You need to tell me the truth, honey. You really, really scared me last night, okay? If you’re honest, we can help you better.”

Alec was only more and more confused. “Mom, I don’t understand. I don’t have an imaginary friend, I’m not little.”

Maryse sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. “Alec. I know you still talk to Jace.”

“Who – who is Jace?”

It was an interesting name, but Alec wasn’t sure if he had ever heard it.

“Alec.”

His mom was giving him her stink eye, but he truly didn’t understand what she wanted from him. The last thing he remembered was going to sleep, and then waking up in a hospital.

“I’m serious, mom! I don’t understand what is happening, I was just asleep and then I was here, I haven’t had any nightmare! Can we go home, now, please?”

His mother only sighed more.

Adults were idiots. For how many times he told them the truth, no one seemed to believe him, and no matter his pleas he spent an entire other day at the hospital being ‘watched’ for who-knows-what. Everyone asked him about this so-called Jace, and he was getting really irritated about it.

Even his little _sister_ , who he had hoped would be on his side.

“Alec, really, what happened to Jace? You can tell _me_ ,” she whispered to him conspiratorially, as they sat on his hospital bed while their parents were out talking to the doctors.

And Alec just snapped. “Like I _said_ , I don’t know who this Jace that everyone keeps talking about is!”

Izzy jumped when he raised his voice, and Alec would’ve felt guilty about it if she didn’t go on, “But – but _Jace_! Your _real_ imaginary friend! You always say he’s your best friend and you tell me what you two do all the time…”

Alec let out a sigh of exasperation. “Don’t you ever think I only played along, you big dummy? C’mon, Iz, imaginary friends aren’t real. Also, if I ever had one, I would _remember_ it. But I don’t, so just forget about it. There are better games we can play.”

Izzy’s lips started wobbling, but she nodded anyway and thankfully didn’t bring up Jace again. Just a stupid name, _that_ was what it was.

In the end, doctors had to release him since he appeared to be fine, even though Alec knew his parents would watch him even more from now on. As if they weren’t already oppressive before.

When Alec actually didn’t have any more nightmares or pass out again, though, things did really go back to normal. Only Izzy kept on staring at him at a distance from time to time, probably waiting to see if he was talking to someone, but Alec simply rolled his eyes. Everyone must’ve hit their head, if they all remembered an imaginary friend Alec had never had.

At least, no one ever brought up that name again, and by the time Alec reached middle school, that whole incident already felt like a distant dream that even his parents never asked him about anymore. Izzy, too, had finally stopped trying to catch him talking to anyone. And by the time Alec reached high school, he had far bigger problems than a weird inexplicable event of his past. When he got to college, he didn’t even remember it anymore, nor would he have recognized the name, if ever mentioned.

As a twenty-eight years old gay cop, Alec wasn’t exactly ordinary, yet his life had never been anything but.

Until…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	3. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He had expected it for years; after all, everyone said that the justice system was bullshit, and a drug lord, murderer, kidnapper and abuser of child could still get out for_ good conduct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, chapter three. I promise it's not as bad as the last one ;)

_He’s out._

Jace stared down at the coffee cup in front of him, and that was all he could think about. 

He had expected it for years; after all, everyone said that the justice system was bullshit, and a drug lord, murderer, kidnapper and abuser of child could still get out for  _good conduct_. Only  _right_ , and he had prepared himself for it.

Still, now that the day had arrived…

Jace had truly thought that in the twenty years that had passed since  _that night_  he had finally got to a point in his life where he could be unaffected by it all. But, of course, he was not.

How could he be?

Valentine Morgenstern, boss of one of the biggest chains of drug trafficking in the world, had faked his own death to escape imprisonment, had murdered Jace’s parents, kidnapped him as a baby, and raised him under the false name of Michael Wayland. Jace still didn’t understand exactly  _why_ , just that he had spent his entire childhood in fear of his  _father_ ’s judgment, had been isolated in his home with the excuse of home-schooling, had been beat up and starved out, and he had taken it all in silence thinking that it was just  _normal_. Until, one day, his father had snapped, and the neighbors had heard. When the police had arrived, they had caught Michael in his drunken state with a beat-up child in the corner.

However, DNA had shown that Michael was no Michael at all. Jace, when he had been conscious enough to do it, had watched the TV in his hospital room, and on every other channel there were reports about the infamous Valentine Morgenstern having been rediscovered and locked-up (allegedly) for life. The TV had talked of him, too, but Jace always changed the channel at that point.

The next day, an old woman had come to retrieve him, and she had explained everything. Neither Michael nor Valentine had ever been Jace’s father, but this woman’s son. She was his grandmother, and she had never stopped looking for him, she told Jace. She was ready to take him in, if he wanted to. They could’ve been a real family.

Jace could only accept, since he hardly had better options.

He was still called Jonathan Wayland at the time, and when it was time to reclaim his real name, he told his grandmother that he wanted to be Jace Herondale from then on. He didn’t exactly remember when he had come up with that name for himself, only that it stood for his initials, J.C.

His grandmother wasn’t exactly the warmest person, but she had always cared for him ever since that day, sending him to the best therapists as well as schools in the UK. But, most of all, she made him feel loved for the first time in his life. Even now that he’d been living on his own for almost ten years, Jace always went back at her house for Sunday lunch.

He was a functional  _adult_ , he had a pretty decent music career, he had a few life-long friends, like the real children of Valentine who had grown away from him with their mother, Clary and (ironically) Jonathan, as well as Clary’s on-again off-again boyfriend Simon…basically, all in all, he didn’t have much to complain about. He had a nice life.

So why did he now want to crawl out of it and hide somewhere deep down, at the mere knowledge that he might walk the same streets as Valentine, a ‘reformed man’? He hadn’t thought about him in ages, he had dealt with all the shit that he had left him with during his entire adolescent years…yet, there had been no stopping his insides from turning into complete mush as soon as he had heard that Valentine had gotten out of prison.

He needed to get a  _grip_. Even if he hated the thought, he had to hit up his old shrink. He just couldn’t,  _wouldn’t_  let Valentine ruin his life all over again.

Jace hit his table with a fist, making a few people jump – at which he apologized – then he grabbed his coffee and got out. London was still the same old London, crawling with cockroaches, Valentine or no Valentine, so there was no reason to fear the streets any more than usual. And he simply needed to forget about his stint of last night, when he had messed up a show for the first time since he had first hit up the stage. He would try again that night, and it would all go alright.

Positive thinking, and all that shit. Or, half-way positive thinking, he would have to settle on.

Because there was always that damn  _sentence_ sprouting up in his mind. It had happened a  _lot,_  at first, after that night, then more and more rarely as the years went by…still, no year of therapy had ever been able to explain it.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD.  

Everyone just put it on Valentine and how Jace simply wanted to forget about him. Yet, Jace could never help but think that there was something more behind it. In the way it echoed in his mind, it was said in the same tone of voice he had as a child, screamed at the top of his lungs…and Jace simply didn’t remember having ever said anything like that to Valentine.

Of course, the trauma that he had endured, both mental and physical, could’ve caused a partial memory loss; that was why he didn’t remember anything of the sort. After all, when a memory is too painful, the brain resorts to burying it deep down as a defense mechanism. Also, considering the fact that now that sentence was literally  _drilling_  in his mind, back at full force after being dormant for so many years, and right after Valentine had gotten free, it was probably time that he accepted the fact that everyone was simply right, and there was no other explanation behind it. It was just a sign that Jace had wanted to get Valentine out of his head, but he never could.

In that case, letting the words fill up his mind instead of trying to squash them out, could be good. It’d mean that he wouldn’t think of anything  _else_.

_Get out of my head, get out of my head, get out of my head…_

Jace still thought there was something more to it, and that was all. Every time he heard it, he could swear he felt that same desperation his younger self had felt.

Right then, a car’s tires shrieked loudly beside him, and Jace raised his head to glare at it…when he found himself in a much bigger crowd than the one on the street he had been walking on. He wasn’t on a street anymore, period, and everything was louder and scarier, as sounds that resembled  _gunshots_  echoed all around…

Jace knew that he should’ve moved away from there, and followed the people running towards him; but, for some reason, he couldn’t. Everything was  _wrong_. How could he have gotten to such a different place in such a short…and wasn’t that the  _Statue of Liberty_? In  _America_? In  _New York_?

Jace looked up at it with his mouth hanging open, and he couldn’t find any other explanation besides that he was dreaming. Had he fallen asleep, somewhere, maybe in the café? Most likely.

So the shooting wasn’t of his concern, right? Of course not, that was preposterous…

Everything still felt so  _real_ , as panic sparked into his chest at every new shout. Jace’s eyes twirled around in every direction frantically, until they landed on the cops in front of him steering people away from the crossfire. One of them, a tall man with dark hair, turned around, and he looked directly at Jace with determination in his fierce eyes.

“Sir, you need to move!” he shouted, and Jace, somehow, felt that deep and raspy voice etching itself into his brain.  

If that was a dream, Jace wouldn’t have complained if he got to be saved by those strong arms…

He wasn’t too far off. The man, when Jace still didn’t move, ran towards him and grabbed his arm, starting to push him backwards, and Jace knew that he should’ve listened…but he didn’t want to get out of that hold.

The two of them were obstructing the way, though, and a moment later some lady was right about to collide with him. Jace braced himself, closing his eyes…but nothing came. When he inched his eyes open again, he jumped at seeing another person running directly towards him…but the was no other collision, too. Because the man passed right _through_ him.

A  _dream_ , like he was saying.

The tall cop was really meant to be his partner in it, then, cause he was still clearly touching Jace, unlike the others. But he was also looking at Jace as if he was seeing a ghost, all the colors faded from his face.

The stranger’s mouth kept moving wordlessly, as they kept on staying frozen in place, and what was Jace meant to do beside stare at his very sharp, very handsome face? The sunlight gave green speckles to the man’s hazel eyes, his short beard did wonders for his jaw, which framed a very full and pink mouth…and Jace rejoiced when they were both flung out of that chaos to be brought back in London.

Finding himself on familiar ground was truly a blessing; he could finally regard that man in peace. The world, after all, seemed to have stopped spinning, every sound drained except for their two breaths syncing together. The stranger’s face had regained some color, and Jace felt a _thrill_ run through him as he realized that he was being studied with just as much interest. Why not, then, close the distance and give some purpose to the stranger’s still-parted lips?

But, in that moment, a gasp escaped the man, and he suddenly clutched at his stomach while an even more shocked expression formed on his face. Jace gasped, too, because his back had just been hit with a force that took his breath away…and they were back in the chaos. The loudness of the shouts hit Jace all anew, as the pain from his back spread throughout his entire body.

“ALEC!” The panicked voice of another cop, a blonde woman, stood above it all, because she was looking, eyeballs as big as her face, at the tall man. Who had been shot on the back. And who had fallen face-forward on the ground, which Jace suddenly knew was hard, cold, and unforgiving. His own face stung.

Instantly, a shout wanted to form in Jace’s throat, but he didn’t get to it since the blonde woman had already gotten out of the protection of the police car she was hiding behind, and was running up to…Alec.

Thankfully, in the meanwhile, someone else had shot the gunman that had been wreaking havoc.

Jace was aware of that, since everything was unfolding in front of his widened eyes, but all he could care about was the slumped form of the man on the ground. He was unconscious. He had been _shot_ , because he had been looking at _Jace_ and hadn’t paid attention to his surroundings.

 _This isn’t real, it’s just a dream_ , Jace kept telling himself. But, for some reason, he didn’t believe it.

And when he was back in London, the world back to spinning normally, all he could see at the back of his eyelids was the image of the ambulance taking that man away. Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	4. Instrument

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He was in a hospital room, and, of course, asleep on the bed was the man named Alec._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanking again all the people who are liking and following this <3

When he got back home, Jace’s head was still riveting over what might or might not have happened. He paced up and down in his bedroom, but he couldn’t really see anything. All he _saw_ was a panicked crowd and a man fallen on the ground because of him.

Wringing his hands together almost painfully, Jace was about to panic himself. What…the hell?

He wasn’t in his bedroom anymore. He was in a hospital room, and, of course, asleep on the bed was the man named Alec.

Jace stared at him while his mouth wordlessly opened, all worries about his possible insanity evaporating under the need to ascertain his state.

Tentatively, unable to stop himself, Jace took a few steps forward, and then a few others, all the way until he was right beside the bed. Alec – it was still strange, calling him by his name, when they’d never even been introduced…but what was he saying, of course you can’t get introduced to a figment of your own imagination – had half of his face covered by cuts, and Jace knew that under the covers and his hospital gown he would be heavily bandaged. However, for some inexplicable reason, Jace also knew that the bullet hadn’t touched him directly. He had been wearing a vest, under his uniform.

 _Thank god_ , Jace could only think, _that only the strength of the impact had knocked him out_. Thank god he hadn’t caused a man to be killed, or even just be punctured by a bullet. That would’ve been a bitch.

Alec might have a concussion, though, and Jace hoped beyond hope that he hadn’t received any serious damage.

Ironic, that he was worried for a stranger’s, a _dream’s_ , brain health, when _he_ was the one hallucinating. Fantasizing a gorgeous man, more accurately. Jace bet his friends would say he hadn’t gotten laid enough, lately.

But looking at the man’s sleeping, peaceful form, so different from the hardheaded cop that had tried to save him, that was the last of his thoughts. Jace was _transfixed_ , something tender and warm pulsing insistently under his ribcage…and only a moment later did he realize that it was his heart, beating a thousand miles per hour. For a weird second, a thought crossed his mind, that he would’ve donated it to Alec if he’d so required.

…That was too much even for a fantasy.

Jace wanted to close his eyes, then, in the hope that he’d wake up again; but he couldn’t move his eyelids. Only his pupils, which slid down until they landed on Alec’s hand laying on the bed. Jace bit his lip, hard, but even that couldn’t stop his own hand from reaching for it.

If that was a dream, he wouldn’t feel anything, right?

As his fingers grazed lightly against Alec’s skin, however, Jace had to retract them immediately with a sharp intake of breath. He wouldn’t call that _feeling_ , but…it had been _something_ , even if he couldn’t quite find the words for it. Still, surely far from _anything_ that he had ever experienced in a dream.

Walking the edge of a knowledge that escaped him, Jace had to try again. His index finger hooked itself under Alec’s, softly, as if he was touching the strings of his precious guitar. And it wasn’t an analogy too far away. Jace could sense some kind of _vibration_ starting from the place where their skins met, as if Alec _was_ an instrument he only needed to learn how to play.

His heart was in his throat, and it became hard to swallow. He still couldn’t bring himself to let go; he didn’t _want_ to let go. He wrapped his entire hand around Alec’s, the sensation only doubling in intensity, and Jace half-dreaded half-hoped that Alec would wake.

Until he heard the knob of the door turn, and he was back in his apartment a blink of an eye later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	5. Too Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What. The. Fuck?!_   
>  _What in all seven hells had happened?!_   
>  _Alec wakes up in a hospital bed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I advice, when a link appears, to open it in another page ;)

His eyes felt heavy and pasty as they twitched tentatively.

Immediately, a groan escaped out of him, only worsening the soreness he felt on his entire face. Scratch that, his entire _body_ was sore. It took Alec a moment to remember _why_ …he had been shot in the back. _Fuck_. Alec’s brain scrambled to remember if he had worn a vest or not; he should have, as usual. And since he didn’t feel the aftereffects of coming out of an operation, with a bit of luck he wasn’t in too bad a state.

But as his vision regained focus, Alec wished he was still asleep, because pain and family didn’t need to go hand in hand more than they already did. Especially when one had just got _shot_ at.

“Alec? He’s awake, guys, he’s awake, shh,” Izzy half-whispered, but in vain, since his family had never been quiet one day in Alec’s life, not even when Alec’s head throbbed as incessantly as it did now.

As a matter of fact, his parents and Max all rushed towards his bed like a herd of elephants.

“Alec, baby, how are you feeling?” his mother asked in the lowest tone of voice she could muster, which wasn’t saying much.

Shutting down the loud memories that were knocking, demanding to enter at the back of his mind, Alec tried moving a little. His hands felt competent enough, even if they tingled a bit, but when he tried to get himself upright his entire upper torso shot up in pain.

“Don’t do that, Alec,” his sister warned. “You cracked a few ribs. The doctor said you can’t move too much for the next few weeks, and you need to take slow breaths.”

Alec nodded slightly, but he regretted it as soon as he did it. Just great.

“They’ll give you more pain killers in a bit,” his father told him, and Alec refrained himself from nodding again.

“You scared us, you know,” his mother said, taking his hand. That touch felt…weirdly wrong, somehow. That was the hand that was tingling the most.

“I’m fine,” Alec croaked out. “Hey, Max, don’t make that face.”

Max shrugged from his place at the foot of the bed. “I told you your work would get you killed. There are a lot of crazy people around.”

“Well, it seems that your big brother will be around for another while, though,” was Alec’s attempt at levity.

“Whatever.”

Alec managed to form a smile, as Izzy rolled her eyes.

Right then, the door opened, and Lydia, still in uniform, walked, or rather _marched_ in, going to stand next to Izzy.

Everyone fell dead silent, and Alec’s stomach sank as Lydia sent him her sternest stare.

But he couldn’t let a word out before she did, “I’m glad you’re awake, Alec.” That was all the niceties he deserved, Alec knew it. “I still need to be out and deal with the situation, but I wanted to check. I’ll come back later, and we’ll _talk_ , partner.”

Not even his mother had ever made a _talk_ sound so threatening.

“I’m sorry, Ly-”

“Save it for later,” she said, a bit more kindly. She looked at Izzy, then, and the latter nodded at her before leaning in for a kiss. Lydia was out of the room a moment later.

Izzy turned towards him, and she was regarding him severely now, too. Alec sighed.

“Really, Alec, what happened? Lydia said you completely froze in the middle of the shooting.”

Four pair of eyes were fixed on him, and Alec didn’t know what to say. He knew that it was not characteristic of him, at least not since his academy days, to freeze on the field. And he _didn’t_ freeze, he just got…distracted. But he could never explain _that_ to his family; he didn’t understand it himself!

Still determined not to think about it, not until he was alone at least, Alec tried for a somewhat plausible answer. “I know, I just…I don’t know. It happened, okay? But it won’t again, I promise.”

“You better,” his mother warned, only half teasing. At least now that she knew he wasn’t about to die, she could go back to her usual self. Not that his mother was heartless, just…she hadn’t called him _baby_ ever since he _was_ a baby, and he rather preferred it that way.

The door opened again. This time it was the doctor, which they all greeted.

“How are we feeling, Officer?” he – Alec had forgotten his name - asked good-naturedly.

Alec cleared his throat. “Could be better.” Then he added, “But I’m just bruised, am I not? The bullet didn’t pierce, so I should be released soon?”

“Soon, but not quite yet. We want to keep you for the night in case you have a concussion.”

Alec groaned internally. “I don’t feel concussed.” Not technically a lie, because whatever he might have hadn’t been caused by _this_.

“It’s often not that obvious, at first,” the doctor still replied.

“What could be the worst-case scenario, Doctor Pangborn?” his mother asked.

(Right, that was his name).

 “Oh, don’t worry, Mrs. Lightwood. It’s just a precaution. We’ll keep an eye on him, but I think you can all go back home serenely enough.”

Alec’s throat, however, only closed in on itself. _He_ knew that something _was_ wrong. He’d have to ask the doctor more questions once his family had gone away.

Eventually, finally, they _did_ leave, even though Izzy promised she’d come back later with Lydia. Still, despite that not-very-pleasant prospect, Alec could breathe more easily. Not _literally_ , since his chest was still wrapped tightly around his bruised ribs, while one particular spot on his back, where the bullet had hit him, kept pounding more painfully than the others; but at least he now had the space to _think_ …

_What. The. **Fuck**?! _

What in all seven _hells_ had _happened_?!

He had simply been doing his shitty job in a shitty situation and then…what?! A blond guy had just stood there in the middle of the screaming crowd, and Alec had rightly - _heroically_ , anyone would say - tried to help him…instead that guy had been made of _smoke_ , and he had plunged him into some kind of hallucinated state during which Alec had thought to be somewhere completely different. And, most of all, that guy had looked like a model straight from a magazine, and he had stared at Alec as if he was his favorite _snack_ …in the middle of a shooting! He dreaded to know what his sister would say – _see what being a sexually frustrated workaholic will bring you to?_ – but she’d be _wrong_ , because that’d be simply too crazy for _anyone._ It didn’t matter that he might, _might_ have stared back a little bit, because he had _not_ wanted any of this! _Surely_ not being landed in a hospital.

He needed to quickly figure out how to ask for a brain scan _casually_.

But first, he’d let the pain killers do their magic on him, and maybe he’d even manage a nap…

When he had to stifle a scream. That guy had just appeared at the foot of his bed.

A moment later, Alec found himself standing in a poorly-furnished apartment, _still_ facing that guy, who was looking at him far too intently for Alec’s tastes. Alec started palming at his chest, pain sparking up in it at his every movement, but he had to check to see that he was still _solid_. He appeared to be, but that only meant that he was far more _elaborately_ going insane than any normal insane person.

“Great! I’m really going crazy, then!” he burst out, more directed at himself than at the other one. “It’s probably a tumor, I might have to soon leave this world, but in that case at least _this_ ,” he gestured at the guy with both his hands, “will stop.”

The guy crossed his arms. “Are you quite done?”

Alec didn’t let himself get distracted by his definitely unattractive British accent, or by the fact that it was the first time he ever heard his voice. “Wha- _Excuse_ me? If I’m _done_? What gives _you_ , a smoke man, the right to ask _me-_ ”

“A _smoke_ man? What the hell did _you_ smoke? And _I’m_ the one asking questions here. Who the hell are you?”

“What? Who the hell are _you!”_

The guy shrugged. “I’m Jace.”

“Jace?” Alec paused. “Whatever. I’m Al-”

“Alec, I know. I heard.”

“You _heard_. Right, of course. Well, Jace, this has been interesting, but now I must wake up.”

“ _You_ must wake up.”

“Yes. From this dream or hallucination or whatever that I’m having.”

“Yeah, no. _You’re_ the dream, I’m the one hallucinating.”

“I don’t _think_ so, smoke man.” Alec gritted his teeth. “And where I am anyway? This is a _dump_.”

The guy – Jace – scoffed. “My _apartment_ is not a _dump_ , you tosser. And we’re in London, for your information.”

“London.” Alec paused again. “I’ve never been to London.”

“Well, of course not, since you’re not real,” Jace said as if that made it final.

“ _I’m_ not real?” Alec let out a sound that was part amusement part exasperation. “ _You_ are not real!”

''I’m very much real, thank you very much.”

Another sound escaped Alec, as he twirled around the room to find any sense _somewhere_. 

“Ehm…”

Alec heard a snort, and he turned – he should _stop_ moving, damn the pain! – infuriated. “ _What_ , now?”

“Your, ehm…your hospital gown…” Jace seemed to be trying very hard not to laugh.

Alec froze internally. _Don’t tell me_ …

But, of course, he had forgotten that he was literally _naked_ , under that damnably short and _open from behind_ thing that the hospital had put on him. He had been flashing Jace his ass…of-fucking- _course_.  

“I mean, not that I mind,” Jace smirked, and Alec didn’t need to see himself in the mirror to know that he had lit up bright red.

And as he fumbled with his vest, trying to face Jace _not with his ass,_ his mouth was gaping open like a fish, and all he could think about was that that situation resembled far too closely the start of every damn porn ever…and he wasn’t liking it at all. _At all_. That was _not_ the way things should go in a fantasy; he shouldn’t want to crawl _under_ the bed instead of over it!

“You…what…just, go _away_ , will you! Get out of my _head!_ ”

Jace’s brow furrowed. “Not until _you_ get out of  _mine!_ ”

Alec shut his eyes closed, then, and for some miracle it worked. He felt himself back on the hospital bed, and he opened his eyes again with a sigh of relief. Not that he felt very relieved, because his emotions were so tangled together that he didn’t _know_ what he felt. He only knew that his heart was pumping wildly, and that dreaming about a hot blond liking his ass would’ve been great if it hadn’t literally landed him in that hospital.

He had barely calmed down by the time Lydia arrived and he had to face another conversation he didn’t want to have.

“We’re in this together, Alec, I want you to _tell_ me if you have something going on that makes you freak out at work. We need to be able to _rely_ on each other, you know that.”

“I know, I know, Lydia, I’m sorry.” Alec pinched the bridge of his nose with a hand. “Nothing’s going on, I swear.”

The lie left his lips far too easily, unlike the guilt that sprung up in him as a result. Still, no matter how much he trusted Lydia as his partner, he couldn’t put this whirlwind on her life (and on his sister’s as a result). Alec knew he must’ve scared the living daylights out of her, and this would only freak her out _more_ about something that he still didn’t understand _himself_. _If_ it turned out to be serious, he swore to himself that he’d tell her.

“Then what happened?” Lydia asked.

“Will you believe me if I say I don’t know?”

Lydia raised a critical eyebrow. “You’ll have to work on that. Take these weeks of leave to figure it out, okay?”

“God, right, I can’t go back to work.” _Damnit_. Work occupied most of his _time_. Without it, what would distract him from this literal _shitstorm_? “I can’t believe I’m leaving you on your own…I bet they’ll partner you up with Raj again.”

Lydia sighed. “Being shot myself would’ve been better.”

Izzy entered the room, carrying a bag. “Proper clothes for the patient,” she chirped out.

“Bless you, Iz.”

He’d hate hospital gowns forever from now on.

After placing the bag on the floor next to the bed, Izzy went to seat on Lydia’s lap, while Lydia hugged her around the middle, laying her chin on Izzy’s shoulder. It had been a long, tragic day, Alec mused.

Izzy leaned into the hug, interlocking her hands with Lydia’s, before she looked at him, “So how are you feeling, big bro?”

“Better.” At least that wasn’t a lie. “This is just a precaution, I’ll be home tomorrow.”

Izzy nodded. “Did you give him an earful, babe?” she said to Lydia, who smiled.

“No, I was actually very nice.”

“Then _I’ll_ tell you that you’re an idiot, Alec.”  

“I love you too, Iz. Sorry I scared you,” Alec said genuinely.  

That seemed to satisfy her, because she sighed, but didn’t add anything else.

“Go home, I’m okay,” Alec told them. “I know you’re tired.”

Izzy and Lydia shared a look, but Izzy still seemed reluctant when she addressed him. “Are you sure? I could stay here with you.”

“I don’t think they’ll _let_ you stay.”

“But…” Alec raised an eyebrow, “ugh, _fine_.”

They got up and, after bidding him goodnight, Lydia squeezing his hand as Izzy kissed him on the forehead, they left the room.

He thought he would’ve preferred being alone, but in actuality Alec was left with nothing more but his panic over the entire situation.

So, eventually, he just couldn’t take it anymore, and he had to call up to ask for a brain scan, under the excuse of a bad headache that he didn’t want to find out was something serious too late. Not that it was a lie, because his head _was_ killing him, and he _would_ have all the reasons to worry. He didn’t even have a lot of convincing to do, and when he got back in his room after the scan he felt far more serene. One less thing to worry about.

He still had a hard time falling asleep, the scene at the shooting and at… _Jace’s_ apartment replaying in his mind over and over and over again.

How people had walked right _through_ Jace while Alec was _touching_ him - he should’ve noticed that there was something _weird_ about that touch, but how could he have had in such a terrible moment?

How the world had seemed to _stop_ , every sound drained, everything else forgotten, nothing else that mattered except them as they stared at one another…

How infuriating Jace actually _was_ , because of _course_ even a fantasy couldn’t be perfect.

Most of all, Alec didn’t understand how he could hallucinate things so vividly, and still have them make so little sense. Why that London guy? Why in the middle of the shooting? Why so randomly and why _him_?

If only this headache would _stop_. It didn’t help at all in trying not to be anxious.

And if only the people next door would turn off the _volume_? They were in a _hospital_ , not at a damn concert!

Alec pressed the emergency button, regretting it a moment later - because apparently he was _that_ kind of patient who complained about every little thing - but especially when the nurse told him that he couldn’t hear anything too loud. No concert.

Alec was left speechless, and more than a little embarrassed, as he left. Another weird thing happening to him that day.

When a [piano](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iljAm1hoLU) started playing so _clearly_ that he could’ve been wearing headphones, however, Alec felt betrayed…had the nurse been _shitting_ him? 

_Scared my love  
You'll go_

Alec froze, feeling his mouth fall open. Where…who…what? A voice - a deep, damn near _angelic_ voice - was singing as if directly into his _brain_ and…

_Spend my love  
Heart broke_

Alec didn’t even care about the noise anymore. He could listen to _that_ music forever, as if his life _depended_ on it…

_So my love don't show_

Alec could only close his eyes, vibrations spreading through his entire body …

_Scared my love  
You'll go_

…and when he reopened them, he wasn’t surprised at all to find himself in a crowd, all looking up at a stage where… _he_ sang. Jace. He had just _known_ that it was him.

_Too good to be good for me  
Too bad that that's all I need_

Jace had his eyes closed, his fringe messily styled on his head, as his mouth was pressed to the microphone as if he wanted to tell secrets right into it. The guy with glasses at the piano behind him had started harmonizing with him, and the result was even more astonishing.  

 _Too good to be good for me_  
_And too bad that that's all I need_  
_All I need_

Jace opened his eyes, and they didn’t hesitate, didn’t struggle to focus, they fixed themselves directly on Alec as if he had known beforehand that he’d be there, and where he’d be. Alec looked right back, somehow falling, and falling, _drowning_ into the brightness of his eyes…

And when those eyes were suddenly far closer than they’d been, Alec didn’t even flinch, didn’t even mind about the optical impossibility in front of him, with a Jace slowly walking towards him a few meters away, and one on the stage.

_Fingers walk your thigh  
Breathe my love, get high_

Jace now sang _to_ him, and to him alone, and there was no cell in Alec that wasn’t shaking, pulsing and aching indescribably.

 _And oh, I'm so scared_  
_Oh I'm so scared_  
_It's just for tonight_

Alec followed the movement of Jace’s mouth, transfixed, a prey to a hypnotizing serpent, as the space between their chests got smaller and smaller, until it couldn’t be fit by another body.

 _So I take a sip, wait 'til it hits_  
_That liquid guilt is on my lips_  
_I'm wasted on you_

Jace sang a few breaths away from his face, and Alec found himself bending his head down to get even closer, his eyes drooping, his mouth still open, drawn towards the other man as if they were two magnets…

 _Too good to be good for me_  
_Too bad that that's all I need_  
_All I need_

Jace sang the chorus right in his ear, and then he traced all the way around Alec’s neck until it reached the other ear. They weren’t touching, not one limb, but their bodies moved and leaned against one another, in some sort of slow-downed figurative dance, as they somehow knew exactly the shape they should’ve formed. The music around them quickened, and they were caught in their own little bubble, their own little world, Alec still weirdly able to think that he was glad he wasn’t in his hospital gown anymore, until…

 _So I take a sip, wait 'til it hits_  
_That liquid guilt is on my lips_  
_I'm wasted on you_

Jace, tentatively, shakenly, placed his hands on Alec’s chest, and Alec stopped breathing as Jace’s palms traced it, until he was circling his neck. Alec didn’t know what that _felt_ like, it was like nothing else he had ever known…but it was _something_ that he couldn’t escape, nothing that could keep him from bringing his own hands on Jace’s waist, and hide his face against the side of his face, breathing in a scent that didn’t seem to be of this world, but which he already knew _intimately_ as it embedded into his brain. And he could swear he also _felt_ in that same way Jace’s cold breath hitting his neck. At that point, he could no longer keep his eyes open.

_(Wasted on you)_

As soon as everything became dark, he was surrounded by Jace, and Jace alone, in a way that wasn’t tangible, but all-engulfing nonetheless. As their arms tightened around each other, Alec’s fingers trembling over the skin they traced, he thought that that must’ve been what it felt like being able to hold water.

_Too good to be good for me  
Too bad that that's all I need_

When, suddenly, Alec felt the need to raise his head from its spot. Jace looked back up at him in that very moment, and Alec could see every freckle, every line, every color on his face. For the first time he took notice of the fact that Jace’s eyes were the bluest, but the left had also a speckle of brown…Alec didn’t think he had ever seen eyes more beautiful.

 _Too good to be good for me_  
_Too bad that that's all I need_  
_All I need_

Alec didn’t want to stop the urge that gripped him then, because it wasn’t a sudden, conscious thing that he thought about, he simply found himself inching closer and closer to Jace’s mouth with his entire being, as if it was only right. Only natural. His lips already felt the ghost of it, and he could tell nothing would ever compare to _this_ …

A spark of pain shot up in his chest as Alec leaned up on his bed, and his eyes were wide open a second later, looking up at a white, empty ceiling. He fell back on his pillow, groaning in pain as his breathing raced wild, straining his ribs, exactly the opposite of what it should’ve been doing.

As Alec tried to get it back down, however, he couldn’t ignore the other sensations lingering in his body. The butterflies swarming in his stomach weren’t just a ghost, they were all too _real_ , as were the tingles spreading under his skin, as was his erection throbbing painfully between his legs. And when the pain subsided, everything only heightened.

 _Fuck_.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	6. Explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _That night turned out to be the best show they ever did, yes…but not for the reasons everyone else thought. As his friends and everyone he knew came backstage to congratulate him, saying he had never sung so good, Jace couldn’t pay attention to anything at all.  
>  He could only feel…Alec._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just say that this fic is rated E for a reason ;)

"Get out of my _head_!"

"Not until _you_ get out of _mine_!"

Jace blinked, and Alec had vanished. 

 _Get out of my head._  

Those exact words...

There were no more doubts, then, that this was simply Jace’s own brain speaking to itself.

And yet, if he contemplated other options, could it be that what was happening now had happened to Jace _before_? What if he had seen someone who wasn’t real in the past, and tried to send them away? Was this a _condition_ that he'd had when he was a _child_ , now resurfaced for some reason?

 _Abomination_.

A chill shot through Jace, and not of the pleasant kind. Why had he thought that?

But was it _untrue_? Wasn’t he the freak hallucinating people? A _person_ , with a very nice butt? If he thought of a reason beyond his libido, after all, what else could it be? Maybe there was something seriously _wrong_ with his brain...should he go see a doctor?

But wouldn’t anything that he'd say only land him in a mad house? He surely didn’t want _that;_ after having escaped it barely in his teenage years, it’d be a total smack against everything he had worked for all his _life_. Maybe he should've rather seen if it kept happening first, and only _then_ could he start alarming others. He wouldn’t want to burden his grandmother with something like _this_ , especially if unnecessarily. 

He needed to _eat_ something, then take a nap so that he'd be functional that night, have a shower and go meet up with his friends. Good plans. One step at a time.

If he wished a bit that Alec, with all his crankiness, would reappear...was just because he had designed him right to his tastes, even ones that he hadn’t known he had. 

"Earth to Jace, Earth to Jace…" 

Jace jumped, his head shooting upright. "What?"

"Are you awake, mate? Look, I need you functioning tonight, if you’re gonna be a zombie…”

"No, no, sorry, Simon. I'm cool, I’ll be fine." When Simon raised his eyebrows, Jace added, “I _promise_. I’m not asleep, I’m just distracted.” Wrong thing to say: it was exactly his distraction that was worrying...

“You know you can talk to me, right? I think I’ve earned to be called your best friend, have I not?” Simon clapped his back, a grin on his face that tried to hide how serious he was.

Jace sighed. “Yes, I know. I just…not today, okay?”

Simon was still hesitant about it, but when they both saw Clary and Jonathan enter the café Jace begged him with his eyes to not say anything. He knew everyone was itching to talk to him about Valentine, but he’d _explode_ if he did that, after the window into weird that he had stumbled upon that day.

Simon, thankfully, heard his plea and started talking animatedly about the songs they needed to play that night. When the other two joined them, the atmosphere was a lot lighter, and, blessedly, none of them felt the need to dampen it by asking Jace how he was.

Conversation after that was only normal.

“What do you mean you’re giving my ticket to someone else? I paid for it, you won’t waste it on a skank!” Clary reproached her brother.

Jonathan rolled his eyes. “C’mon, don’t be like this, sis. Don’t you want your big brother to get laid?”

“Actually, no! You still owe me for that one time you got laid with my _boyfriend_ ,” Clary said under her breath, baring her teeth almost ferally. 

Jace also rolled his eyes, holding back a laugh. _Here we go, again_.

“That was _one_ bloody time, and _how_ do I still owe you?! We were drunk and didn’t even finish, since _you_ interrupted us!”

“Are you _shitting_ me right now?”

“I at _least_ demand a proper shag, so that you can be justified in still throwing this at my face! Eh, Jace, what do you say? You can’t refuse forever.”

Jonathan winked at him, and Jace was openly laughing now. “Not happening, mate.”

Clary scoffed, crossing her arms, but she was biting back her hilarity just as well, until she couldn’t hold it in any longer. They were all doubled over on the table a moment later, people sending them dirty glares from every direction.

Yes, they were laughing about it _now_ , but Jace still wandered sometimes about _how_ they had all managed to stay friends after _that_.

His relationship with Clary, the only serious one of his life, had lasted for _years_ , yet Jace had struggled through all of it, always trying (and failing) to feel at _ease_ with it. They had met when her family had moved to London from Brooklyn before she started college, and Jocelyn, Clary’s mother, had come to meet him – after being in contact with Jace’s grandmother for many years, as it turned out – since she apparently felt guilty about what her ex-husband had done to him. Naturally, when Jace had got to know the entire family of his past abuser, he had felt _drawn_ to them, as they all shared that one aspect of his life that no one else could ever relate to.

Him and Clary had gotten along straight away; she had felt so bright and lively, and Jace had thought, at first, that the fact that she shared Valentine’s blood was only one detriment that he could ignore, since it didn’t say anything about the wonderful person that she was and whom he was in love with...but as time went by, more and more did Jace realize that he was with her _because_ of her blood. He didn’t know exactly whether because he had wanted – _needed_ – to associate Valentine’s blood with something _good_ , or whether he had wanted to _punish_ himself by tying himself to that man forever in any way he could. Either way, it had all been a disturbing revelation that had landed him in bed with her _brother_ one blurry night – a double punishment, as he could only conclude the day after – and let’s just say that having Clary walk in as Jonathan was literally balls deep in him, wasn’t something that, in that moment, he would’ve thought he’d ever laugh about. Jace _still_ didn’t think that he would ever feel more ashamed in his life than when his eyes had met Clary’s shocked and betrayed ones, while his trousers had been around his ankles and her brother fucking him from behind.

When this guy called Simon, however, moved in from _Colombia_ , and Clary got immediately with him, saying that he had been her pen pal for years and she had already been in love with him when she was with Jace, kind of smoothed things a little. Jace didn’t claim to understand how Clary and Simon worked – many times, they didn’t seem to know it themselves – but, for some reason, they did. And now Jace had a band mate, he still talked and was friends with both siblings (who were also on good terms with each other, somehow), was amicable with their mother, and laughing about Jace’s and Jonathan’s unfinished encounter was ordinary business among their group. Jace _did_ appreciate how they always made fun of it; now that they knew the not-very-pleasant reasons he thought he’d had for doing it in the first place, they always tried to convince him otherwise. The more they brought it up, the more it’d just look like a drunken mistake, with no fucked-up reasons that Jace had to kick himself over too much. Jace didn’t really believe it, but he always laughed when Jonathan asked for a take two, appreciating it for what it was.  

“Seriously, though, I’m not missing these guys’ show for anything in the world, so _no,_ Jon _,_ you’re not stealing my ticket.”

Jonathan huffed, but gave her back her ticket. Then he looked at Jace and Simon, “So, you ready tonight?”

He said it casually, but Jace knew he was directing the question more at him than at Simon, and that he was seriously worried. Jace had never run away from the stage before, unlike last night.

Simon still responded first, his accent thickening when he was excited, “We’re gonna smash it, that’s what we’re gonna do! Right, mate?”

Jace nodded firmly, swallowing down his nerves. “Yeah.”

That night turned out to be the best show they ever did, yes…but not for the reasons everyone else thought. As his friends and everyone he knew came backstage to congratulate him, saying he had never sung so good, Jace couldn’t pay attention to anything at all.

He could only feel…Alec.

As soon as he had stepped onto the stage, he had _sensed_ his presence as if from somewhere deep within him, and when he had opened his eyes after the first verse, that _somewhere_ had guided them, inexorably, towards Alec, standing out in the crowd with his baggy clothes and his awestruck look. Jace’d had an out of body experience, then, both literally and metaphorically. As he got closer and closer to Alec, his eyes had never left the other man until Jace had found himself burying his face into Alec’s neck.

And he _had_ never sung like that before, because he had never sung for _someone else_. He sang _to_ many people, but he had always ever sung for _himself_. Music was his escape, his expression, his _life_ ; he put everything of himself into it. And never before had he felt the need to dedicate it, _give_ it all to one person, and one person alone.

But, of course, since he had already admitted to himself that Alec was just a reflection of his own mind, it wasn’t that weird, was it?

Still, as he and Alec had been caught in a transfixing, otherworldly _dance_ with each other, Jace hardly thought that his brain could ever be that good at imagining things. It had been simply  _too_ good. It had felt like he _knew_ every single cell of Alec’s body, and his own body couldn't help but respond to them, as they moved together like two pieces of the same…being.

No, he needed to stop thinking like that. _Stop_ thinking of Alec as if he was real.  

And yet, even long after Alec – who was about to _kiss_ him...and  _why_ would he want to kiss himself? Was he so bloody _lonely_?  – had disappeared into thin air, Jace had been frizzling with energy like a live wire, and not even singing all the other songs could channel it enough to _not_ make him _still_ feel like that when he got home.

 _Feeling, feeling_ …it was _beyond_ a simple feeling, what Alec, or the hallucination named Alec, had caused in him. It was more like a feeling of his _soul_ – if he accepted the notion that people even had one – instead of his _body_. _That_ was the closest thing Jace could equivalate it to, for how even more insane that sounded. How could a hallucination touch his soul? Maybe he meant his _brain_?

Still, it didn’t mean that his body wasn’t just as affected, and Jace couldn’t really bring himself to focus all that much on definitions and explanations, when he was plagued the entire night by an aching boner. When he got into his apartment in the wee hours of the night, he literally _rushed_ into the bathroom and out of his clothes, only to let out a sigh of relief as soon as he got under the shower. A hand had wrapped itself around his cock before the water even reached his feet.

Somehow, it wasn’t _enough_. Even as he leaned his head on the shower wall, and he fucked himself into his hand with enough strength to draw out moans out of his parted lips, the water hitting his back only enhancing the sensations…it wasn’t enough. Maybe he should’ve picked someone up at the show…but no, Jace hadn’t wanted that; he wanted _Alec._ For _him_ to be real, and to be there with him. _Fuck_.

Suddenly, however, something felt purely _wrong_. Jace held his breath as he realized that he wasn’t wet anymore, nor naked, and that, when he opened his eyes, there was a toilet in front of him. Only his hand was still around his cock, stroking it insistently; even though, as it moved, the pleasure it sent was met with a constricting pain shooting up in his chest, that made it hard to breathe.

Still, Jace was too far gone to stop, as he bit his lower lip to not make any sound ( _why?_ ), and he pumped his cock with some kind of desperate urgency. Jace couldn’t help but notice that other things felt wrong, too, like the fact that a toilet had never looked so far down, and he could swear that his dick felt far longer than he remembered…

But there were also things that felt _right_. For how strained his movements were, and how quiet he had to force himself to be, Jace was reaching the edge of a blinding ecstasy much more easily than before. For some reason, all of that weirdness was what he had _needed_. And when he reached his other hand back, starting to tease his entrance, Jace had to find every will power he had in him to not cry out.

More and more things started to feel right as well. One moment, a hand was behind him, the next, it was incessant drops of water; his mouth was first open and loud, and then forcefully closed, teeth buried into flesh to the point of pleasure; he was wildly chasing his completion with the rut of his hips, then he was not, his hand sliding up and down his throbbing cock at a breakneck speed instead. Everything felt like a whirlwind, circling faster and faster, closer and closer, until Jace couldn’t tell what was up or down anymore, nor who or where he was, and when his orgasm hit him like a wave crushing down on him, it was like nothing he had ever experienced.

Because it kept _going_ , his intensity doubling and doubling, the sensations on his body switching back and forth only making it more impossible to stop _coming_. When his shout ended and Jace found himself slumped against the shower wall, he still couldn’t quite believe what had just _happened_.

He was still exploding in a million pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	7. What's Going On?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It was just that…he couldn’t help but obsessively ponder the pros and cons of actually going to someone and explaining to them this brand-new kind of madness, all the while it sucked him in more and more each day, not only with his mind, but with his entire being…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter seven is here...this story will be long, just so you know XD  
> And all the thanks to @fishcollective for beta'ing this chapter and for being my counselor for this au ;) <3

Alec had to lean on the wall in front of him to not collapse under his own weight. He knew that he had let out a sound in the end, so he started coughing to mask it. That, however, only added to the strain that he was putting on his bruised body, so much so that, after getting his pants back on as slowly as he could, he went back to the bed creaking and wheezing like an old man.

It had been worth it. When he laid down, Alec could swear he still felt that mind-blowing orgasm. As he looked up at the ceiling, he was still shell-shocked.

He had _tried_ to just fall asleep; to breathe normally and ignore the rising heat gripping his body, his _groin_ , because he was not going to _masturbate_ in a damn _hospital_. But when, after more than an _hour_ of immobility and stubbornly closing his eyes in search of sleep, his erection hadn’t given any sign of wanting to cool the fuck down…he would’ve gone _mad_ if he didn’t slip a hand under his waistband. The light strokes had felt like heaven at first, but Alec was sure that it wouldn’t have taken long before he lost himself and forgot where he was, so he quickly – as quickly as he could in his condition – went to the bathroom to not make a mess in the bed.

If anyone ever learned about what he had done he would die of embarrassment, but, in that moment, he couldn’t have cared less that he was half naked and fucking himself a thin wall away from the other patients. Nor could he care about the utter _madness_ that was finding himself entirely naked in a shower, with no pain accompanying his pleasure…because that gave him the possibility to let himself _go_. And oh, _did_ he go off in that shower; he didn’t think he had ever been so _wild_ , so desperate in his movements, or in the sounds he made, not even when he had been with someone else. He had slipped in and out of that hallucination, putting everything that he couldn’t do in the hospital into what ironically turned out to be the best sex of his life. And he let out a shout that he could still hear even when he got back in his own body, spilling himself into the toilet while he saw only red on the back of his eyelids.

 _Mind-blowing_.

He had been back in bed for a just few minutes before the doctor came to check up on him. Alec hoped the flush on his face wasn’t that obvious. Once Pangborn went away again, however, Alec fell asleep almost immediately, truly _exhausted_ , so that he didn’t even have the time to wonder about what the fuck had just happened.

He asked himself that quite _enough_ the next day. Almost obsessively, one could say, so that he _more_ than made up for it. As soon as he woke up, he waited for the results of his scan literally with his heart in his throat.

“Well, then, Officer Lightwood, you ready to go home?” Doctor Pangborn greeted him early in the morning.

Alec blinked. “Ehm…don’t I have to wait for my results?”

“I have them here already.” The doctor smiled as Alec looked at him wide-eyed. “Oh, it’s all alright, see?”

Pangborn was handed a folder by one of the nurses accompanying him, from which he took a few papers. He showed them to Alec and pointed at a few different places on his brain scan.

“Everything’s normal. And you don’t have a concussion, it seems, so nothing to worry about.”

Alec was still blinking, uncomprehending, weirdly irritated by the smile still not leaving the doctor’s face. “B-but…forgive me, doctor, but are you sure? Nothing weird at all?”

“One-hundred percent sure. After a few weeks of rest, you’ll be back to normal.” Pangborn stared at him pointedly. “Why, do you have doubts? Are you not feeling well, Officer?”

Alec stared right back, and a few long moments passed in total impasse. Alec, for some reason, was liking the doctor’s jovial expression less and less by the second…

But he shrugged the feeling off, as Pangborn was an old friend of his father’s. He had treated their family for years, so there was no reason at all to feel suspicious. It was just his paranoia over recent events…events that he’d have to investigate most likely at a psychiatrist’s, not here.

“Of course not,” Alec said lightly. “Thank you, doctor. I’ll gladly go home.”

Alec was surprised when he saw that it was his father picking him up outside. He placed his bag on the backseat before getting in the car.

“Hey, hi, dad,” Alec greeted, trying to mask his unease.

“Alec. Everyone was at work,” Robert said back. The explanation had been unprompted, so he had noticed it. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Alec said simply.  

Silence fell as Robert started up the car.

Alec was still utterly _puzzled_ by his father. Robert had never been a warm person, and Alec remembered a childhood when he was barely home. Then, he remembered him as the one who looked ashamed to have a gay son, when he had come out in high school. Robert had never actively _said_ anything bad about it, but Alec _knew_. Otherwise, when his mother had finally divorced his father, he wouldn’t have lost contact with him for the following _ten years_.

Then, one day, Robert had simply come back into their lives and had asked to see his children weekly. Alec and Izzy had been adults already, but they had reluctantly agreed, for Max’s sake, and for their own, even though they hadn’t had much hope. But now, Robert seemed entirely genuine in his attempt at mending the past; he never missed their dinners, he asked about their lives and their aspirations, he was supportive of Izzy’s relationship, and had even told Alec that he was proud of him.

Still, if he was asked about his father’s reasons or what had made him change, Alec wouldn’t be able to give an answer.

He _did_ appreciate it either way. Even if he didn’t quite know how to let his father _in_ quite yet _,_ after all this time, he was _trying_.

“Alec, if you take my wallet in the glove box, I have something there for you,” Robert finally broke the silence.

“I don’t need money, dad…”

“No, it’s not that. Please.”

Alec was even more puzzled, but he reluctantly did as he was told.

“In one of the folders you’ll find a white business card,” Robert told him.

Alec found it and read it.

 _Dr. Tessa Gray, Psychologist_.

Alec closed his eyes.

“Dad…” he started, a lump forming in his throat. He didn’t know if he felt touched or _embarrassed_. Probably the latter. He surely didn’t want his father to think that he was incapable of doing his job now, or that he was _weak_ …

“Listen to me, son.” Robert cleared his throat, his eyes fixed on the road. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Doctor Gray. She gave me the incentive that I needed, to finally realize what the important things in my life are. My children. Hope, and seeing the, the good in the world…”

Alec was holding his breath. He had never heard him talk so openly, especially not about his family.

“This is just a suggestion, okay?” Robert went on, glancing at him. “What happened yesterday is none of my business, but it is _your_ business, and I don’t want to see you in a hospital again, since you might not be as lucky next time. You promise me that you’ll give it some thought? I bet they’ll have you do a psychic evaluation anyway, so at least I’ll know that you’re in good hands.”

Alec nodded mutely, and he had to swallow down a bigger lump, before he could speak again, “Yeah, dad. Thank you…really.”

He might have an answer now, after all.

“You need help bringing your things up?” his father asked him, once he parked by Alec’s apartment building.

“No, I’ve got it,” Alec said, smiling as he hugged his father. He groaned as his ribs gave a sign of protest.

“Sorry,” his father apologized, quickly breaking apart, but Alec shook his head, still smiling.

“See you, dad.”

“See you…get well.”

Alec did feel a bit lighter after that, but it still didn’t stop him, as soon as he entered his apartment, from letting out a big sigh. And that only because he couldn’t very well _scream_.

He’d go to that doctor, yes; he _had_ to. And, hopefully, she’d be able to tell him if he was going crazy.

In the meanwhile, he wanted to sleep for ten thousand years.

He went to the bathroom first…and he wasn’t even that surprised when, after splashing his face with cold water, the reflection he saw in the mirror wasn’t _his_. Alec’s eyes widened, as him and the vision, _Jace_ , stared at each other. And Alec’s mouth wordlessly moved, as if he wanted to say to his own hallucination that the fact that he hadn’t disliked their…dance, and that he had been about to _kiss_ him, didn’t mean anything. Because, apparently, that was the state he was in; even knowing that this wasn’t real, his face still became flushed as he struggled to justify his attraction as if to an actual _crush_.

He was saved by the trill of his phone, and he looked down at it sitting on the sink. When he raised his eyes back to the mirror and saw only himself, however, Alec had to call himself _stupid_ as he felt a pang of disappointment.

“Hey, Iz,” he answered, clicking on loudspeaker.

“Big bro! How are you feeling? I’m so sorry I couldn’t come to pick you up earlier, but I’m buried in work. Literally. My hands are in a body right now.”

“Gross. TMI.”

“I’m doing the autopsies of the victims of yesterday.”

Alec’s heart sank. “Oh. Yeah. I didn’t…how many?”

“Twenty.”

Alec sighed. “I should be at work too right now, instead of…”

“Hey, I don’t want to hear it. You need to take care of yourself first, okay? What are your plans?”

Alec knew what she meant. “Sleep…then, dad gave me his therapist’s number.”

Izzy paused. “Dad?” There was as much surprise in her voice as he had felt. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to go?”

Alec bit his lower lip. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Good.”

“I think I’ll really go sleep, now, though.”

“Yeah, go do that. I’ll come by when I can.”

“You don’t have-”

“Of _course_ I will, I don’t want you to face all this alone. You hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Are you sure you’ll be fine in the meantime? Don’t say yes if it’s not real, I-”

“Iz, I’m _fine_ , really. It was just _one_ incident, I haven’t suddenly lost all ability to take care of myself. I’m an _adult_. I won’t fall into depression if I’m alone for a bit, okay?”

Izzy paused, and Alec heard a sigh. “Love you, Alec.”

“Love you, too.”

“I’ll still come by.”

“Okay. You’ll have to bring food, though.”

“Deal.”

“Bye, Iz.”

“Bye.”

Alec ended the call. He looked back at the mirror. His face was still partly swollen. No blond guy. No _Jace_.

He sighed.

Despite his good intentions, two weeks would end up passing before he could talk himself into calling that psychologist. All through it, he _knew_  that he needed to go, and _desperately_. It was just that…he couldn’t help but obsessively ponder the pros and cons of actually going to someone and _explaining_ to them this brand-new kind of madness, all the while it sucked him in more and more each day, not only with his _mind,_ but with his entire being…  

As it stayed, two days earlier he had been a normal guy; now, one hour couldn’t pass without Alec catching a glimpse of _him_.

Jace taking a nap in the bed next to him; Alec turned on his side, his eyes opening, and he jumped, a spark of pain hitting his chest, upon seeing that ~~beautiful~~ sleeping face right in front of his nose, looking so peaceful in slumber. Jace’s breath hit him softly like a faraway breeze, and Alec’s heart started beating furiously, a hand rising to brush some hair away from Jace’s forehead before he could stop himself. When Jace disappeared a second later, Alec could’ve kicked himself, as his fingers tingled for far longer than that.

Jace walking on a busy street; Alec was in the kitchen, about to make himself lunch, and the next moment he was by Jace’s side. The loud sounds split his head in half, as he walked barefooted without feeling any pain, no cold, no hard ground. He looked up at the buildings around them, and he couldn’t help but be a little in awe… When he lowered his gaze again, Jace was staring at him with those peculiar eyes of his, and Alec forgot everything that he wanted to say, as his heart missed a beat. Then, he had to curse the smell of a burned burger that brought him back home…only because Jace had caused him to ruin his food, no other reason.

And the _music_ …he heard it _constantly_. As he sat on his bed resting against a mountain of pillows, ice-pack placed on his swollen torso, and he went through his e-mails and get-well messages from colleagues, friends and family members (refraining himself from watching the news, if he didn’t only want to start biting his nails in frustration…), he found himself _singing_ under his breath. He had never even heard that [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc) .

“ _Twenty-five years, and my life is still_ …”

He was sitting behind the counter of a shop - a music shop, by the looks of it. Of _course_. And the song was playing at the radio. As Alec kept singing it, the voice coming out of him wasn’t his…

Then, Alec was sitting _on_ the counter, watching Jace twirl his pen and sing. “ _I realized quickly when I knew I should_ …” Jace looked up at him, and there was a glint in his eyes that the smile playing on his lips only brightened. “ _And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed just to get it all out_ …”

They were in Alec’s bed, Jace sitting right next to him, still singing, still with that stupid smile on his face.

“ _And so I wake in the morning and I step outside_ …c’mon, Alec, sing with me!”

Alec jumped, starting to draw away until he was at the edge of the bed. “What? No!”

“ _And I scream from the top of my lungs, what's going on?!”_ Jace stood up on the bed, and he looked down at Alec, his smile positively _blinding_ now. “Isn’t that just _fitting_?” he laughed, his arms stretched towards Alec, _inviting_ him. “ _And I say, hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah…”_

“ _I said hey, what's going on?”_ Alec flinched, but the words had already come out of his mouth.

Jace only laughed louder (how could even that sound be _musical_?). And what was the point of fighting it any longer? Alec had already let Jace take his hands, and he slowly managed to get himself upright with Jace’s help.

That was how he found himself singing badly, _crazily_ , with the man in his head.

“ _And I say, hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, I said hey, what's going on_?”

“Jace? I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we have customers?” a shouted whisper reached them, and Jace, stunned, looked up at Alec, their faces exhilaratingly a few inches apart, before he disappeared.

Alec would’ve thrown himself back on the bed, but he had to resort to getting down carefully. His groan of frustration was telling anyway.  

So how could he just _go_ and let this out into the world? He’d be locked up the next day.

Even if that might’ve been a bit extreme, Alec still had his reservations; because, if he was _entirely_ honest with himself, a part of him also didn’t want to deal with it…quite yet.

It was just so, so, so damn…fun? Maddening in _more_ ways than one. The frustration and the fear only one side of a coin, only the _opposite_ to a thrill and excitement that he had never felt, except for every new time he saw Jace.

If he got rid of it…Alec truly feared that reality would start paling in comparison to that never-ending dream. So, with all the knowledge of how bad procrastinating the inevitable would be for him in the end, he slipped and fell right into it, unable, unwilling, to tune it out.

When Izzy and Lydia came over for dinner and to watch a movie, Alec plastered a big smile on his face the entire evening, just as Jace appeared intermittently through all of it.

“Ah! I love Harry Potter!” Jace exclaimed, landing next to him and staring at the screen.

Alec had to stuff pop-corn into his mouth to not respond to him.

“I’m going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed, or worse, _expelled_ ,” Jace recited Hermione’s line in the most high-pitched tone and the goofiest smile. “Such a _great_ line.”

Alec rolled his eyes.

“Alec?”

Alec turned around, only to find both girls looking at him weirdly. “What?”

“You…” Lydia raised an eyebrow. “You just did a perfect British accent, like…perfect. When the hell did you learn that and _how_? You can’t hold back on me like this!”

“Truly, that was awesome!” Izzy echoed.

Alec’s mouth fell open, and he couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Jace, who was listening, surprised just as well. “I - I’m a field agent, I know _many_ languages, thank you very much!”

“You’re a terrible liar, how come you’re a cop?” Jace told him bemusedly.  

“I know that,” Lydia pressed on, frowning, “but accents are always the worst thing? And you never did it so well?”

Alec huffed, almost feeling like swatting Jace away like a fly, as his leg kept bouncing up and down. “Well, it just _happened_. Can we go back to the movie?”

Izzy and Lydia shrugged and turned their heads away from him, snuggling closer under their blanket.

“A perfect accent just _happened_ to you just as I’m a troll dancing in a tutu,” Jace whispered in his ear.

Alec snorted so bad that he choked on a popcorn.

“ _What_ , now, big bro? Didn’t you say to go back to the movie?” Izzy reprimanded him.

Alec was still coughing, stings of pain riddling his chest. “Sorry.”

Jace would truly be the death of him. The next day he would call that psychologist, he promised himself.

He went back to bed, after the girls left without any more incidents, and he fell asleep hoping that this bad dream would end when he woke up in the morning. Only half hoping, really…

He was woken up, instead, by the ear-splitting sound of an electric guitar. Alec opened his eyes with a gasp, his hands flying to cover his ears, but the sound didn’t stop at all. It only kept going and going, as Alec struggled to turn his phone’s light on…only to see that it was five in the _bloody morning._

“Can’t you stop?! Must you practice at _this_ hour?!” Alec yelled as soon as he saw Jace, who was tuning his guitar in what looked like a garage.

Jace raised his eyes. “It’s _ten_.”

“No, it’s not! I’m trying to sleep here, are you not done annoying me, like last night at my apartment?”

“What? You wanted me to miss the movie? That’s just rude. And _you’re_ the one annoying me right now, this is my _job_.”

Alec huffed. He called that noise a _job_?

Two people entered the room; Alec had already briefly seen them, when Jace had been on stage. One was the guy with glasses at the piano who had sang with him, and the other was the guitarist.

“Hey, Simon, Maureen.” Jace waved at them, before handing the guitar to who must be Maureen.

“Bro, I’m surprised that you called a rehearsal on a _Sunday_ morning?” the one who should then be Simon said, rubbing his eyes.

“Art never sleeps,” Jace shot back.

“You sleep _plenty_ , if you ask me, I see you during the shifts at the shop!”

“We stay up late!”

“Guys, c’mon,” Maureen reprimanded them.

Alec was fuming during that entire exchange. He crossed his arms, letting out a sound that he hoped Jace heard, before he went back to his bed. Jace, however, just had to be _Jace_ , and he appeared in his room a moment later.

“Hey, I’m sorry, you know it’s not my fault,” Jace said.

Alec turned off the light, closing his eyes.

“Hey, c’mon. Don’t you think we should…talk? About all of this?”

“There is nothing to talk about. You just need to get out of my head, smoke man.”

“ _Stop_ calling me that. And I don’t know how to _do_ that, _that’s_ why we should talk.”

Alec turned on the light again. “Right, have a conversation with the voice in my head. How very _sane_ of me.”

“Are you still on about that?” Jace crossed his arms, his eyes darting around the room. “Do you still think this isn’t _real_?”

Alec’s entire face frowned. “What do you mean, am I still on about that? It’s been _two_ days. I was perfectly normal before, and now I’ve gone crazy hallucinating _you_. Yes, this isn’t _real_.”

Jace didn’t say anything for a long while, and they just kept on staring at each other. The silence was deafening, a heartbeat the only thing to be heard. For a moment, Alec wondered whose that was.

“Whatever, I need to get back,” Jace finally said, averting his eyes.

Alec groaned. “Can you turn off the volume, at least?” Because that didn’t sound even more crazy at all.

“I’m _not_ a tv!”

Alec groaned again, bringing an arm to cover his face. He just wanted to _sleep_. “Don’t you ever get _tired_? Of music? You’re surrounded by it every hour of the day!”

Jace opened his mouth, and Alec had to wonder why the hell he was still talking to him. Why was he even keeping him _there_? But every question vanished as soon as Jace started talking again, “ _No_. I don’t get tired of music, that’s…”

“How did you get into it?” Alec asked, genuinely curious. (Wait, what the fuck?)

Jace shrugged. “I needed an outlet besides punching things when I was a teen.”

“Punching things?”

“I’m a black belt in Krav Maga.”

Alec paused. “Oh. Me, too.”

Jace grinned. “Of course you are, _Officer_.” Then he turned serious again. “But yeah, I mean, it started like that, but then I fell in love with it. And music is just one of those things that you don’t ever fall _out_ of love with, you know? You only ever…fall more and more for it every day, if you know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Alec answered before he could think about it. That had come out more like a _sigh_ …and Alec had to clear his throat, shrugging himself off from just _staring_ at Jace’s mouth as it moved.

“You have something like that?” Jace asked him softly, oblivious to Alec’s sudden discomfort.

Alec stayed quiet for a long moment, before he came to a decision. He threw off the covers from over himself, and he struggled to get up.

“Hey, careful…” Jace said, his arms outstretched towards him, suddenly far closer to Alec than he had been.

Alec swatted him away. “Follow me.” (As if he needed to _say_ it.)

Alec put on a hoodie, grabbed his apartment keys, and went out the door and to the elevator.

“Where the hell are you going? It’s late, and you’re in your pyjamas…”

Alec didn’t respond, he simply pressed the button to the top floor.

Jace stayed wordlessly by his side until they reached the rooftop, and then Alec’s telescope, where Alec removed the sheet covering it.

“You know what, I will thank you for reminding me that I haven’t been up here in far too long.” Alec traced the length of his telescope with nimble fingers, and the chills he got weren’t just from the cold night air. “I don’t know if it can compare, but it was always something I loved to do.”

“Watching the stars?” Jace said.

Alec looked back at him, a smirk playing on his lips. “Surprised? Am I too cranky for such a calm hobby?”

“No, actually.” Jace smiled. “It fits you quite right.”

Alec caught himself studying Jace’s face once more. He averted his eyes. “Shouldn’t you be at your rehearsal?”

“I am. Somehow, I’m doing both things.”

Alec shook his head. Right. He needed to stop asking him questions as if he was a real person. He brought his eye to the lens.

“Show me something,” Jace demanded, his voice almost lost in the sudden wind.

Alec sighed. “Here, if you see that group on the right…”

Jace leaned closer, and Alec felt his breath grazing against his skin. More chills that weren’t caused by the cold.

What was going on, indeed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	8. Real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“…New York shooting, the official victim count is twe-”  
>  “Wait, what? What did the radio just say about New York?!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot...thickens? Or it's just angst, you decide ;)  
> Still all the thanks to who is following and liking this AU, and to @fishcollective who betas and yells ideas at me (fluff is REALLY HARD to come by compared to the struggles and pain XD) <3

“Jace? I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we have customers?”

Jace was yanked away from Alec, only to end up back on his seat behind the counter. _Damn it._  

Simon was in front of him, glaring at him as a small group of girls tried to stifle their snickers a few feet away.

Jace blinked, before covering up his confusion with a smile. “What? It’s a great song, our customers will surely appreciate it.”

He looked at the girls, and they nodded quickly.

“Yes, of course! You sang it perfectly,” one of them said. “We would…would you please sign our notebooks? We’re huge fans of yours.”

Jace’s smile became Cheshire-like. “See, Simon? Make space for the ladies.”

Simon rolled his eyes, but he did as he was told, and Jace gladly spent the next few minutes chatting animatedly and signing his name on things. That was _not_ why he had gotten into the music industry, but it definitely didn’t hurt. He winked at his fans, making them blush, before they turned towards Simon and asked for his autograph, too. Jace just knew that Simon was going to complain to him, as soon as they left, about this being a “ _shop_ , and not your personal office!” That should shut him up, instead. Jace laughed when the girls did indeed leave, and Simon only had a goofy grin on his face.

Simon still stuck his tongue out at him, before welcoming the next customers.

It was a busy afternoon, thankfully. With a bit of luck, the shop would survive another month.

“…New York shooting, the official victim count is twe-”

“Wait, what?” Jace blurted out, after waving away the latest costumer. He looked up at Simon, who was reordering a shelf. “What did the radio just say about New York?!”

Simon raised his eyebrows at him. “That there was a shooting? Twenty victims, plus dozens of others wounded?”

Jace started sputtering. “Wha-wai-w- _why_ the hell did nobody _tell_ me?!”

“It’s not exactly the ideal topic before a major show, is it? And it’s been all over the news since _yesterday_ , we thought you knew! Where the hell have you been, under a _rock_?”

Jace shot upright, almost knocking his chair over, before he almost _ran_ towards the computer at the other end of the counter. His fingers flew over the keyboard under Simon’s widened eyes, but Jace didn’t care. He had opened countless pages in the next ten seconds, and he was gawking up and down at the articles, at the _pictures_ , unblinking.

The place…the formation of the police cars…the view of the Statue of Liberty…the maniac’s face…

It all fit what he remembered of his hallucination.

“Jace?”

Jace ignored him. His hands had stopped moving, and he was frozen in place. “I – I need to go to the bathroom.”

He could feel Simon’s worried eyes on his back as he made his way, a hand firmly wrapped around his phone in the pocket of his jeans.

He swiftly took it out as soon as the door closed behind him.

 _Alec Lightwood_ , he typed on the search bar, _New York Police_.

And there he was. Tall, dark hair, broad shoulders. There were various photos of him in uniform, often accompanied by the blonde woman Jace remembered from the shooting. He was listed among the wounded of yesterday.

Alec…was real? The man Jace had almost got killed. The man who had shown up in Jace’s apartment half-naked, yelling at Jace that _he_ wasn’t real. The man Jace had sang to like never before, _danced_ with and almost _kissed_. The man Jace had been in the body of, as they…wanked. Yep, _that_ had happened. Jace could still only think _holy shit_ as he remembered it. And as he remembered all the glimpses he had caught of Alec that entire day, or when he had jumped on Alec’s bed, singing with him without a care in the world because he had been so _sure_ it was all just a fantasy…Jace’s eyes were just about to pop out of his head.

_Bloody hell._

“Jace, man, are you alright in there?”

Jace cleared his throat and got out of the bathroom. “Yeah. Sorry. I don’t know why I reacted like this.”

“Yeah, it’s so awful. I can’t believe that it just keeps happening…do you need to go home? It’s fine by me.”

Jace shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”

He needed the distraction of work, or his head would _truly_ explode.

But it didn’t, not even when he finally got home. And the next time he saw Alec, sleeping peacefully on his bed, Jace started paying more _attention_.

He inspected every inch of the room, he touched every surface, and he catalogued every reaction his body received from all of that. Again, Jace thought he felt the _vibrations_ of the objects against his skin, as if between them and him there was a thin _veil_ that he couldn’t quite pierce…

It still far closely resembled a legitimate _touch_. He _was_ in that room, for sure. A vision could never be this clear, this detailed…and _Alec_ …

Alec drew him in more than anything else. Jace sat down next to him, and he reached for his hand like he had done at the hospital. But, this time, he didn’t hesitate to interlock their fingers, closing his eyes to focus better on that contact.

A raw _energy_ seemed to radiate from their clasped hands. It flowed up Jace’s arm, until his entire body reverberated with it. Jace gulped, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the sensation. He felt the need to open his eyes again, but he didn’t want to let go. He studied Alec’s face more closely. How the light danced on his relaxed lineaments…

How was this possible? How could this be real? How could he be seeing Alec, be _near_ him, _feel_ him in that peculiar way he did? And on such an intimate, _deeper_ level than he had ever felt anything else…

Thoughts he’d had before but he had refused to listen to came back to him.

Alec had felt like an extension of himself…a separate being, but tied to Jace indescribably. When they’d danced together, for instance; Jace had, in a way, _known_ Alec’s movements before he made them.  And what about those doubled, _multiplied_ , synchronous sensations that he – they? – had experienced as they…masturbated? In each other’s _bodies_?

It all sounded impossible, _crazy_ , yes…but if they were _both_ real, and weren’t imagining it…

Jace was no closer to an _understanding_ , but, for some reason, he _accepted_ that possibility; that what had been happening to him was a _reality_. He wasn’t a spiritual person, he had never been a believer; yet, _something_ was telling him to give this a chance. And for once in his life, he listened.

He would just…treat this as an experiment. He wanted to explore the situation, he wanted to _talk_ to Alec and see if they could make sense of it together. And he wanted to get to _know_ Alec-the _-_ person, as deeply as he already felt to know the… _being_. A sound plan to get to the bottom of it all.

Doing the part of the infesting pest, after all, was also kind of _fun_ , he had to admit. Alec got more exasperated at his antics than Jace’s grandmother ever did, but Jace could _tell_ , and not because of any supernatural power, that Alec was actually enjoying his presence. Jace wasn’t _that_ delusional to think that this would be any epic, out-of-this-world romance, but he couldn’t deny neither his attraction to Alec, nor Alec’s apparent attraction to him. And if Jace were to approach the subject, Alec couldn’t deny it either, because _he_ had been the one about to kiss Jace.

But that was probably stretching things a little too far.

Experiment. _Observation_ to draw reasonable _conclusions_. Nothing more. _Focus, Jace_.

Amongst the things he consequently added to his mental list; according to Alec’s…sister? Alec had talked in a perfect British accent just as Jace did. That was a _third party_ taking notice of something weird, so it couldn’t just be in their heads, could it?

Another factor was that Alec still thought this wasn’t real. _That_ was something Jace wanted to discuss with him. He wanted to tell Alec to just look him up on the internet; literally, it would be _so_ easy for Alec to find proof of his existence, just as it had been for Jace (once he had thought to do it, that is).

Yet, something in Alec’s expression…the _way_ he said, “ _It’s been_ two _days! I was perfectly normal before, and now I’ve gone crazy hallucinating_ you _! Yes, this isn’t_ real _,”_ made Jace bite his tongue. If Alec refused to look past the initial improbability to ground all of this in a tangible reality, Jace didn’t feel like forcing him quite yet. It _had_ been two days. And it was not like Jace was one-hundred percent sure himself that he wasn’t living some kind of fever-dream. Better give them both more time to ease into it, he concluded; this could all very well _end_ as abruptly as it had started, after all.

So Jace merely followed Alec – an Alec who, for all his denial, still _talked_ to him and indulged himself in what he thought was a dream, so there was hope for him yet – to the rooftop of Alec’s apartment building in _New York_ , all the way across the _ocean_ for Jace, and he got to know another side of his grumpy companion in all this weirdness. Alec looked truly beautiful under the dim light of the stars, shadows playing a fascinating game on the side of his face that Jace could see. His eyes shone when he looked into the lens of his telescope, and not because of any outside illumination.

Jace didn’t forget to take note that one part of him, somehow, was truly singing in their shop’s garage to get ready for their next big show…but, apparently, his brain had so much space now that he could still give most of his attention to what Alec explained to him. And he could swear he wasn’t the only one being enraptured by it all.

“You’re late,” Imogen greeted him when Jace arrived at her house for lunch.

“Hello to you, too, Gran.” Jace grinned.

“I swear you have baggier clothes each time, aren’t you tired to always pass as a street urchin, my child?”

“I love you, too.”

Imogen’s lips turned upward as she led him inside the house.

“You didn’t tell me that you were filthy rich. Why the hell do you live in a dump?” Alec whispered into his ear, walking beside him with wide eyes as he looked around at all the sophistication Jace’s grandmother surrounded herself with.

Jace raised an eyebrow, before whispering back, careful to put a little more distance between him and Imogen, “ _I’m_ not filthy rich, that’s my grandmother. Now back off.”

Alec rolled his eyes, but disappeared.

He returned when Jace sat at the dining room table. Alec simply appeared on the chair next to him, still surveying everything with clear awe, from the rich wooden furniture to the pure silver flatware.

“How is your…business going, dear?” Imogen asked as she put her napkin over her legs.

“I’d say nicely, and we’ve booked a couple of shows this month, as intro for other bands,” Jace answered casually.

Imogen nodded, before looking at him pointedly. “If you have any problems, you do know that your inheritance is always there for you, right?”

Jace sighed. “Yes, Gran, I know. But I’m saving it for bigger things, which does _not_ include,” he quickly added with a sideway glance, “buying a better apartment. I’m fine with this one.”

“Ah,” both Imogen and Alec echoed.

 _Seriously_ , why was Alec, an allegedly _real_ person, so similar to his grandmother? Jace wanted to facepalm so hard at both of them.

Thankfully, lunch was served, which shut them all up for a while. As usual, it was a very grand affair of double courses and the best ingredients coming from all over the world. Imogen would literally die if she ever did anything but the best.

Even after all this time, Jace couldn’t deny that he was still a bit uncomfortable with that. He had grown up with _nothing_ , and suddenly finding himself being the grandson of a high-borne diplomat hadn’t been an easy shift. He also knew that he could never be fine if he allowed himself to be dependent on his grandmother’s money. That was simply _not_ who he was, yet at this point it’d be useless trying to make _her_ understand it, if she hadn’t already done so.

Alec, though, was a whole other matter…Jace didn’t usually share personal information with anyone outside of his circle of close friends, yet there was an _itch_ in him that urged him to share all of this with Alec. To make _him_ understand who he was, and why _he_ wasn’t rich.

If he could only truly _talk_ to Alec, instead of them just accidentally finding themselves in the same room while they were doing something else…Jace was sure that if they ever did so, he’d manage to get through to Alec. If he learned more about him, Alec just _couldn’t_ not see this for what it was, he couldn’t not see Jace as a real person!

“So, this is your grandmother…but where are your parents?” Alec asked him as if on cue.

 _That_ , however, wasn’t something Jace would’ve wanted to start with straight away.

“Dead,” Jace curtly replied, and Alec’s eyes widened slightly.

“What, dear?” Imogen inquired.

Jace cursed himself mentally. “I – I’m gonna _die_ if I don’t taste that pork immediately.”

“Who’s the terrible liar, now?” Alec said, but he sounded hesitant, most likely still registering what Jace had just told him.

Yeah, having Alec pity him wasn’t exactly what Jace had meant to go for. He made sure to glare at Alec to express his annoyance...but he felt himself losing all fire as soon as he met Alec’s eyes. They were indeed creased in a sympathetic way, but they also conveyed a warmth and understanding that Jace was surprised to find. Unexpectedly, Jace felt his eyes sting.

“I’m sorry about your parents,” Alec told him quietly.

Alec was a cop, he probably dealt with similar situations on a daily basis, so there wasn’t anything _that_ personal about the honest concern Jace could hear in his voice. And those words had been repeated to Jace all his life, so there was nothing _new_ about them. Yet, if he thought about the fact that Alec believed he was just imagining everything, and he was still _this_ into it… Jace had to swallow down a prominent lump and avert his eyes to not get too overwhelmed by Alec’s intensity.  

He didn’t know whether or not to thank the fact that he didn’t see Alec again until much later. It was probably better that way, and Alec stayed with him either way; Jace could only put on _him_ his sudden implacable need to clean his apartment after a long while that he hadn’t. He had found this place a long time ago, and it had always served him right, it surely didn’t deserve to be called a dumpster! 

He popped up into Alec’s apartment only once all afternoon. When he realized, however, that people he had never seen – Alec’s friends or colleagues, he figured – were visiting Alec, Jace didn’t feel like staying to investigate who they were. Better if he just kept _some_ distance. Alec was already complicated on his own.

He couldn’t pass on family dinner, though. That was not exactly a very _unobtrusive_ way of getting to know someone, but Alec had barged in on his lunch with his grandmother, hadn’t he? It was only right that Jace returned the favor, sitting right next to Alec as who he guessed were Alec’s mother, brother, sister and work partner came over for dinner. What did Jace have to do anyway…he was _so_ not used to go to sleep at a reasonable hour.

He tried to place a name to each face. Mary, no, _Maryse_ was the mother. Mat- _Max_ was the teenage brother. Easy? No, _Izzy_ was the sister, seated next to the blonde, Lynn…Lydia!

“So, let me get this straight, or…gay. Your partner got together with your sister?” Jace asked Alec with a smirk.

Alec reflexively turned his head towards him, and they were on Jace’s bed, Alec crossing his arms as he spoke, “Yeah. Been two years already.”

“Isn’t that a bit weird?”

“Nah…well, it was at first. They even hid it from me, thought I’d freak out…which I kind of did. But I would’ve very much preferred they _told_ me, instead of finding Lydia in my sister’s bed. Literally, I think most things would’ve been better than that.”

They both chuckled. Jace dared to look sideways at Alec’s profile. “What about your father? Not together with your mother?”

“No. But it’s better this way.” Alec’s eyes met his for a brief second, before he averted them, clearing his throat. “I just…I’ll go back now.”

“Wait, Alec.”

Alec froze, looking back at him. Jace took a deep breath.

“Listen, I’m not saying _now,_ but…I really think we should talk. No pressure, no nothing, but we _should_ try to figure out what…”

Alec closed his eyes. “I already _said_ that I don’t feel that talking a fantasy out would really do anything. I must _really_ go back.” And he did, just like that.  

 _I’m not your fantasy_ , Jace would’ve wanted to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	9. Two Weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Alec and Jace can't help but be pulled towards one another as time flies by._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than usual, but i think from now on chapters _will_ be around this length, more or less.  
>  Still all the thanks to @fishcollective for her beta'ing and support <3  
> Hope you enjoy :)

If only his family had known of the pest that had just been seated at the table with them, right next to Alec.

That was the thought that couldn’t help but fill Alec’s mind as they ate. And the constant need to reassure his mother that he was okay – a lie – came out more and more easily each time. It was just something that he’d had to repeat constantly ever since his colleagues had come to visit him...

“Alec, are you sure you don’t have a headache? Is it wise for you to stay at home on your own all this time? What if you _collapse_ , or…”

“I’m _fine_ , Mom.”

If only they had known that he was going crazy.

“Mom, I will check up on him constantly, don’t worry,” Izzy jumped in. She sent him a _look_. “I wouldn’t want to have to examine his body, I have too much work already.”

Alec rolled his eyes, but he was glad for the laughter that followed, which cleared out the air enough for the tension in his shoulders to ease.

“ _I_ will, too,” Lydia stated next, still shook by laughter, “You will _not_ leave me to deal with Raj forever, Alec. You do know that you owe me _big_ , right?”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Alec faked an exasperated tone, “I guess I’ll have to buy you the best Christmas present you could ever hope for.”

Lydia smiled with satisfaction.

“Hey, what about me? What do _I_ get?” was Max’s offended reply.

“You first need to pass all your exams, _then_ we’ll talk Christmas,” Maryse scolded him, only one eyebrow raised.

That eyebrow had always been the bane of Alec’s existence, so he could understand Max’s whine of protest all too well. When more laughter followed, however, Alec could _truly_ relax. They would not ask him how he was again.

 _Listen, I’m not saying_ now _, but…I really think we should talk. No pressure, no nothing, but we_ should _try to figure out what…_

Alec flinched, and he immediately tried to focus as best as he could on the conversation at hand, to not have to listen to the voice in his head. Why couldn’t a fantasy just _behave_ like one?

There! Waking up the next morning and finding Jace seated on the floor surrounded by music sheets was more like it. Jace looked truly…transfixing, with his forehead creased, a pencil between his teeth, and the dark lines of the tattoos on his arms standing out as he held a guitar in his lap.

He barely deigned Alec with a look, but he didn’t protest when Alec sat down in front of him. Alec almost didn’t dare breath, to not disturb him. And as he watched in silence sounds being rearranged together to create something _new_ , he found himself appreciating music a little more – not as just a casual, background thing of life. Maybe Jace _was_ right, and once you discovered it, you could only fall in love more and more with it each day…

When Alec went back home, he felt like he could’ve just as well been floating.

*

His foot tapped on the floor, as he stared vaguely at a point in front of him, totally and utterly _bored_. If only working at the shop wasn’t a _necessity,_ to be able to rely only on himself and his music.

That was why Jace welcomed the change of view, and of _pace,_ all too well. He was running next to Alec in what looked like a park. Central Park? That would’ve been sweet.

Alec spared him only a glance before he quickened his pace.

“But aren’t you injured?” Jace asked him with a frown, as he tried to register what sensations running like this was giving him.

The ground surely resounded under his feet, but he was lighter and faster than he usually was.

“Yeah, but the doctor told me I can try running if I can bear the pain. I need to see how much I can take,” Alec replied. Jace could hear that he was particularly winded.

“Don’t strain yourself too much, though.”

Alec laughed. “Are you my mother now?”

“I’m your Jiminy Cricket, didn’t you know?” Jace teased.

Alec, half smirking, leaned his head to one side as if to concede the point.

Right then, Alec stumbled, letting out a strangled sound. Without thinking, Jace shot a hand forward to grab him and prevent his fall...and it _worked_. His hand curled around Alec’s elbow, and he managed to hold him back at the last second.

They froze. Alec slowly turned his widened eyes towards him, while Jace fought a smile. _Yes_ , he thought, _you see? Do you_ feel _this? I’m here._

But Alec quickly shrugged his arm off and resumed his running without looking at him again.

Jace wanted to _shout_ at him so bad…but he simply resorted to make a fist with his over-charged hand and let out a sound of frustration, before he left that sunbathed place.

 _Patience_ , he – forcefully – reminded himself.

*

“You really like _this_ kind of movies?” Alec had to blurt out in both amusement and disbelief.

He had landed on a seat next to Jace in a cinema, while the movie playing was a _chick flick_.

Jace huffed, before saying with outrage in his voice, “I _accidentally_ picked this one, okay? There was a robot in the poster, I was _tricked_.”

He was clearly trying to mask his embarrassment, at which Alec could only not-so-covertly grin. “Sure, sure,” he teased him. “But why are you alone?”

Jace shrugged. “It’s more peaceful this way…and I’m not alone.”

Alec strained his head to look at Jace’s other side, in case he had missed someone…but the seat was indeed empty. When his eyes went back on Jace to reprimand him, Alec’s heart missed a beat as soon as he noticed that Jace was staring pointedly at him.

_Oh._

Suddenly, Alec _actually_ took notice of the situation. They were in an almost deserted theatre, except for the few couples spread out here and there, clearly being…couple-y. It _was_ a chick flick. And Alec felt all too clearly the way his arm was pressed against Jace’s, as they both rested side by side.

Alec gulped. _You’re imagining all this_.

He needed to call that psychologist _bad_. He couldn’t live the rest of his life like this.

He’d do it tomorrow, he promised himself. For _real_ , this time…seriously.

For the time being, what else could he do, though? Only hold his breath, an insistent thump-thump going on in his chest, as he _sensed_ , more than he saw, Jace’s hand inch to the side. His own hand, laying palm up, was laden with shivers even before Jace rested his over it. Why, oh _why_ had he put his hand like that, so ready for the taking?

_Damn it, Alec. You’re the worst._

Instead of going out, trying to form _real_ human connections, he did _this_. Jace’s fingers fit perfectly intertwined with his own, the chills shooting up Alec’s arm almost made him _whine_ from how good they felt, and the movie wasn’t even _that_ bad.

But none of it was real.

*

“I didn’t know archery was required of policemen,” Jace put in, confused, but not very (or a lot…) bothered by the sight of Alec holding a bow with perfect form.

“It is not.”

Alec let the arrow fly, but he hissed, doubling in on himself as his arm curled around his middle. Jace raised a hand, wanting to place it over Alec’s shoulder in comfort, but he restrained himself as Alec started huffing in frustration.

“Give yourself more time, Alec,” a man said, approaching them.

“Hey, Hodge,” Alec greeted him, smiling weakly. “I know, but I wanted to try.”

“How long is your leave?” Hodge asked.

“Three bloody _weeks_. It’s been one and I’m already going stir crazy.”

Hodge laughed. “ _Bloody_? Have you become British now?”

Alec froze, and Jace grinned. Interesting. He wondered if he’d start saying American things now.

“Yeah, just…too much tv.” Alec chuckled nervously.

“Right. And yeah, I know how sitting at home can be literal torture. But I’m sure you’ll get back into the action in no time. Get well, then, son,” Hodge said before moving towards some other people practicing.

Alec glared at Jace as soon as his instructor left, but Jace couldn’t help but grin.

“What? What’s one more secret talent, after all?” Jace quipped, lightly bumping his shoulder with Alec’s to stress the point.

The bashful smile that opened up on Alec’s face caused a weird sensation to form in Jace’s stomach. Was that…butterflies? He didn’t _do_ butterflies… _why_ did it have to happen with a man literally so unreachable?  

Jace smiled either way. “So it’s only fair that you teach me how to shoot.”

“Jace…” Alec said under his breath, looking around nervously.

“Please?” _Just ignore everyone else!_ “ _I_ could teach you to play the guitar, or the piano, or…to sing! You _really_ need that one.”

Alec was the one to bump his shoulder this time, his face morphed in exaggerated offense, and Jace could only laugh, elated. Alec bit his bottom lip, most likely not to do the same.

“Come _on_ ,” Jace insisted…and a moment later he was the one with a bow in his hand, Alec in front of him at the spot where _he_ had just been. Right! This was a thing they could _do_.

Feeling a thrill, Jace quickly took an arrow from a quiver on the ground, and he placed it over the bow, raising it to eye level. He drew the string back as he closed one eye to try and focus on the bull’s eye at the end of the shooting range.

But the _thrill_ only grew when Jace felt a solid, towering body come to stand behind him, two firm yet gentle hands covering his own, adjusting his stance. That combination made Jace gulp.

“Relax your shoulders, and keep your bow arm perfectly straight. Rest the hand that holds the string closer to your mouth.”

Did Alec have any _idea_ how low and raspy his voice was? Jace had no problems doing everything it said. And when Alec stepped a little closer, so that his chest laid flat against Jace’s back, Jace couldn’t _not_ think that Alec was doing this on _purpose_. Jace had no idea what sight they made, but he didn’t care, nor did he _mind_ at all.

He did mind it _later_ , at home, when his lower regions still seemed affected by the whole thing…

But it’d be embarrassing if something like the other day happened, right? Jace already felt himself blush at the reminder. So he _couldn’t_ just…deal with it. What if Alec appeared in that very moment? What if he found himself in Alec’s body again, and Alec in his own? Jace wouldn’t _dislike_ that, exactly, and maybe Alec wouldn’t either…but Jace couldn’t live comfortably with himself if something like that happened, while Alec was still in denial about what this was. While _he_ was still unsure about what this was.

He’d just…take a _very_ cold shower.

*

The bed was so warm and cozy; Alec let out a moan as he woke up, feeling truly at ease. His chest was no longer swollen, and hurt a lot less, so the head placed on it was only welcome. Alec tightened his hold on…wait, what?

Alec’s eyes shot open, focusing immediately on the view of a blond head resting on him, and he was suddenly overwhelmed with the weirdly sizzling sensation of a soft body snuggled against him from head to toe. An arm over his stomach. A leg intertwined with his. Something…far too hard pressed against his side to be mistakable.

Alec’s entire body froze, even though it was clearly _interested_.

No, no, no, this was bad, this was _wrong_ , this was…

Just five more minutes. He could allow himself five more minutes, right? His arm tightened its hold on Jace as his eyes were already closing back again.

“Mmh, this tastes so good,” Alec said around a mouthful of…something.

His breakfast had turned into some kind of dessert, and it had looked so delicious that he just couldn’t have passed on it.

“What is it?” he asked, his mouth still full, raising his head towards Jace.

A corner of Jace’s mouth quirked up as he answered, “Spotted dick.”

Alec sputtered all over the table – a table in a _diner_. Protests and sounds of disgust echoed all around him.

“What the hell, mate?!” the guy with glasses – Simon? – burst out, his arms up as if to cover himself.

“ _Gross_ , Jace,” the redhead next to him said, scrunching her nose.

Jace, next to Alec, was simply laughing. “It’s the _name_ of the dessert, you dork.”

Alec looked down at the mess he had made. “Oh.” 

And he was in the seat Jace had just been in, as Jace responded to his friends, “Sorry, I thought I felt a bug in it.”

“At least use a _napkin_ , git,” another blond guy told him.

So many more dream people. _Great_.

“So what are the plans for tonight?” the redhead said, once things calmed down. “Do we _have_ to go to a pub? I’d like to do something different for once, you know?”

“Anything you want to do, we’ll do, Fray,” Simon told her, putting an arm around her shoulders and smiling would-be-charmingly.

The redhead called Fray smiled back sweetly, and Alec rolled his eyes. _Why_ another romcom?

“I say we go salsa dancing,” the other blond jumped in, “lots of hot and sweaty people in there.”

He smirked, and Alec rolled his eyes  _again_. He hated those kind of self-assured guys, who thought everyone would fall at their feet. He hated that his mind had conjured one right up.

“That’s fine by me,” Jace said with a casual shrug. “You know I’m always up to try new things.”

He looked sideways at Alec, and Alec had to refrain himself from rolling his eyes a third time.

“Well, you will go on your own cause I _told_ you that I’m not up for seeing you pick people up,” Fray said animatedly to the self-assured guy, her eyes fiery.

The guy raised his eyes and hands to the heavens. “Seriously, Clary? You’re _still_ on about that? It’s been _five_ years, when will this _end?!_ Jace, please, can you tell her to stop once and for all?!”

Everyone looked at Jace, including Alec, who was now curious. Jace sneaked another glance at him, suddenly looking nervous. “Uhm…”

But Clary crossed her arms, turning back towards the other guy. “And _what_? You expect to go through life never facing the consequences of your actions? You’re _lucky_ that I never told mom, or you’d _truly_ never hear the end of it.”

Simon laughed. “Can you imagine what _that_ would sound like?” His voice turned high-pitched. “ _My children have both slept with the same guy? What I have done_ wrong?”

The other two – who were siblings, then? – burst out laughing.

Alec surveyed them both a little more attentively now, before turning back towards Jace, an eyebrow arched. “ _Seriously_?”

Jace shrugged, smiling somewhat shyly. “Whoops?”

Alec shook his head, but a smile was already on his lips. Of _course_ , Jace was a latin lover. And he surely wasn’t bothered that basically half of that table had slept with Jace. Not at all.

*

“ _Families of the victims have started a campaign against_ …”

“You shouldn’t work yourself up like this.”

Alec didn’t even blink at him, before he sighed and turned off the sound on the tv. Jace simply stared wordlessly as Alec got up from the bed and started pacing the room.

“Working myself up is only the _least_ of what I should be doing!” Alec burst out. “And _instead_? I’m holed up in here, going _crazy_ , while everyone else is out there doing something _useful!_ ”

“You got injured…”

“Tsk!” Alec laid his blazing eyes on him. “People literally _died,_ what are a few _bruises_? Especially ones that weren’t gained for some higher purpose…I simply got distracted while ogling a non-existent guy!”

Alec brought his hands to his face, rubbing it in frustration.

Jace looked down at his own wringing hands. “I’m sorry.”

Alec made a sound at the back of his throat, before he went back to his spot on the bed next to Jace. They both stared at space in silence for a few long moments.

Could that be the ideal moment to put the non-existent part in question? Jace couldn’t help but think.

“Is that why you chose to become a cop? You like doing something useful?” Jace resorted to asking, instead. Hesitantly, almost waiting for Alec to blow off again.

Alec sighed. “Yeah.”

“And what made you decide?”

Alec glanced at him, before looking back ahead. “You know…when I was in school, I got bullied.” Alec crossed his arms, taking a deep breath. “Classic stuff. I was the shy nerdy kid, and then I was the shy nerdy _gay_ kid after someone caught me kissing this boy called Preston behind the gym. That was my first kiss, too. Very unfortunate. I had to come out to my parents and all if I didn’t want them to hear it from the school.”

Jace nodded in understanding, but he stayed quiet, simply waiting for Alec to continue.

“But then I had my growth spurt towards the start of junior year. I got insanely tall, and I started working out to figure out how to move all my limbs...and, somehow, I made the football team. I was _good_ , I even became quarterback. And, suddenly, people were all over me. They never dared say a word to me again. They _respected_ me. So when it became time to choose a career I almost thought I’d continue with the sport...but then I asked myself, was that really the best way to prove myself? Or to use my strength? The kind of respect I got from it was vain and hypocritical, and I couldn’t help but think of all the other kids who were picked on and destroyed because they couldn’t defend themselves like I learned to do...”

“So you became a cop to defend them yourself,” Jace surmised.

Alec nodded solemnly. “I know the system is shit, and most of the time I don’t even help as much as I’d like, but if I don’t try to shake things up from the inside or uphold the true purpose of police men, _who_ will do it? Every single person matters when it comes to making a difference.”

“Yeah,” Jace simply said. What more was there to be said? Jace looked back at Alec, and he found him basked in a whole new light all of a sudden.

Alec caught his gaze and he quickly cleared his throat. “You said you needed an outlet? That’s why you did Krav Maga and then got into music? What – what did you need an outlet for?”

Jace averted his eyes. “Yeah. Just...teenage angst, you know.” He laughed, but it sounded fake even to his own ears.

As he took notice of the nervous maelstrom sprouting to life in his stomach, however, Jace knew that he couldn’t reveal the real reason quite yet. He had never quite mastered the art to tell _anyone_ about the fact that he’d been so scared all his life that Valentine would come back for him, and finish him off once and for all. He had trained as hard as he could, mastered every fighting form and defense move to prepare himself for that eventuality...

He chose to water it down. “I just...I had a difficult childhood. No parents, and my grandmother didn’t really know how to handle me, plus she was often away for work. So I tried letting it all out in the gym. But when I became so stressed out with my physical training, I was advised to try something _else_. Music is supposed to be a way to express your emotions in a more creative way, but, in the end, it truly made me feel...it’s like, when the music, the _right_ music is on, the world becomes a little better, you know? Brighter, more in tune...”

Jace smirked at his own pun, and he was glad to see Alec do the same.

“I think I’m starting to get it, yeah,” Alec said, nodding.

“So... what happened to that guy Preston?” Jace put in, smirk still in place.

“Uhm?”

“The boy from the story, what happened with him?”

“Oh.” Alec chuckled. “Well, we were just together a few months I think. He was a bit of an asshole, to be entirely honest. I might’ve punched him on the nose at some point.”

“No way, _you_ , Mr. Protector of the Weak?”

“Sod off. I _said_ he was an asshole. If I don’t remember wrong, I think he used to tell people all different kind of stuff about me after we broke up and I made the squad. Like, you know, gross things that we never actually did.”

Jace had to laugh at the use of ‘gross things’. So adorable.

“Mmh, yeah, I would’ve punched him, too,” he still agreed.

“What about you? When did you realized you liked...boys?”

Jace couldn’t help but notice that Alec had bit the inside of his cheek as soon as those words left his mouth, and he had to sigh at the reminder that Alec _still_ thought he was making this all up. Jace forced himself to go on anyway; the more he said, the more Alec would _have_ to start catching on.

“Oh, well, late. Relatively speaking,” Jace answered. “I first kissed a girl at...fourteen, probably? But I think I was around nineteen, I had already left high school, when I kissed a boy for the first time. I used to go to these shows, you know, to see if I managed to book something, and this member of a band kind of...took a liking to me. He was definitely a good teacher.”

Alec rolled his eyes as Jace smirked.

“And those two, the brother and sister, what’s the deal with that?” Alec asked.

It was Jace’s turn to roll his eyes, as Alec grinned teasingly. “Ugh...okay, _fine_. I kind of cheated on her with him. I was drunk, _okay_?”

Alec burst out laughing.

“It’s not that funny! Stop laughing, you _arse_.” Jace shoved him, but he was fighting laughter, too.

Alec had to wipe away tears when he finally calmed down. “I can’t believe, like, a brother and sister...” He stopped when he noticed Jace’s expression, and he turned more serious. “How – how long were you with her?”

“Three years.”

“Woah. That’s...quite a lot.” Alec adjusted himself on the bed, to better face him.

“I know,” Jace said, looking down at his lap.

“Why did you cheat, then?” Alec asked him, more quietly.

“I – it’s not something I usually _do_ , okay? Well, it’d be hard anyway since Clary was the only real relationship I ever had, but...that’s not who I am. I was just...going through some shit, and I realized I wasn’t really in love with her, I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I preferred fucking it all up.”

“Hey, it’s okay, I get it.” Alec placed a hand on his shoulder, and Jace didn’t dare move as to not make him realize what he had done. “Shit happens. It doesn’t mean someone’s a terrible person, even if they make mistakes.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love,” Jace admitted all of a sudden. He didn’t know why he had felt the need to say that; he didn’t think he had _ever_ said it out loud.

Alec paused. “Uhm. Me, too.”

Jace looked up at Alec, only to realize that Alec’s eyes were already on him. Against his will, a warm kind of _hope_ leapt in him, and Jace wanted _so_ much to just...

Alec cleared his throat, looking away, and Jace’s heart sank. _Not again.._.

“And that’s why I’m _here_ , isn’t it?” Alec said crossly, his head flopping down on the pillow behind him. “Talking my heart out with the man in my head.”

Jace’s hands balled into fists. “ _Alec_...” Alec had crossed his arms over his face. “Alec, please, you need to _stop_ this...”

A knock on the door made Jace jump, and he was back in his own bed, the sunlight piercing his eyes reminding him all too insistently that it was already morning for him.

“Who’s there?” he yelled at the door.

“Jace, it’s me.”

Clary? Why was she there?

Jace reluctantly got up and went to open the door. But he didn’t open it all the way. “What is it?”

Clary shrugged. “I brought you coffee, and I thought we could talk, you know? You’ve been a bit...”

“I’m tired, and I need to work today. I’ll call you later.”

And he closed the door in her face.

*

Alec buried his face in the pillow as soon as Jace left, muffling a scream into it. A headache was already forming behind his eyes, and he was so done with his life. _So_ done.

Why did talking with Jace have to be so _easy_?

He _needed_...to call...that psychologist! And get rid of Jace once and for all before his heart got broken irreparably.

As soon as he woke up, however, he went running. Then grocery shopping. Then he cleaned up his apartment for the third time that week. At that point, he was finally about to pick up the phone...when he found himself in a gym. Of bloo- _fucking_ course.

Jace was alone on the mat, twirling his staff around with true mastership.

He didn’t even spare him a glance. “Hey, Alec. This is your hallucination talking, it wants to know if you’re really as good as you say.”

Jace’s eyes set on him, a kind of fire in them that Alec had rarely seen, and Alec opened his mouth, about to say that he was injured...but...fuck that.

When Jace threw the staff on the ground, Alec shut his brain off and lunged for him.

He had _missed_ this. The thrill, the adrenaline, the need for his entire being to be harmonious and precise with its every movement. He was alert and _alive_ , his body getting out of the lethargic state it had plunged into these past weeks all too eagerly. Vaguely, he knew people on the side had stopped to watch, but that wasn’t something of concern for him. None of this was real anyway.

He had never quite sparred like this. He had always been _good_ , and he had rarely found someone who could match him perfectly. Lydia came pretty damn close to it, but it was still something completely different than _this_.

His every attack was met with a new one that he parred before everything started all over again. Jace was stronger than he looked, faster than should be possible, but Alec was too, and they were caught in a whirlwind of motion, of contact, of sweat and hard breath. They tumbled on the ground, neither of them able to get the upper hand, and then they were up again, even more charged than before. Alec didn’t want it to end.

Still, he predicted Jace’s next move, and he caught his arms, spinning them and locking Jace in place in one swift move. Jace’s back pressed flush against his chest, and they stilled.

Jace’s neck and shoulder were bare, opened up to him, and Alec breathed against Jace’s skin, the pungent smell of Jace’s sweat going directly to his head. Pushed by a force he couldn’t resist, Alec leaned his body even more closely against Jace, not holding back, unlike when he had taught Jace how to use the bow. No, this time he let his painfully hard erection press against Jace’s sweatpants-covered ass, reveling in Jace’s gasp just as much as his own.

“I win,” Alec whispered hoarsely in Jace’s ear, and a chill ran down his spine. Or maybe not  _his_ spine.

“I don’t think so,” Jace said back just as raucously.

And Alec was suddenly the one in a lock, Jace pressed against him from behind, even though neither of them had really _moved_. When Jace bit down on the juncture between his neck and shoulder, Alec wouldn’t have been able to hold in the moan sprouting from deep in his stomach for anything in the world.

“Shhh, you don’t want people to think I’m a pervert,” Jace murmured, as he sucked a mark on Alec’s skin.

“Don’t care.”

And he was the one behind Jace again. Alec bit down on Jace’s shoulder in retaliation, as his hand went to push on Jace’s stomach to draw him closer. When Alec’s cock hit Jace’s entrance, two thin fabrics the only obstacle in between, Jace whimpered at that double attack.

“Shhh,” Alec imitated him.

He had never felt more turned on in his life, he had never wanted something, _someone_ so badly. Sex had always been such a perfunctory act during the handful of relationships he’d had, and something he had never felt the need to attempt with someone he didn’t know or trust. Yet, Jace fit so perfectly against him, he responded so beautifully to his touch, and...

Opening his eyes, which he hadn’t realized he had closed, Alec froze.

What the hell was he _doing_?!

Staring down at Jace’s profile, with his lips parted in pleasure, Alec blinked back into his apartment before Jace could look back at him and lock him in forever.

The absence felt as painful as what he’d think a withdrawal would feel like; Alec literally struggled to breath as he readjusted his sensations around the _reality_ of his empty room. Tears still prickled at the corner of his eyes, so he buried them in his pillow after he threw himself on the bed.

He promptly, stubbornly, ignored his aching erection pressed against the mattress, and fell asleep straight away.

If only he had checked his shoulder.

*

Jace was left alone, stunned and miserably horny.

“Fuck!” he shouted before he could stop himself, and the few people exercising in the gym, who he now remembered had already been sending him glances, became even more obvious in their ogling.

Most likely flushed from head to toe, Jace rushed towards the locker room not even _caring_ if his erection was visible. Once he got under the shower, he couldn’t even bring himself to _touch_ it. No, he was too fucking _angry_.

Well, then. He was _done_ with Alec and his existential crisis! He wouldn’t waste his time on someone who insisted on being so damn _obtuse_ and... _distracting_. It wasn’t good for his health, nor for his sanity. The experiment was over.

After arriving at the shop and doing what felt like the longest shift of his life, Jace knew what he had to do. He had a clear destination in mind.

“Hey, Maia, how’s it going?” he smirked at the waitress of his favorite pub in the city.

She raised two skeptical eyes towards him, before looking around and leaning on the counter to whisper to him, “You mean, how’s my vagina going?”

Jace's smirk only widened.

“Rather well, thanks for asking.” Maia smirked leisurely back. “She’s just feeling a little lonely, you know?”

Jace downed his drink.

Perks of Maia being his designated booty-call answerer: she didn’t care for talking, nor foreplay, and she went straight to the point in such a way that Jace didn’t need to think at all. And he was all instinct, as he slammed her against the wall of the back alley, her knickers already around her ankles – thank god she had worn a skirt – as he freed his throbbing cock with a sigh and rolled a condom on it.

Next thing he knew, he had lifted her up and he was inside her, and they were rocking in place at the rhythm of his thrusts and of their combined moans. She dug her heels into his ass and her nails into his back, and it was sweet, sweet oblivion.

He couldn’t _believe_ he had deprived himself of this because of...what? Someone who didn’t matter at _all_.

Jace bit into Maia’s neck and he could already feel an orgasm coming. He had to draw his face back to take a breath, and a groan escaped his lips as he went that much deeper inside her. He turned his head to the side, and...

Alec was there, staring at him, at _them_ , with eyes larger than his entire face. A strangled sound was wrenched out of Jace’s throat as he felt his erection completely sag. He stopped all movement with a jolt, but Alec had already disappeared.

“Hey, what...”

Jace looked back at Maia, _remembering_ that she was there, and he couldn’t believe it had happened again, he felt worse than when...

No, _no!_ This was _nothing_ like that time, he had done nothing _wrong._

And yet, he teared himself away from Maia, letting her down before he took several steps back, his condom swiftly thrown to the ground as if it had been burning him.

His mouth opened a few times as he zipped himself up, “Maia, I...”

“Hey, it’s okay. It happens.” Maia was looking at him far too sympathetically, which he suddenly couldn’t _stand_. “You shouldn’t push yourself, if you’re feeling bad after, you know...”

“ _No_. It’s – it has _nothing_ to do with...I just, I’m sorry. I need to go.”

He bolted away. Of the ride back home, he remembered almost nothing. When he finally got inside his apartment, he thought he was going to be _sick_.

This, _this_ shouldn’t be happening. There was no reason for him to have reacted like that. Alec meant _nothing_ , he was nothing to him, _they_ were nothing...

Fueled by a sudden _anger_ , Jace popped back into Alec’s apartment to deal with him once and for all.

*

He had been talking to his sister on the phone, when he had suddenly felt uncomfortably hot. Not caring to think _how_ , Alec had just known that it had something to do with Jace. And he had been meaning to _yell_ at him as soon as he saw him...but what he _saw_ made him swallow his tongue.

Jace in the arms of a woman, pounding her hard against a wall. His head had been buried in her neck as she let out sounds of pleasure.

Even as he felt the ripples of it in his own body, Alec could’ve thrown up right then and there. When he met Jace’s eyes, his own were already stinging. For the second time that day.

He blinked away from that scene with some kind of desperation.

He liked to think that he didn’t merely stare into empty space all the time before Jace reappeared, because he surely hadn’t been _waiting_ for him...yet, he jumped up from his bed as soon as Jace stepped foot into the room.

The silence felt gelid, like a physical presence between them as they surveyed each other.

“What?” Jace crushed it with the loud, brusque sound of his voice.

“ _What_?” Alec echoed, crossing his arms.

“What do you want, Alec?”

“What do _I_ want?” Alec’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “ _You_ came here.”

“ _You’re_  the one standing there crossed as a bow, acting as if I _owed_ you anything, so what do you want from _me_?”

“I haven’t even _said_ anyth-”

Jace snorted. “You don’t need to _say_ it for me to _feel_ that you’re bothered. So please, be my guest and _tell_ me, Alec, what is your _problem_?”

“I don’t have a...”

“Stop bullshitting me and be honest with yourself for once!”

Alec bit his tongue, as he felt himself squirm under Jace’s raging eyes. “I...” He paused. “You know what, I _have_ a problem! Why should I just be _fine_ at having a constant hallucination nag at me...”

“ _No_ , Alec. I said stop bullshitting me. You _know_ that I’m real, you _feel_ it just as I do, even if you’re too stubborn and afraid to admit it to yourself!”

Alec’s hands shot up to rub forcefully at his temples. “No, I do _not_ know and you’re _not_ real!”

“Then why are you so bothered that I slept with someone else?” Jace’s voice was velvety, low and dangerous.

Alec frowned. “I’m _not_...”

“Oh, I know,” Jace went on with the same tone, “it’s cause a fantasy should cater to your needs, am I right? I shouldn’t act independently, and I should only sleep with _you_ and as much as you _please_ , right?”

A lump had formed in Alec’s throat. “No, that’s not...”

“Well, too bad! I’m a _real_ person, I have my own _life_ , my family, my friends, my job...you know where I _live_! If you just grew some _balls_...”

“ _Well_ then!” Alec was surprised at how loud his voice had become, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, “if you’re so _real_ , why don’t you go to back your _own_ life and leave _mine_ alone!”

Alec had expected him to retaliate, instead Jace froze, his eyes widening.

Alec felt something inside of him trying to pull him back, and he had to grit his teeth and push through it to get the next words out, “You heard me! My life was perfectly fine before you came along, so just go away! OUT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”

Jace bit his lower lip, his eyes darting around...before he disappeared.

Alec’s heavy breath was the only sound left in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	10. Not a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Alec finally goes to the psychologist, but her advise might not be what he had hoped for..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we're already at chapter 10! This is turning out as my longest story so far, I hope it's still intriguing ;)

Of _course,_ he had known all along that he was being stupid, foolish, a dumb _idiot_ for avoiding his problems by plunging right into them without a parachute on. And now that he had fallen, the climb back up would be a _bitch_.

Alec only hoped that his family wouldn’t notice how bad things were. He had done exactly what he had told Izzy he would _not_ do; he had become depressed by being all alone for a few weeks. He had lost touch with reality, lost all wish to _be_ _in it_ , in favor of a rosy and cozy domestic life with a ghost.

He called that psychologist.

“Office of Doctor Tessa Gray, how may I help you?” a male voice answered.

“Uhm, hello,” Alec started awkwardly, “my name is Alec Lightwood, and I...would like to book an appointment with Doctor Gray. This week, preferably.”

“Oh, yes, Mr. Lightwood. Would tomorrow at 3 p.m. work?”

Alec was caught off guard for a moment, before he checked himself. “Yes, yes, of course, tomorrow is fine. Thank you.”

“See you tomorrow, then, Mr. Lightwood.”

The call ended, and Alec was left with a weird feeling. It had all been so quick and almost too easy; it truly seemed like they had been expecting him _very_ eagerly.

Well, his father must’ve told the doctor about him, right? Nothing unusual. He had to remember that the world was still as normal as it came.

The next day, Alec would’ve _run_ to the appointment, if he could have. Instead, he took the subway, arriving there a quarter of an hour early.

He had to thank his nervousness, though, because it took all that time to find the right building. The address written on the business card led to a rather uncharacteristic area for hosting an office, especially if one considered that it was for a doctor as prestigious as a psychologist should be. You would expect a more prominent and _clean_ street, for one. Alec had to wonder where the hell his father had sent him to…but he should just trust him, right? It had clearly done Robert good, after all.

Finally, Alec knocked on what he hoped was the right door.

A slot immediately opened in it, a pair of distinctively blue eyes locking on to him, as a male voice – not the one that had answered the phone yesterday – asked, “Name?”

“Ehm…Lightwood. Alec Lightwood, I have an appointment with Doctor Gray?”

The man surveyed him a moment longer, then he swiftly closed the slot, and Alec heard a few locks being turned before the door was opened. “She’s waiting for you.”

As he walked a dimly lit corridor, Alec suddenly wished that he had his gun with him, because he was sure that the man walking behind him – almost as tall as him, fit, probably around forty, judging by some grey sprinkled in his dark hair – was still staring at him far too fixedly, in a way that made Alec’s hair stand up at the back of his neck. This place also became stranger and stranger the further he got into it. Too dark, too isolated, too...secretive.

And not knowing whether he could trust his instincts – sharply honed through years of service, now possibly clouded by an altered mind? – was the most stressing factor.

Nothing happened, though, and they reached the office in all quiet, the strange man closing the door behind him.

This room was at least much better; clean and nicely furnished with soft-looking couches and rugs almost covering the entire hardwood floor. Doctor Gray was a beautiful woman, most likely in her forties too, and she regarded him from her chair with a sharp, but gentle look.

Alec smiled at her, and, when she mirrored him, he felt a little more at ease.

“Hello, Mr. Lightwood. Pleased to meet you. Please, sit wherever you want,” she told him kindly.

“Hello. The feeling is mutual, Doctor Gray, and you can call me Alec,” he replied, choosing the chair closest to the door.

The doctor was still smiling. “If I can call you Alec, then you can call me Tessa.”

Alec simply nodded.

“I know that your father gave you my number, and he’s told me some things, but I want to hear from _you_ why you are here. Why do you _think_ you’re here?”

Alec pondered the question. “I was involved in the shooting of two weeks ago. It was standard procedure, which has become far too necessary these days and never fails to be horrible, but…I’ve always done my job impeccably. I never let anything distract me from the objective. But, I _got_ distracted. I froze, and I got shot. People are worried that I’m hiding deeper problems, that might’ve caused me to freak out like that.”

The doctor raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t ask why other people think you should be here, I asked why you felt the need to come to me. You must’ve thought hard about it, to take all this time. Do you think you have these ‘deeper problems’?”

Alec swallowed. “I – I do. But it’s not exactly what my family thinks. I…it’s nothing like they would ever imagine, actually.”

Alec paused. Had he thought this through? Could he tell a complete stranger about his hallucinations? What if he was locked up for good? What if he couldn’t do his job anymore?

Tessa must’ve noticed his distress, because her tone of voice turned more soothing, “This is a safe space for you, Alec. Nothing we say here will get out unless you decide it. I know trust needs to be gained, and I’m willing to earn yours. Tell me what happened.”

Alec wringed his hands, as his leg bounced up and down. He had to clear his throat a few times. “I – I saw something. _Someone_ , that others couldn’t see. That’s why I got distracted. And I keep seeing him, all the _time_ , and I don’t – I don’t understand how, or _why,_ or why _now_. I’ve never had something like this happen to me before, and there’s nothing physically wrong with my brain, I _checked_. So I _know_ that this sounds crazy, but I don’t know where else to turn to. Am I…going crazy?”

Alec looked up at the doctor, trying to convey with his eyes how _much_ he needed her to make some sense of what was going on with him. To give him some _hope_.

The doctor crossed her legs. “What did this ‘checking’ that you’ve done entail?”

“A brain scan. It turned out normal,” Alec answered.

“Normal. What doctor treated you?”

“I don’t know if you know him...Doctor Pangborn.”

“Mhm,” Tessa made a sound, as she scribbled in a notebook.

Alec couldn’t help but worry about what she might’ve written in there. Maybe she thought he should’ve done more tests?

“Don’t alarm yourself so much, Alec,” Tessa, however, added, looking back at him more reassuringly. “Sometimes, our brains _do_ provide us images and thoughts in the strangest, most mysterious of ways, especially of things that we’d never want to consciously think about. More often than not, it’s our subconscious trying to tell us something that we don’t know, or try to _ignore_ about ourselves. And all we can do, is trying to interpret it. So you must be willing to _tap_ into that, into _yourself_ , Alec, and not simply ignore it or wish it away. It’s the only way to truly deal with what has been happening to you. I’m not saying it won’t be hard, and you’ll likely feel the need to put up some resistance to this seeming invasion of your mind, and it might be painful...but this is the only assistance I can offer you. Are you up to collaborate with me? Because if you are not, there is not much I can do for you.”

Alec nodded slowly. “Yeah, I – I’ll try to do…my best.”

Tessa’s gaze lingered on him a moment longer, before she seemed satisfied. “Tell me more. What, or _who_ exactly do you see, and how?”

“I…” Alec cleared his throat, as thoughts of Jace started flooding his mind. “There was this guy, this _man_ , just standing in the crowd during the shooting. I tried to help him, but then I saw people walk right _through_ him. And the next thing I knew, I was somewhere completely different, nowhere I’d ever been, and I was just _stunned_ into place…and that’s when I was shot. But that’s not all. I saw him again at the hospital, then in my apartment, and now I see him _everywhere_. Also in... _London_ , apparently.” Alec’s hands were moving wildly as he tried to _explain_ it all. “It’s just all so _elaborate_ that I still can’t wrap my mind around it! This man, _Jace_ , has a whole life, a story, he’s surrounded by so many other realistic people, and I don’t understand how it can be _possible_ that I’m imagining all these details. It doesn’t feel like normal figments of imagination. I can _sense_ Jace, I can touch him, sometimes I even think that I’m able to _feel_ what he feels...I just, it’s just that, it could be that it’s because I’m feeling…lonely? I’m, you know, gay, and I haven’t been in many relationships, and the last one was…a long time ago, so this guy is just, it makes _sense_ for this to be a fantasy that I’m creating for myself. He’s attractive, and he appears to _like_ me, and we’ve shared all these... _moments_. It’s been just two weeks, but it feels like he’s been living with me forever, like I’ve been talking to him all my life...just, the perfect relationship one could ever hope for.” He chuckled bitterly. “And I can’t, I _can’t_ keep this up. This fantasy is _too_ real, and I’m afraid it will ruin my life, like it almost did already. I just want it to _stop_.”

Alec took a deep breath after he was done rambling. His head felt immensely big and hot. He couldn’t believe that all that had really come out of his mouth…but who else could he tell that to, without having them laugh in his face?

“It could be,” Tessa finally said, after pondering his words for a while. “When we’re lonely, and craving something, especially if we never let ourselves deal with how that makes us feel…it is possible.”

“But how do I make it stop?” Alec asked, bordering on desperate.

“You need to be patient, first of all,” Tessa stated. “Second of all, it’s still only a possibility. Don’t draw your own conclusions before actually investigating. Let me ask you a couple more questions. So, you’re completely sure this has never happened to you? Ever?”

Alec nodded. “Yeah. You think I would remember something like that, right?”

Alec chuckled again, but Tessa didn’t join.

“And how has this man been behaving? How does he react to you?” Tessa pressed on.

Alec frowned. “Well, lately he’s been trying to make me believe that he’s real. He’s very...passionate about it.”

“Can you see him now, too?”

Alec looked around, and he refrained from sighing. “No. I haven’t seen him since yesterday. Maybe...maybe he’s already gone for good. We kind of had an argument, and I told him to leave me alone. But I’m not so sure that it’ll stick, you know?”

Tessa nodded. “Why did you argue?”

Alec hoped he wasn’t blushing too obviously. “It was stupid, mostly. These moments that we have sometimes are... _intense_. A lot. I’m not very, you know, sexually active, usually, but it’s been really _charged_ , with Jace. So we were sparring, and I was feeling things, and then I caught myself and went away, and later I saw Jace...being with someone else, and it upset me even if I _know_ that it’s just a fantasy. Jace was then angry with me, yelling that I should be honest with myself and stuff and admit that I was bothered, and that he’s real.” Alec let out a sound of frustration, rubbing his eyes with thumb and forefinger. “It’s all so confusing.”

“Mhm,” Tessa made another sound, as she scribbled something else in her notebook.

“I’m pathetic, aren’t I?” Alec added deprecatingly.

“No.” Tessa looked back at him. “We don’t use that word here. Our dreams and struggles are not pathetic, so I don’t want you to beat yourself up over this, Alec.”

Alec lowered his eyes, forcing himself to nod.

“Now, I will ask you to do something, and you’ll have to promise me to do it.”

Alec looked back up at her.

“Like I already said, you can’t simply wish this all away or avert your eyes. I’m not asking you to lose yourself in this ‘fantasy’, as you call it. One hour a day, that’s all. In that one hour, let yourself delve into it, focus all your thoughts on it, so that, hopefully, the rest of the time you’ll be freed of it, since you gave it the time it needed. If one hour is not enough, try two, at most. No more. It’s better if you even time yourself, and, if you feel like it, try writing down what you see, what you feel, what you discover during that time. When we see each other in a week, you’ll bring all that to me, and we’ll analyze it together.”

Alec opened his mouth, a protest almost about to escape him...but he nodded again. This was rather the _opposite_ of what he had wanted, or thought would happen, but he was still determined to trust her and her judgment. Plus, it was not as if he knew a better way to deal with it.

Alec sighed. He needed to go back to Jace.

*

“What’s the problem? Why did you call me here?” Jace asked as soon as he entered Clary’s and Simon’s apartment.

The place was a roomy open-space, the walls laden with Clary’s paintings and photographs, while Simon’s instruments rested in a corner. Usually, he liked the sight. Now, he would’ve rather not been there.

The two of them smiled up at him from the couch.

“Hey, do you need a reason to come over, now? I’m offended that we _had_ to call you,” Simon said.

He was only half-serious, so Jace didn’t mask his mood. “Well, I could’ve been doing something _important_.”

“Were you?” Clary put in, arching an eyebrow at him.

Jace rolled his eyes, before he flopped down at the other end of the couch, crossing his arms. “Now I can’t, can I?”

“Then you can easily watch a trashy movie with us,” Jonathan said cheerfully, coming in from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in hand.

Jace huffed. “Seriously? Listen, guys, I don’t have time for this, I have stuff...”

“Hey, it’s okay, we can do something else,” Clary quickly said. She adjusted herself on the couch to better face him. “Actually, we could talk? It feels like we haven’t talked in such a long time.” She smiled.

Jace frowned. “We always talk. What are you talking about?”

Jonathan sat on a puffy chair at the other side of the couch, and now all three of them were staring at Jace.

“Well, mate,” Simon started tentatively, “you have to admit that you’ve been rather... _distracted,_ these past few weeks.”

Jace’s heart started thumping in his chest. “Why – why do you say that?”

“Hey, it’s understandable,” Jonathan said, putting his hands up. “And we’ve given you space...but you know you shouldn’t let things stew for too long. You know you have us you can talk to.”

A light went ding in Jace’s head. “Oh. No, guys, I’m fine.”

“Are you?” Clary looked pointedly at him. “Because Maia told me...”

“ _Maia_? Are you _shitting_ me?” Jace abruptly got up, suddenly wishing to be there even less than before. “She had _no_ right to tell you anything, I can’t believe...!”

“It’s _okay_ , Jace. I don’t know what happened exactly, she just told me you left her that you were quite upset, and she wanted to know if you were okay,” Clary added hastily, getting up as well.

Jace paused. “Still, it’s _none_ of your business.”

“Jace,” Jonathan jumped in, in a serious tone uncharacteristic of him, “we’re your friends, your _family_. We _get_ what you’re going through, and if you can’t talk to _us_...”

“ _Do_ you?” Jace burst out, unable to stop himself. “Do you _really_ get it? Do we still have to act as if it was the same thing for you two?!”

He looked between Clary and Jonathan, who looked uneasily at each other.

“Jace...” Clary started.

“ _No_ , Clary. Valentine might be your father, but you never even _met_ him. You never _knew_ him. It was not _you_ whose life he ruined, nor you who he beat up!”

Jace felt frantic, winded, out of his mind. He knew he shouldn’t have said that, and that they didn’t deserve it, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret his words. Because it was something he had always believed and could never admit to himself, nor them; that nobody would _ever_ get him.

All three of his friends were stunned into silence, and Jace simply left the room.

“Wait, Jace, don’t...!”

He slammed the door on Clary’s voice.

“Who – who beat you up?”

Jace closed his eyes for a moment, but he didn’t stop climbing down the stairs, nor walking at a furious pace on the pavement, his heart beating like crazy.

“Jace?”

You know what? He _did_ stop, rounding in on Alec with all the fury that had been building up in him the past two days.

“Valentine Morgenstern,” he barked. When he noticed people looking at him strangely, he pressed a hand against his ear to mask it as a call. “My parents’ _killer_. He kidnapped me as a baby and raised me for eight years. He almost killed me, reducing me to a _pulp_ , before he got caught and imprisoned.”

He resumed his steps, not waiting to see Alec’s reaction. He heard Alec follow him.

“Wait, _wait_ , Jace...”

Jace ignored him, looking straight ahead.

“Jace!”

Jace felt a hand grab his arm and spin him around. Meeting those dark and deep eyes again was more painful than he would’ve thought. No, he _should’ve_ known.

Jace didn’t say anything, and he simply stared at Alec’s mouth opening and closing a few times. “Jace, I’m _so_ sorry. I – why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

“Why didn’t I _tell_ you? Are you _serious_? Why should I tell someone who doesn’t think I’m _real_...”

Passersby were now giving him dirty looks, so Jace let out a sound of frustration and grabbed Alec by the arm, dragging him to a side alley.

"Why did you come back, huh?" Jace asked Alec, fixing his eyes on him and reveling in watching him squirm. 

"I...” Alec’s Adam apple bobbed up and down as he gulped. “My therapist told me that I can’t ignore this, I need to _tap_ into it if I want to..."

"Get rid of me," Jace concluded for him. 

Alec bit down on his bottom lip. He didn’t need to say anything else. 

"And how does she think this works, if I _may_ know? What does this 'tap into' entail?" 

Alec’s eyes wouldn’t focus on him. "I should listen to what these visions are trying to tell me."

"Ah!" 

"I don’t think she means that I should listen to _you_...just that I need to _understand_ why I’m having this hallucin-"

"Don’t you dare say that word to my face again, Alec. I don’t care what your therapist says, you _will_ listen to me.” Jace inhaled sharply. “If you really wanted to understand what this is, you would’ve looked me up!"

Alec blinked. "What – what do you mean?" 

"Don’t you want proof of my existence or _not_? _Why_ haven’t you looked me up? You _know_ what I do, you must realize that my band and I are all over social media, we've released an EP, we have a youtube channel! But you haven’t even tried to look for it, cause you’re too scared to face the possibility that all this is _reality_. So whatever, Alec, if you’re not really _trying_ to understand, there is no point in me still talking to you." 

He turned on his heels, determined not to look back. 

He was stopped by a hand grabbing his elbow. "Wait, Jace, please, that’s not what I – I just don’t understand how you can accept this so easily!" 

Jace shrugged himself off and turned back around in one furious motion. "You think this is _easy_ for me?!" Jace scoffed loudly. "Do you realize what...?"

He was suddenly unable to look Alec in the eyes. He was biting his lip so hard that he tasted blood. But it was now or never, wasn’t it?

"I haven’t had a _rosy_ life,” he added with a laugh. “Valentine raised me for only eight years, and you would think that’s nothing compared to the _twenty_ years that have passed since then...but it’s not! Do you have any _idea_ how long it took me to be just a functional human being? And even then, I _still_ can’t, I can’t connect with people. Valentine’s shadow is _always_ with me. Two of my best friends – _yes_ , the siblings I both fucked – are Valentine’s biological children! I _needed_ that connection to get close to them, because they already knew him, so I didn’t fear to scare them off or end up hurting them because I’m too fucked up! Actually, scratch that, I totally did hurt them for this. And it’s no better with anybody else, I’m so scared of tarnishing their lives with my problems that of the countless people I know, _nobody_ really knows _me_. Even my own grandmother...I love her and I’m forever grateful for everything she’s done for me, but even she doesn’t _get_ me." He met Alec’s eyes. "So whenever something good happens to me, I can’t just let it go! It’s too _rare_!"

Alec visibly gulped again. "You call this _good_?" he croaked.

"Not _this_." Jace, impulsively, desperately, took Alec’s hand and pressed it against his own heart. " _You_."

Alec stopped breathing, looking down at their joined hands.

“You’re _different_ ,” Jace said, his voice cracking, “I’m not _saying_ that I understand what is going on any better than you, but I... I’ve connected with you in a way I haven’t with anybody else. I _never_ open up with people so soon or so _willingly_. Yet...how long has it been? Less than a month, right? I _want_ to do that with _you_. And I _have_. I’ve shared things with you, my life, my passions, my struggles, and you’ve done the same, haven’t you? Don’t deny it.” Alec was still looking fixedly at their hands, not meeting Jace’s eyes. “I already feel like I’ve known you... _forever_. And I know that _you’re_ real, Alec, just like I know that _I’m_ real, so, yes, no matter how crazy it sounds, how crazy all this _is_ , I’m glad it’s brought us together. I _do_ see it as a good thing. _Too_ good, even.”

Jace laughed, almost exhilaratingly, thinking back to the song he had sung to Alec. Their bodies had been just as close back then. Their skins, their entire _beings_ , had vibrated against one another like they did now. Jace couldn’t resist placing his other hand over Alec’s heart, and he tried to look into Alec’s eyes to search for _something_. But Alec had closed them, and they were both still. Jace could hear how their heartbeats were _in_ _synch_.

“Alec, _please_ , I know you _must_ feel something, too. I know you can _feel_ how I’m touching you just as I can.”

Alec made a somewhat strangled sound, before he forcefully teared his hand away, retroceding until his back hit a wall. He stayed there, staring at the ground in front of him as his chest rose and fell unevenly. He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes.

Jace deflated like a balloon. He didn’t want anything more than to just keep being angry at all that stubbornness...but he felt only sad. More than anything, he wanted to wrap his arms around Alec and hug him all day.

He didn’t dare. He didn’t want to distress Alec further.

Jace sighed. He took a few tentative steps forward, then he gingerly wrapped a hand around Alec’s wrist, tugging it.

“Come with me,” he told Alec, more gently than he thought he could manage.

When he didn’t stop pulling him, Alec wordlessly let himself be led away from that alley and into the busy street outside.

“Where – where are we going?” Alec finally asked, rather raucously, when they reached a bus stop.

Jace shrugged. “I just realized I never showed you around.”

Alec opened his mouth, most likely to protest, but the bus arrived in that moment, and Jace quickly got on it. His hand was still holding Alec’s wrist, so Alec couldn’t help but follow right behind him. Jace chose two seats on the second floor, the ones that faced the big front window. Every tourist deserved the best view, after all.

Alec stayed quiet the entire ride, and then the next one. He merely kept staring at everything – even though Jace doubted that he was really paying attention – until they reached their destination.

“Seriously?” was the first Alec said, as soon as he took in where they were.

Jace grinned. “It’s a classic.”

The queue to get on the London Eye was always a pain in the ass. And their still obstinate, prolonged silence only made it worse. So, when they finally stepped inside one of the passenger capsules, it took everything in Jace not to let out a big sigh of relief.

He didn’t know what his plan was, or if he even had one. He just wanted Alec to believe him.

*

Alec felt jittery and vaguely nauseous, and he didn’t know _why_ he was still there, going with Jace on top of the London Eye. Because, while spending an entire hour with Jace was what Tessa had told him to do, he had no idea what the _point_ of it even was. Everything was still the same; him being pulled in by Jace irreversibly, inescapably. And, surely, the _last_ thing the psychologist had meant was for him to start believing that Jace was real.

Something that became harder and harder not to do.  

“It really is a beautiful view,” Alec found himself saying.

The capsule was full of people, yet him and Jace were standing in a corner, looking out side by side, and Alec kept forgetting that they weren’t alone.

Jace suddenly took his phone out, and started typing in his notes.

 _It sure is,_ Alec read.

Right, Jace couldn’t very well talk out loud to himself.

When Alec raised his eyes from the phone, however, he immediately met Jace’s colorful ones, so that there was no misinterpreting what Jace had meant. Alec cursedly felt himself blush. Why did Jace have to _be_ like that? And why did he have to have such beautiful eyes? Alec could swear he always got lost in them.

Sighing, Alec forced himself to break eye contact and resume his staring outside. They didn’t say anything else.

Next, Jace brought him to his favorite café in a less touristy part of town. All this travel was using up Alec’s time, so he covertly added one hour to his timer as they walked up to it. They were still not talking, but it had stopped being awkward at some point during the half-hour Ferris wheel ride. It felt more like...companionship, now. Jace bought a few of his favorite desserts to let Alec try them, and Alec found himself smiling more than once at Jace’s joy for it. He was surely a glutton, and Alec couldn’t really blame him once he tasted some of it.

Then they took the subway, and walked quite a while to reach a little park. _Rosehill park_ , Alec read on a board.

Quite a few people were there, too, either laying on the grass or watching their kids playing around.

“Valentine used to bring me here.”

Alec froze, and looked at Jace’s downcast profile.  

“Once a month,” Jace continued, “he let me go here and play with the other kids. It was almost the only time I was out of the house.”

Alec felt his insides turn to ice, as he stared at the rising terrain in front of them. A group of kids were running up the hill, laughing and pushing each other.

_“Who comes last is a big dummy!”_

_“Don’t cheat, Jace!”_

Alec hissed, bringing a hand up to rub his temple.

“What is it?” Jace asked him worriedly.

“Nothing, just...a headache.”

What had he just heard? It had felt like...a memory? But that couldn’t be right, could it? It was probably just the kids over there. They surely hadn’t said ‘Jace’, maybe...’Chase’?

“You want to go away?” Jace added, more forlornly.

Maybe he should’ve, but Alec was already shaking his head before Jace had even finished the sentence. “No, it’s okay. Just...why do you come here, then?”

Jace’s brow furrowed. “It’s a nice place, I like it. I won’t let Valentine take it away from me.”

Alec nodded wordlessly. He suddenly wished that this _Valentine_ was right there in front of him, so that he could reduce _him_ to a pulp. Alec already knew that the more he’d think about what Jace had revealed to him about his childhood, the more he’d get worked-up. How _dare_ someone do that to...

“Hey, come on,” Jace urged him, taking a step forward.

Alec shrugged himself off. There would be time to elaborate that later.

They quietly walked up the hill. Once they reached the top, they turned around, and that was surely another memorable view, with the sunset tinging the sky and the city in a pastel glow. Again, however, Alec could feel that Jace’s eyes were solely on him.

Alec sighed. They couldn’t keep staying quiet for much longer, he understood that. He also realized that he still had no idea what to _do_ , or to _think_. Because what Jace _hadn’t_ realized, was that he wanted nothing more than to believe that he was real, and embrace everything that was happening. He wanted it _so_ much that he knew that it just _couldn’t_ be that simple.

It was indeed too good to be true.

“Jace...”

“Alec...”

Their eyes met, and they both chuckled.

Alec sighed again. “Listen, Jace...”

“No, Alec, please. Don’t say it.” Alec felt himself being spun around, a hand wrapped firmly around his elbow, as another went to cup his jaw. He stared helplessly into blue and brown eyes. “You still want to understand what this vision is trying to tell you? Well, this is what I tell you.”

He could’ve walked away and stopped it, it was not as if Jace didn’t give him the time. But Alec wasn’t as delusional as to think that he could ever _not_ want it.

So he stood right where he was as Jace wrapped his arms around his neck, leaned his head upward, and pressed his lips against Alec’s. That was all Alec could do to stay still, before his own arms shot around Jace, and he drew him closer towards himself.

And they were kissing. _Finally_. Alec had wanted to do it two weeks ago, after all. And a moan felt stuck in his throat as his mouth slid against Jace’s, his tongue slipping out to taste him, to _savor_ him.  

Nothing anyone could ever imagine, that was what that kiss felt like. It didn’t _feel_ like anything, actually, but rather...Jace reverberated on a higher frequency all around Alec, reaching something far deeper than his mere physical body. And Alec could sense _everything_ ; how their bodies pressed flush against each other, how Jace kept holding onto him more and more tightly, how Jace’s heels had left the ground to be able to reach Alec’s mouth. Alec thought he could taste and feel _himself_ , not just Jace, in a ripple of multiplied sensations that one after the other caused whole _waves_ of pleasure to propagate from every place of contact. 

Jace’s hands went to cup the back of his head, and Jace seemed to be leaning away, but Alec didn’t let him. He captured Jace’s bottom lip and sucked on it, as Jace’s fingers tangling in his hair made him shiver. Alec’s mouth slid down Jace’s to lay kisses all over his jaw, and the side of his neck, while his hands were spread wide over Jace’s back, caressing it. He felt the vibrations of Jace’s moan under the skin he was tracing, but Jace’s hand soon led him back to his lips. Not before their eyes swiftly met, though, and Alec was lost once more.

He kissed Jace with renewed need. And he realized that his eyes were particularly stingy.

His timer went off, and Alec found himself back in his apartment, sitting on his bed, his arms circling nothing but air. He had never felt colder.

Alec curled in on himself and groaned as loud as he could. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_...

No. No, no, no, no.

NO.

He could not do this. He would not do this!

Alec dived for his phone on the nightstand.

 _I’m sorry, I can’t come again,_ he wrote to Tessa, clicking send before he could think about it.

He would not do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	11. One-Night Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“C’mon, Alec! It’ll be fun! We don’t have to stay long, we’ll just get a few drinks, dance around, maybe you could even find some cute guy you could take home... Seriously, I don’t think I want to know how long it’s been since you last got laid.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I will walk myself out as I leave this here...  
> As always thanks to @fishcollective for beta'ing and support ;)

One day, only _one_ last day, and he could go back to work.

Alec literally couldn’t wait for it. He couldn’t wait for when he wouldn’t have to spend so much time at home, and he’d be focused on something _important_. Because, at that point, Jace would _have_ to finally leave him alone. And the torture could _lessen_.

Alec understood Jace, he really did, and he couldn’t exactly _blame_ him for having become so insufferable. When Jace had appeared to him again after...the _park_ , and Alec hadn’t even looked at him, let alone spoken to him, Jace had caught on pretty quickly.

“Oh, so _this_ is how it’s going to be?” he had rhetorically asked, his voice vibrating with barely repressed anger.

And Jace had resorted, from then on, to become the bane of Alec’s existence, _much_ more so than before. He had apparently no more fucks to give, and he insisted on appearing at random times and being as _provocative_ as he could, no matter what Alec was doing or whom he was with. All to get back at him.

Again, understandable. And it would _not_ work, either way. Alec would _not_ yield. Still...

Like when he was lifting weights at the gym, he had ended up with Jace straddling him, bracing himself with his arms on the bench on either side of Alec. Then Jace had dipped low, his mouth and nose slowly tracing Alec’s torso from over his tank top, as he moved languidly against him...and a strangled sound had escaped Alec, as he dropped the weight back in its place to not crack his ribs again. He had locked eyes with Jace’s fiery ones, before Jace had disappeared as fast as he had come.

Now, he had been lying peacefully on his couch catching up with his sister and Lydia...when he found himself with a lapful of Jace.

Alec closed his eyes for a moment, still determined not to look directly at him or give any sign of _anything_.

Because _that_ would turn out to be the best course of action for them both, in the end. Alec was sure of it; that no matter what Jace or that psychologist said, ignoring this _would_ truly solve the situation they’d found themselves in. Because Jace’s anger would fade at some point, then Jace might feel saddened by Alec’s rejection...but he _would_ give up, eventually. And everything would go back to normal.

As Jace started tracing Alec’s arms with nimble fingers, however, Alec so wished that that wasn’t the case. His eyes kept drooping inescapably at the sensation, and he had to struggle to act normal and pay attention to what his sister was saying.

“...go out! What do you say, Alec?”

“Uh?” Alec flinched, as Jace’s mouth landed on his neck. He grabbed a pillow and curled himself around it to cover his lap.

Izzy rolled her eyes. “I _said_ that we should go out tonight. Celebrate your return to the land of the living and the working!”

“Uhm...no, thanks,” Alec managed to say. He hoped the girls would interpret his windiness as boredom.

“C’mon, Alec, it _is_ something to celebrate. How many times have you gone out these past weeks?” Lydia jumped in.

“I did something every day!” Alec replied, outraged.

“Indeed, you did,” Jace murmured, his voice a caress against Alec’s skin.

Damn him. Damn _himself_. Because Alec knew that if he just told Jace a firm _go away_ , _I don’t like this_ , Jace would stop torturing him like this. But that was a lie Alec could not bring himself to say, not even to the cost of his dwindling sanity. He was but a weak, _weak_ man.

But he would not cave. He would _not_.

“I meant _fun_ ,” Lydia clarified, grinning.

Alec scoffed. “Look who’s talking! You weren’t exactly miss Life of the Party until you fell into my sister’s clutches.”

“Hey, that’s rude, big bro,” Izzy said, a pout forming on her face as she wrapped her arms and legs around Lydia. “I don’t have clutches.”

Lydia giggled, as she leaned into the hold. “Sure you don’t, baby.”

Izzy smirked, before she captured Lydia’s lips in a kiss that was definitely not appropriate for a brother’s eyes.

“Hey, can you please _not_ ,” Alec protested, adding a whine for good measure and averting his eyes...which was a mistake, since they fell right on Jace, who had stopped his ministrations, and was simply sitting on him as if it was just normal administration. Alec had his arms around him and all.

Alec stubbornly tore his eyes away and brought them back on to the girls. “Izzy, for fuck’s sake, why did you have to choose _my_ partner of all people?”

They broke apart with a pop. Lydia still looked rather dazed, as Izzy glared at Alec.

“First of all, _language_ ,” Izzy told him with a raised finger, then she grinned, “second of all, why not? Look at her, isn’t she the _cutest_?”

She cupped Lydia’s face for emphasis, cooing at her as Lydia dissolved into giggles again.

Alec sighed. Only his sister could reduce his no-nonsense partner into that mushy mess, when she had literally given him an earful when they had first started working together about the dangers of following one’s heart. But Izzy, too, was different. For how kindhearted and free spirited his sister was, she had rarely let anyone in before, nor had Alec ever seen her so committed to someone.

He couldn’t be happier for them both, truly. Still, Alec couldn’t help but feel a sting of jealousy for what they had, like he had to admit he’d always done ever since he’d realized how _serious_ the two of them were about each other.

Alec’s gaze, almost reflexively, landed on Jace again. Jace was looking right back at him, not smirking, not teasing, just _looking_. And the sting in Alec’s heart only became more insistent.

But Alec had always been good at turning pain into _annoyance_.

He did so now, too, and he crossly furrowed his brow, just as Izzy said, “C’mon, Alec! It’ll be fun! We don’t have to stay long, we’ll just get a few drinks, dance around, maybe you could even find some cute guy you could take home... Seriously, I don’t think I want to know how long it’s been since you last got laid.”

Alec turned towards her. “You know what, Iz? You’re right. We’ll go.”

The girls (and Jace) looked at him in surprise, as Alec smiled from ear to ear.  

“Yeah!” Izzy exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air.

Alec didn’t exactly know what he had in mind for the night, but he needed to _do_ _something_. Jace, thankfully, disappeared after that.

Despite everything, though, when they got into the club, and they all toasted the end of his leave, Alec did start feeling somewhat optimistic that something good would indeed happen.

“Let’s go dance!” Izzy shouted over the loud music.

Alec shook his head. “I’ll pass this one!”

Izzy frowned. “You sure?! I don’t want to leave you alone!”  

Izzy suddenly looked around, as if she had just remembered something, then she grabbed Alec’s arm and started dragging him out of the club, Lydia following behind seemingly just as confused as Alec was.

“Hey, Iz, what’s wrong?” he asked her as soon as he could hear his own thoughts again.

Izzy crossed her arms. “Maybe this is a bad idea. I even forgot to ask you how you were, if you were doing fine! I’ve just been so busy with work and stuff...”

Alec put his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine, you see?”

“Are you sure? Did you go to that therapist in the end?”

Alec had to take a deep breath. “Yeah, I did.”

Lydia perked up at hearing that, too. “How did it go?” she asked tentatively.

Alec swallowed hard. He couldn’t believe that he’d have to tell _another_ lie. What had his life gone to, indeed? These two were his best friends, his _family_... “It went fine. Really, guys, she told me that these things happen, just like _I_ already did. There is no reason to think there’s anything wrong with me. I’ll go back to work tomorrow, and you can trust that I won’t fail again, Lydia.”

He turned to his partner, and he hoped beyond hope that she would believe him at that.

She _did_ nod at him, and Alec sighed in relief before he looked back at his sister.

“And I won’t mess up, okay?”

Izzy bit her lower lip, but she nodded, too.

Then both of them sprung forward to hug him. Alec circled them with his arms, kissing the top of their heads with another sigh.

Going back inside, the mood was definitely much more festive. Alec found himself smiling genuinely as Izzy, who was walking hand in hand with Lydia, talked animatedly about her crazy work happenings.

“Now, it’s time to dance!” Izzy finally said when they reached the dancefloor.

Alec shook his head again. “You two go have fun.”

He nudged them with a teasing grin, until they relented. Izzy immediately twirled Lydia around, catching her in her arms with a fond look in her eyes, and then they were dancing much closer to each other. Lydia had her hair down, which was rare for her, and a twinkle in her eyes that was unmistakable even at a distance.  

Alec sighed again at the sight, before heading for the bar. No more sisters to reassure, his mood fell back down.

Damn everything. Alec looked around at the myriad of people, and he felt worse and worse. None of them mattered anything, he didn’t like being there at all, and all he wanted was...

No.

 _Get your shit together, Lightwood_.

Alec ordered another drink, reveling at the way it burned his throat as he downed it. Physical pain was definitely much more manageable.

And as he placed the glass down, he met someone’s eyes. A cute guy, indeed, seated at the opposite end of the counter. Or, not really cute, more like... _sharp_. Beefy, probably tall. Blond.

The guy smiled at Alec from across the bar.

Alec froze for a whole two seconds, caught in a brief but intense battle against his reluctance and adversity towards this kind of encounters.

Then he smiled back.

He didn’t _do_ this. He was in _entirely_ uncharted waters. Yet, when, half of an hour later, he ended up making out with the guy – Drew? Dean? He’d call him D. – near the bathroom door, he couldn’t remember what exactly he had been averse to. That guy was one of the rare creatures who were taller than him, and Alec found that damn near exhilarating, as he let D. push him against a wall and ravish his mouth into oblivion.

He was surprised anyway at the speed with which he responded _Yes_ , when D. asked him if he had somewhere they could go to. Letting a stranger into his _house_? What kind of madness, and _idiocy_?

Yet, somehow, they were at Alec’s apartment another half hour later, and they had barely gone in before they were kissing again. And not just kissing. D. had indeed very nice muscles, and very nice hands, which he both used to hold Alec against himself and touch him all over.

Really, Alec didn’t know what had gotten into him, but he was _living_ for all of it. For not having any time or desire to _think_ , for having a _nice_ way to finally let out all the frustration that had built in him since that night at the hospital.

And when he ended up on his hands and knees on the bed, with a cock slamming frantically into him, Alec found that that was exactly what he had needed.

*

Sometimes attending a concert that wasn’t his own was a blessing. Jace surely wasn’t in the mood for a performance right now. And the way his friends kept sending him worried looks also didn’t help at all, since he definitely wasn’t in the mood to talk about what he had said to them, either.

Music, like always, did help, though. As they rocked in time with the rhythm of the song, Jace’s problems almost felt far away.

Almost. When they finally got out of the venue and Maia approached him, and Jace started to think that he should’ve brought her home to make up for last time, sudden flashes of what had _happened_ the last time he was with her came back to him with doubled force, if that was even possible...which made clear that he was still far too caught up in that whole drama with the man in his head. And as he tried to convince himself that maybe if he just _kissed_ Maia he would forget about everything else, all he could think about instead was that _other_ kiss he’d had more recently.

Jace knew that he had been delusional to think that that would’ve changed anything with Alec, but he still could not bring himself to regret it. No build-up could’ve ever _prepared_ him for that. Kissing Alec felt indeed as mind-blowingly good as he had imagined, and so much _more_.

If only Alec had _not_ reciprocated, if only he had shown _no_ sign of wanting this just as much as Jace did...because, at that point, Jace would’ve been able to make _peace_ with the current situation. It would’ve been a hard rejection to filter through, yes, but a _real_ rejection nonetheless, one that he would’ve had to _resign_ himself to.

Instead, he could _never_ accept it now, not if the _only_ reason he could find for his – and _Alec’s_ – misery was Alec’s own infuriating pigheadedness.

Jace sighed, and shook his head at Maia.

He could feel far too many pairs of eyes fixed on his back as he started to make his way home on his own.

It was almost the crack of dawn. Jace just wished to throw himself in the shower and then sleep all morning, before he had to do his shift at the shop. He couldn’t _wait_ to feel the softness of a pillow under his head.

Instead, he was about to get into the shower when a quick look at the mirror made him freeze. Because he didn’t see his own reflection, but rather two guys... _fucking_. Wait, was that...?

Jace turned around and, yep, he was in Alec’s bedroom, and the two on the bed were _Alec_ and some ripped guy. Of fucking course.

Jace realized his mouth had fallen open, and he was _so_ about to get the hell out of there...but he did _not_. _Screw_ _that_. Jace – not surprised at all to feel his own cock spring to attention – had no desire to waste this great opportunity. He knew that even this wouldn’t change a thing, but he didn’t _care_. He’d _show_ Alec that he could be just as pigheaded as him. The light _teasing_ he’d done so far would turn out to be a piece of cake in comparison.  

And Jace _let_ the sight in front of him turn him on to a painful hardness just as he _wanted_ it to. No problem at all, because seeing usually-stuck-up Alec like that was truly a wonder. Most of the sounds were coming from him, and Jace could see from his profile how Alec’s face was morphed by pleasure as his body moved with abandon to meet the thrusts of the other guy. Jace knew – for that same unknown reason that he was able to be there at all – that Alec thought of him as D., which meant that for Jace he might as well have been called Dick.

Dick seemed to be very good indeed, and any other time Jace would’ve looked at him with interest, too. Now, he was a mere speck of dust at the corner of Jace’s eye, as Jace flopped down on the bed right next to Alec.

“I hadn’t pegged you for a bottom,” Jace said in the most nonchalant tone he could muster, smirking wildly.

Alec turned his head and let out a strangled sound as soon as he took in the sight of him. The guy behind him immediately stopped. _What a right_ _champ._

“Hey, you good?” Dick asked breathlessly.

Alec, even though his eyes were almost bugging out of his head, didn’t turn back around, and Jace was caught in a staring contest that seemed to last a lifetime, even though it couldn’t have been more than two seconds. And he had front view to the shift that happened in Alec...from embarrassed shock to burning _anger_.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Alec called back, his voice low and deliciously raspy. He was still not averting his eyes, and Jace didn’t dare, either. “Keep going.” Jace’s eyes were the ones to widen this time, and only _then_ did Alec look away, bracing himself better on the bed. “Faster. _Harder_.”

Jace’s mouth was now properly hanging open as Dick resumed his movements with a satisfied grin, and Alec started letting out far higher moans than he’d done before.

Jace had to admit he hadn’t been expecting that. He would _never_ have expected that. His top guess had been that Alec would’ve stopped everything, thrown the guy out, then yelled at him till he was hoarse for far less pleasurable reasons.

This, instead, while not his most _wanted_ guess – that had Alec throw out the guy in favor of _him_ – was still rather _interesting_.

 _Well_ , then. Jace had much more field to play, now.

His smirk grew.

“You’re right, you’re right, I get it,” he told Alec - who was totally listening to him even though he was still faking those terribly exaggerated moans - in that same casual tone, “don’t mind me at all, I’m just a very special, _thrilled_ guest. Why miss out on it, am I right? Has he got a big cock, at least?”

Alec glared at him, biting hard on his lower lip, before Jace found himself on his hands and knees, and the cock pounding into him was definitely not one to discard. However, the sound that escaped from him was far more for Alec’s sake than to Dick’s credit.

Either way, Jace didn’t know how was still managing to hold that smirk as he panted, but he was sure glad for it, because Alec looked _livid_ , sat down where Jace himself had been just a moment earlier.

“ _Stop_ it, Jace,” Alec growled under his breath...as if Dick could hear him.

Jace was back in his place, and the abruptness of their switch must’ve rattled Alec, because he fell down on his elbows, unable to hold himself upright any longer as his body got rocked into place with renewed energy. Alec groaned genuinely now. And Jace could understand him, because he himself had started sweating, as ripples of the sensation sparking inside Alec reached him, too, so much so that he couldn’t resist wrapping a hand around his own cock, starting to stroke it lightly. “Mhm...what? I’d say he’s definitely not bad, good choice. But I bet...”

In the blink of an eye, he was somewhere else. This was all to _mess_ with Alec, right? Yet, when Jace found himself _under_ Alec, cradling him between his legs, their faces so close together that Jace could see every speckle of color in Alec’s eyes...he ended up breathless. And he couldn’t help but bring his hands up, tracing Alec’s sides, then his back, as Alec moved over him. Alec’s mouth was open in silent pleasure now, a pleasure that echoed all throughout Jace, causing him shivers that made the hair stand out on his skin. As Alec’s labored breath grazed repeatedly against his face, Jace could only close his eyes and let Alec _surround_ him.

“...that I’m better,” Jace breathed out the end of his sentence.

He was not on a bed anymore. He was standing barefoot on cold tiles. In his bathroom in London, of course. Jace groaned in frustration as he opened his eyes again...but he startled. Alec was still there, right in front of him. Naked, just as Jace was.

Alec’s eyes were fixed on him as if he intended to hypnotize him, and he very much succeeded.  Jace didn’t move a muscle, as he stared back at Alec almost without breathing, his heartbeat pounding in ears. Alec wasn’t moving, either, as his chest rose and fell at the same rhythm as Jace’s, and Jace just couldn’t help but roam his eyes over Alec’s entire uncovered body for the first time.

Alec seemed so much more strikingly _tall_ , like that. The good amount of hair that covered him from head to toe shadowed his pale skin, while his abs seemed to _glisten_ in the dim light. All that to not mention Alec’s erection that stood out considerably, right there, under a...

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo,” Jace whispered, almost about to chuckle as he took in the bow and arrow marked into Alec’s flank.  

But laughter died in his throat as Alec suddenly took a step forward, then another. Jace had to gulp down a few times as Alec’s eyes seemed to _burn_ into him, a fiery _glow_ in them that Jace couldn’t remember if he had seen before. It didn’t _matter_ , because the next moment Jace couldn’t very well _think_.

Alec covered the space that divided them with another firm stride, before he grabbed Jace’s hips and drew him in to crush his lips against Jace’s.

Jace thought that the whimper he heard must’ve been his, but he didn’t care, as he held onto Alec’s neck and opened his mouth to him in a kiss that was all tongue and teeth in the most intoxicating of ways. Jace’s back hit the wall, and he was suddenly being crowded by two hard surfaces, with no doubt at all which one he preferred. When Jace felt Alec’s hand dip low until it cupped his ass, and Alec stepped even closer to him...that pretty much sealed it.

Because _that_ was when Alec let his erection slide, painfully slowly, against Jace’s, and Jace had to gasp loudly. Sparks had just ignited in him and _oh, god_... Alec inched his head back just enough to be able to look him in the eyes, and a fraction of an eternity passed as Jace could only hear their mingled breaths and combined heartbeats, and feel Alec and only Alec, waiting on the brink of a seemingly momentous moment...

Then Alec captured his mouth in a seething kiss, and they were _moving_. After a few strokes of skin against skin Jace already thought he could’ve come right then and there. Instead, _no_ , they kept going, thrusting against each other always faster, always harder, the slapping sounds their bodies made and the echoing moans they let out into one another’s mouth only contributing to driving them over the edge. Jace almost wanted to laugh, because this, _this_...he had no words, as he desperately bit down or sucked on any inch of skin he could reach on Alec’s neck, his arms tightening his hold on Alec to keep himself grounded, or he almost thought he would’ve started _floating_.

And that was not all. They were back on Alec’s bed, their mouths now caught in a whole new biting kiss, as Jace crossed his ankles over Alec’s lower back to be able to meet him halfway and keep up the collision of their cocks against one another. When Jace threw his head back to let Alec ravish his neck, he was basically shouting, Alec’s name slipping out of him with no restrain to hold him back.

They were in _both_ places at once, but they were also in all _four_ bodies at once, and it was so much, _too_ much, Jace couldn’t breathe, as he was either being pressed by Alec against a hard wall or a soft mattress, or he was being fucked by some Dick and fucking Alec into a hard wall or a soft mattress...but he also wanted more, always more, it wasn’t enough at _all..._

Alec braced himself against the bathroom wall, groaning loudly in Jace’s ear as their movements lost all rhythm, and they were all speed and uncontrollable need, chasing wildly after their completion...which could only end up being an ever-growing waterfall of ever-expanding explosions, one after the other after the other, until Jace didn’t know where or who he was anymore. All he knew was this other presence, this _essence_ , that felt tied to him as if it was no other but himself. It was basked in a light even as his eyes were closed, even when the light receded and Jace could think again. Because Alec was indeed still there, and they were holding onto each other on every single plane of existence.

Including a bathroom, that was cold and partly dark as they came down from their high slumped against a wall, their arms around each other and their slick bodies clinging to one another.

Including a bedroom, where Dick had fallen down by their side, and Alec pressed heavily on Jace, his face buried in Jace’s neck, as Jace was still wrapped completely around Alec.

“ _Woah_ , man, _that_ was...” Dick exclaimed.

They both flinched, suddenly _remembering_ that he was there. Alec raised his head, his eyes taking time to focus on him, while Jace felt immobilized, buzzing with fading energy, his lips _yearning_ to kiss Alec again. Indeed, _that_ had been...

But Jace didn’t know what Alec would do now. He had a feeling that _Alec_ didn’t know what Alec would do now.

First of all, as Jace tried not to feel disappointed, Alec tore himself away and slumped down on his back next to him. Just as Dick got up, a condom dangling between his fingers.

“Where do I throw this?” he asked cheerfully.

What a guy. How had Alec found him, again?

“Uhm...” Alec cleared his throat. “Bathroom.” He pointed at a door to the side.

When Dick disappeared behind it, not a fly was moving in the room. Jace didn’t dare _breath_.

But he needed to do something, _say_ something, to ease his – or Alec’s – jumble of emotions, and Jace _was_ about to do it...when Dick reappeared and started collecting his clothes.

“Uhm...” Alec said again.

Dick looked up at him. “Hey, it was nice. But I need to work tomorrow, so...”

“Oh, _yeah_ , yeah,” Alec agreed, nodding quickly, before he sat down on the bed.

Jace still hadn’t moved an inch by the time Dick was putting his shirt on and spoke again, “So who is he?”

Jace’s head reflexively turned towards Alec, only to see him blink. “W – what? _Who_?” Alec asked, masking his clear (to Jace, at least) alarm with confusion.

Dick smiled. “C’mon, someone who gets like that can only be trying desperately to move on from someone else. I’m very good at reading people, if I say so myself.”

Alec gulped, but didn’t say anything. That was probably answer enough for Dick. _And maybe I should stop calling him that_ , Jace thought.

“So what’s his name? Or her, whatever?”

Alec hesitated, before sighing. “His name’s Jace.”

Jace’s throat felt constricted, as he stared at Alec with wide eyes, almost unable to believe his ears. Alec wasn’t looking back, though.

“An ex, or something?” Dick wanted to know.

Alec shook his head. “Not really. It’s just...an impossible situation. He lives far away.”

“Oh, I get it. Sorry, man.” Dick put on his jacket. “Good luck with him, anyway.”

“Thanks, and...thanks.” Alec chuckled lightly.

Dick grinned back. “See you around, man.”

He clearly didn’t know Alec’s name either, so Jace couldn’t really feel too guilty about his own choice. As soon as they both heard the door closing, all thoughts of their third party left the room with him anyway.

Alec slumped on his back almost immediately, and Jace heard him breath in, then out, one, two times. Jace tried to mimic him, still laying on the bed. Frozen. Waiting.

Then he heard the sheets rustling, and he turned his head just in time to see Alec roll to the side until he ended up on top of him. Jace would’ve gasped if his lips hadn’t been busy being kissed by Alec with some kind of fervor. He had to brace himself by putting his arms around Alec, closing his eyes as a low moan vibrated at the back of his throat.

And when Alec started laying kisses all over his face, Jace felt so incredibly warm and... Could he _dare_ hope...?

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Alec murmured between kisses.

Jace forced himself to open his eyes, as his fingers tangled in Alec’s hair. “What – what for?”

“You were right, Jace,” Alec said. “I know you’re real, okay? I _know_.” Jace couldn’t help taking a sharp intake of breath, as Alec continued, “I think I’ve _always_ known, but I didn’t want to admit it, because the possibility would’ve made it all worse, you know? If you were real, then my life, _I_ was a lot more complicated than I thought.”

Jace’s hand slid down until it cupped Alec’s face, raising it to be able to look him in the eyes.

“Yeah?” Jace could only say.

Alec nodded, turning around to kiss Jace’s palm. That gesture was so sweet and intimate that Jace almost felt his eyes prickling. Thankfully, though, Alec lowered his head and buried his face into Jace’s neck, and Jace could simply hold him, closing his eyes in a few moments of bliss.

“I just wish you were here,” Alec whispered into his ear, a catch in his voice.

“I _am_ here,” Jace replied. “And _you’re_ here.”

They were in Jace’s bathroom, under the shower, and Jace wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, resting his forehead against Alec as the water fell over them both. Then they were kissing again, deep and unhurried.

“You’re _almost_ here,” Alec said then, taking Jace’s hand and laying their palms against one another. The way their skins vibrated at a frequency not of this world stood out much more like this. “It’s not like being a ghost, or a fantasy...it’s like, a _projection_.”

They were back on Alec’s bed, and Jace suddenly smirked. “You’ve given _thought_ to this.”

Alec smiled bashfully, laying a kiss over Jace’s shoulder this time. “Maybe. I still don’t understand how it’s _possible_ , or why it’s happened to us _now_.”

Jace nodded. “Yeah, it’s...amazing. Also _scary_. Alec, it’s not like I don’t get why you were reluctant. This _is_ crazy.”

Alec, in lieu of an answer, kissed him again. Jace was definitely starting to like this new trend.

“I know,” Alec agreed, as his nose caressed the side of Jace’s face. “But there _must_ be an explanation. And we’ll figure it out, okay? Together.”

Jace placed his hands over Alec’s chest as they stood in the shower. “Are you...sure? How do I know you won’t freak out and push me away again?”

Alec took his hands, looking him firmly in the eyes. “I _promise_ you I won’t. And you can believe it, because I don’t _break_ my promises. Even if it feels like it, you still don’t know me that much, and I’ll have to prove it to you...but I _don’t_ make promises that I know I can’t keep. So, Jace, I’m making a promise now. We’ll face everything that there is to face side by side.”

 Jace had no words, so he pressed his lips against Alec’s again, hoping that Alec would understand what he couldn’t say.

“Don’t go away, now, please. Will you stay with me?” Alec asked him, almost hesitantly, hugging him to his chest on the bed. 

 Jace broke out into a smile.

After Jace got out of the shower, and Alec fixed the mess that was his bed, they laid down under the covers in two beds at once, holding onto each other as they fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	12. Parabatai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A chance encounter might finally help Jace and Alec get some answers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter kind of got away from me length-wise, but hopefully it's still enjoable ;)  
> As always thanks to @fishcollective for beta'ing.
> 
> p.s. on the number of chapters, i guess you might've noticed that it now says /16, and all that means is that that's the current plan. it might change, though, like it already did: this chapter was supposed to include more events, but the scenes got so long that i had to cut it and add a new chapter as a result. this might happen in the future too, or not, cause i can't know how long the scenes (aka povs) i have in mind will be until i actually write them. basically, there's still a long way to go, don't worry. also, updates might take longer because of rl stuff, you know, holidays are near and my graduation is too, and life is kind of kicking my ass right now. but things will come ;)

Alec woke up to a warm sensation that was _not_ entirely unfamiliar. After all, already far too many times – definitely more than he would ever admit – he had woken up with Jace in his bed, curled up next to him, sometimes on _top_ of him.

This was _new_ nonetheless. They were both naked, for one. And, this time, when he opened his eyes, Alec didn’t hesitate to hold Jace more tightly to himself, placing a few kisses on Jace’s messy hair. With no more doubts or fear clouding his mind, Alec could almost dare to say that he felt...happy. So. Damn. _Happy_.

What did it matter that it shouldn’t be _possible_?

And when Jace started moving, moaning lightly as he stretched, raising his head to look up at Alec, Alec couldn’t resist immediately pulling him in for a kiss. He was welcomed with upturned lips and a hand softly caressing the side of his face.

Alec let his other arm circle Jace’s middle, tuning on his side until they were chest to chest. The kiss deepened, as their legs tangled together under the sheets.

“Mhm...good morning,” Jace said, grinning against Alec’s lips.

“Good morning,” Alec replied, caught between embarrassment and utter... _bliss_. But the latter easily won, as he returned the smile and rested his forehead against Jace’s.

“So... _that_ happened,” Jace put in teasingly, even though it was clear that his wonder was also genuine.

“Yep,” Alec agreed, feeling heat rise to his cheeks, as he remembered _what_ exactly had happened.

That, however, also spurred him to draw Jace closer towards himself, and let their morning erections get acquainted with each other.

Jace gasped just like he had done the night before, his deliciously pink and plump lips forming an o as he raised his eyebrows in surprise. Then he leaned forward until he captured Alec’s lips in a far more heated kiss, which Alec responded to all too eagerly, while he felt Jace’s deft fingers trace his back, making him shiver. And Alec was about to roll them over...when his alarm went off.

“Nooo, you have nowhere to go,” Jace whined, locking him in his arms.

Alec chuckled, whining internally, too. “It’s my first day back. I can’t be late,” he reluctantly said.

“What time do you need to go in?” Jace asked, now positively pouting.

“Seven.”

“What time is it now?”

“Five thirty.”

Jace smirked. “Well, that’s plenty of time to me.”

“No, it’s not. _No_ , it’s not, Jace,” Alec stressed as Jace still wasn’t budging at all. “I need to take a shower, then hopefully _eat_ something, and it takes some time to get to the station...”

“Well...” Jace only tightened his hold more, tantalizingly brushing his lips against Alec’s, which Alec couldn’t bring himself to do anything about. “You forget the weird paranormal shit going on, you could do all that while...”

Jace pushed Alec onto his back and moved to straddle him all in one motion, and they were now in Jace’s apartment, the bright light of day inundating the entire room.

Alec was already sold, but he couldn’t not try to put up a fight as Jace pinned his arms on either side of his head and started making his way down his chest with his mouth.

“Don’t _you_ need to be somewhere, uh?” he said breathlessly, “It’s well in the morning here.”

“ _My_ shift starts this afternoon, so you won’t get off that easily...”

Alec couldn’t hold in a whimper as Jace’s tongue slipped out of his smirking lips to flick his nipple.

Oh, but if Jace really thought he could win _that easily_...

Jace let out a yelp as Alec used all his strength to roll them over and pin _him_ to the mattress. “Well, then, if I can really have it all, I will have fun _my_ way.” The velvety voice that came out of him surprised even himself.

Jace attempted a smirk, but it was far weaker than before. His eyes were so clouded by lust that Alec could feel his own cock hardening even more as a result. Then Jace merely dropped his head back in defeat, and Alec attacked his neck straight away, starting to suck a bruise right onto it. Jace cursed under his breath, his legs firmly wrapped around Alec, as they rutted intermittently against each other whenever the ache became too intense.

Alec left the first spot only to give his attention to another one further down Jace’s throat, then over his shoulder...until he was tracing his mouth and tongue all over Jace’s chest and shoulders, whispering raucously as he encountered multiple tattoos, “You’ll have to tell me all about them at some point.”

“Yeah, anything you want,” Jace breathed out around a moan, and Alec could only chuckle.

Jace was truly a canvas, filled with lines, shapes and colors. By the time he reached Jace’s stomach, Alec had almost forgotten his main goal for how entranced he was by it all.

Almost. Jace’s panting and pleased sounds heightened as soon as Alec spread his legs wider and looked up at him from in between them. Jace’s eyes barely looked focused as Jace glanced down at him, his mouth now permanently opened.

Alec was thinking to make him suffer a little bit longer...but, in the end, he realized he had already done that a bit too much, hadn’t he? So he wrapped his lips around Jace’s cock, and gave him everything he wanted as Jace thrashed wildly under him, fucking into his mouth with intoxicating abandon. And when Jace reached his climax with one last shout, Alec swallowed all of it, only vaguely wondering how the _hell_ he was able to taste Jace’s cum. 

“Satisfied?”

They were in Alec’s shower, and Jace was leaning heavily against one of the walls, chuckling as he still tried to slow down his breathing.

“Don’t be so cocky about it,” Jace shot back, but his eyes were still tellingly closed, his lips parted.

Alec smiled fondly as he soaped his body.

Until Jace abruptly recovered and pushed him against the opposite wall.

“No, no,” Alec tried to say as his lips were caught in a bruising kiss, “we had a deal, I can’t be late.”

“So I should just let you go like _this_?” Jace asked him sultry, taking Alec’s erection in his hand – at which Alec couldn’t hold in a whimper – as his teeth grazed Alec’s throat. “What kind of selfish person would that _make_ me? You had your fun, now it’s my turn. And you really think you’re gonna resist for _long_?”

Alec wanted to express his outrage at that smug assumption, but Jace swiftly dropped on his knees that very moment, and Alec was left speechless staring down at the sight of Jace’s mouth a few inches away from his cock, as Jace’s hand was already pumping it lightly. Jace even blew air on it to stress his point, and Alec’s attempt at biting down on his lip to stifle any other sound didn’t work at all. He even whined in _protest_ as Jace averted his attention from where Alec wanted it to be, to trace his tongue over Alec’s tattoo.

“You’ll have to explain this to me, too,” Jace said.

“What’s there to explain? You know all too well that I like shooting with a bow.” Alec’s hips had already started moving impatiently against Jace’s hand, as Alec tried tugging at Jace’s hair to push his face somewhere else.

Jace both swatted Alec’s hand away from his hair and held him still, before tracing a finger from the tip of the arrow to the base of Alec’s cock. “Why does this point at your dick, uh?”

Alec huffed. “Oh c’mon, it just looked better like that, I hadn’t realized the irony, okay? Can you please hurry up now?”

Jace glanced at him bemusedly, before, rolling his eyes, he finally did as he was told.

“Fuck,” Alec gasped as his head smacked against the wall, and the only thing he could do next was lock his fingers in Jace’s hair and let himself go under the frantic attack of both Jace’s mouth and hand.

After, as he leaned heavily on the wall trying to come down from his climax, Jace rose to his feet and kissed him on the mouth. Tasting _himself_ on Jace’s tongue was even more surreal.

“Don’t tell me you’re not happy now,” Jace teased, as they laid on Jace’s bed.

Alec, on top of Jace, buried his face against Jace’s neck, snorting. “Shut up. Go back to sleep now, will you?”

But they were kissing again a moment later, languidly, sweetly.

Until Jace smiled. “Sleep? How am I going to _sleep_ after all of this?”

“The same as I’m going to work after this.”

Jace whined again, and Alec couldn’t resist capturing Jace’s pouting lips with his. Indeed, they needed to stop, or Alec would never be able to focus. But it was all so perfect now. Still crazy and impossible, yet Alec could not bring himself to regret giving in to Jace the previous night. Because, for some reason, he _knew_ that they would figure everything out. He _believed_ it.

In the meantime, they’d simply enjoy getting to know each other from across an ocean. Their connection might be inexplicable, but it was _undeniable_. Mentally, physically, emotionally...Alec had never found someone he had immediately _locked_ with on all these levels. And, like Jace had said, when something so good, so _rare,_ happened, you shouldn’t let it go. Alec would _not_ let Jace go.

Well, he’d have to, shortly, for the day. Alec tore even his projection-self away from Jace with one last kiss on the cheek, before he put on his uniform. It always felt like some sort of ritual, when he did that. As if he was turning himself into someone completely different, separate from himself. In a sense, that was true. Officer Lightwood had to be something far better, far bigger than Alec ever was.

“Can you promise to not...distract me while I’m at work?” Alec asked the mirror.

Jace immediately appeared in it, standing behind him – so he could see Jace in a mirror, even though nobody else probably could...

Alec stopped his musings as soon as he both saw and _sensed_ Jace wrap his arms around his middle, Jace's head nodding against his back. And Alec was suddenly caught _unprepared_ by the flood of emotions that started flowing in him. Outwardly, a smile was the sole indication of it, which seemed so _small_ compared to the entirety of what Alec felt for the image reflected in the mirror. Taking Jace’s hand and placing a kiss on it was still only another fraction of it.

This was truly...so much. He’d met Jace only a few _weeks_ earlier...how could it be possible? How could Alec be feeling all of _this_?

When Jace kissed his shoulder blade, Alec was no closer to an explanation, so he could only express his jumble of emotions by turning around and fiercely kissing Jace one last time. Jace was clearly surprised by his sudden vehemence, but he recovered quickly, holding onto Alec’s neck as Alec raised him off his feet.

After putting him down, their eyes met, and unspoken words seemed to be spelled out in the space between them. Jace opened his mouth, and Alec’s heart was thumping in his chest as he waited for...what?

But Jace merely closed his mouth, smiling brightly. “Good luck on your first day back, _Officer_.”

Alec smiled back. “Thanks.”

Leaving the house, Alec felt...different. He couldn’t really describe it. It wasn’t because of the sex – at least not _entirely_ , because having sex with Jace was surely something else. It left a soothing feeling in him that he had never quite felt, at the same time that it ignited a _want_ in him already demanding to be met again.

But that was not _the_ reason why he felt so good. He could only think...was _that_ what making a decision for himself felt like? He acknowledged the risks, he accepted the countless problems that could derive from it, but he was also embracing a myriad of positive aspects. Jace.

 _Jace_ was all the positive aspects he could ever wish for.

And he arrived at the police station with a positive attitude. He couldn’t deny that he had been nervous like all hell to go back to work, having lied to everyone about what had been happening to him, afraid to mess up again because of it... But it hadn’t been Jace’s fault, had it? This had been happening to _Jace_ as well, and now that they were at least _aware_ of the situation, had made some _peace_ with it, and could _control_ it in some capacity, it didn’t need to be a potential catastrophe ever again.

Alec wouldn’t _let_ it be. He would do his job as efficiently as he had always done.

The morning _did_ go well. Him and Lydia got in their car and went on patrol through the city, handling every situation thrown their way with their usual sharp collaboration and _firm but kind_ approach. Alec was glad Lydia didn’t ask him anything about last night, because _that_ would surely distract him. But he had already known that he could always rely on his partner to reserve every topic for their respective slots.

“Ugh, I need to ask. Izzy wants to know, very _insistently_ , how your night went,” Lydia said, as a matter of fact, as soon as they seated themselves in their favorite diner during their lunch break.

Alec rolled his eyes, trying to cover his embarrassment. “Right...sorry for abandoning you two.”

Lydia smirked. “No problem at all. Needless to say, Iz was _thrilled_ when she saw you leave with that guy. But I don’t really care to know the details, you know, so just tell me if you had a good time so I can report to the lady and be done with it.”

Alec snorted. It was only typical of his sister. And, indeed, there was no way in hell he was _ever_ telling anyone the details. “Yes, I had a good time. She can rest her heart.”

Lydia chuckled. “Good. Now, let’s please order cause I’m _starving_.”

“Oh, yes, please.”

When their burgers finally arrived, there wasn’t much more opportunity to talk, and Alec quite liked it this way. Him and Lydia didn’t need to fill all the silences, since they were always companionable.

It left time to think, though. Memories of the night before and of that morning kept coming back to him and filling him with a buzzing feeling that he hoped wasn’t too visible. Even if it was, Lydia wouldn’t exactly comment on it, so he wouldn’t even know.

He didn’t care anyway. He was truly too _giddy_ to care.

Another thought occurred to him. As Alec picked up his phone and started typing in the browser, his heart was positively about to jump out of his chest.

 _Jace Herondale_.

And there he was.

*

Jace entered his shop, cleaned up the shelves, reordered a few items, then he finally put the open sign outside and seated himself on his spot behind the counter. All with an unrestrainable smile on his face.

Even Simon had to comment on it when he arrived. “Hey, mate...why are you _glowing_?”

Jace laughed. “I’m not. Shut up.”

Simon arched an eyebrow, his lips quirking upward. “Did you get _laid_? I thought you went home alone last night!”

“Well...not _exactly_ ,” Jace admitted.  

Simon surveyed him even more carefully. “Wait, are you... _seeing_ someone? For real, not just a hook-up?”

Jace shrugged, but the smile that was still not leaving his face kinda gave him away.

Simon whooped. “Finally! Who is it, who is it?! Wait, boy or girl? Tell me _everything_.” And he leaned on the counter with a maniacal look in his eyes.

Jace chuckled. “Calm down, cowboy. This is not Gossip Girl. Get a _grip_ , mate.”

“C’mon, pretty _please_? I’m you bestest mate?” Simon pouted.

Jace rolled his eyes, as worry cursed through him. This was not something he could tell, right? Yet, if him and Alec were going to make this work, he couldn’t exactly leave his friends out of it forever...

Still, a paranormal communication with someone half the world away would only make them believe he was _more_ of a lost cause than usual. Jace had a feeling they would say it was his way of ‘coping’ with Valentine’s release from prison.

No, he could not tell the truth, _ever_. Since Alec was a real person anyway, Jace just had to say that he had a long-distance relationship with someone he met on the internet. It was a common thing nowadays, right? He’d suggest the idea to Alec and define the details with him later. In the meantime...

Jace smirked crookedly. “It’ll be a _surprise_. Just give me some space, will you? It’s still kind of new and I don’t need meddling friends in the mix.”

Simon let out a long-suffering sigh. “Ugh, _fine_. But you must promise me I’ll be the first to know!”

“I _promise_ ,” Jace said honestly. When a thought occurred to him, and he turned more somber. “Hey, where is Clary?”

“She’s doing a photoshoot for someone slightly _famous_ ,” Simon answered. “She’s all excited about it!”

Jace nodded. “Hey, do you think you could, you know, tell her that I’m sorry? About what I said the other day?”

“Nope, you’ll tell her _yourself_.” Simon looked at him rather sternly.

Jace lowered his gaze. “I don’t know if she wants to see me.”

Simon stretched out a hand over the counter to clap his shoulder. “Of _course_ she does. And none of us are saying you weren’t right, Jace. We _know_ it’s much harder for you, but we just want to be there _for_ you, you know? Don’t push us away, whatever is going on with you.”

Jace nodded again, managing a small smile. “I know, you’re right. I won’t, or I’ll try not to.”

Simon smiled back, but he had to go help a few customers after that, so the moment couldn’t be prolonged. Jace felt better anyway. He could almost dare to say that practically _all_ things in his life were falling into place; a feeling he wasn’t really used to, but that he wouldn’t _mind_ getting used to. It almost resembled...happiness.

That thought brought him somewhere else, and he had to curse himself mentally, since he had promised Alec he would not disturb him at work... Thankfully, though, he found himself in a diner, with Lydia, looking perfectly orderly in her uniform, sitting in front of him.

Jace’s eyes fell down and he saw a phone in his hands...with his own face on it?

“The Mortal Instruments,” Jace then heard Alec say from his new spot standing next to him, looking down from over his shoulder.

“What?” Lydia said.

Alec raised his eyes towards at her. “It’s a band. Ever heard of it?”

Lydia shook her head.

“Oh, oh, what am I seeing? Are you _googling_ me, Alec Lightwood?” Jace couldn’t refrain from asking, a smirk playing on his lips.

Alec glanced at him from the corner of his eye, biting down a smile. “Shut up.”

“ _What_? Why, should I know it?” Lydia sounded outraged around a mouthful of her burger.

Alec flinched slightly. “No, no, Lyd. I’m just talking to myself.”

Lydia shrugged, resuming to eat with much gusto.

“So...you still have doubts?” Jace couldn’t mask the concern in his voice.  

Alec leaned his back on the counter of the shop. “No, of course not. I just...I need an outside perspective, you know?”

Jace internally sighed in relief. Externally, he grinned. “Oh, _I_ know. I googled you ages ago.”

“You did?” Alec asked in surprise.

“Yep. Took you long enough.”

Alec rolled his eyes, before looking down at him more forlornly. “I was an even bigger idiot, then. Jace, I’m _so_ sorry...”

“Hey, it’s okay, Alec. Really.”

“Wait,” Alec suddenly said, outstretching a hand to stop Jace from getting up from his seat. Then Alec’s fingers went to touch his neck.

Jace looked down at Alec’s arm in confusion. “What?”

“I did this. This love bite.”

Jace placed his own fingers on the spot, feeling it. “Yeah. I saw.”

“Incredible,” Alec whispered.

Jace opened his mouth, about to echo the same sentiment...

“Jace, who are you talking to?” Simon called out from one of the shelves.

Jace didn’t give himself time to freak out. He quickly picked up his phone and placed it over his ear, pointing at it so that Simon could see.

“ _Oh_ ,” Simon mouthed, before he winked and looked away.

They both let out a big sigh.

“So, Mortal Instruments is the name of your band? Not bad...all poetic and shit,” Alec said with a grin.

Jace rolled his eyes. “Shut up. It _is_ a dope name, you heathen.”

They chuckled. When they stopped, they didn’t break eye contact. And Jace could only think that being able to stare all he wanted at Alec’s smile, a smile that reached his eyes, forming crinkles all around them, made everything better. Alec looked back just as intensely, so that Jace knew what he would do before he did it.

Alec leaned forward and brushed their lips together. Jace closed his eyes.

“Now _you’re_ distracting me at work,” he whispered teasingly once they broke apart.

“There’s no one here,” Alec pointed out, looking around.

Jace stuck out his tongue at him. “Way to rub it in.”  

“Oh, I didn’t mean...just, you know, why do you work here if your grandmother gave you money? You could be doing anything you want.”

“This is what I want,” Jace stated firmly. “I couldn’t live with myself if I slacked off. I need my independence, while still following my dreams."

Alec nodded. “I admire you for that, you know?” he told him softly.

Jace had to avert his eyes. Of course, Alec would be one to make him blush.

He still had the phone against his ear. Jace was about to put it down...when he had an idea.

“You say you need an ‘outside perspective’, uh?” He handed the phone to Alec. “Type your number in it.”

“What? Jace...” Alec took the phone and stared at it, confused, before he complied with a sigh and handed it back to Jace.

Jace pressed call, bringing the phone to his ear once again.

“What are you doing?” Alec asked, his eyes wide.

“I shouldn’t know this number, right? See what happens.”

They were back in the diner, and Alec’s phone started vibrating on the table. Alec stared at it a few long moments. Then he picked it up, and handed it to Lydia.

“Lydia, can you take this for me, please?”

Lydia arched her eyebrows at him, but she answered the call. “Hello? Who is this?” 

The double sound of Lydia’s voice, as Jace heard it both in the diner and in his phone, was surreal. “Uhm, hi...I’m Jace, is Alec there?” Jace said, suddenly feeling nervous. This was shaping out to be quite the turning point...

“One second, please,” Lydia covered the speaker to whisper rather forcefully at Alec. “It’s some guy with a British accent. Alec, is he the one you picked up last night? Why don’t you want to talk to him and, most important, why are you involving _me_?”

Alec blinked his stunned look away. “What? No, it’s not Dick...wait, I mean...”

“Seriously? That guy was called that?” Lydia snickered, and Jace had to cover his own speaker to laugh as well.

Alec glared surreptitiously at him – “Not sorry,” Jace mouthed bemusedly – before turning back towards Lydia. “No, of course not. I just can’t remember his name...but whatever, give me the phone, Lydia!”

Still laughing, Lydia gave him back the phone. Alec didn’t talk into it straight away, though; he merely stared at it again.

“Does that mean you’re not seeing the guy of last night again? I forgot that Iz wanted to know that, too,” Lydia asked him, turning serious. “And who’s this Jace?”

Alec didn’t look at her. “No, that was just... Please, Lydia, don’t mention Jace to Izzy, I need to work some stuff out first...”

“Alec, are you saying you have a _boyfriend_?” Lydia whispered, as a smile broke out on her face.

Jace grinned fondly as he saw Alec turn a bit red. “I thought you didn’t want to get _involved_?” 

“Not in your one-night stand, no! But I’m invested in your happiness, am I not? We’re family. Know that I’m so happy for you, Alec.”

Even Jace, who didn’t know Lydia that well, could hear the genuineness in her voice, so he could understand Alec’s bashful smile all too well. And he almost thought he could _feel_ Alec’s relief and joy to have Lydia’s unabashed support. On second thought, maybe Jace _did_ feel it.

“Even though I don’t understand why you had a one-night stand, then?” Lydia continued.

Alec sputtered a bit. “I just...it’s complicated, okay? And I really need to take this, now. Please, please, _don’t_ forget to _not_ tell Izzy.”

“Okay, okay.” Lydia waved him off. “Go. You have twenty minutes, _tops_.”

“Thank you. You’re the best.”

Lydia rolled her eyes, even though she was smiling, as Alec got up and exited the diner. Jace followed him.

Outside, Alec brought the phone to his ear. “Hi,” he said into it, almost shyly.

Jace could understand that, too. If he had thought it was all so surreal before, it was nothing compared to _this_. A voice he had only ever heard in his head had clearly come out of his very real phone.

“Hi,” he said back, suddenly breathless.

“So, I think we have enough proof,” Alec stated casually, and Jace knew he was not casual at all.

“Yeah,” Jace agreed.

“I don’t know what to feel, to be entirely honest,” Alec admitted, lowering his tone, “this means we need to start more in-depth research, and I don’t even know where to _start_. Who to _ask_ without being considered crazy.”

Jace nodded, placing a hand over Alec’s shoulder, rubbing it softly. “I know.”

“It’s also a relief.” Alec looked tentatively at him. “To know...that I haven’t been falling in love with a fantasy.”

Jace stopped breathing altogether. Something felt stuck in his throat.

“Falling in love?” he echoed.

Jace didn’t know why he was so surprised. _He_ had been the one trying to get Alec to be more upfront about the situation, hadn’t he? And a part of him _did_ rise at the word, as if another piece had found its right place in his life...

 _Love_. Was that what that feeling was? But, again, what else could it be?

It still felt like too enormous of a word. Scary. _Dangerous_. His fath- _Valentine_ had _drilled_ into him the dangers of loving someone, both via his teachings and with the way he had left a barren wasteland in Jace’s life, in Jace’s _heart_ , after he had revealed himself for who he really was. Jace had _tried_ to turn that around all these years...and it still didn’t seem as if he had succeeded. Jace had not been able to love someone without hurting them at some point or the other. And Alec...Alec was the _last_ person he wanted to do that to.

Jace was only glad, then, when he was spared a prolonged confrontation by Lydia, who hurriedly came out of the diner to tell Alec, “Robbery in an apartment in Brooklyn. We’re the closest, let’s go.”

After Alec sent him one last glance, Jace blinked back into the shop.

*

Why had he said that? What kind of hit to the head had caused him to _say_ that? After a few weeks of flirting, sexual tension, and denial, he had come up with that _word_? It didn’t feel like a lie, but...ugh, why was he like this? The day before he had ignored Jace completely; doing _this_ today was literally... He needed to slow the fuck down.

Alec put all that in a box at the back of his mind as him and Lydia reached the robbed apartment.

“Ah! What a swift intervention, thank you very much,” the man who opened the door greeted them with. “Magnus Bane, pleased to meet you. Come in, come in.”

“Hello, Mr. Bane. I’m Officer Branwell, and this is my partner, Officer Lightwood. What is the situation here?” Lydia said as they started following the man inside.

“Please, just call me Magnus. And, oh, well...”

He showed them a living room that was entirely upside-down.

“Do you know what has been stolen from you?” Alec asked, surveying the room critically.

“Nearly every valuable thing in the room, all my paintings, my antiques...the collection of a lifetime,” Magnus explained with a pained sigh.

“They were all just lying here, in the open?” Lydia put in, clearly skeptical of the man’s judgment.

“I know what you think, but I have high security all around. A few hours ago I was out, I got the message about someone entering my apartment, and I arrived here a few minutes before you. Nobody in sight, and it’s the middle of the day. Any idea how they managed it?”

Alec and Lydia shared a dumbfounded look. Weird, indeed. A master heist in broad daylight?

“Let’s start simple. Who do you think would’ve known about and had an interest in your valuables?” Lydia asked.

“I’m a fortune teller, I receive people here every day. Anyone of them could’ve done it,” Magnus replied.

“Do you have a list of your clients?” Alec demanded.

Magnus nodded, and he went to retrieve a notebook from a cabinet, handling it to Lydia.

“I’ll skim through it and report the names to the station,” Lydia told Alec.

“I’ll look around,” Alec said instead.

“Wonderful!” Magnus’s outburst made them both startle. “Anyone wants tea?” Magnus then asked in a cheerful tone.

“Uhm...no, thanks,” they both answered with strained smiles. What a strange man _he_ was, for one.  

Alec spent the next half-hour inspecting every inch of the apartment, photographing and cataloguing everything that was out of place. An unusual case, Alec mused, but if they managed to solve it, it would only benefit both him and Lydia. After the shooting-disaster, they _needed_ a win.  

He was trying to focus his phone on an upturned chair on the bedroom floor, when Jace appeared in his line of sight.

Alec bristled, looking around to make sure that nobody was near. “Ja-what are you doing here, I thought I told you not to distract me at work?” he said in a forceful whisper.

“Sorry! But you know I can’t really control it sometimes,” Jace said, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Yeah, okay, you’re right. Now go, though.”

Jace looked around instead. “Woah, what happened here?”

“A robbery.”

“Cool.” Jace roamed the entire room, before he glanced back at him. “Okay...I’ll go, then.”

Alec merely nodded, an inexplicable lump having formed in his throat.

Jace kept lingering. “Hey, about earlier...”

Alec shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Forget what I said, really.”

“But...”

“Jace, it’s okay.” Alec put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s figure this out first, what do you say?”

Jace hesitated another moment, before nodding, a tentative smile on his face. “Yeah.”

“I’ll see you later,” Alec said, returning the smile.

“Later,” Jace echoed.  

Alec’s gaze kept being fixed on the same spot even after Jace left.

“Your parabatai has any useful skill to help solve the case?” Magnus’s voice came up from behind.

Alec froze, rapidly turning around, only to take in the sight of the other man leaning casually against the doorframe. Alec’s eyes were wide open. “Uhm, excuse me...what?”

What had Magnus just said? Some weird word... And he couldn’t have heard them... _had_ he?

As Alec felt on the brink of a full-blown panic, Magnus simply replied, “Oh, don’t worry, you don’t have to hide with me. I know.”

Alec opened and closed his mouth a few times. “You...you _saw_ Jace?”

“Is that his name? And no, I’m not like you, even though I’ve been rather _initiated_ to your kind.”

A ringing sound started pressing against Alec’s ears, as his heartbeat picked up a furious pace. “My... _kind_?” he managed to let out, a rather strangled sound.  

Magnus finally seemed to take Alec’s confusion into account. He frowned. “Yes? Wait, you mean you don’t _know_?”

Alec almost burst out into laughter. “I don’t even know what there’s supposed to be _known_! So yeah, you could say I don’t know anything at all, I have no idea what you’re _talking_ about. You’re saying that...that there are more like me and Jace?”

“If there’s...oh, boy.” Magnus glanced back over his shoulder, before he stepped into the room and closed the door. “So you’re really saying you have _no_ idea?” he pressed on.

Alec had no idea how to face that _situation_ , for one. Should he _trust_ this man? Was this the first long-craved hint that would be able to bring them closer to an _understanding_? If that was the case, he hardly thought there would ever be a better occasion to get some answers...

Alec took the plunge. “No, _no_ , I don’t. I have _no_ idea what’s going on! I just know that, like, a month ago I started seeing this guy no one else can see, _Jace_ , who’s from London, he’s in a _band_ , he’s got this whole life going on, and I can not only _talk_ to him, I can somehow _feel_ him or, or _sense_ him, and I _know_ things about him that I _shouldn’t_ , and, for the longest time – well, not that long, considering –  I thought that it was all just a fantasy, you know? That I was going crazy. But, apparently, Jace is _real_ , I _checked_ on the internet, I had my partner talk to him on the phone and she heard him! So he _must_ be real, right? And yet... _please_ , if you know anything about this, I’m begging you to tell me. _Am_ I going crazy? Am I making this something that it’s not, just because I wish...”

“Hey, hey, calm down, listen to me,” Magnus took a few steps forward, but no more, as Alec flinched slightly at that. And, noticing it, Magnus raised his arms pacifyingly. “Yes, I know what’s going on, I know what you and Jace _are_.”

“And what...” Alec gulped. “What are we?”

“You are parabatai.”

Alec blinked. “Para- _what_?”

“ _Parabatai_. An enhanced species of human, any two people that from anywhere in the world find themselves to be essentially one person, one  _soul_. So  _no_ , you haven’t been going crazy. Jace _is_ real. You two are connected in a way that transcends physical boundaries…you share emotions, thoughts, instincts, strength. You are bound together for  _life_.”

Alec almost stopped breathing. He was finally hearing an explanation, or a _confirmation_ , to what had been going on in his life recently...and he didn’t exactly know what to feel.

On one hand, this eccentric man was literally a  _fortune teller_  who no one in their right mind should ever listen to…yet, after how drastically Alec’s perceptions of reality and impossibility had changed in the past few weeks, everything that Magnus was saying finally,  _finally_  gave some sense to it all. As if a space that had been empty in his mind, was being filled with its exact _fit_. And Alec was caught in the weirdest form of relief.

While he tried to digest the words properly anyway, still quite unsure how to react, or  _move_ , Magnus regarded him with sympathy, “You said he lives in London, right? And that he’s a musician? You even confirmed for  _yourself_  that he was real, so why are you still doubting? Is he not  _here_ , right now?”

Alec reflexively turned his head to the left, and, of course, there he was again. Jace was looking at him with a glint in his eyes, which told Alec that he had listened to every word Magnus had said.

“Makes sense, doesn’t it?” Jace spoke, a corner of his mouth quirking up.

But Alec  _knew_  that he had never been more serious, which was confirmed when Jace stretched out a hand towards him with nothing but  _fire_  in his peculiar eyes. Alec could only be enraptured.

“We are one,” Jace whispered. Something like that could only be said in a whisper, even if no one else but Alec could hear him.  _Exactly_  because no one else but Alec could hear him.

Alec nodded, solemnly, and when he took Jace’s hand, he could swear he almost, truly, _felt_ it.

“What I don’t understand...” Magnus went on, and they both reluctantly broke eye contact to turn towards him. Magnus was staring at Alec’s hand, which to him must’ve looked like he was holding...nothing. “Why are you just connecting _now_?”

“What do you mean?” Alec asked, as he tightened his hold on Jace’s hand, all his apprehension coming back anew.

Magnus gestured at them. “Parabatai are usually connected from _birth_. You shouldn’t have only been interacting with each other for such a short time. I have never heard of something like this.”

Alec shared a brief stunned, worried look with Jace. “You think we’re lying?” he demanded Magnus.

“No.” Magnus frowned. “I know liars when I see them. I believe you’re telling the truth. It still doesn’t quite _explain_ your situation.”

Alec felt dizzy. If some questions had been answered, _this_ posed a whole new set of problems. What was wrong with _them_? “But – do you have any theory? And, like, you say we’re an _enhanced_ species of human? What does that mean? Is there some kind of... _scientific_ explanation?”

“There is indeed.” Magnus started pacing the room. “A parabatai has a so called _psycellium_. It’s a psychic nervous system that ‘normal’ humans like me don’t have, which allows the two people to connect. From talking to each other no matter the distance, which is called _visiting_ , to sensing what the other does, which is called _sharing_. You can even know each other’s _thoughts_ , the more the connection is developed through the years. And that’s not all...there’s literally _so_ much you don’t know, I can’t even begin to _explain_ it. For one, you can _visit_ even someone who’s not _your_ parabatai, some _other_ parabatai, although you first must see them face-to-face in your physical bodies for the connection to be formed, and you can never _share_ with them... I’m sorry, I know that I’m blowing your mind right now.” Magnus chuckled.

Indeed, Alec’s head could’ve exploded any second. He glanced at Jace, and _he_ was rubbing at his temples, repeatedly muttering _bloody hell_ under his breath.

“Alec, are you ready to go?!” Lydia’s voice suddenly cut the air.

Shit. “I’m almost done, Lydia!” Alec called out, before lowering his voice again. “Magnus, I really don’t know how to thank you for this. I promise I’ll find out who stole from you, for one, but...do you think we could talk again? Could you tell us more some other time?”

“How _does_ he know so much?” Jace wanted to know, arching an eyebrow.

“And how _do_ you know so much about...parabatai?" It wasn't lost on Alec that that was the first time he was ever saying the word...and he couldn't help but be surprised by how easily it rolled off his tongue. "If you don’t mind me asking?”

“Well, that’s a long story for another time,” Magnus said. “But, yes, I’m curious now, so I _will_ help you get in contact with others like you. Tomorrow, deal?”

“Deal.”

Alec swiftly shook Magnus’s hand, before he started walking towards the door.

“One last thing,” Magnus urged him, and Alec turned back around. “You have ways to not let others overhear you talking to someone invisible, you know? When Jace is here with you, talk to him _projecting_ yourself, too. You get what I mean when I say projecting, yes?”

Alec nodded. “Yeah, I figured that one out. And you’re right, that was already a major problem.”

“Good. Be careful, it’s what I say to you next. _Both_ of you. Is Jace still here?”

“Yes.” Alec glanced at Jace, and he appeared apprehensive just as he felt himself to be. “I don’t think everyone might be happy to discover that such unusual people live amongst them.”

“That’s for sure. But it’s not only that everyone _might_ not accept it; someone _does_ not accept it. There are actual _groups_ of people – especially one, they call themselves the Circle – who are aware of your existence, and their goal is to wipe you _out_ , do you understand? So while you’re still tentative about this, you need to be _extra_ careful not to let yourself be discovered. Don’t tell _anyone_ , not your friends, not your families.”

They both nodded gravely.

“Shit,” Alec suddenly exclaimed.

“What?” both Jace and Magnus asked, alarmed.

“Damnit...I told my psychologist all about this,” Alec explained. He could’ve _kicked_ himself for his idiocy.

“A psychologist, you say? Who is that, if I may ask?” Magnus inquired.

“Uhm...Gray is her name. Tessa Gray.”

Magnus did a double take. “You went to _Tessa_? And she didn’t tell you anything?”

“What?” Alec’s eyes widened. “You know her? She – she’s a...?”

“She’s an old friend of mine. Her _husbands_ are parabatai. Will and Jem, they’re called. They work with her, you might’ve seen them at her office? Both dark hair, one is Asian.”

“I – what the...”

“So she _did_ know! What the _hell_ , why didn’t she say anything to you?” Jace expressed Alec’s thoughts, staring up at him with blazing eyes.

Alec gulped. “I saw _one_ guy with dark hair, yeah. He looked at me funny,” he told Magnus.

“Mhm.” Magnus became pensive. “So what _did_ she say to you, exactly?”

Alec rubbed his eyes, feeling suddenly very, very tired. It was all truly becoming too _much_. “I told her what was going on with me, and she asked me if it had ever happened before, what Jace’s reactions had been and the like. Basically, I was still in the denial stage, trying to get rid of Jace and all, and she told me not to draw my own conclusions and to ‘explore’ what my brain was trying to tell me. So she might’ve tried to encourage me to find out the truth? But why not just be upfront about it?”

Magnus seemed to be satisfied by that answer. “I get it. She probably didn’t want to spook you, if it’s all so new and you were in denial. Again, I’ve never heard of something like this, and she probably hasn’t either. She might’ve been testing the waters, on how to properly approach you.”

Alec looked at his feet sheepishly. “I _did_ blow her off after one meeting. Maybe she would’ve told me if I’d gone more.”

“Still, quite rude of her,” Jace murmured crossly.

“Usually, the people who go to her are _young_ parabatai trying to figure stuff out,” Magnus went on, “or ones who have _lost_ their parabatai.”

“So she’s a shrink for _parabatai_?” Alec and Jace both asked in the same breath.  

“Yes...” Magnus frowned. “How did you get in touch with her, again?”

Alec blinked a few times. “My...my father gave me her number. He told me she’s helped him a lot...”

“Wait, do you think...?” Jace jumped in.

“That my _father_ could be...?” Alec felt a sudden sense of _outrage_ build up in him. How much did his father _know_?

“What’s his name?” Magnus asked.

“Robert Lightwood,” Alec said curtly, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

“Oh,” Magnus mouthed. “How could I have not connected the names?”

“So you _do_ know him.” Alec almost couldn’t believe his ears.

“I’ve just heard of him...”

Alec crossed his arms, staring at Magnus, waiting for him to go on.

Magnus sighed. “I just know that he’s lost his parabatai many, many years ago, and he’s been going to Tessa. But only recently, maybe a year.”

“He sent me to _her_...” Alec started to say, “so he must’ve thought I was a parabatai, _right_? Yet, I have _never_ mentioned that I was seeing something weird, and he’s _not_ been around me enough to notice anything these past few weeks!”

“He’s your _father_ ,” Magnus stated. “ _He_ more than anyone should know why your situation is so peculiar.”

“I don’t think I ever even _saw_ your father this entire time,” Jace put in.

“Alec! Where are you?!” Lydia called out again.

Alec flinched. “Damnit. I’ll talk to my father, okay? I’ll _force_ him to tell me something, if I need to. I should _really_ go, now, though.”

“Yeah, it’s better,” Magnus agreed. “Try remembering everything I said. Maybe you should go directly to Tessa, you know? She’s one of the few people I really trust, I’m sure she was only trying to help you. She, and her husbands, can explain things to you much better than I ever could.”

Alec nodded. “Yeah, probably. Thank you again, Magnus. For everything.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Magnus smiled as he waved him off, and Alec finally got out of the room and went back to Lydia.

“What the fuck, what the...” Jace was chanting next to him.

“I’ll get back to you after my shift, okay? Okay?” Alec quickly told him.

Jace nodded. “I’ll try to contain a mind explosion, in the meantime.”

“God, I _know_.”

A few hours had to pass before Alec could talk to Jace again. Him and Lydia had to collect all their data, and go back to the station to run it through the system. They didn’t come up with anything concrete, since none of Magnus’s clients seemed to have a criminal record. In the end, they had to postpone it all to the next day, since their shift was about to end. Alec didn’t mind going back to Magnus’s apartment, since he could talk to him more. No matter what he had said, Alec didn’t feel like going to Tessa again quite yet. It was all a big gamble, but Magnus seemed the more trustworthy, for the time being.

Either way, it was all a bit _hard_ to process, to say the least. Alec tried as best as he could to forget about it as he finished up his work for the day. Contain a mind explosion, indeed.

He was making his way back home, walking the last block to his apartment after getting out of the subway, when Jace reappeared. He didn’t say anything for a while.

Alec’s _parabatai_. That _word_ , for how new, felt strangely right. Yes, Alec felt almost like saying, Jace was his parabatai.

“I was thinking,” Jace finally spoke, “about everything Magnus said, obviously. And I mean, you’ll have to talk to your father, for sure, but what struck _me_ the most was the bit about the fact that our connection was supposed to have been there since birth.”

“Yeah, that’s...” Alec stopped talking, rapidly making a projection of himself, so that he was walking both next to Jace and next to _himself_. “I can’t even wrap my mind around it. Why the _hell_...?”

“You know, ever since I was a kid,” Jace interrupted him, and Alec started listening attentively, “I’ve had this... _sentence_ stuck in my brain. It always comes up at some point or the other.” Jace looked at him. “ _Get out of my head_. Sounds familiar?”

Alec recoiled, stopping dead on his tracks.

“Yes, exactly,” Jace went on, “we’ve said it quite a few times, haven’t we? And I’ve been _trying_ not to linger on the connection between these two facts of my life, since _why_ should they have been connected...yet...”

They both turned around to face each other.

“That sentence feels like a memory that I can’t quite place,” Jace went on, “I don’t remember ever saying it, but the way I hear it in my head, it’s _me_ as a child... _screaming_ it.”

Alec breathed in, then out. “What are you trying to say, Jace?”

“What if we _did_ connect before?” Jace voiced the thought filling the space between them. “What if we _forgot_ about it? What if _I_...”

Alec’s eyes widened on their own accord.

“Imaginary friend,” he whispered the words before he could consciously think about them.

“What?” Jace echoed, frowning.

“Imaginary friend!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	13. What Was Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“So what do we do now? Just wait?”_   
>  _“No, we won’t. We’ll go to my mother.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, it feels like ages since i've updated! But like predicted, between graduation, christmas, jalec secret santa, etc. there wasn't much possibility to finish the chapter earlier. Anyway, hope you enjoy ;)  
> As usual thanks to @fishcollective for beta'ing.

“Imaginary friend!” Alec repeated with added fervor.

Jace kept staring at him completely weirded out, clearly waiting for him to elaborate on that outburst.

Alec brought his hands up to his hair, ruffling it beyond hope. “This – this weird _incident_ from my past! I had completely forgotten about it, and, even before, I never quite gave it much thought, you know? But, but...”

How could this be getting even more complicated than he had thought? Alec felt jittery, his mind going so fast that he could barely keep up.

“Alec, I still don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Jace told him pointedly.

Alec took a deep breath, stopping his flailing to look Jace directly in the eyes. “When I was a kid, around third grade, I think? That’s eight-year-old.” Jace nodded gratefully at the clarification. “I landed in the hospital after having...a bad dream? Or something, that made me pass out.”

“A bad dream?” Jace seemed ready to laugh.

Alec rolled his eyes. “Yes, I _know_ it sounds stupid, that’s why I never thought twice about it! But I just remembered it, because there was something even more _weird_ about it...that day at the hospital everyone kept asking me about an imaginary friend.” Jace arched an eyebrow. “Jace, an imaginary friend _I didn’t remember ever having_.”

Jace’s eyes widened.

“You see?!” Alec still had a hard time remembering the details, and he had to strain himself. “Everyone kept mentioning it, even _Izzy_ , who was younger than me, as if it was common knowledge, and I was the only one completely clueless!”

“So, you’re saying you agree with my theory? We might’ve connected before and we forgot?” Jace jumped in.

Alec could only nod. “What other explanation could there be? Yet... _why_? What could’ve caused us to...?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was gonna say.” Jace paused, and Alec merely waited for him to continue, not really liking the downcast look in Jace’s eyes. “What if I was the one to tell you to get out of my head...and you _did_?”

Alec inhaled sharply, his entire face frowning. “But it hasn’t worked so far, has it?! If something as simple as that could work, you wouldn’t be here right now, would you?” Alec started chuckling, but Jace didn’t join, still looking down. Alec couldn’t resist taking his hand, interlocking their fingers. “Hey, let’s not just jump to conclusions. Why would you have wanted to get rid of me? I mean, there might’ve been reasons that I guess we’ll never know, but...I don’t know, I think there’s some other explanation.”

Jace sighed, sounding frustrated. “Still, if we really forgot...how are we going to figure out something that happened so long ago?”

Alec smiled ruefully. “You forget about my father.”

He could feel a boiling _anger_ starting to rise in him at the mere thought. If he had been a parabatai all along, if he’d talked to Jace as a kid, thinking that he was an ‘imaginary friend’, his father _must’ve_ recognized it for what it was, he must’ve _known_! So why had he never said anything? Alec didn’t remember Robert ever asking him about this ‘imaginary friend’, it was always his mother being concerned about it...

What the _hell_ had happened, indeed?

Alec took out his phone, immediately going for his father’s contact. However, he stopped himself before pressing call.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

“What, now?” Jace asked, crossing his arms.

“Dad’s away on a business trip, that’s why he’s not been around. I think he comes back in a few days, but...ugh, I hoped to talk to him sooner rather than later. I guess I’ll just send him a message.”

Alec put his phone back in his jacket.

“So what do we do now? Just wait?” Jace said, shrugging forcefully. His forehead was all creased, so Alec tried to smooth it with his fingers, feeling satisfied when Jace couldn’t restrain a smile at the gesture.

“No, we won’t. We’ll go to my mother.”

They walked all the way back to the subway. Alec could feel a new kind of resolve, of _trepidation_ , as they neared his childhood home.

“And you were shocked by _my_ grandmother’s house?” Jace exclaimed as soon as the building was in sight.

Alec shrugged, chuckling lightly as he noticed Jace’s wide-eyed expression. “Hey, I never said my family wasn’t well-off. My dad’s a businessman and my mom’s a very successful lawyer.”

“Of course.” Jace smirked.

The house surely was nice, one of the most prized in the Upper East Side. His mother’s pride and joy, sometimes much more than her own children. Okay, that was a little exaggerated...but not _too_ much.   

They climbed up the stairs, and Alec knocked on the front door. After a good while, Max came to open it.

“Hey, big bro. What are you doing here?” was his greeting.  

Alec smiled. It was still kind of weird seeing his baby brother all grown up. He was almost as tall as him, and Alec wasn’t exactly fond of Max’s long hair, always covering half of his bespectacled face. “Hey, squirt. Is mom home?”

“Don’t call me that,” Max replied crossly. “And yeah, she’s in her study, I think. See you, Alec.” Max got out of the door, landing on the pavement in two long strides.

“Where are you going?” Alec asked him, frowning.

“Around.” Max waved, already walking away.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!” Alec called out to him.

“But you never do anything! That’s boring!” Max shot back.

Both Jace and Alec chuckled.

“Feisty little brother. If only he knew _what_ exactly you’ve been doing,” Jace jumped in, bumping their shoulders together.

Alec snorted, feeling a little hot around the ears. He still smirked, whispering conspiratorially, “Don’t you mean _who_?” before he leaned forward and sneaked a peck to Jace’s lips.

Jace laughed openly. “Indeed.”

They were still lingering by the door, hesitating to enter.

“So, what are you planning to ask her? Are you going to tell her the truth?” Jace asked.

“No, no.” Alec took a deep breath. “I’ll just...test the waters, I guess. I want to know what she remembers of that particular incident and see whether she _knows_ something or not. But I don’t really think that my father would’ve told her this fact about himself, let alone about _me_.”

Jace nodded. “Okay, _you_ know her, and I’ll just be here to listen. But we’re _getting_ to the bottom of this.”

Alec nodded as well, impulsively taking Jace’s hand. Holding hands had never felt more...right. Their eyes met. “I’m glad you’re here with me,” Alec breathed.

A corner of Jace’s mouth twitched, as he squeezed Alec’s hand back. “Of course. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“No, I mean, in general. I’m glad that we’ve been brought together, too. Maybe it should’ve gone differently, we could’ve had more time...but, right now, I’m just happy to have you in my life. To be...” _Bonded to you for life_.

Alec swallowed, and didn’t finish the sentence. That was too _big_ , even bigger than what he had been feeling before. Because it was not just a _feeling_ anymore. After everything Magnus had said about their connection, _everything_ was bound to be big. No wonder they’d been drawn towards one another straight away, and so _intensely_...no wonder that it had _all_ been so intense between them, and so unlike, so much _better_ than anything else.

It was bound to be _scary_. They were talking about _life_ , a mere few weeks after their first disastrous encounter. No wonder that young parabatai needed therapy...how did they manage, how did they _accept_ to be tied to someone forever beyond their will and comprehension?

Alec sighed. They needed to truly _talk_ about it, about what they felt and what they _meant_ to each other, independently of the bond. Even if Alec could already tell that it’d be difficult.

And it surely couldn’t be done on a doorstep. Alec was grateful when Jace didn’t demand for him to finish his thought, and simply brushed their lips together in a light, but lingering, kiss.

As they finally walked the corridor to get to his mother’s office, Alec’s heart drummed in his chest. The day had been so full of revelations, and, now, it literally felt like they were _this_ close to a dungeon of possible...horrors?

Jace must’ve felt the electricity in the air, too, because he followed in silence, until Alec knocked on his mother’s door.

“Come in,” came her voice.

“Hey, mom,” Alec said, opening the door and stepping inside.

“Alec! What do I owe the _honor_ of my son visiting me?” Maryse looked pointedly up at him from her desk, and Alec rolled his eyes. He did come here from time to time! “Wasn’t today your first day back? How did it go?” Maryse continued.

“Oh, it went fine. A few car accidents, a weird robbery,” Alec answered. “But I don’t want to talk about that.”

Maryse arched an eyebrow, as she rose and walked up to him and casually adjusted the collar of his jacket. “What is it? Are you staying for dinner, by the way?”

 “No, mom. Listen...” Alec sent a brief glance Jace’s way, and Jace nodded at him. “You know, I’ve had a lot of time to myself this past month. And I couldn’t help but think back to what happened, at the shooting, the hospital...no, I’m _fine_ , mom,” he quickly interrupted her predictable comment. “I just mean to say that I – I suddenly remembered another time I was at the hospital. When I was little?” Maryse’s eyebrows vanished beneath her hairline, and Alec pressed on, heart jumping in his chest, “I can’t remember exactly _what_ had happened to me, and I was curious. Do _you_ remember...mom?”

Silence fell. His mother stared at him for a few long moments, before she sighed. “Oh, I don’t think I could _ever_ forget.”

Alec tried to not breath too loudly to avoid any suspicion, as he waited for her to go on.

“Let’s go in the living room, shall we?” she said, and Alec merely nodded.

“Was it that bad?” he asked as soon as he sat on a couch, Jace falling down right next to him.

Maryse went to sit on the chair at the other end of the couch. “Oh, I mean...at the moment, it definitely was, even though you were fine, in the end.”

 _Fine_ , Alec mused. Except his psychic connection had somehow been damaged...

Maryse tapped her foot on the carpet. “It was a normal evening like any other, Alec, really. I had already tucked you in, and your father and I were reading in bed...when, suddenly, we heard you screaming.”

Alec felt Jace’s hand grab his, and he wouldn’t have been able to express how much of a relief that was. He interlocked their fingers, holding tightly onto Jace as if he were a lifeline.

“Izzy was in bed with us, miraculously she didn’t wake,” Maryse continued. “We rushed into your room and…and you were thrashing in bed, it looked like you were having a seizure or something.” Maryse’s eyes were fixed on a spot to her left, as she was probably reliving the terrible scene, but they fell on Alec before she uttered the next words, “You kept screaming ‘Don’t hurt him’.” This time Alec couldn’t stifle a sharp intake of breath. “’Don’t hurt him’, you said, again and again. We didn’t know what to do, we didn’t dare to wake you up, so we called the ambulance. You woke up on your own, though, before they arrived...then you simply passed out. I remember that blood was running from your nose.”

 _Don’t hurt him_. Alec had barely listened to what his mother had said beyond those words. He quickly projected himself on the other side of Jace to share a meaningful, desperate look with him.

“I knew it,” Jace said.

“What?” Alec only managed to let out, his voice small.

“Ask her the date. Ask her about the imaginary friend,” Jace simply replied.

Alec blinked back into his body. “And what did the doctors say? What was wrong with me?”

Maryse shook her head helplessly. “Nothing was wrong. You were perfectly fine, except...”

Alec fidgeted with Jace’s fingers as his mother took too long to continue. “ _What_ , mom?”

Maryse smiled strangely. “You know, ever since you were very little, you always had this...imaginary friend.” Maryse stopped again, staring him down, as if waiting for something.

“Yeah?” Alec put in casually, forcing himself to not look too eager.

“Well, I don’t know if you want me to mention it. Ever since the day you collapsed, you couldn’t stand anyone even talking about it. You always got so mad, because you claimed to never have had any such thing.”

“Okay, but maybe I was embarrassed?” Alec suggested.

“Yeah, that’s the thing. For a long time you had been lying about it. You were getting older and your father and I... we worried that you spent too much time with someone who wasn’t real instead of with kids your age. And you had noticed that we didn’t like it, so you had taken the habit to lie, even though I could still hear you talking to him.”

Alec’s stomach churned. “Him?” he pressed on.

“Yes, your friend even had a name.” Maryse grazed her chin with a finger; Alec didn’t know whether he was breathing. “What was it? Oh, right! Jace. I don’t think I’d ever forget that as well.”

Jace’s hold on his hand tightened even more, but Alec didn’t dare look back at him. They had been right. _God_ , they had been right, they’d been connected, they...

“You mentioned him constantly,” Maryse went on, chuckling under her breath. “Jace did this, Jace said that. You made up such elaborate stories...”

Alec had to close his eyes for a moment, as he felt Jace’s lips pressing against his shoulder. For some reason, that gesture of comfort made his heart ache more than anything else.

“We have so many videos with you talking to or about Jace...”

Alec startled. “You _do_?”

“Yes. Do you...want to see them?” his mother asked tentatively.

“Yeah, why not?” Alec gulped, before chuckling lightly. “I mean, I guess it could be interesting to see.”

Maryse nodded, getting up from her chair. She went to the sideboard, and started rummaging through the drawers, until she let out a sound of satisfaction as she found what she had been looking for. “Here it is. Thank god we put everything on DVD, or it would’ve been lost.”

She picked a DVD from a case and inserted it in the player, before turning on the tv.

Jace was breathing heavily, but something in his expression kept Alec silent as the images started flashing on the screen.

Alec recognized himself. He couldn’t have been more than four years old, and he was looking directly at the camera, as a voice was talking, Maryse’s, “Is Jace here with you, Alec?”

Alec visibly rolled his eyes, before speaking in his childish voice, “He’s right here, mom, don’ you see him?”

“I don’t, baby. So why don’t you tell us what he looks like?”

Little Alec shrugged, before he turned his head to the side, frowning as he squared the space in front of him up and down. “He have yellow hair, blue eyes and he’s tall like this.” Alec brought a hand up to half his head, giggling. “It’s true, you’re shorter than me!” Alec looked back at the camera, covering his mouth as he whispered, “He don’t like that he’s shorter.”

Maryse’s laugh could be heard. “Of course not. So... Jace, a very strange name.”

“Yeah, but it’s better than Jonathan,” little Alec said firmly.

“Jonathan?” both past-Maryse and adult-Alec asked.

Jace nodded next to him. “Yeah, that’s my full name. Jonathan Christopher.”

 _Oh_ , Alec thought.

“That’s his name,” little Alec was saying, “Jo-na-than Chri-sto-pher, but it’s too _hard_! Jace is better, I called him that.”

At that, Alec couldn’t help but look at Jace with wide eyes. Jace stared at him in surprise, too. Had he really been the first one to call Jace _Jace_? God, just how _much_ had they forgotten...

“Oh, you did?” Maryse asked little Alec.

“Jay-Cee! Jace!” Alec replied with a bright smile, clearly proud of himself. “Wasn’t I good? And he likes it!”

“That’s very original, indeed. Good job, baby...”

“Maryse, turn off that camera, come on,” a male voice coming from outside the frame suddenly said. Alec’s father.

“What’s the problem, Robert, don’t you want to document your so...”

“Okay, it’s enough, mom,” adult Alec said, and his mother immediately turned off the screen, her lips pursed.

The new silence was awkward. Alec was still trying to act casual _–_ _I named Jace Jace, Dad definitely knew, there’s so much that we lost, what the fuck, what the_ – but he couldn’t help but send a few surreptitious glances Jace’s way, who in turn was looking fixedly at the floor.

Alec cleared his throat a few times, “So, all this...I just forgot about it?”

“Yeah,” Maryse answered. “When you woke up at the hospital you had no memory of Jace at all, you didn’t even recognize the name. I thought you were still lying, at first, but I never saw or heard you talk to someone invisible again. I mean, it’s all happened so long ago, it hardly matters, right? And Pangborn said it was just the growing up process, we forget so much of our childhoods...but from one day to the next, I’ll admit it’s still kind of weird...”

“Pangborn, uh?” Alec put in. “He was the one to treat me back then, too?”

“Yes, of course.”

Alec sneaked a glance at Jace, who was frowning. “And what did he test me for, exactly?”

“We tried to see if you’d really had a seizure, if there was something wrong with your brain that might have caused it...but all results were normal.”

“Normal,” Alec echoed.

His meeting with Tessa kept making more and more sense. _He_ had still only a vague understanding of what parabatai were, but he was sure that a psychic nervous system _ought_ to figure somewhere. Their brains must have something not commonly ‘normal’, right? So why was Pangborn not seeing anything strange?  Was he purposefully hiding something? Could he be...in one of those groups Magnus had mentioned?

 “You must’ve had a very...traumatic dream concerning Jace, and your mind simply erased him to protect itself,” Maryse went on, sighing. “I wonder what the _hell_ you must’ve dreamed about. That was what scared me the most, I was worried it was something so serious that it’d cause you some lasting damage...instead, everything was simply just forgotten.” Maryse shrugged, now smiling. “Well, that’s all. Is your curiosity satisfied, now? It’s such a story, you could even write books about it. But it’s not like you’re a writer.”

Alec forced himself to laugh. “Yeah, no. But it’s so strange, indeed. The mind can be truly…something else. But I guess I can go home feeling satisfied, yes...”

“Ask her about the date,” Jace reminded him.

Maryse had already gotten up, and Alec quickly did as well. “Wait, mom, just one last thing...do you remember what day it was?”

Maryse arched an eyebrow at him.

Alec shrugged. “Just to know how much time has passed since then.”

“I have all of you children’s medical records in my computer, in my office.”

Alec nodded, and followed her back to her study. Jace was still deadly silent, and Alec could only squeeze his hand in understanding. An uneasy feeling had settled in his own stomach.

“Here it is,” Maryse finally said. Alec was looking over her shoulder at the computer screen. “November 8th, 1997. Next month will be exactly twenty years...dear god, time surely flies.”

Alec noticed Jace nodding to himself, and he itched to know what that meant. He was starting to get an idea...could that be the day when... Alec suppressed the thought. He couldn’t think about that now. They needed to get out of the house.

“Thank you, mom. I think I’ll go, now,” he told her as he got to the other side of her desk.

Maryse rose from her chair. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for dinner? Max won’t even be here.”

Alec felt bad about it, but he knew that he wouldn’t have been able to face another full hour with his mother. He’d _explode_ if him and Jace didn’t first discuss everything they had discovered. “I’m sorry, mom, but I just want to go rest a bit, after working all day. I promise I’ll come tomorrow, okay?”

Maryse nodded with a sigh. “Okay, okay.”

Alec kissed her on the cheek once they reached the door, before he went out and started climbing down the stairs. “See you, mom.”

“See you,” his mother replied, closing the door.

“Jace...” Alec immediately said.

“Not here,” Jace shot back.

They were in Jace’s apartment a second later. It was far into the night, probably even early morning, and everything was so much quieter. Alec could only hear Jace’s breathing, as they surveyed each other carefully.

“Jace,” he started again, “was that day...?”

“The day Valentine beat me up? Yes,” Jace answered curtly, not meeting his eyes. 

 Alec closed his. “God...so what...?”

“You were _there_ ,” Jace continued. “You must’ve seen everything. You...”

 _Don’t hurt him_ , Alec remembered.

Had he really been there, when Valentine had reduced Jace to a _pulp_ , as per his words? Had he been in the room with him, felt what he felt, screamed his lungs out to get that man to stop? But he would’ve been unheard...he wouldn’t have been able to do anything...

Alec felt tears starting to prickle in his eyes.

“And I told you to go away,” Jace concluded. “If I know anything about myself, I wouldn’t have wanted you to see that, I would’ve felt ashamed at being seen as _weak_...and I told you to get out of my head. The pain, the trauma, the entire situation...must’ve been enough to make it work. We forgot because of that.”

“Jace...”

“We forgot because of _me_ , I was the one to...!”

“No! Jace...” Alec took a step forward, gripping Jace’s arms to not let him get away.

“It was _my_ fault...” Jace’s voice cracked.

“In no way was it your fault! Jace, look at me.” Jace reluctantly did, and his eyes were bloodshot. Alec grit his teeth. “ _Valentine_ did this to you, to _us_. Don’t you _dare_ blame yourself for _anything_ , you hear me?”

Jace closed his eyes as Alec pressed his forehead against his, not daring to look away, wanting to _impress_ this image into his brain forever. They were both breathing heavily.

“We lost so much, Alec,” Jace whispered brokenly. “All those memories, all these _years_...”

“I know. I _know_.”

Alec’s arms shot up to circle Jace, and Jace fell gratefully into the embrace. They stayed like that, faces buried against each other, while they clung onto one another as if their present closeness could soothe the distance that should never have been between them.

*

All the things he had thought his entire life that Valentine had taken away from him...had been nothing, _nothing_ , compared to learning that another soul that was supposed to be bonded to his had been _erased_ from his mind. Alec was here now, yes...but all the years they had lost could never be retrieved. In the first eight years of his life, Jace had thought he’d been totally, utterly alone...instead he’d _had_ someone!

Causing him to forget that had been the _cruelest_ thing Valentine ever did to him. 

Jace closed his eyes, his nose buried against Alec’s neck, the faraway scent reaching him from half across the world suddenly causing him only frustration, because it wasn’t _enough_. He wanted Alec to be _physically_ there with him; their distance only seemed another cruel joke of fate.

Jace kept holding onto Alec either way. No other more _tangible_ hug had ever been better than this one, after all, he could only conclude. And _had_ they ever hugged before? They had kissed, had sex, cuddled together, but not _hugged,_ just because. Maybe they had when they were kids? At least Jace hoped so. He surely would’ve needed it at the time...

He couldn’t think too hard about it, or he’d simply get lost in the bitterness. Those memories hadn’t come back to them, so they’d likely never do so. Only their _present_ would have to matter.

“So how or why did we reconnect again?” Jace asked, breaking apart only enough to look Alec in the eyes, while his fingers couldn’t help but trace the lines of Alec’s face. “How come that we can see each other again, after all this time?”

Alec’s hands covered Jace’s own, as Alec frowned. “Damn, you’re right. It’s still all _so_ confusing.”

Jace sighed, before his eyes widened. “I know why! Valentine...of course, it’s him.”

Alec only frowned more. “What are you talking about, Jace?”

“The day of the shooting,” Jace clarified, briskly, “was the day he got free. I barely thought of him anymore, but that day he was in my every thought, and I was... _scared_ that I would run into him, or that he would come after me. I was feeling so bad...and that was when I suddenly appeared in New York.”

Alec rubbed his temples insistently. “I still don’t understand the connection.”

“We just agreed that we might’ve lost our memories because of the trauma of it all, right? Well, that trauma is inescapably tied to Valentine, our connection was damaged because of him, and it might still be connected to him. Having him be in my life again caused my – _our_ psychic system to get back in business, by way of the shock, or something,” Jace said in a somber tone.

“That _does_ make a bit of sense, yeah,” Alec conceded, his expression one of unease. “Still...”

“We could just as well forget everything again, then,” Jace concluded for him. “If our bond is so fragile, and tied to him...it could be erased again, once things calm down. We could lose each other again.”

“No.”

Jace fixed his eyes on Alec’s shirt, reluctant to face what he knew must’ve been hardness in Alec’s eyes. “You don’t know that, Alec.”

“I _do_ know it! I don’t care how or why, but I won’t lose you again, Jace, I – _we_ won’t let it. We won’t forget again, because I – I’ll write everything down! Everything that’s happened, everything we discovered, and I’ll put a big ‘Read me if you don’t know what I am’ on it, so in case something _does_ happen, I have a way to reach you in London…”

Jace chuckled softly. “That’s actually not a half-bad idea.”

“Hey, I have those from time to time.” Alec’s pout turned into a smile as soon as their eyes met, and Alec was the one to caress Jace’s cheeks this time, his voice turning lower. “You’re not getting away from me.”

Bound together for _life_.

As he was caught in the hypnotic magnetism of Alec’s eyes, Jace couldn’t help but be reminded of that fact. He had been feeling so scared before, when he had come face to face with the potential _magnitude_ of his feelings for Alec, and Alec’s feelings for him, but in front of the real scope of it all, what was the point of fighting the inevitable? They had always been meant to be in each other’s lives. He was called _Jace_ because of Alec! And they might’ve been torn apart in the most brutal of ways, yet, they had still found their way back to each other. Alec was a _permanent_ part of him…and Jace was surprised to realize that he was _glad_. Because that made it all simpler, somehow.

No reason to put _words_ to it quite yet, though. Jace showed his agreement to Alec’s statement by crushing their lips together, letting the dance between their mouths, their bodies, their _souls,_ affirm all his resolve to never let Alec slip from his fingers…

They weren’t going to be parted again. They weren’t going to forget. _They_ wouldn’t let it happen.

As Jace quietly accompanied Alec to his apartment in New York, their shirts were on the floor of his own room in London, as their hands traced bare skin and they kissed each other breathless. And when they fell on the bed, now completely naked, and Alec covered him with his body, Jace could only smile, because everything had a softness, a sense of _safeness_ to it that he would’ve had a hard time wrapping his mind around, if he had allowed himself to _think_. Instead, Jace merely drew Alec closer towards himself, and teased Alec’s tongue with his until Alec smiled as well, before he deepened the kiss in a way that made Jace’s throat quaver around a moan.

“I want you,” Jace uttered hoarsely, his hands palming at Alec’s back as the urgent slide of their erections drove him mad. He wanted _more_.  

Alec was sucking a bruise into his neck, but he broke apart enough to look him in the eyes, as his movements stilled. Something indescribable passed between them, so that when Alec mutely nodded and they shared a wet, avid kiss, Jace’s hair was standing up all over his skin.  

Alec pressed their foreheads together, his eyes half closed as he smiled dazedly. “So...I guess, since I’m not really here, condoms are not necessary?”

Jace snorted, pressing a quick, teasing kiss to Alec’s lips. “Yeah, I guess not.”

Alec leveled himself on his hands, rising slightly to look down at Jace’s body with his mouth pursed. “Also, do you think you need preparation? Again, I’m not _really_ here.”

Jace was properly laughing now, and Alec smiled crookedly, half amused, half at a loss. “God, I have _no_ idea,” Jace replied. “But maybe, probably, we should treat this as if it were real, since that’s what it feels like? Just grab the lube. Bottom drawer.”

“Bossy,” Alec shot back, smacking their lips together once more before diving in for the bedside table. 

Be it as it may, Jace definitely _felt_ the fingers thoroughly stretching him wide, if the way he tensed and writhed and bit his lips every time Alec grazed his prostate was anything to go by. And the more he thought about what _Alec_ would feel like, the more he ached to be filled so much more, so much more _deeply_. Jace was sure that once their bodies were fully _joined_ , real or not, anything thus far would seem like child’s play. 

As a matter of fact, when Alec finally removed his fingers and settled between Jace’s spread legs, the vibration Jace had come to associate with their connection had never rattled him more than it did now, never been _louder_ in his mind. They were both trembling as their lips met once more, their kiss almost desperate as they held onto each other and Alec positioned his cock against Jace’s aching entrance, the way the tip grazed against it already making Jace whimper. And Jace had to break apart to pant heavily, looking down, transfixed, as Alec guided himself into him, before he had to close his eyes a moment later, when he felt Alec entering him fully. God, how could this feel so _real_? How was it possible, how…?

As he was being filled to the brink, though, and a long-drawn-out sound escaped from his lips, all thoughts died in his mind, and he was left tightly gripping Alec’s shoulders and Alec’s hips to ground himself somewhat. Alec’s feather-like kisses on his face didn’t help at all, and Jace was positively panting by the time he was utterly _full_ on every level. Of Alec, _Alec, only Alec._ In his mind, in his body, in his _soul_.

“Alec,” he could only say then, his voice barely above a whisper. “ _Alec_ ,” he repeated more firmly, as their eyes met for a small but infinite moment.

Then Alec said “ _Jace_ ,” as if his name was a prayer, their lips collided all over again, and they started fucking in earnest, Alec’s cock pounding into him doubtlessly the best thing Jace had ever experienced.

He wasn’t doing it on purpose, he had even tried to hold it in at first, but every time Alec pushed in new sounds were drawn out of Jace, either _Fuck_ , or _Alec_ , or incoherent, loud shouts, so that his voice was but a mere croaky, strangled thing he would’ve been embarrassed about, if he had cared.

He did _not_ care. Alec was blubbering things into his ear as well, and it was entirely impossible to focus on anything other than the sweaty slide of skin against skin, the solid firmness of their bodies pressed together, the pleasure rolling off of them from where they were joined.

“Faster. Harder,” Jace shout out, and he had to laugh as he realized that he had inadvertently quoted Alec from their teasing battle of the night before.

Alec looked at him, clearly having caught the reference as he was visibly forcing himself to glare…but he cracked a second later, letting out a laugh, before his lips covered Jace’s and he actively shut them both up. As Alec’s tongue started _fucking_ Jace’s mouth, Alec complied to the request, and quickened his pace. Jace’s back rose from the mattress, and, _Fuck!_ That new angle…he was going to die from overload alone. They were chasing an already-building climax completely unbridled; Jace knew that he could never _prepare_ himself for it.

But, no, it couldn’t end just yet. They were having supernatural _mind_ sex…the _missionary_ , no matter how good, couldn’t be the highest scope of it.

Jace reached out with his mind, and he was on his knees, directly behind Alec. The sight of _himself_ and Alec getting it on was as arousing as was to be expected, and Jace, with the soundtrack of his own and Alec’s pleasure, draped himself over Alec’s back, both his hands and mouth starting to trace it. Alec startled under him, and his movements slowed almost to a stillness.

Alec strained his neck to glance back at him. “What are you _doing_?” he asked groggily, clearly surprised…clearly interested.

Jace’s tongue was drawing a circle on Alec’s lower back, as his hands traveled down Alec’s thighs, which shivered under his touch. “What do you think? Don’t you want to spice things up?”

Alec’s combined gasp and moan as Jace’s teeth grazed one of his butt-cheeks was answer enough.

Jace’s hands traveled back up to cup Alec’s ass, his thumbs spreading it open. “Can I?” he whispered throatily.  

“Mmmh,” was Alec’s only answer, which Jace took as a yes. The next moment his tongue was circling Alec’s entrance. “Fuck!” was Alec’s answer then.

Jace chuckled, but when Alec resumed _his_ movements and he could feel Alec’s cock entering the…other him again, there wasn’t much space for hilarity. And it wasn’t long before his tongue was _inside_ Alec.

However, as Jace’s mind switched between two places at once, he couldn’t help but wish for even _more_. Damn, how could he be so greedy? Yet, even as Alec’s cock drove him over the edge, and he could tell that his own tongue was driving _Alec_ mad, when Alec projected himself behind him, Jace could only internally yell _yes_.

Alec’s hands snaking around his hips were all the warning he got before Alec’s cock slammed into his ass, and Jace had to still his tongue action for a few moments as he tried to keep up with the new way Alec was fucking him. But as soon as he managed to meet him thrust for thrust, and he figured out the pace of _Alec’s_ ass under his hands, Jace dived in again, doubling his efforts.  

 _That_ was madness. A string of bodies moving in tandem like a chain, tension and release following one after the other and deriving from one another…Jace knew that no other sex would ever be acceptable.

And without even meaning to this time, he found himself projecting once more, Alec there with him as Jace slammed him against the wall to kiss him sloppily, fervently, as they grind furiously against each other. Then they were on the puffy chair where Jace usually played his guitar, but this time he was playing only _Alec_ as he rode him wildly, Alec’s fingers digging almost painfully into his hips. Jace wondered if that would show on his real skin, too. He surely wanted it to.

 _And_ they stood at the foot of the bed, completely still for a long moment, their mouths a few inches apart from each other as the air seemed to electrify around them, and Alec’s eyes had never looked brighter…when Jace turned around, or Alec turned him around, he couldn’t tell, and he was bending over, bracing himself over the bed as Alec started pounding into him all over again. He would be _so_ sore, but who fucking cared.

 _Take it all_ , Jace would’ve wanted to scream to Alec, but he had lost all ability to speak. Still, if he had ever belonged to someone, it was Alec; it went without saying that his _ass_ belonged to him, too. He would’ve laughed about that thought if he could.

Well, _Alec’s_ ass also belonged to him, apparently. They had switched places, and the sight of Alec bent over in front of him was the point when everything became finally _too much_. A person could only take so much stimuli, right?

No, wrong. Jace fucked into Alec all too eagerly. And he would’ve wanted to ask who was better, him or Dick, but his voice always got lost in a moan. Considering how Alec was basically being as loud as him, though, and how he tightened around Jace’s cock, Jace was pretty confident of who he liked best.

And he was back where he had started, under Alec on the bed. They kissed, Jace groaned as Alec bottomed out in him all over again, then _Alec_ did as Jace’s fingers grazed _his_ prostate, and the chain went on all the way throughout the room, until they had branched all over, fucking on every surface, in all the ways they could think of, up to an intoxicating sixty-nine on the floor.

If Jace had ever thought his mind had been blown before during an orgasm, that had truly been nothing compared to _this_. Because every projection of himself or Alec came independently, separately and at different times than all the others, so Jace couldn’t tell how much time passed before there was just one of him and one of Alec sprawled side by side on the bed. Every inch of Jace’s body was still aching, the after-effects fading away so damn slowly that Jace felt like he was in a dream-like state that didn’t seem to end. He felt sorry for his neighbors.

“Holy shit,” Alec breathed in the end.

And Jace started laughing. He shouldn’t have, since he almost got cramps in his stomach from doing so, but he couldn’t very well stop it after he had already started. Alec followed him suit.

“Isn’t it funny,” Jace managed to let out between fit of laughter, “to think that the last time we saw each other we used to play a completely different kind of games?”

Alec snorted loudly. “Oh, god, don’t make me think about us playing as kids after everything we’ve just done!”

Jace was still laughing helplessly. “Too late.”

Alec shoved him, before turning on his side to better face him, a grin in place. “Hey, you still don’t like that I’m taller than you?”

Jace shoved him back. “Oh, fuck off.”

Alec’s smile was positively shit-eating now. “What? Doesn’t it have perks? I can pick you up easily…and it’s rather adorable that you need to stand on your tippy toes to kiss me.”

“You complete _tosser_. I said fuck off, or you won’t get to pick me up ever again!”

And they were gone again, doubling over as they laughed and laughed.

Only when Jace buried his face against Alec’s neck, wrapping an arm and leg over him, did he finally feel less amused and more in _awe_ ; of Alec, always of Alec, from his pungent scent, to the way he held him tenderly to his chest, to how _right_ Jace felt being with him.

 _I belong to you, and you belong to me_ , was the thought that, out of the blue, came to Jace’s mind.

He couldn’t say it. His already-sore throat had tightened around those words. Jace resorted to saying instead, “And if this is only _mind_ -sex, just think of what it’ll be like when we’re _really_ together.”

No, he shouldn’t have said that either!

Jace’s head shot up to look Alec in the eyes, suddenly scared of having gone too far, assumed too much…but Alec only smiled. “Yeah. I can’t wait for that.”

Jace’s mouth hung open. “Really? You – you want to meet?”

Alec made a face that clearly said _duh_. “Of _course,_ silly. We need to work out some schedules, but I’m flying over for sure, or you are, if you want…whenever you want.”

Alec’s voice had turned more hesitant at the end, so Jace immediately said “Yes, _yes_ ,” before he leaned forward to capture Alec’s lips with his. “I’d love that so much.”

 _I love you_.

Jace gasped internally as that other thought hit him. It was on the tip of his tongue, and it felt so right, so strong, so _true_ , what if he just…

 _No_ , it wasn’t time. Too early, too sudden.

Jace kissed Alec a bit harder.

But when they fell asleep together, Jace snuggling against Alec’s warmth, he told himself, _Soon_.

 _Not_ the next morning when he had to wake up early to do a shift at the shop, for sure. It was still night for Alec, so Jace simply pressed a kiss on Alec’s cheek and let him sleep a while longer, a smile opening on his face when he thought that he’d talk to Alec later, because Alec was a _permanent part of his life_ now. Not mentioning that Alec was also his _favorite_ part of his life. And they’d get to meet face to face, eventually. _Soon_.

The smile didn’t leave Jace even as he walked to the subway. It was _so_ damn early, it was still partly dark, and not many people were around. Less reasons to be distracted from his thoughts, from his memory of the night before, from the lingering aches on his body, a reminder that, somehow, it had all really _happened_. And, maybe, if he projected himself to Alec before _he_ had to go to work, they could even do a repeat…

Brakes shrieked, bright lights pierced Jace’s eyes, as a truck came to a stop in front of him. Jace jumped, his heart starting to pound unexplainably inside his chest, but he shook himself off, ready to resume his steps.

Except that masked men were rushing out of the vehicle, and they were running right towards _him_.

Jace’s eyes were positively bugging out of his head, but he didn’t waste time, he didn’t think; he simply bolted. He was surprised, but he was also not. Ever since Magnus had mentioned groups of people hunting their ‘kind’ down, he’d had the feeling this would happen. He just knew it!

“Alec! Alec, help me!” he shouted in Alec’s room.

Alec sat upright on the bed so quickly that he got whiplash, and he started rubbing behind his neck. “What? Jace…”

They were both running side by side through the vacant lesser streets of London, chased by unknown men.

“Faster, faster, Jace!” Alec urged him.

Oh, to be back in the bedroom, where those words had had a completely different meaning…

“Alec, I don’t need you to run with me, I need you to…”

They were in a back alley, and Jace stopped dead in his tracks.

“Jace, what – why did you…?”

“Hello, son. Long time no see.”

Jace’s entire body had turned to ice.

“Jace, c’mon, you need to move!” Alec was still saying.

“Can’t – can’t you…” Jace couldn’t lay his eyes on Alec, for how glued they were on…Valentine. He was older, balder than Jace remembered…but it was unmistakably him. “Can’t you see…?” And Jace realized. “YOU! You are…!”

“I look forward to spending more time with you, son,” Valentine said, calm, you could even say _warm_ , if you didn’t know him.  

“Jace, what are you doing, they’re coming, they have guns, you need to ru–”

It was too late. Both ends of the alley were flooding with masked people, holding guns, approaching a frozen Jace who was still caught in a staring contest with the man who was ruining his life all over again.

Jace still _tried_ ; he couldn’t simply go down without putting up a fight. He knocked out the first people who approached him, stole a gun, shot it against some others…but to not much avail. There were simply too many. In the end, he was restrained from behind, brought to his knees, and at the corner of his eye he could see the flash of a needle nearing his neck…

Valentine stood immobile in the midst of it all, a few feet away, as people who were most likely his henchmen passed _through_ him to do his dirty work. He couldn’t even kidnap Jace in person.

Alec was still there with him, shouting, trying to lend him his strength, his skills. Jace wanted to tell him to run, but he couldn’t talk.

“Jace! Jace, look at me! Look at me!” Alec finally said.

Jace could barely distinguish Alec’s face, as he felt a prickle on his neck, but he looked at his _parabatai_ nonetheless.

“I will find you, you hear me?! I will find you! Just you wait! WAIT FOR ME!”

And everything became dark.


	14. The Circle And The Shadowhunters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Alec?” his sister’s groggy voice finally came through. “What the hell? It’s 2 a.m.”_   
>  _“Iz, I – I’m going to London.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am! Happy New Year to all, and I hope you'll enjoy this new plot-y chapter. You might also be happy to know that the story has gained a new chapter cause, again, this one got so long that I had to divide events further.  
> As usual thanks to @fishcollective for beta'ing :)

Alec breathed in, then out, then in… never had he been more grateful for his academy training. He knew that he would be of no help to Jace if he freaked out. Alec counted to ten, then to twenty, and at that point he was collected enough to start _acting_ with as much lucidity and coldness as it was necessary.

Or as much as he could muster. His instructors would purse their lips if they saw his shaking fingers as he turned on the PC and started typing. He was _only_ lucid and collected enough to manage to book a direct flight to London. A one-way ticket. Take off in four hours. Thank god he’d had enough in his savings.

Then, Alec rose from the bed, and the way he threw stuff in his traveling bag and got dressed couldn’t be called _calm_ by anyone with eyes. Or ears. 

_I will find you, you hear me?! I will find you! Just you wait! WAIT FOR ME!_

He needed to fulfill his promise, if it was the last thing he did.

Finally, he was ready. But before he left the apartment, Alec steeled himself a bit more and called his sister. The phone rang for so long that he almost put it down.

“Alec?” his sister’s groggy voice finally came through. “What the hell? It’s 2 a.m.”

“Iz, I – I’m going to London.”

He could hear ruffling going on at the other end of the line.

“What? _London_? Alec…?”

He hated scaring her like this, but he couldn’t simply ghost her, could he? However, now he was regretting not calling her later, when he was already on the plane or something…

“Alec, what is going on?” That was Lydia. They had probably put him on speaker.

“Listen, just listen to me.” Alec rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Something has come up, someone I know is…in danger, and I need to go. It’s difficult to explain right now, but I’ll tell you everything when I’m back. I _promise_.”

 A prolonged silence followed.

“Alec, are you _shitting_ me? You can’t just leave like this! What is going on? Who the hell is in danger?!” Izzy burst out.

“Lydia knows who it is,” Alec simply said.

“What? Lyd…”

“ _Seriously_ , Alec?!” Lydia sounded dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Alec retorted. “I’ll explain everything, I _will_. Please, now I really need to go. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be back, please go back to bed.”

“And what do I tell the station?!” Lydia asked.

“What do I tell mom and dad?!” Izzy echoed.

“I don’t know! Anything you want! I’m still not feeling well after the shooting and I need some time for myself…please, I know I’m asking a lot, but I’ll make it up to you. I promise, I _promise_. Bye, I love you both, go to sleep.”

He ended the call. He _shouldn’t_ have called them, now he only felt so much worse.

Swallowing his bile, Alec closed the door behind him.

Everything went by so _slowly_. Every second anything could be happening to Jace, while Alec was stuck endlessly waiting for time to just _accelerate_.

It never did. Instead, Alec was _almost_ about to get in line to pass the first metal detector.

“Alec! Alec!”

Alec’s eyes widened, and he turned around only to see Izzy and Lydia running towards him.

“What?! What the hell are you doing here? I told you…”

“Fuck, thank god we found you, we thought we had already lost you,” Izzy said breathlessly, ignoring his questions.

Alec crossed his arms. “You shouldn’t have come here!”

Lydia crossed her arms as well. “And what? Just go back to sleep while you left so cryptically?”

Izzy’s eyes were sending him daggers. “Alec, do you seriously have a boyfriend you never bothered to _mention_? Who am I, the next-door neighbor?” Alec lowered his eyes; shame could’ve swallowed him whole. “And what the hell is going _on_? Why is he in danger?”

Alec sighed. “Listen, I really can’t explain now, okay? It’s – it’s complicated. Truly, it’s not just an excuse. But he’s in a _very_ serious situation.”

The girls kept staring at him sternly.

“Alec, if this is dangerous…” Izzy’s voice was almost pleading.

Alec huffed. “You don’t understand, I need to go! He – he _needs_ me, Iz.” Izzy’s gaze was piercing, and Alec couldn’t hold it. “And I can’t – I can’t live without him.”

Izzy visibly startled, and she shared a speechless look with Lydia.

“I know this is so out of the blue,” Alec continued, bordering on desperate; no, he was _really_ desperate. “But I can’t lose him. His…his foster father is a terrible man, and he needs my help. That’s all. I couldn’t live with myself if I did nothing.”

Lydia sent him a concerned, but understanding look, before she stretched out an arm to rub Izzy’s shoulder comfortingly.

Izzy, recognizing defeat, sighed loudly. “You _must_ come back, or you can count that I will get over there and _kick your ass_ , you hear me?!”

Alec managed a broken laugh. “Understood.”

Izzy threw herself at him and Alec circled her with his arms, holding her tightly. He signaled Lydia to join them, and he was hugging them both.

Lydia had a worried look in her eyes that Alec felt guilty about. “Alec, do you need me to come with you?” she asked tentatively. Izzy turned towards her girlfriend with a start, but Lydia was only looking at Alec. “We’re in this together, right, partner? How can I let you go all alone, without backup...?”

Alec smiled ruefully. “Thank you, Lyd, really. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner…a better _friend_. But I need to do this alone, and to know that you two are safe, okay?” They both looked hesitant. “For me, please? I already have so many things to worry about…”

 Izzy buried herself into his side again, and he kissed her head, while Lydia reluctantly nodded.

“Take care, Alec,” Lydia said.

“I will. And you take care of each other, okay? I love you.”

Alec broke apart from the hug, and took a step back.

“I love you too, big bro,” Izzy told him, her smile a bit wobbly. “Go get your man. A man I didn’t know you had who you apparently can’t live without,” she concluded, only half joking. 

Both Lydia and Alec laughed, then he turned around.

“I want to hear _details_ when you come back, know it!” was Izzy’s last remark.

Alec waved, before he finally joined the queue. He didn’t turn back, or he would’ve begged them to come with him. He hoped they had gone back home instead.

The flight seemed to last an eternity. The only upside was that it gave him time to _think_ , to start making plans, to reason himself around the situation…

For one, Jace wasn’t dead, he was sure of it. He would _feel_ something like that, right? If Jace was inextricably _tied_ to him… So, Alec tried to not panic too much about the fact that he couldn’t _reach_ him. Whether Jace was still unconscious or those people had done something to him, it couldn’t be permanent. It just couldn’t. And he _remembered_ Jace, so their connection couldn’t have been damaged, right? 

For now, at least.

Still, whenever Alec recounted the circumstances of Jace’s kidnapping, the fact that Jace had suddenly frozen and looked at something that Alec couldn’t see _meant_ something. Something definitely not good.

 _Can’t you – can’t you see…? YOU! You are…_ was all that Jace had managed to say.

Alec could only conclude that he had seen _Valentine_. Was it that much of a reach, after everything that man had already done to Jace? Was it so impossible to think that the same person who had caused them to forget each other might be in one of those groups set out to wipe out parabatai? And that he might also be a parabatai _himself_?

Admittedly, it was hard to wrap his mind around that last idea…why would one of them want to get rid of his own _kind_? Yet, it couldn’t be a coincidence – Alec felt more and more like _nothing_ in their life was – that Valentine had kidnapped Jace of all people as a child, for no apparent reason, and that he had managed to hurt them both so severely, so _lastingly_ …

It was only logical, then, that he might do it again. However, if it was really Valentine who had kidnapped Jace a second time…how could Alec find him? Lydia had been right; what could _he_ do, all on his own?

As a policeman, he should logically think that the best solution was going to the police…yet, Alec hardly believed they’d be able to help him if he mentioned things like a different species of human or an evil secret organization that wants to kill them all. They’d think he was a lunatic.

No, he needed another way.

Maybe, if he reached out to Jace’s family and friends…they ought to have noticed his absence, right? _They_ might be more inclined to believe him, if Alec told them the truth…

He had to take that risk. For Jace.

But how could he reach _them_? He thought he remembered where Jace lived – he had read the address once – but not where his shop was exactly, nor did he have any number or knew any of his family or friends’ addresses…

 _I don’t need you to run with me, I need you to…!_ he suddenly remembered Jace’s words.

What _had_ Jace needed him to do? Was he maybe also thinking about reaching out to the people who knew him in London?

Damn it. It was too late, now Alec couldn’t get that information. Then, he would have to retrace the places he _did_ know about; since a sound plan wasn’t possible, he could only wing it. As a start, he could go look up the street around Jace’s apartment, the one where he had been kidnapped, to see if those people had left some traces behind…

With that in mind, Alec finally landed in London.

_I’m coming for you, Jace. Just hold on a little longer._

Reaching Jace’s apartment, however, didn’t turn out to be as easy as he had thought. Following Jace around had been one thing, but orienting himself in a big new city was another thing entirely, and Jace didn’t live in the center.

Even if he asked for directions at the airport, it still took him a couple of hours to reach someplace familiar. And, even if he had managed to catch a few hours of fretful sleep on the plane, he was tired as all hell when he finally entered the back alley where the masked men had overpowered Jace.

The place was deserted and as normal-looking as anything else. Alec walked around, but the only thing to be found faulty was the debatable cleanliness.

Until he heard something hit the ground, and he turned around just in time to see gas come out of a weird device.

 _Shit_.

Alec started running the opposite direction, faster than he’d ever done in his life…but it wasn’t enough. The gas had already filled the entire alley, and covering his mouth and nose with his shirt couldn’t stop him from inhaling it. The sound of his own coughs was the last thing he heard before everything became dark.

When he regained consciousness, he kept his eyes closed as he tried to assess his situation. He was sitting on a chair, hands and feet tied. The light was bright, judging from the redness of the inside of his eyelids…most likely artificial.

Not the best rescue mission he had ever done, he had to admit. Or rather, the _worst_ he’d ever done. He had walked right into a trap, and now him and Jace had _both_ been captured.

However, he couldn’t give in just yet. Opening his eyes, Alec steeled himself; he was ready to face Valentine, and whatever he might throw at them.

He was met with far more familiar faces instead. All glaring at him. No, it couldn’t be…?

“ _You_?” he croaked.

“Don’t talk without being addressed first,” the red-headed girl snapped at him. Clary. It was _Clary_ , Jace’s ex- _girlfriend_! Alec couldn’t believe that she was one of…

“How – why…?” was all Alec could say, as he struggled against his constraints, to not much avail.

It was also painful to take in the presence of another one of Jace’s friends, _Simon_ , and that other one, _Jonathan_! There were also a few other people surrounding him with varying looks of contempt, but Alec didn’t know _them_ , at least. Still, he felt blindsided.

“I said don’t talk without being addressed!” Clary barked again. “Where is _Jace_ , is what you should be telling us instead! Where did you _take_ him?!” 

Alec’s mouth fell open, but he internally took a big sigh of relief. Thank _god_. He had not fallen in the wrong hands! Alec smiled.

“Don’t you dare smile, you dipshit!” Simon burst out. Alec had never heard him so angry; so _mature_. The goofy friend was gone. “But this is all a joke to you, isn’t it, _Circle member_? You take joy in the suffering of…”

“No, no, I’m not! I’m not a member of the Circle!” Alec quickly replied, trying to hide his surprise at the fact that Jace’s apparently clueless friends _knew_ about this stuff. How was that…?

“Oh, _sure_ ,” Jonathan put in coldly. “Then why were you snooping around on the scene of the crime? How do you know what the Circle is? Tsk, I would’ve thought Valentine trained his people better. You already gave yourself away.” 

For Valentine’s children to know who their father was and what he did wasn’t that surprising, Alec concluded. However, that meant he wasn’t in such an easy situation as he had thought. “Please, you need to listen me,” Alec begged. “I’m not with Valentine, and I know about him because I – I’m a _parabatai_.” They all rolled their eyes; okay, so they knew about that, too. “I’m _Jace’s_ parabatai!”

That gained him full attention. The three familiar faces became even darker, though.

“How _dare_ you?” Clary hissed. “Does Valentine think he can trick us that easily? Of all things…when it’s known that Jace’s not a parabatai!”

“I don’t know how’s that supposed to be _known_ , but it’s wrong either way! It’s – I’ll admit that it’s news for him, and for _me_ too!” Alec could tell they were about to shut him up, but he had to get his point across, “I met Jace a _month_ ago, in _New York_. He appeared to me all of a sudden during the shooting, I gather you heard about it? And ever since then we’ve discovered all this _stuff_ that we can do, we met this _fortune teller_ who told us what we are and that there are people trying to _kill_ us…and we discovered that we were connected before, as _kids_ , but Valentine, Jace’s kidnapper, when he – he beat Jace up, he might’ve damaged us, and we forgot. We _forgot_ about each other!”

Every pair of eyes staring at him widened in shock. Alec suddenly resented the fact that they most likely had heard the catch in his voice.

“What – that’s not…” Clary stumbled.

In that moment, an older woman with dark red hair stepped forward. “Clary, let him talk. _You_ ,” she addressed him sternly. Was she Clary’s mother? Valentine’s…ex-wife? “You have one minute to give us proof of what you just said.”

Alec forcefully cleared his throat. “How can I give _proof_? We’re talking about a psychic connection here! I have videos at home, that we saw _yesterday_ , of me as a child talking about Jace, but I can hardly give them to you now, can I? But I – I was apparently the one to name him _Jace_ , because his full name was too hard to say! Jonathan Christopher, if you’re wondering. And we – we had no idea what was going on at first, _I_ thought I was going _crazy_. And I’m surprised to see all of you…Clary, Simon, Jonathan!” They all visibly startled at being addressed like that, yet they still looked skeptically at him. “Yes, I know who you are, because you’re Jace’s _friends_! I was often right next to Jace these past weeks, and Jace was debating whether to tell you about me or not, so I would’ve never imagined you _knew_! And you’re saying you thought Jace was not a parabatai? How? And what is this place, who are these people? Are more of you parabatai? What – what the hell is going on...”

Nobody told him anything, as they were all still glaring at him.  

“C’mon! We’re running out of time here! Jace’s in danger!” Alec huffed. “Okay, let me think…yesterday, _Simon_ ,” Simon frowned at him. “I was talking to Jace at the music shop, and you asked him who he was talking to, and Jace pretended to be on the phone.” Simon’s eyes perceptibly widened, and he shared a look with Clary. “Then…then a while ago! We were all in a diner, and I was eating this dessert, but I sputtered it all over you when Jace told me that it was ‘Spotted dick’.” Alec had to stop to chuckle, and he was rewarded with a twitch of Simon’s lips and the siblings looking at each other. “And oh! I know you and Jace used to be together, Clary…”

“Everyone knows that,” she interjected, curtly. “I bet Valentine…”

“But does he know that Jace was with…Jonathan, too? Since you said not even your mother knows?”

The older woman arched an eyebrow at Jonathan and Clary, who awkwardly didn’t return the stare. Yep, definitely the mother.

Alec sighed. “Listen, I was sleeping last night. Jace had just gone to work, when he suddenly appeared to me shouting for help. I ran _with_ him while those people chased him! I was there when he froze, and I think he saw _Valentine_. We hadn’t thought that he was a parabatai, so this information is still kind of new. _Everything_ is. But just…those people overpowered Jace, they injected him with something and he passed out, so I couldn’t see further than that. But I promised him, I promised him that I would find him! I flew here all the way from New York, and I don’t care if you believe me or not, I intend to _keep_ my promise. This very moment he could be hurt or who knows what else, and I can’t even reach him, for some reason, so whoever you are, can you help him? Is that what you’re _doing_? You brought me here to find him, right?”

The older woman stared at him a moment longer, before she turned towards her children. “Is any of what he said true? Did those things happen?”

Both the siblings and Simon hesitated, but, in the end, they nodded. Alec didn’t know whether feeling relieved, especially since, when the woman turned back towards him, she didn’t look any less skeptic of him, the fire not having lessened in her eyes.

“And you flew _all_ this way just to save Jace? Alone, without back-up, without a plan?”

Alec gulped. “Yes. I didn’t have many other options, did I? But I – I would do anything for Jace.” He hadn’t meant to say something like that, so he hoped that being painfully honest would get him _somewhere_ , at least. “I know I said that I’ve only known Jace for a month, but if you all know what parabatai are, then you might understand. I need to find him, I need – I need to know if he’s…okay.”

The following silence was so heavy that Alec could almost taste it. He didn’t dare hope that the gazes of Jace’s friends had softened a little. Instead, he let the older woman stare him down without blinking. Let her assess him. He _needed_ them all to believe him once and for all; Jace’s life was on the line and they were wasting precious _time_.

Finally, the woman nodded. “What is your name?”

“Alec. Alec Lightwood,” Alec said hoarsely.

The woman blinked. “Do you know…?”

“Robert? Yeah, that’s my father,” he answered, quickly adding, “I also found out _yesterday_ that he’s a parabatai. He never told me anything. You can check my phone and the last message I sent him.”

“Robert did have a son…”

“Are you sure this is _wise_ , Jocelyn?” another woman jumped in. “You know Valentine, how he’s always one step ahead of us…”

“Please, we don’t have time for this!” Alec burst out. “Keep me tied up all you want, but focus on finding Jace instead of wasting time on me!”

“Who do you _think_ you are, talking like that to…”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Jocelyn barked. “Alec Lightwood will be released. Things haven’t turned out exactly how we had thought, but if what he says it’s true, he can be even _more_ useful to find Jace than our original plan. But if he’s lying, and he thinks he can sabotage us or escape this place, he’s the worst spy Valentine could ever send us, don’t you think? You three,” she turned towards Jace’s friends, “he’s under your watch. Interrogate him further, and explain to him what he needs to know. It’s hardly anything Valentine doesn’t know, so don’t worry about that. We have to wait to see if a blocker is in place or not anyway. If it fades, and Alec really connects with Jace, we’ll proceed.”

With that, the room – small, white generic walls, empty except for the people occupying it and the chair Alec was tied to – cleared, Jocelyn slamming the door on the four of them.

The silence that followed wasn’t any less pleasant, and Alec was caught in a staring contest with people who still looked none-too enthused with him.

“I believe him,” Simon finally proclaimed, turning towards the siblings.

“Simon…” Clary started.

“Of course you do, you fool,” Jonathan snapped.

“C’mon guys, how could he have known that stuff, and you must admit that those things he said _did_ happen! And just think of how we had noticed that something weird was going on with Jace. He was more distracted than usual, never with us, very moody…I mean, yes, we thought it was because of Valentine’s release from prison, but…” Simon pointed at Alec. “This would explain far more!”

“Instead _I_ bet that it all makes sense cause _Valentine_ has thought it through,” Jonathan put in. “Have you forgotten who he _is_? I mean, maybe Alec _is_ Jace’s parabatai, maybe Jace _did_ forget, but I bet this guy hasn’t, and Valentine has groomed him all these years…”

Alec’s eyes narrowed. “Do you even hear what you’re saying? My family’s a phone call away, I have a job and a life in New York, I don’t even know what Valentine’s face _looks_ like!”

“All very _convenient_ …” 

“And how do _I_ know _you_ aren’t all with Valentine?” Alec burst out. “That this isn’t all a façade?! After all, it seems to me that you’ve lied to Jace his entire life! What would _he_ say about this little gathering of people you have here? Or that you knew Valentine was up to something and you didn’t tell him, when he was already so _scared_?!”

 Jonathan bit his lip, but he seemed ready to shoot another retort…

“Okay, guys, enough,” Clary said then. “I believe him, too.”

Her brother looked at her in shock. “ _What_? Clary…”

Clary waved him off, before she took a knife from her thigh holster – she had a damn thigh holster…where had Alec landed in, a zombie apocalypse? – and started approaching Alec with her other hand raised pacifically. Alec forced himself to stay still as she cut all his ties.

“Shouldn’t we be _debating_ this?” Jonathan was still protesting.

“Shut up, Jon. It’s two to one, just let it go,” Clary told him annoyedly.

 As he found himself free, Alec remained still for a moment longer, before he rose from the chair rubbing his incredibly sore wrists.

“Damn, you’re tall,” Simon exclaimed. Then he smirked. “So _you’re_ what Jace’s been doing, uh? We can’t exactly blame him for being a little _distracted_ , then, can we?”

He started chuckling, but the siblings simply rolled their eyes at him, Clary a little more good-naturedly than her brother. Alec hoped that he wasn’t blushing too much as he looked down at his own shoes in clear embarrassment. He was on a _mission_ , he couldn’t be seen as a softy! Well, maybe the nature of his mission and what he had said before had already given him away…

When he raised his eyes again and he was met with Clary’s sympathetic ones, though, he didn’t care anymore about keeping pretenses.

“I – I still can’t quite believe that Jace has a parabatai he forgot about,” she said. Noticing his frown, she added, “I mean, it’s just hard to wrap my mind around. I had been so _sure_ that Jace…”

“How?” Alec urged. “How could you be sure, and why did you check in the first place?”

Clary glanced briefly at Simon. “We – me and Simon, that is – we are parabatai, too.”

Alec blinked. More than once. “Oh.” He also looked at Jonathan, who was leaning against the wall.

“No, Jon is not like us. Nor my mother, who is…”

Alec interrupted her, “I know who your mother is, _and_ your father. Jace told me. But he believed Valentine to be a simple criminal, you know…”

Clary nodded. Alec crossed his arms.

“We’ve always wanted to tell him everything, I swear,” Clary said next. “Keeping half of our lives a secret from him has been so…that’s why I’m glad he has you, now. Someone who would cross an ocean for him.”

Alec averted his eyes from Clary’s piercing ones, feeling the heat on his cheeks rise even more. “We – can we leave all sentimentalism till after we’ve saved Jace? What’s the plan, what’s Valentine up to, and you still haven’t answered…”

“First you need to tell us more,” Simon jumped in. “We need details, mate! And if we’re satisfied, we might talk, too.”

Alec sighed, rubbing his temples tiredly. “Okay, what do you want to know?”

“Just recount what’s happened between you and Jace with a bit more details,” Clary surmised.

“That’s _personal_ ,” Alec snapped.

“Not exactly Jace’s type, is he?” Simon mock-whispered to Clary. Alec rolled his eyes. “C’mon, mate! I’m dying to know how you won the superior no-strings-attached guy.”

“One, I’m not your mate,” Alec clarified, a finger raised. “Two, fine, but don’t interrupt me and don’t make comments…” When they all nodded, Alec began to talk. “During the shooting, I was helping the people get to safety…”

“You were helping them?” Simon inquired.

Alec stopped himself from glaring at him. “I’m a cop.”

“Oh, are you?”

“Yes. Can I _continue_?” Alec said forcefully.

“Simon, don’t interrupt him. We’re on a tight schedule,” Clary admonished him.

“Sorry.”

Alec sighed. “So, I was helping the people get to safety, when I suddenly turned around and…he was there. Standing in the middle of the crowd, not moving. I shouted at him to run, but he wouldn’t listen. So I grabbed his arm to push him away…and right then someone passed right _through_ him. The next moment we were both somewhere else, not in New York anymore. I realize now that we were in London. I was completely shocked, with no idea what was happening. Jace looked so real, yet…and that was when I was shot. Don’t worry, I had a vest. I was just knocked out. It still wasn’t pleasant. I was in the hospital for the rest of the day, thinking I was going crazy. I asked for a scan, but all my results came out normal, which I now believe to be weird, you know? Anyway, I kept seeing Jace. The first time we talked we both shouted at each other that the other wasn’t real.”

Alec found himself smiling even though he had not meant to. He realized that not _that_ long had passed since then, yet it truly felt as if it had happened a lifetime ago. Everything had been so different back then, and he couldn’t believe just how far him and Jace had come…

“Listen, to make things short; weeks passed when I was home recuperating from my injuries where Jace and I would just appear to each other randomly, both thinking that we were dreaming or hallucinating or something. Actually, that was just me, cause Jace had heard of the shooting on the news and googled me, so he knew I was real from early on. Instead I was kinda…in denial. I wanted to go to a psychologist to get rid of Jace, but I couldn’t bring myself to.”

“And why not?” Jonathan asked, his tone purposefully neutral.

Alec had almost forgotten who he was telling all this to. The others’ scrutiny was uncanny. “Well, you know Jace.” Alec shrugged, an awkward laugh escaping out of him. “I didn’t want him to go away. He’s…I’ve never met someone quite like him.” Alec cleared his throat, crossing his arms.

“Jon, stop making him uncomfortable,” Clary reproached her brother, who raised his hands in front of him. “Go on, Alec. So what did you do? How did you found out it was all real?”

“Well, it was a number of things. At the end of the day I think I knew it from the start, but a few weeks passed before things kind of escalated. The tension with Jace, him wanting me to admit he was real, us…you know…growing closer despite everything. I couldn’t handle how real it all was, how real what I _felt_ was…so I went to that psychologist. But she told me to ‘explore’ these visions I had, which brought me back to square one. And then things just…happened.”

“Thiiiiiings,” Simon stressed with a smirk. “Of course, _I_ know all about that. Jace was literally glowing the last time I…”

Clary swatted his arm, as Alec gritted his teeth in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, Alec,” she said then. “But I have to ask for more specifics. So you and Jace got…together?”

“Yeah,” Alec answered, forcing himself to explain further. This wasn’t the fastest way he would’ve thought would get him to Jace. “I mean, it wasn’t that straight forward. I think I dragged some things along, after we first…kissed. Again, it was too real, too crazy. I finally gave in, what, two days ago? I realized it was just stupid pushing Jace away, since, again, I kind of knew he was real. Then, after that, we wanted to figure stuff out, since we still had no idea how everything was possible. So throughout yesterday we called each other on the phone, we met this fortune teller – he had been robbed, and I was on his case – who told us so much…you know, that psychologist I went to? Exclusively treats parabatai. My father sent me to her, and that’s how we figured out he was one too. Then we went to my mother, who recounted this accident from my past that I had never given much thought to.”

“When you forgot each other, you mean?” Clary suggested. “Did you figure out what happened?”

“Yeah. The night Valentine beat Jace up I was there, too. My mother told me how I was screaming in my sleep. ‘Don’t hurt him’, I kept saying.” Alec gulped. “We – we think it was the abuse, the pain, the entire thing that…we think that Jace told me to get out of his head, and all that triggered us to forget each other. I apparently had some kind of seizure, and when I woke up at the hospital I had no memory of Jace. For my mother, he was my ‘imaginary friend’. After that I claimed to never have had one.”

A brief silence followed, where neither of them looked at each other, as the events of the past seemed to settle in the air like an heavy fog.

“We were talking about meeting each other,” Alec added forlornly, he didn’t even know why. “We wanted to get on a plane and see each other for real. And then he was taken.” More uncomfortable silence. Alec simply sighed. “So are you satisfied? Do you believe me now? Can you tell me what _I_ need to know?” He didn’t mean to be so snappy, but he’d had _enough_. They needed to save Jace _now_.

All three of them kept staring at him weirdly. Alec had a feeling they were kinda touched…he hoped that that meant the ‘believing him’ act was over and they _truly_ believed him now.  

Clary nodded. “Shoot.”

“Okay, so I still think I’m missing something here. Valentine is in the Circle, a group that kills parabatai…but also, Valentine is a parabatai _himself_? And what did your mother say earlier, what is a… _blocker_? Why can’t I reach Jace because of it?”

“Mate…I mean, Alec, I think it’s better if you sit back down. There’s a lot to explain,” Simon told him, now more subdued than he was before.

Alec didn’t move.

“Okay, listen,” Clary started, “Valentine is not in the Circle. He _is_ the Circle.”

Alec took a deep breath, before signaling her to go on.

“He’s a parabatai, yes. But when he was growing up, there wasn’t much support for people like him, you know? He lived with a father who…thought him to be a monster, an _abomination_. And he grew up believing it himself, that’s why he started the biggest organization in existence set out to kill them all. But they don’t just _kill_ parabatai. They experiment on them, they use them against each other via…” Clary paused, “lobotomy.”

Alec swallowed. “And what – what is that?”

“They dissect people’s brains,” Jonathan stated loudly, and they all turned towards him. “The prefrontal cortex. The person either dies or becomes vegetative, in that case an experienced parabatai is able to take over the body. Use it to do their bidding.”

“Valentine did that to his own parabatai,” Clary added in a small voice. “Luke. That was when my mother finally realized what kind of person Valentine was. She thought he was right, at first, that parabatai were dangerous and should’ve been eliminated, that’s why she joined him. But she knew Luke, she loved Luke, and she was never the same after that. She realized she had made a terrible mistake, and escaped with Jon and an unborn me. All these years…” Clary averted her eyes, which were shining lightly, “we’ve been on the run from _him_.” She set her lips in a thin line. “When mom realized I was a parabatai, she tried to block my connection to Simon, otherwise others, and _him_ , could have found me. Blockers are pills that temporarily render the psychic nervous system we all have,” Clary looked at him, and Alec nodded, to make her understand he knew, “dormant. That’s why Simon came to live with me.” She smiled at Simon, who returned it. “So that we can be together without risks.”

Alec finally sat back down on the chair. He was feeling very tired all of a sudden. “What about Jace? Valentine killed his parents, kidnapped him because…?”

“Until, well, an hour ago,” Clary started, “we thought it was because Valentine had thought Jace to be a parabatai, but had been wrong. You know, when Valentine was arrested and it came out what he had done to Jace, my mother got in contact with his grandmother. Then, when we had to move for the umpteenth time, we came to London to meet him, to see if he was one of us and look out for him. However, after we met face to face, I could never reach out telepathically to him. I tried multiple times, thinking he might’ve been on blockers, but in the end I just had to resign myself to the fact that he was _not_ a parabatai. I even tried to give him hints that I knew, and I was one, but he never caught them. So we all concluded that he was not, and all these years have always proved it. God, that’s why the thought that what’s been going on with him lately might’ve been that he had connected with someone never even crossed our minds! It’s been almost _ten_ years since I’ve known him.” Her expression turned sour.  “We should’ve still taken notice of him, though. If we had done that, maybe it wouldn’t have been so easy for Valentine to…”

“Hey, hey.” Simon quickly walked up to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “We couldn’t have known, it’s all been so sudden…”

“Still, _we_ are his friends, if we don’t protect-”

“He’s right, Clary,” Alec jumped in, and they both looked at him. “You couldn’t have known. There’s no reason for you to blame yourself.” Clary held his gaze a moment longer, before she reluctantly nodded. “So Valentine knew Jace was a parabatai…how?” Alec added.

“He must’ve met the baby, and visited him,” Jonathan said. “You know what visiting…”

“Yeah, I know,” Alec responded curtly.

“Hey, who is this fortune teller that told you all this stuff, eh?” Jonathan replied then. “Pretty _knowledgeable_ , indeed.”

Alec shrugged. “I didn’t have a chance to get to know him better. Magnus Bane, he’s called.”

“Oh,” three voices echoed.

“What?” Alec said.

“He’s not a fortune teller,” Clary explained. “He’s a scientist, one of the pioneers to define parabatai biology. He’s been in hiding for years. Magnus Bane is not his real name, just his current alias.”

“ _Oh_ …” was Alec’s turn to exclaim. “Okay, so what did Valentine want with a baby parabatai anyway? Why didn’t he kill him straight away? Why raise him?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Clary started saying, new light in her eyes, “now the theory we had at first can stand again! You see, we always thought, in the case Jace was a parabatai and _that_ was why Valentine had taken him, that he needed to groom him for something, or experiment on him, maybe to figure out a way to turn a parabatai into a ‘normal’ human being, you know? Yes, I think it was definitely that.”

“But he failed,” Jonathan filled in. “So he tried to kill Jace. But he slipped up; the neighbors heard, and he was arrested. Don’t think, Lightwood, that being in prison kept Valentine from doing his thing – he’s still a psychic and he had many followers – however, I don’t think it was in his plans to get caught.”

 Alec merely nodded. “Still, he didn’t fail completely. He managed to damage our connection.”

“I wonder if he’s known about that, all this time,” Clary suggested, “I think so, if he had people monitor Jace. They must’ve noticed he didn’t have a connection anymore. And now, Valentine must’ve learned that it’s _back_ and he wants to continue the experiment…”

“How _does_ he know all these things, though?” Alec asked, more to himself than the others at this point.

“Okay, enough,” Jonathan suddenly said. “He’s learned enough, it’s time to test if he’s really Jace’s parabatai. A blocker doesn’t last that long.”

Alec swiftly got up. “You still don’t believe me? After _everything_ I’ve said?!”

Jonathan smirked at him. “A well-crafted story, I’ll give you that. I still want proof that it’s not _just_ a story.” A gun appeared in Jonathan’s hand, pointed straight at Alec. “We’ll bring you to the ops center, and if you try something, know that I won’t hesitate to shoot you.”

Alec raised his arms in surrender. “Yes, _sir_.”

Clary rolled her eyes, as Simon went to open the door.

“Wait, though,” Alec stopped them. “Ops center of what? You still haven’t told me what you all do here.”

“Oh.” Clary smiled brightly. “We’re the _resistance_. Parabatai and not, all teamed up together to defeat the evil organizations trying to kill us all. We’re called _Shadowhunters_.”

“Cause we hunt the shadows where these fuckers hide!” Simon exclaimed, raising an arm as if he had been holding a sword.

“This fool is military trained, if you can believe it,” Jonathan deadpanned.

“Hey! I beat you once!” Simon protested.

“In your dreams.”

Alec chuckled. He thought of Jace, and how _he_ would have a hard time believing all of this. “Well, good to know.” He glanced at Clary. “Show me what you’ve got.”

What they _got_ was a decent enough secret headquarters in a basement somewhere. Most likely still in London. Probably under the urban house of one of the members.

Either way, Alec couldn’t exactly complain. He had found a way to reach Jace, and he would take it, gun pointed at his back included. It was not as if he didn’t understand the skepticism. If Valentine was that much of a mastermind…

“So, how long do blockers last?” Alec asked.

Jocelyn was facing a number of screens, positioned in the middle of a vast room, which Alec realized showed London’s streets.

“Usually, twelve hours,” she said. “However, the formula as an injection is much stronger and could take up to eighteen. We’re definitely almost there.” She looked at her children. “So?”

Clary nodded at her. “We explained as much as we could, and…yeah, I think he’s legit.”

“What is your plan to rescue Jace anyway?” Alec couldn’t resist but press on.

Jocelyn studied him carefully. “Don’t you worry about the plan. Know that it _exists_ and we won’t fail. All we need is a location, and that’s exactly where you come in.”

“Okay…but even if I can connect with Jace again, how can I _define_ the location?”

“Ah, I love it,” Simon suddenly said, and Alec followed his eyes towards a device that could definitely fit someone’s head being brought forward by someone he didn’t know. “We have such awesome technology.”

“If you put it on,” Clary explained, “we’ll be able to lock on to where your consciousness travels to.”

“Clary,” Jonathan hissed, and Alec suddenly felt the mouth of the gun pressing against his back, “you did not just _tell_ him that.”

“Oh, please, Jonathan,” Jocelyn told her son. “If _we_ figured it out, do you think your father has not?”

“Then he will know to inject Jace again, and to not allow the connection,” Jonathan replied curtly.

“We still have to give it a try,” his mother decided. She pointed Alec towards a chair. He hesitated. “We’re giving you a chance. If you want us to trust you, you need to do the same.”

Alec bit the inside of his cheek. “Okay.”

He sat down on the chair, and he tried not to flinch away as they put the device on his head.

“Try to reach out to Jace,” Clary told him. “As soon as you can see him, try describing us what you see.”

“Closing your eyes helps,” Simon suggested kindly.

Alec nodded, before he did just that. His head felt weirdly as if it was floating, constricted inside the device, and the static noise he heard only amplified that. It made it easy to ignore his surroundings.

“Concentrate. Reach out with your mind _and_ your heart.” Jocelyn’s words also strangely helped. “Use every strand, every _fiber_ of you that is connected to him.”

Alec couldn’t tell how long it took, but flashes did start appearing inside his mind. _Jace_. Jace tied to a bed. Jace’s head in a device similar to Alec’s, yet different…

“It’s working,” Alec croaked. “I can see him. He’s on a bed, but they put something on his head, too…”

“ _Shit_ ,” Alec heard, but he couldn’t exactly tell who had said it. He could hear people rushing about.

“You see, what did I tell you…” someone else was saying, as Alec left that room and appeared in the one Jace was in.

“Jace!” Alec called out. “Jace, hold on a bit longer, we’re coming for you!”

Jace’s eyes fell on him, but the expression in them wasn’t of relief, but of _fear_. Jace looked away, and Alec followed his gaze until his own eyes landed on a group of people. One stood out amongst them. Bald, a look of _triumph_ on his face…it could only be _him_.

“Initiate sequence!” Valentine belted.

And the world turned to pain, and _screams_. Both his and Jace’s. They screamed and screamed, as electricity was _shot_ into Jace’s head through the device. Then Alec was the one on the bed, and he could feel the shocks _himself_. His body shook with the strength of them, and his throat was already hoarse.

“Jace! JACE!” Alec shout out, unable to stop himself. He didn’t know what was up or down anymore, not where he was, nor what he had been _doing_. Only that name mattered.

_Jace is not real. You invented him, because you’re a weak pathetic fool…_

_What_? NO! Jace was real! Jace was…

_Just a figment of your own imagination. You really think telepathy is possible? No, face the truth. What are parabatai? They don’t exist. Who is Jace? He doesn’t exist._

NO! No, it couldn’t be…

Flash after flash appeared in front of Alec’s eyes, but he couldn’t lock on to one single image. He saw blond hair and a speckle of brown in blue eyes, then a childish voice was saying _You’re my best friend, Alec, do you know that?_ Then he felt arms wrapped around him, he could feel lips pressing against his…

_Pathetic fool. No one could ever love you, don’t you know that? Face the truth! You made him up!_

_NO! HE’S REAL! HE – WHAT’S HIS NAME…_

“Quickly, do it! Do it!”

Something pricked his neck, and Alec was suddenly back in his chair, hands all over him as a scream faded away. _His_ scream. The pain had stopped. The images had stopped.

As he felt the device being taken off his head, Alec shot his eyes open. He was painting heavily as he rose. Something was on the tip of his tongue… “JACE! Jace…where is Jace? What happened? Why…?”

“Alec! Alec, calm down! It’s okay, you’re okay!”

Hands grabbed his arms, and Alec’s unfocused eyes fell on a stern face. What was she called? Right, Jocelyn.

“What was that? What was that device? Why did it tell me that…?”

“What did it do, Alec? What did you hear?” Jocelyn asked him slowly but firmly.

Alec opened his mouth, but no sound came for a while as his eyes darted around the room. Everyone was staring at him, from concerned to scared. Alec felt something wet on his face, and he wiped the skin above his lips. His hand came away with blood on it.

“Look at me, Alec, just me,” Jocelyn demanded sternly.

Alec did, finally able to stumble out, “Someone was telling me that Jace isn’t real. That I imagined everything, that I…and for a moment I couldn’t…I couldn’t remember his _name_ …”

Jocelyn pursed her lips, tightening her hold on his arms. “Valentine. He wants you to forget about each other again. He thinks if he tortures you like this, it will work.”

Alec’s mouth was still wordlessly moving. Jace had been tied to a bed. Jace was being tortured. And whenever Alec _thought_ of his name, he could feel a phantom of the bloodcurdling pain...

“No, he can’t. It can’t work,” Alec stated with gritted teeth. “We won’t let him, he can’t do it, Jace…” Alec flinched, and he had to close his eyes and bring his hands to his head.

Another hand was on his arm, rubbing circles on it. “This is just an aftereffect,” Clary told him, sounding a little choked up. “It will fade. We won’t let him do that to you again, so there won’t be any other effect.”

“What did you do to me?” Alec croaked.

“We blocked you from Jace,” Jocelyn explained.

“But…is Valentine still doing that to him?” Alec had to ask, dread already filling him to the brim. The people around him couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Is he still torturing him?!” Alec boomed.

Jocelyn turned towards her people. “We need to be quicker. Operation starts tonight.”

Alec started pacing the room, shaking his hands to keep himself from punching something. “Valentine is _mine_.”

Jocelyn rounded on him, but her eyes were sympathetic. “No, Alec. You need to focus on Jace.”

“You don’t understand, I need to kill him!”

“We _do_ understand. But we need to stick to the plan,” Jocelyn replied.

“And _what_ is the plan? How are you so sure…?”

“Alec, hey,” Clary addressed him, and Alec looked down at her with narrowed eyes. “We’ve been working for _years_ towards this very moment. We’re finally _close_ , we’re finally about to defeat Valentine once and for all! You can’t understand that, you just _got_ here. We already have everything set, we already know what Valentine’s base looks like, we only needed the location, and now we _have_ it. You need to stick to your part, which is saving Jace, and you must leave the rest to us, so that everything can be _over_. Really, it’s a blessing you’re here, cause Jace’s kidnapping was a major set-back…but now nothing can stop us and we can win!”

Alec forced himself to breath in, then out, then in. “ _Valentine_ took Jace _away_ from me.” His voice sounded low and dangerous even to his own ears. “ _Because_ of him, we lost _twenty_ years of our connection! And you say I need to sit _back_?!”

“You think you’re the only one Valentine has _hurt_?” Jonathan’s voice suddenly cut the air, stepping forward. “Look around, all of us have been here far longer than you. You’re being given the chance to _save_ your parabatai, if I were you I would _take_ it.” With that, he turned around and exited the room.

Alec still had trouble breathing. Clary looked at him again. “Please, believe in us.”

Alec gritted his teeth. “But I save Jace, then what? What do we do?”

“You’ll be taken to a safe house,” Jocelyn told him, walking up to him with a little glass bottle in her hand. “Take this. It’s enough blockers to last seven days. Stay hidden there, cut off from both us and the enemy. When they run out, we hope we’ll be able to reach you to tell you everything is over. But if we fail, you might be in even more danger. It’s a risk you’ll have to take.”

After taking the bottle, Alec fell down on the chair, completely spent. He could only nod.

_Jace, I’m coming for you. Please, please, don’t forget about me._


	15. Lost Or Regained?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He had been captured, again, like he had feared all along. Valentine was as much of a ‘reformed man’ as Jace was a ballerina, and he still clearly wasn’t done with ruining Jace’s life. However, Jace refused to lose all hope. Rationally, he knew it’d be a near impossible feat…but there was a small flame flickering in his heart, stubbornly refusing to die out; the belief that Alec would stay true to his word and find him. The last thing Alec had told him had sounded like a promise, after all, and Alec did not break his promises…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you all, I don't thank enough everyone who is following and liking this fic of mine <3  
> Only two chapters left! My, what a ride, almost there...  
> Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

When Jace was finally yanked out of the darkness, he found himself tied to a bed. Immediately, unable to stop himself, he started to struggle.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, son,” a would-be soothing voice tried to calm him down.

Jace opened his eyes. Being met with the face of his worst nightmare had nothing soothing about it. “You… _bastard_ …”

Valentine shook his head, clicking his tongue good-naturedly. “Is that the way to talk to your father?”

“ _You_ are not my father! You’re just a piece of shit who…”

Another man who had been standing to the side suddenly charged, as his booming voice echoed in the room, “How _dare_ you talk like that to…!”

“Easy, easy, my friend,” Valentine told him serenely, even though the steel in his voice was unmistakable. “Let me have a moment with my son, will you?” The man swiftly retreated, lowering his head. Valentine turned back towards Jace. “Jonathan…”

“Don’t call me that. Just _don’t_ ,” Jace said with gritted teeth.

“Jace, is it? Do you prefer me calling you that?” Valentine’s velvety voice was nauseating.

“Don’t talk to me at _all_ , that’d be better,” Jace bit back, as he still tried to get out of his constraints.

“What, don’t you want to know the truth?” Valentine casually suggested. “I would’ve thought you to be itching for it.”

Shit. Damnit. He had a point, but also…okay, _think, Jace_.

He had been captured, _again_ , like he had feared all along. Valentine was as much of a ‘reformed man’ as Jace was a ballerina, and he still clearly wasn’t done with ruining Jace’s life. However, Jace refused to lose all hope. Rationally, he _knew_ it’d be a near impossible feat…but there was a small flame flickering in his heart, stubbornly refusing to die out; the belief that Alec would stay true to his word and _find_ him. The last thing Alec had told him had sounded like a promise, after all, and Alec did not break his promises…

Jace just needed to wait for him, that was all. In the meantime, he’d indulge Valentine, finally get some answers, and maybe even come up with his own escape plan. Bottom-line; he was _not_ a scared little kid anymore.

“Well, then, _father_ ,” Jace said, a smirk opening on his face. “Try justifying to me why you killed my parents, why you kidnapped me, why you isolated me, why you _beat_ me up. Then tell me if you knew about what I _am_ , and about the fact that I was cut off from my parabatai for _twenty_ years, _because_ of you!”

Valentine smiled softly at him, shaking his head, as if Jace was a child needing to be told a bedtime story to fall asleep. “Know, my son, that all I ever did was for _you_.”

Jace burst into laughter. “Cut the _crap_ , old man.”

“I’m telling nothing but the truth. Yes, son, I always knew what you were. What _I_ also am.” When Valentine didn’t say anything else, Jace simply glared at him. Valentine sighed, starting to pace at the foot of Jace’s bed. “I spent all my life wondering why _me_. Why I had been cursed with abilities that are so unnatural, so _disturbed_. I dedicated years to studying my own biology…and at the end I could only conclude that it was a _blessing_. I am this way, because I can turn it _around_. My superior intelligence, my determination, my understanding of right and wrong…all brought me to the realization of what my destiny was. I, Valentine Morgenstern, will be the one who restores the natural order of the world. When every single parabatai will meet their fate, _I_ also will, and at that point I will be rewarded.”

Valentine raised his eyes to the ceiling. No, not the ceiling. The _heavens_. Jace couldn’t bear staring at that sight, and he had to close his eyes. Valentine was a _fanatic_.

“I chose _you_ , my son,” Valentine continued, and Jace reluctantly looked at him again, “to be at the forefront of my research. Killing is a necessary evil, which I will and _have_ done to achieve the ultimate goal…however, I wanted to figure out if there was another _way_ to eliminate parabatai. Raising you the right way, I hoped, oh how I _hoped_ that I would’ve been able to achieve that.” Valentine suddenly made a fist with his hand. “But nothing was working. _Nothing_ I did could make you unsee Alec. Yes, of course I know his name.” Jace had also balled his hands into fists, his nails biting into his palms. “You always loved to talk about him with me. Alec Lightwood, lives in New York, has a big house, likes to play ball,” Valentine added in a mockingly childish voice.

Jace didn’t know if he was still breathing, but he was sure that the small flame inside of him was growing and growing. If only he could’ve spit it at Valentine and set him on fire…

“One day, I just snapped, you know?” Valentine went on, sounding pained. “When I saw you talking to him yet _again_ , the work of a lifetime had seemed futile! I had been wasting my precious time! And me being a mere _man_ , overridden by sin and weaknesses, I couldn’t control my impulses in my intoxicated state… Still, hurting you was never my intention, son, you have to believe me.”  

When Valentine reached out to him, covering Jace’s hand with his, all Jace wanted to do was gag. He snatched the hand away as best as he could. Valentine sighed again.

“If I had been in my right mind that night, maybe things could’ve gone differently… however, it all turned out for the best! It worked, my son! Beyond my wildest imagination, my associate came to me in prison to show me your brain scan, and there was no sign of your psycellium being active! Yours looked like any other normal brain! And even though, yet again, violence was the answer, it was a survivable process! So I immediately started a new program; my associates were instructed to take on other kids and to repeat the experiment. The percentage of success is not extremely high, but there _have_ been more instances of parabatai forgetting one another because of shared trauma! And they are able to lead normal _lives_ , which is everything that I could’ve ever hoped for…”  

Seeing Valentine’s elated smile, Jace _was_ about to puke. His own situation had already been terrible enough, but the thought that the same thing had been done to someone _else_ , _because_ of him… Jace could feel tears pricking his eyes.

“Unfortunately,” Valentine spoke again, and Jace had to quickly blink them away. “I wasn’t that happy to find out that you two had connected again. Pangborn was just as surprised when he told me about the Lightwood boy’s new scan. You see, he was the one to treat your parabatai after the incident twenty years ago, and he’s had an eye on him all these years. Same as you, his psycellium seemed to be completely inactive, almost nonexistent. Now, it’s back, just like yours. However, I believe not everything is lost. Actually, it is _fascinating_ and an honor to be a prime witness to this unprecedented phenomenon, this _miracle_. We are truly the pioneers of a brand-new discovery! The timing of the occurrence also cannot be coincidental. You must’ve realized, son, that you reconnected with him the same day I was released from prison?”

Jace didn’t move an inch.

“Of _course_ you did. You’re a smart kid…a smart _man_. And you realize that means we’re still _tied_ , you and I, don’t you? And that repeating the experiment could bring about the same results…”

“NO!” Jace started thrashing on the bed. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you...!”

“Son! Don’t you want to be _free_?” Valentine had bared his teeth in his outburst. “Don’t you want your mind to be _yours_ again? Or do you want to be a _freak_ all your life?!”

“Yes! Yes, I want that! You are a parabatai too, how can you say it’s not freeing, or that it's wrong, when it’s the best…the _best_ thing that’s ever happened to me?! No, I won’t let you take it – take _Alec_ away from me!”

Valentine’s lips had been reduced to a thin line. “The _best_ thing?” he said, his voice vibrating at a low, dangerous frequency, all pretenses of gentleness gone. When Valentine turned around, Jace’s eyes followed Valentine’s gaze until they landed on a man standing near the door, his eyes so dark and empty that Jace couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed him before. A chill ran down Jace’s spine. “This man betrayed me!” Valentine barked. “This man fouled my existence, my marriage! Ever since I’ve been freed of him, I’ve never felt _happier_.”

“What – what did you _do_ to him?” Jace asked desperately.

Valentine’s eyes were back on him. “I removed part of his brain, so that now he’s nothing but an empty shell. Now, _I_ control him, and he can’t control me ever again!” Valentine suddenly raised an arm, and contemporarily the void-man did the same. He didn’t seem to be blinking. “ _This_ is the same fate that awaits you, or maybe your _parabatai_ …” Valentine’s words seemed to cut the air, “unless you collaborate with me, Jonathan.”

Jace’s mouth was hanging open, completely dry. It moved wordlessly, as his entire body shook with tremors. Jace had to force himself to count to ten, his eyes darting back and forth between Valentine and the non-man, before he could gulp. “Don’t – don’t hurt Alec, please. I – I’ll do anything you want.”

Valentine looked at his watch. “It’s almost time. The serum I gave you inhibited your connection temporally, so we’ll start as soon as it’s back.”

“Start…what?” Jace croaked.

But Valentine wasn’t listening to him anymore. He was barking orders left and right, until people approached Jace to attach a weird device to his head. Jace didn’t even dare protest.

 _Please, forgive me, Alec,_ Jace thought desperately, even though there was only silence at the other end of his mind. _I know that if we forget, it’ll be hard to find each other again…but your life is worth more to me than that._

Jace closed his eyes, the static noise in the device making it seem as if he was underwater. If only the process killed him, he thought then, maybe Alec could be spared…

The thought was both terrifying and comforting. And Jace suddenly knew the ultimate truth, no ounce of doubt in him anymore.

_Alec, I love you…and now I can never tell you that._

“Jace!” That sudden shout made him startle. “Jace, hold on a bit longer, we’re coming for you!”

Jace’s eyes shot open with a gasp, and there he was, Alec, standing right in the middle of the room. No! No, it couldn’t be already time, it couldn’t be! He had hoped…

Jace quickly looked away from Alec, praying that Valentine hadn’t noticed…

Too late. The look of pure _triumph_ that had appeared on Valentine’s face was unmistakable.

 _Alec, run_! Jace would’ve wanted to scream, but he couldn’t even get the words out. The device had already started at Valentine’s order.

And everything became pain. Pain that shot up in his brain, pain that made him scream his lungs out, even when he was suddenly not tied to a bed anymore, but sitting in a chair. He had his eyes closed, so he couldn’t tell anything beyond that.

“Alec! Alec, run!” Jace finally managed to shout, the voice coming out of him not _his_.

Then, he lost all touch with any physical body. He was in a whirlwind of agony and visions that he couldn’t hold on to. His only anchor was his hope that Alec had managed to run, at least…even though how could Alec run away from his own _head_?

 _Simple, Alec is not real. He_ lives _in your head, since you invented him, because you’re a weak pathetic fool…_

 _What_? NO! Alec was real! Alec…

_Is just a figment of your own imagination. You really think telepathy is possible? No, face the truth. What are parabatai? They don’t exist. Who is Alec? He doesn’t exist._

NO! No, it couldn’t be…

The visions accelerated; Jace felt like someone trying to grasp air. He saw hazel eyes and wrinkly smiles…a childish voice was saying _You’re my best friend too, Jace_ …then he could feel arms wrapped around him, lips pressed against his…

_Pathetic fool. No one could ever love you, don’t you know that? Face the truth! You made him up!_

_NO! HE’S REAL! HE – HE – WAIT, WHAT’S HIS NAME…_

Jace was back in his body, and nothing mattered more than remembering that name.

“A – A – A…” was all that came out of his mouth.

“What is that, my son? Is this what you want to be? You embarrass me! You should be fighting this! You should take the freedom that I’m offering you!”

“NO! Stop! What are you…where is…”

But Jace couldn’t talk any further, because the pain was so blinding that he could only resume helplessly screaming.

“Oh, it seems that your friend has found some friends,” Valentine was saying, his voice reaching Jace as if from another world. Not that Jace understood what he meant. “No worries, we can proceed even without him. Helping just you, I gather is enough for now. Unless we can apprehend _him_ too… _You_! Find him. Find _them_ , once and for all.”

After that shouted order and a few blurry people disappearing from view, Valentine didn’t add anything else, and Jace no longer had anything to distract him from…

He couldn’t tell how long it lasted. He just knew that he didn’t remember his own name by the time everything stopped and his mind was _his_ again.

His clothes clung uncomfortably to the sweat coating his body, his mouth was made of paper, while tears had clung to his upper lip. He felt a cold tingle under his skin, as his brain was nothing but a white noise, which echoed and _echoed_ in his ears. It felt almost as bad as the shocks, because it was subtle but always _there_. He only wanted silence!

And where was he, by the way? What had he been doing? Did a world beyond that bed exist? He didn’t know. The only thought in his mind was, _I have to run._ Where from? Where _to_? He had no idea. But he would run at the first chance.

Then it happened all over again. He had been lost in a blissful darkness for a while, the best place he could think of being, since it had _no_ _pain_. But, of course, he learned pretty quickly that it could not last. Pain always came back.

 _I have to run_ , he always managed to hold on to. He didn’t know why that and nothing else stuck, since he was almost sure that there _must’ve_ been something else worth enough to remember. He assumed he’d had a life before this, right? Yet, as everything faded, only _that_ certainty remained; he needed to find a way out of that bed and towards an outside world he knew nothing about.

Actually, he did know something. The bald man stopped the machine and talked to him, called him _son_ , and suddenly Jace remembered his own name, who that man was, and what his life had been like.

“I wouldn’t want you to forget yourself, my son.”

Valentine. _Why_ was he torturing him?!

But, of course, that man had kidnapped him as a child for no apparent reason; Jace shouldn’t be that surprised that he had captured him again. Who knew what went on in that madman’s mind, after all. Still, if he would at least care to _tell_ him what he needed from him! What was the point of a torture if the perpetrator didn’t ask for anything? Jace would tell him anything, _do_ anything to just make it all _stop_! But no matter how loud he begged and pleaded and cried out, it all amounted to nothing. He was at Valentine’s mercy.

When Valentine finally _did_ stop the device, Jace was a mere slumped, unmoving form, drained of everything that wasn’t pain, hanging onto life by a thin thread. Or that was what it felt like.

Yet, he still couldn’t rest. The madman _did_ ask something from him, at last. After giving him a sip of water, Jace was forced to retell his life. He had no ounce of strength, but he told Valentine everything he knew about himself, hoping with every fiber of his being that _that_ would finally buy him his freedom.

Valentine didn’t free him; he merely looked satisfied by what Jace had said, because he gave him one last look, nodded to himself, and cleared the room.

 _Just tell me what you want!_ Jace wanted to shout, but he had no more voice.

“Goodnight, my son,” was Valentine’s greeting before he closed the door behind him, “remember that all I’m doing, I’m doing it for _you_.”

He had heard that before. Jace was almost certain of that, even though the details were hazy in his mind. Either way, what he was _sure_ about was that Valentine was full of shit, and _nothing_ would make him forget that.

Forget. He was _forgetting_ something. Jace didn’t know how he knew that, but…he could _feel_ that something was missing. There were spots in his mind, so dark and bright at the same time, which Jace simply couldn’t reach.

Was _that_ what Valentine was doing to him? Did he want Jace to forget that he hated him, perhaps? Was Valentine deluded enough to want Jace to be his ‘son’ again? Did he want Jace to _love_ him?

That was never going to happen. No torture in the world would ever be able to erase the burning hatred Jace had carried all his life for that man, and Valentine was a fool for believing otherwise. Jace would _never_ cave to his pathetic plan.

However…could it be something _else_ that he was forgetting? But _what_ could it be? What could Valentine possibly want him to forget?!

Damn it. Unless Jace _remembered_ , he wouldn’t know! And he truly hated feeling like he was _losing_ something quite important…yet, he was also far too bone-tired to keep thinking or worrying about it. When sleep claimed him, he went in all too eagerly.

He was shaken awake rather insistently.

“Please, don’t…” he begged, not liking the desperate note in his voice, yet unable to do anything about it, or stifle a _sob_. “Please, I’ll do _anyt_ -”

“Jace, c’mon, we have to move!”

Wait. He knew that voice.

Jace’s eyes shot open, and never had he been more relieved to see a familiar mass of red hair. “ _C – Clary_?” he croaked. But wait… “Clary!? What are you doing here? How…”

How had she found him? How did she know about Valentine’s secret organization…that wants to wipe out all _parabatai_?!

“Jace, there’s no time to explain…” she was saying.

“Ah…” Jace hissed, cursing the fact that he couldn’t hold his head with his still-tied hands. “I can’t believe I forgot about…”

So he _had_ been forgetting stuff! Parabatai were… _he_ was a parabatai! That meant some kind of _connection_ with…

“Jace, how much do you remember?” Clary’s voice cut off his concentration, and the thought was lost. God, his head _hurt_. “Why do you think you’re here?”

Jace looked at her, his vision unfocused. “You…”

“Just tell me! Please, it’s important, I swear I’ll explain everything.”

Clary was quickly unbuckling his restrains. Someone else – _Simon! –_ was doing the same to his feet, before he looked back at Jace with a crooked smile that Jace could tell hid his _real_ emotions, saying, “It’s been a while, mate. Don’t worry, we’ll be out of here in a jiffy.”

And Jace was suddenly uncertain whether he was dreaming or not. These were his friends, yes, but everything else was so hazy and confusing…and who said that the whirlwind of disembodied thoughts – parabatai, connection, hospital, hands, imaginary friend? – now flooding his mind were memories and not products of his own _imagination_?

“Jace, focus!” Clary urged him.

She placed a firm hand on his arm, and Jace startled at the sensation. That felt real…

Jace shook his head, blinking rapidly. “Uhm, I don’t know. Valentine kidnapped me. He’s been – he’s been using this machine on me. I think it might be making me…forget… Wait!” Jace shot upright on the bed. Bad decision, because his head was now swimming, and he started to gag, his empty stomach twisting and churning painfully. It took a while before it settled, Clary rubbing his back comfortingly. “Something…” Jace said breathlessly in the end. “Something more than important…what – what I am, what he did, who…”

He couldn’t be making it up. He distinctly remembered being abducted, Valentine showing up in that alley, people passing right _through_ him...and that was something that he had already witnessed before, another time, another place, was it…New York? But why there? And wha–

“Wait! Come back! It’s not time yet!” someone outside of the door suddenly shouted. Jace knew that voice. Jonathan was there, too?

The next moment, the door burst open.

A man ran inside. Tall, dark hair, wearing black combat gear. He looked frantic, but he froze as soon as his eyes landed on Jace.

Jace knew that man. He _knew_ him! But…who _was_ he? _Who…_?

As nothing came to mind, Jace could only stare back, his mouth open, a word, a _name_ on the tip of his tongue…

“Jace,” the man said, his voice low, cracked, thick with emotions that Jace felt pressing against his own chest. “Jace, it’s _me_. It’s really me.”

 _Yes_ , Jace thought, _It’s really you_. And that was important for some reason. Jace kept blinking furiously, _forcing_ himself to come up with that reason.

The man took a shaky breath and he started walking up to him, one stride quick, one slow, as if he didn’t know whether he should’ve rushed towards him or not. Jace didn’t know either way. And he couldn’t _breathe_. _Who_ was he? What was happening, what…?

Almost unbeknownst to Jace, his feet had slid off the side of the bed and tears had pooled in his eyes by the time the man came to a stop in front of him, taking Clary’s place. Clary couldn’t have been far away, but Jace had tunnel vision.

“ _Jace_ ,” the man said again, a small sound much more similar to a _sob_. And when the man’s hand started reaching out for Jace’s, Jace didn’t stop him. It was like he _couldn’t_ stop him. “Please, Jace…”

Jace was trembling all over, the hair standing up on his skin. He didn’t like the man begging him for something, when Jace didn’t know what he was supposed to _do_ …and he would’ve done _anything_ to soothe that man’s pain, he suddenly realized _._ That thought scared him, yet something else too… _Why_ was this happening to him? Why was he feeling like this? Why did that man feel _important_? 

Jace wanted to run. He _needed_ to run from that place, from everything and _everyone_. This was too much, he couldn’t… And he was about to hide his hand away from the man’s, which was also trembling, inching closer and closer, but it was already too late. He _really_ couldn’t stop it. Jace was holding his breath, wanting to scream, or push the man away…when he _felt_ the touch.

Skin against skin…such a simple, normal occurrence of life, right? Yet Jace _gasped_ , as an electric shock – not like before, _never_ like before, but of the good, the _best_ kind – shot up in him, coursed through his veins, lit him _up_ …and the man was gasping as well, their eyes met and…

 _Jace saw a child with wild dark hair, sleeping in a crib, right next to him…Jace was walking tentatively over a cold floor, and in front of him there was a toddler taking the same first steps…they were both crying, hungry, waving their hands, hoping to be fed…Jace walked through the house, looking for him, he wouldn’t let him win…they were jumping on a bed, laughing and laughing…they were running in a park, don’t cheat, Jace…other kids were laughing at them, but what did they know…they couldn’t say anything, this must be their secret…oh how Jace wished he was near him and not with…I said go away! Get out of my head...sir, you need to move…a man in a hospital, why can I feel this...too good to be good for me…what was going_ on _…real or not…observations and conclusions…I am not your fantasy…why couldn’t he just admit the_ truth _…and then they were kissing…oh so this is how’s it going to be…I promise…together…bound together for life…I’ll find you, just you wait! WAIT FOR ME!_

“A – Alec?” How could he have forgotten _him_?! Jace’s heart was doing somersaults in his chest, his breathing loud and heavy, as Jace grasped the hand covering his, while the other one went up to Alec’s face. “You’re _here_ ,” Jace breathed, while he traced lips and cheeks and hair. “You came, you…?” Jace’s eyes suddenly darted around the room, back and forth between Clary, Simon and Jonathan by the door, taking in how they were all staring at him _and_ Alec. “You all can see him? You…found me?”

A tear had trickled down Alec’s face, which Jace wiped away almost _reverently_ , as Alec’s rather wobbly smile blinded him. “Yes, yes, Jace. I promised, I–”

Jace didn’t think, he simply surged forward. The next moment, his arms were wrapped tightly around Alec’s neck, his face buried against Alec’s chest, and Alec was _solid_ and warm and rough and _real_ against him, so that Jace could only brokenly whisper, “ _Alec_ ,” again and again, as he breathed the _real_ Alec in. “You’re real, you’re here, you’re…” Jace knew he was sobbing, but he didn’t care.

“I’m here, I’m really here, Jace,” Alec croaked against Jace’s ear, holding him tighter and tighter, tracing Jace’s back, pressing his lips firmly against Jace’s hair. “And I _remember_ , Jace, I remember everything that came before, I…”

Jace could only nod, because he remembered too, he remembered Alec as a kid and as an adult, his parabatai, the other half of him, which he kept losing and _losing_ …and Jace swore right then and there, that he would never want to be anywhere else but in Alec’s arms.

“Guys, guys, I’m so sorry, I know you’re having a moment, but…we need to go,” Clary’s voice, sounding admittedly touched, cut the air.

Jace didn’t move, determined to keep his own thought alive. It was Alec who leaned back, tense as a bowstring as he was probably trying to hold himself together. _Probably;_ Jace couldn’t tell, he couldn’t…? Alec’s hands were pushing on his shoulders, and Jace blinked the thought away, resigning himself to breaking the hug, even though he still couldn’t help but let out a sound of protest.

“It’s okay, Jace,” Alec said softly, but firmly, “I’m not going anywhere. We need – we need to get you out of here.”

Jace had to forcefully rub his eyes to get himself back together. “Alec, I’m so sorry, I…”

“ _No_ , you have nothing to apologize for.” Alec cupped his face, an intense glint in his eyes. “Everything will be alright, okay? I _promise_.”

Jace held his stare for a long moment, before he nodded, resting his forehead against Alec’s, gripping Alec’s shirt _hard_ to try and calm himself.

“C’mon, quick! They’re coming back, we need to move!” Jonathan suddenly urged them.

Jace jumped and let Alec go, watching as Clary rushed towards the door, taking two guns out of her hostlers. “Alec, you remember the plan, right?” she shouted back.

Alec nodded in her direction, a determined look settling on his face. “Make way.”

And Jace was back to being confused. “Wait, what the hell, Clary…?”

“No time, Jace,” Alec told him. “I’ll explain everything once we’re out, okay? Now, can you stand? Walk?”

Jace didn’t know. He tried putting his feet on the ground – he couldn’t even remember when he had been stripped of his shoes – and the cold made him hiss. He tried standing, but his knees gave out under him, and Alec had to catch him.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Alec said barely above a whisper, circling Jace with an arm, as he placed another kiss to his forehead. “Let’s go.”

Jace had no energy to protest. He took a deep breath, nodding mutely. His head was still spinning, and he was a mere question mark attached to Alec’s side, as he followed him and his own three closest friends, his _family_ , all geared up like freaking _spies_ or something, all carrying _guns_ as they lead the way out of the machine room. He hoped it was normal that he didn’t remember _that_ part; he didn’t _think_ he had ever known it. Either way, the whole memory loss thing was bound to come back to haunt him, he was sure of it. And he _really_ hoped that he hadn’t lost anything else important, even though he didn’t feel like there were any more gaps in his mind. Jace held onto Alec a little harder anyway.

As soon as they were in the corridor outside, someone rounded the corner. In the blink of an eye, they were gunned down by _Simon_ , of all people. Jace didn’t have the time to react – not that he had any idea _how_ he should’ve or would’ve reacted – before more people started coming. Alec dragged him towards the other direction in some kind of three-legged run, as their three escorts covered for them. Gunshot after gunshot, corridor after corridor, they made their escape through some kind of research facility. God, did it seem to never _end_. Jace wouldn’t even be able to see the exit anyway, because his vision was blurred again, his entire body _screaming_ at him to not move and just lay down to rest… He couldn’t, he _wouldn’t_. So Jace gritted his teeth, _what the fuck_ his only mantra, which helped him carry on, somehow. Beside Alec, who was _literally_ carrying him, of course.

“C’mon, we’re almost there, we’re almost there,” Jace heard Alec mutter under his breath.

Where _there_ was, Jace had no idea. If he had been in his right mind, he would’ve also asked – Alec and himself – how the hell had Alec found his friends and become part of a _plan_. Also, how they had managed to reach Valentine’s secret base, or the room Jace had been in, and how they were all able to escape now with only – relatively – little opposition, compared to what must’ve been Valentine’s real man power, which Jace had experienced during his kidnapping... And _when_ had his friends learned how to do any of that, by the way? Also, _could_ three people really outsmart Valentine? Or where there more? But if so, _who_ the hell…?

Since he wasn’t actually in his right mind, those were all questions that filled Jace’s mind later. Right then, he could only feel the blood quickly rushing in his veins, the needle-pains gripping his entire body, and Alec’s firm grip on his waist. Until Clary’s shout came through, “DUCK!”

Alec threw them both on the ground, making sure to take the blunt of the fall while also being the one covering Jace from any danger. Jace was touched by that, but he immediately started feeling something else.

Shame. He was literally the damsel in distress, needing to be saved and carried and taken care of, because he was too weak to do that himself. All his _training_ , his entire _life_ , and Valentine had reduced him to that in one fucking _day_. Alec had had to drop everything, rush all the way across an ocean for him! It was the most anybody had ever done for him, yet how could Jace be happy about that? What if something happened to Alec because of him?!

Jace was yanked out of his reverie by the appearance of Clary, kneeling beside them. “Alec, run straight ahead, you know where. Don’t look back, we’ll handle things here.”

“But, what, Clary, what’s going on?” Alec asked her worriedly.

“Luke,” Clary simply said, glancing behind her.

Both Jace and Alec followed her gaze. _Oh_. Jace saw the void-man, the one who had once been Valentine’s parabatai. He was fighting Jonathan with as much impassivity as ruthlessness. He wasn’t himself, but just a _puppet,_ the same as Jace had been all his life, his strings in Valentine’s hands _.._.

It wasn’t looking good for Jonathan, and Simon had joined the mix. Simon could also _fight_ , apparently. However, against that kind of opponent it didn’t make much of a difference. The void-man threw them around like dolls, and Jace could see blood, hear their pain…

“Again, we will handle this.” Clary had taken another gun out, and she fired it a few times at the man who she had called Luke, hitting him square in the legs. Luke fell to his knees, and Clary’s attention was back on the two of them, something hard and sad in her eyes. “You just follow the plan. Hopefully, it will all work out. And Jace,” Clary smiled at him, “I’m so glad you’re okay. I’m sorry about all of this, now go, go!”

Jace’s mouth was hanging open, and he would’ve wanted to talk to her more, ask for an explanation, _anything_ , but Alec was forcing him upright a moment later, and they were running again. Jace kept looking behind, fearing what could happen to his friends – he could see that Luke was already standing up again – but everything disappeared once they rounded a corner. And only then did Jace realize that Alec was holding just his hand, and that he was running on his _own_ , his own grip on Alec’s hand that much firmer than it would’ve been a while earlier.    

“Shouldn’t we help them?” Jace said breathlessly.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t,” Alec replied, looking straight ahead, his forehead creased for the effort. “We’d only get in the way, and we wouldn’t be able to get to safety.”

Jace was still hesitant, his grip faltering as he suddenly came to a stop.

Alec stopped too, his arms falling on his sides as he looked resolutely at Jace. “I know they’re your friends, Jace, and I hate this as much as you. But, please, trust me. Trust _them_. If you die, all they did to save you would be worth nothing…”

The sounds of the fight still reached them. Jace could swear he felt every hit as if it was directed at _himself_. Valentine had indeed impacted his friends’ lives more than he would’ve thought, he realized.

“Are they…do they plan to do something with Valentine?” Jace asked Alec.

Alec quickly nodded. “Yes. There’s an operation going on, I don’t know the details. There are many people involved, and we need to _let_ them succeed, you know? By doing our part. Please, Jace, we need to hurry.”

The urgency, the _fear_ was clear in Alec’s voice, in Alec’s eyes. Still, Alec merely stretched out an arm, his hand open in an invitation. He wouldn’t force Jace to do anything he didn’t want to. He would let Jace make his own decision, even if he didn’t agree with it. Jace was sure that Alec would follow him back to the fight, too.

Jace’s heart was beating faster than ever before, as Jace kept staring at Alec, frozen in place. For a moment, _everything_ around them seemed to freeze, and the only thing Jace could hear was his own heartbeat. Or maybe it was Alec’s. 

“What will happen if we go?” Jace’s voice pierced the silence.

“They’ll bring us to a safe location, so that Valentine can’t reach you…us,” Alec answered him. “I don’t know these people well, and I’m betting everything by trusting them, but – but we don’t have much choice. We’ll just have to wait and see if they succeed, or not…if we’ll be truly safe, or not.”

Jace nodded, gulping loudly. “Will it be just the two of us?”

“Yeah.” Alec averted his eyes. “But, of course, if you’d rather not, I could just bring you to the rendezvous point, and I – we can go our separate…”

Jace grabbed Alec’s hand, feeling a sense of certainty settling in him. “Together, remember? I will not be parted from you ever again, Alec Lightwood.”

Alec’s lips twitched in a smile. “Then let’s go, Jace Herondale.”

The noise of the fight was closing in on them, so they ran without looking back. They had reached a point of the building where every floor was visible through glass windows, and Jace could see armed people rushing about, fights breaking out… Finally, Alec urged him to stop in front of an elevator.

“At the bottom floor we have a truck waiting,” Alec explained as they entered.

Jace merely held onto Alec’s hand tighter. He kept tapping his feet impatiently, even if he almost didn’t have any more sensitivity in them. He felt _so_ cold. Alec must’ve noticed, because he wrapped him in his jacket, hugging Jace to his chest.

“Where the hell is this big-ass facility anyway?” Jace asked, after they passed the umpteenth floor.

“Outskirts of London, it’s an old fact–”

They both held their breath, as Valentine appeared, flanked by a group of men. Jace would’ve covered Alec’s eyes, but it was too late. The three of them stared as each other as the elevator kept going down, until Valentine disappeared.

“Alec, he’s in our _heads_ , how could I not think…” Jace’s stomach was clenching painfully, and he had trouble breathing again. “How are we going to _escape_ from him? _Everywhere_ we go…”

“Hey, hey, feel this.” Alec grabbed Jace’s hand, letting it feel the contents of the pockets of Alec’s jacket. “It’s a bottle full of pills, called _blockers_ , that inhibit our psycellium. I’ve already taken one, and you should do it too, actually.”

Jace paused, as Alec took a bottle out of the pocket. “Oh, that’s why I can’t – I can’t feel you like I did when we were apart. I was wondering if it’s just how it is, when we’re physically together…”

Alec shook his head. “No, without blockers our connection is active no matter where we are. But – but we _need_ to block it for the time being. The pills I have should last us a week, which should be enough time for the plan to succeed and for things to calm down…”

“What if it _doesn’t_?” Jace bit his lips, which were so dry that it didn’t take long before he tasted blood. “How can they defeat…?”

Alec mustn’t have had an answer, because he simply gave him one of the little black pills, which Jace reluctantly swallowed. Then Alec hugged him, and Jace let him, holding onto him as if his life depended on it. It kind of did.

The elevator finally stopped. Outside, there were people apparently on their side.

“How’s it going?” were the only words spoken, by Alec, to one of them.

“Chaos. Let’s hurry,” was a man’s curt answer. “You’ll be asked to change vehicles, then you’ll board a plane. Valentine is being kept busy elsewhere, but you never know. We have strike teams on the ready to relieve you of any tails, anyway.”

They both nodded, then they were urged on the back of what looked like a delivery truck, where blankets and provisions awaited them. They had barely gotten in and the doors had just been closed, darkness falling on them, when they started moving.

Jace was positively shivering now, having broken a sweat, which only acerbated all those times when that had already happened in the machine room. By the time Alec helped him lay down on the floor and wrapped him in a blanket, all adrenaline had completely left him, and he felt even more drained than before. As soon as Alec sat down next to him, and Jace placed his head on Alec’s lap, he was already fast asleep.

He woke up far too comfortable and far too hot.

He was in a bed, but not tied to it. He was still shivering, and his head was killing him. Someone was next to him, placing a wet cloth across his forehead. Jace’s eyes had trouble opening, and for a few long moments he didn’t understand what was happening. He started breathing so fast, he was probably hyperventilating.

“Shhh, shh, it’s okay, it’s me, Jace. You’re safe, you’re _safe_.”

He knew that voice. Jace forced his eyes to finally open, then he tried to study the face leaning over him. It looked worried, with a mouth pressed shut, eyes big and soft staring down at him. He knew that face too, oh did he know it…

Jace’s arms had shot up, grabbing a neck and pulling it down towards himself, before he could think about what he was doing. “Alec, Alec…” was all he could say.

Alec’s arms wrapped around him, and Jace was already sobbing – or was it Alec? – as Alec half laid on him, half sat on top of the bed. Alec’s weight on him was undoubtedly the best thing Jace had ever felt. Or, definitely up there.

“Wait, wait, I want to see you,” Jace said, his hands leading Alec’s face up, so that he could look at it.

Alec smiled at him, his own hands cupping Jace’s face, caressing it softly. “Hi.” Alec chuckled under his breath. “Hi, my imaginary friend.”

Jace’s chuckle was more of a snort. “Hi, man in my head.”

Alec’s smile fell, replaced by an expression that Jace couldn’t decipher, but he didn’t _need_ to. Their bond might’ve been silent, but Jace felt it all deep in his bones – the fear, the relief, the wonder – as Alec adjusted himself better on the bed, laying on it. Jace was wrapped in Alec’s arms a second later, his face buried in the hollow of Alec’s neck. He was even more uncomfortably hot like this, but he didn’t care.

They stayed exactly like that for a small, infinite moment of absolute quiet, absolute _peace_. Alec’s sweater might’ve been itchy, the throbbing pain behind Jace’s eyelids might’ve only been a fraction of everything reeling in him – he hadn’t forgotten his confusion nor could he help but _miss_ being able to feel and hear Alec in his head – but nothing had ever been more _perfect_. Or maybe _right_ was the word.

“So – so I gather we made it to the safe house?” Jace broke the silence in the end, raising his head to look Alec in the eyes, not even trying to blink the tears away.  

“Yeah,” Alec whispered, his breath blessedly cool on Jace’s burning skin. The next moment, Alec had retrieved the cloth that had been on Jace’s forehead, because he put it back on him. “You have a bit of a fever, but I’m sure it’s just…you know, it’s normal. You’ll be fine.”

Jace hummed in affirmation, his eyes closed. He did feel slightly nauseous. As he tangled his legs with Alec’s and cupped Alec’s face, however, he had far more important things to worry about. Like tracing every inch of Alec’s skin. “Okay. So, basically, now we just have to wait and see if Valentine will come back for us or not, right?”

Alec worried his bottom lip, nodding, while his own fingers were smoothing Jace’s hair. “Clary or someone else should connect with us and tell us if it’s over, if they’re still…you know…”

Jace gulped, unable to do anything else but nod.  “I can’t – I can’t think about any of that right now. I feel like my head could explode from all the things that have happened or that I don’t know, and I definitely want you to tell me everything, but right now I just…”

Jace took a deep, shaky breath, his eyes still taking in all of Alec. It was still hard to wrap his mind around that fact; Alec was truly _there_ with him, for the first time ever. An Alec who had been with him all along, Alec who he had played with and relied on as a child, his best friend, and he hadn’t _known_. The same Alec who had appeared in his adult life shouting at him to move, who had then become the piece that Jace had always been missing.

“Alec, I…” Jace smiled, because it might’ve taken him – _them_ – a long time, but he was finally _there_. “I love you.”

Alec seemed to take a breath he had been holding. A smile opened on his face, brighter than Jace had ever seen. “I love you too, Jace.”

Jace had had no reason to think that Alec didn’t reciprocate his feelings; actually, he’d had _all_ the reasons to think exactly the opposite. Alec had flown across half the world to save him, after all. Yet, hearing those words said out loud soothed something inside of Jace that he hadn’t known to be aching. He had always been unwilling, or unable to love anyone, but only now did it occur to him that he had also thought no one would ever be able to love him _back_. Now, that was officially in the _past_.

As Jace surged forward, and kissed Alec, _really_ kissed him for the first time, no distance between them, no doubt that it was _real_ , Jace was certain that, whatever happened next, whoever tried to separate them again, him and Alec were on the same page. And they would fight tooth and nail for what was theirs.


	16. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Where is this safe house anyway?” Jace asked when he finally woke up and didn’t feel hot and sticky anymore. He was lying on Alec’s chest, Alec’s hand threading gently in his hair._   
>  _“Iceland,” was Alec’s murmured answer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am! I apologize for the long wait, but it's a whopping almost 12k of a chapter that took a while to refine to an updatable version, thanks to my beta @fishcollective as always. Don't worry though, the next AKA last chapter is already well underway, so i hope it'll be around much sooner. In the meantime, enjoy! (So close to the end...wow)

The next couple of days were a fog of shivers and deep, deep tiredness. Jace wanted nothing more but to enjoy the fact that Alec was _there_ with him, yet he felt so bad that he could barely stay awake. Not that he didn’t _feel_ Alec anyway; the way he cared for him and stayed next to him no matter the risk of falling ill himself. No, even in slumber Alec was by his side, no longer as an echo, but a buzzing, concrete _presence_. Unlike before, it wasn’t something that Jace could simply block out in the blink of an eye, or choose to be unaware of if he so decided. Alec’s arms around him as he slept were only ever that, and Jace _reveled_ in it. He was also sure that whenever they could have both their psychic connection _and_ their physical at the same time, it would all feel even more _complete_ , but, for now, Jace would take this over anything.

He couldn’t tell how much time passed while he was in that state, shivering under the covers, being fed chicken soup at regular intervals, or being comforted after a nightmare that was a little too real. In those moments he was barely able to thank Alec…Jace _so_ needed to make it up to him at some point.

“Where is this safe house anyway?” Jace asked when he finally woke up and didn’t feel hot and sticky anymore. He was lying on Alec’s chest, Alec’s hand threading gently in his hair.

“Iceland,” was Alec’s murmured answer.

Jace looked up at him with pasty eyes. “You’re _kidding_.”

Jace felt more than heard Alec’s chuckle. “Nah, it’s true. We’re in a cabin surrounded by snow. A quite cozy one, if I say so myself,” Alec teased, nuzzling his nose against Jace’s hair.

Jace hummed in contentment, wrapping his arms further around Alec, before a thought crossed his mind. “Wait, but shouldn’t we have been on a plane, then? Did I sleep through all of it?”

“Yeah, actually,” Alec confirmed, now pressing a kiss on Jace’s forehead. “You _were_ awake a few times, when we had to walk. But I guess you weren’t exactly conscious enough to remember it.”

Jace hummed again, this time more somber. The room they were in indeed looked nice, he thought as he looked around and took notice of it for the first time. The bed they were lying in stood in a corner, opposite a small kitchen, with table and a few chairs, and a living room, which was really just a couch, a very big fireplace and, ironically, a vertical piano. Considering a fire crackling happily and the warm color of the wooden panels as well, everything made a very homey picture. If it weren’t for the dire circumstances, this would’ve been the perfect vacation place.

Jace averted his eyes from that sight to turn back towards Alec. He had clearly been staring at him, which Jace could understand, since he felt the same way; like he had _too_ much time to make up for. His body literally _ached_ with the need to get to know Alec’s, finally, _finally_ get to know it. So with nimble fingers Jace started touching every inch of Alec that he could reach, from his face to his neck to his arms, letting the sensation travel inside of him, _changing_ something in him irreversibly; he could never unknow Alec now. And Jace’s lips ached too, yearning to kiss, to trace skin…yet Jace managed to restrain himself. He did _not_ want to end up covering Alec in snot.

“I _really_ need a shower,” Jace admitted, reluctantly disentangling himself from Alec. Enjoying the fact that Alec seemed just as reluctant.

“You’re feeling a little better?” Alec asked him softly, sitting up as Jace left the bed.

“I’ll tell you when I’m out of the shower.”

“Do you need any help?”

Jace merely shook his head, smiling at Alec and his endless consideration.

It was not as if he didn’t know that it would’ve been nice to have Alec in the shower with him, but Jace also knew that he needed some space to collect himself, so that he could wash away the grime not just from his body, but from his mind.

It did work. When Jace stepped out of the bathroom freshly clean and dressed in clothes Alec had provided him with, he felt almost like himself again, as if all the hell that had happened, had happened to someone else. And from now on, things could only go up, right?

Even in doubt, as Jace stretched his arms and back he couldn’t help the moan of satisfaction, nor the smile appearing on his face when his eyes landed on Alec, who was still sitting on the bed. He felt even better when Alec returned it.

“God, I _so_ needed that,” Jace stated proudly, as he plopped back on the bed. “What’s that?”

Alec was putting down a pen and what looked like a notebook on his bedside table. “Remember when I said we should’ve written everything down, in case anything happened?”

“Oh. Yeah…”

Both their smiles turned rueful.

“Yeah,” Alec agreed. “Things _did_ happen before I could actually do it, but I – I still think it’s important.” Alec regarded him with a piercing look in his eyes, which clearly betrayed the turmoil underneath. “When I – when I entered the room, and you looked at me as if I was a stranger…I don’t ever want to relive that, Jace.”

Jace hadn’t wanted to think about it, about _any_ of it; everything was still too raw, too fresh… Yet, the pain Jace could see embedded in Alec’s every feature couldn’t be escaped, because it was also his _own_ , no matter the fact that they couldn’t _technically_ feel each other in that very moment. Jace looked down at his hands then, suddenly unable to hold Alec’s gaze. “Alec, I’m _so_ sorry, I–”

“Hey, don’t…” A hand entered Jace’s vision, covering Jace’s own, while another lifted Jace’s chin until they were eye to eye again. That didn’t make it any easier to accept the affection Jace could see literally _pouring_ out of Alec. “I _told_ you that you have _nothing_ to apologize for.”

“But I – I _forgot_. I let myself be taken, I couldn’t do _anything_ , I…”

Alec scooted closer, grabbing either side of Jace’s face. “Jace, don’t say that. That kind of torture you went through… _I_ only experienced it for a few minutes, and it was already _hell_. I can’t even imagine what it must’ve been like for you, all that time…” Jace closed his eyes, a traitorous tear trickling down his cheek, which Alec’s thumb wiped away. “Valentine is or… _was_ a madman, and it’s all on him, everything that’s happened to you, to _us_. Jace, look at me.” The sudden steel in Alec’s voice could only make Jace comply. “Whether he’s dead or not, he’s not getting near you ever again. _Ever_. And that _is_ a promise.” 

A lump had formed in Jace’s throat, preventing him to get any words out. So he could only surge forward, capturing Alec’s lips with his own, demandingly, _desperately_. And a gasp escaped both of them; they were still not used to it at all, to it being like _this_. They might have already kissed in that cabin, but Jace had been so feverish that he hadn’t been able to register _everything_ that he should have. Now, he could _finally_ conclude that he had been right in thinking that, since kissing Alec in his head had been incomparable to anything else he had ever experienced, kissing him for real could only be _that_ , plus all their past distance colliding together in one single moment, one single touch.

Well, more than one, with every touch _better_ than the last, so that Jace almost had to wonder how he could’ve thought he knew what kissing felt like. And he couldn’t even imagine what it’d be like when they wouldn’t be under the effect of the blockers anymore; Alec’s hands on him were already too much like _this_ , in their simple physicality, as they slipped under Jace’s shirt to caress his skin. And the little sounds Alec made in his throat only spurred Jace more, while their mouths moved in sync, open and wanting, their tongues tangling and chasing after one another in the most enthralling of dances. Jace was right about to lift Alec’s shirt, while he trailed kisses down Alec’s jaw, his neck, his shoulders…when he froze.

“Wait, Alec…”

Alec leaned back immediately, his hands falling from Jace’s sides as he looked at him with concern. “What? Are you okay? Do you want me to…?”

Jace stopped Alec, who was about to move away, by grabbing his arm. “No, no, I’m fine, I just…I first need to know what is going _on_.” Jace rubbed his eyes tiredly, already feeling a headache coming. “Just…un-fuck my head before you fuck me, you feel me?”

Alec snorted loudly, but he nodded as he relaxed in Jace’s hold. “Oh, right, of course. What – what do you want to know?”

“What _don’t_ I want to know…” Jace forced himself to focus. “Just, start with Clary, Simon and Jonathan. What the _fuck_ is their deal?”

“Yeah…” Alec crossed his legs, his teeth worrying at his lips before he went on, “well, Clary and Simon, they’re – they’re parabatai, too.”

Okay, Jace’s head had already exploded at the first sentence; forget un-fucking it, this was definitely going to make it all even worse. “ _W – what_?! Alec, are you for _real_? They’re…” As he thought more about it, Jace just _had_ to get up from the bed and start pacing around the room. “Oh my _god_ …fucking _Columbia_! I always thought it was weird how Simon just came to live with Clary out of the blue, from the other side of the world, when she had never even _mentioned_ him! But, so what, how does that make them badass shooters and fighters? What’s up with _that_?” Jace rounded on Alec, and he knew he must’ve looked completely bonkers, but he couldn’t exactly care right now.

Alec moved his hands wildly as he spoke, “They’re in this organization, called the _Shadowhunters_. They’ve been fighting against Valentine’s Circle for years! It’s a group of both parabatai and not. There’s Clary’s mother too, Jocelyn…Clary told me she defected from the Circle after Valentine lobotomized his own parabatai, and she’s been on the run with her children all these years, hiding from him. I don’t know when or how she joined the Shadowhunters, though. They – they kind of caught me sneaking around the place where you had been kidnapped, and thought I was part of the Circle. Wanted information from me and all. It – it took me a while to earn their trust…let’s just say they were _very_ surprised that you had a long-lost parabatai. They always thought you weren’t one.”

“Oh, they always _thought_ that,” Jace said in a mock-sweet voice, his blood now simmering in his veins as he resumed his pacing around the room. “And how is _that_?”

“Well, you know, Clary tried connecting with you, but she never could…” Alec started wringing his hands together. “Jace, I know this is a lot, but…”

“But _what_?! So what if I wasn’t a parabatai, why the _hell_ did they never tell me what Valentine was up to and that they were doing _something_ about it, eh?”

It wasn’t fair taking it out on Alec, Jace knew that, but it was not as if he had much of a choice, trapped as they were in that cabin, which was starting to look more and more like a proper prison.

“I guess they didn’t want to involve you more than you already were,” Alec suggested tentatively, “they must’ve wanted you to have a normal life…”

“A normal life?! When did I _ever_ have…” The sound of utter frustration that came out of Jace’s throat was entirely animalistic. “I’ve literally spent all these _years_ , all my _goddamn_ life scared shitless that he would come back, completely in the dark of what his plans were, while my closet friends, my _family_ knew all along and constantly lied to me about it?! No, I can’t believe it, I can’t…”

“Jace, I know, I _know_ , okay? It’s not fair, they shouldn’t have lied to you, of course they shouldn’t have, but…”

“Don’t even start this with me, Alec. There are no buts, how can you _justify_ …?”

“I’m not justifying anything! What do you think I felt when I found out about my father? I know it’s a lot to take in, accept, or even begin to forgive…I’m just saying I _understand_ them.”

There was a pause, the sudden silence ringing in Jace’s ears. The need to burst out of that cabin, all the way back to London, rose strong in him then, the knowledge that he couldn’t only making him _madder_. Either way, everything would be better than focusing on what Alec had said, and how that made him feel.

“Jace, please, come here, come _here_ ,” Alec was begging him.

Jace scoffed. “And why _should_ I? You _understand_ the people who lied to me all my life…”

“You’re not listening! Please, hey…” Alec was sitting at the edge of the bed, and his long arms managed to catch Jace around the middle as he passed in front of him in his pacing. Jace didn’t have the energy to not fall into it, so he hoped his glare would be enough to convey his distaste regarding the situation. “I understand their need to _protect_ you, okay? That’s all I want. I’ve been so scared, Jace, not knowing what was happening to you, then knowing _too_ much of what was happening to you…and now I can even remember what it was like for you as a kid! And to think that if I had really _understood_ what was going on, I could’ve told someone to come and help you much, much sooner…”

Jace couldn’t even care about the quickness with which he deflated like a balloon. He merely took a shaky breath, before his arms shot up around Alec, and he was on Alec’s lap, wrapped tightly in Alec’s embrace.

“I’m sorry, I know, I’m not mad at you, I’m not even really mad at _them_ ,” Jace mumbled against Alec’s neck, his voice cracking helplessly. “Just, do you think they’re…fine?”

“I don’t know, Jace. I don’t know.” Alec sighed as he hugged him even more, pressing kisses on the side of Jace’s face he could reach.

“What if we went off the blockers for a few minutes and checked on them? If they didn’t succeed, it’s already happened, hasn’t it?”

Alec paused, the moment stretching all around them, and Jace had to bite his lip as he already knew what the answer would be. “Yeah, but…are we really ready to face the possibility of Valentine appearing right here, right _now_? In a few days we could be more prepared, we’d be able to run…”

“But why would we have to run anyway? How would Valentine know where we are from the inside of this _cabin_? The windows are shielded, we could literally be _anywhere_!”

Alec leaned back, making Jace meet his gaze. “We don’t know how much he knows. What if he recognizes the architecture, the type of wood or any other little thing we wouldn’t notice? I’m so sorry, Jace, but we can’t risk it, not quite yet.”

Jace’s insides were at war against one another, so that his stomach was a maelstrom of bad feelings. In the end, there wasn’t much he could do beside give in, feeling spent as he buried his face against Alec’s neck once again.

“I’m sure they’re fine, though,” Alec added in a whisper. “I – I have a feeling, I think it might be called _hope_.”

Jace chuckled weakly. “I knew you were a sap.” He pressed a kiss under Alec’s jaw, unable to suppress a small smile as he felt Alec shiver. They didn’t move, for a few long moments, and Jace knew that they were both basking in each other’s presence. Until a thought occurred to him. “But what about _your_ family? What did you tell them when you left? Do they know where you are?”

Alec tensed, his hands balling into fists against Jace, so that Jace started threading his fingers through the hair at the back of Alec’s head in reassurance. “I told Izzy and Lydia that I was coming to London because you were in danger from a – a terrible father. Izzy wasn’t pleased to know I had kept a boyfriend secret from her, nor did they like that I left so abruptly with so little explanation, but they promised to cover for me. I – I haven’t been able to call them at all, and I bet they’re worried sick for me…my parents too, who knows what they’re thinking. So yeah, lying is a very shitty thing to do, I _know_.”

“I wasn’t exactly crystal clear either,” Jace admitted forlornly, kissing Alec on the cheek. Then, he adjusted himself so that he was straddling Alec’s lap, his hands on either side of Alec’s face to look him firmly in the eye. “But you’re right, everything will end up _alright_. They succeeded, we will be free to do anything we want, they’ll all forgive us, _and_ we’ll forgive them.”

Alec rested their foreheads together, taking a few deep breaths, nodding slowly. “I love you, Jace.”

Jace didn’t think he would ever get tired of hearing that. He smiled. “I love you too, Alec.”

Everything was not alright quite yet. Doom hung above their heads, the future a mystery they would have to face at some point. But, for now, they had each other. And a very big bed.

*

It didn’t take long before they ended up lying in bed. Every kiss kindled a fire deep in Alec’s stomach, which Alec did not want to extinguish at all, but rather keep feeding even more. It was almost as if he hoped that it’d be able to burn away every imprint, every trace of what had happened the last few days; all the worry, the bone-deep fear and anger he’d felt before, during and after Jace’s rescue, all the tiredness that had settled in him ever since that last night in his apartment in New York, after which he didn’t think he had fully slept even _once_. Especially in that cabin, watching over Jace had been far more important.

However, maybe things were finally turning around. Jace was back to being himself; he remembered him, he _loved_ him, he was scared and worried just as much as Alec was. Together, they could hope for a better future…or at least try to, right?

Lying atop Jace, being cradled by his legs, his arms, being able to kiss him and touch him for _real_ was also something that Alec was profoundly grateful for. He was still in awe of it, of the fact that having Jace there with him made every other human contact he’d ever had feel strangely _fake_. He could tell that something was missing, though; the absence of Jace’s mind, or _soul_ , or whatever it should be called, that Alec had already gotten used to feel beside his own, was like an itch that he couldn’t scratch away, because it was simply unreachable. Alec couldn’t help but _try_ to anyway, stretching his mind beyond the impossible, towards where he knew the core parts of Jace were…but he always came up empty. And to think that this was what his life had been like just a few months earlier; back then this kind of connection wouldn’t have been a _requirement_ , yet, now that he knew a whole new world of possibilities, he couldn’t live without it. Normality was not what Alec craved anymore.

He craved Jace. _All_ of him, and he wouldn’t settle for anything less. So this current arrangement _had_ to be only temporary, even though what came after they got out of that cabin, for better or for worse, was still deeply undefined. Even in the best-case scenario, what _would_ they do? Would they stay together? _Where_?

Those were some crucial questions that Alec would have to leave for later. For now, he raised Jace’s shirt, helping him get rid of it before doing the same to his own shirt.

Both of their hands seemed possessed, frantic, almost feverish in the way they roamed plains of skin and hair and muscles. Their mouths too, starved and desperate, seemed to want to consume every inch of each other all at once, getting frustrated when they couldn’t. Their heavy breathing, moans and hisses the only sounds in the room, they still tried to anyway.

By the time they were fully naked, Alec had to take a moment to simply _look_ at Jace spread out under him, flushed and already glistening with sweat, smiling up at him from half-lidded eyes. No other sight had ever been more beautiful, more blessed, and Alec stared in awe. Until he kissed Jace again, slowly, deeply, a flood of emotions he couldn’t spell taking hold of him.

“I love you,” only _partly_ covered it, but that was what Alec said, breathlessly. He would shout it from every rooftop, if that was possible.

Jace stared up at him, before pulling him in for another kiss instead of answering, and Alec understood. They rested against each other after that, catching their breath, but really just wanting to extend the moment as much as they could.

When Jace’s teeth grazed Alec’s ear playfully, however, Alec knew the time to stall was over. “Are you going to give it to me, or not?” Jace teased, the low end of his voice making the hair stand up on Alec’s skin.

“Impatient,” Alec shot back, a chuckle in his own voice. Pecking Jace’s lips once again, he sat back on his knees, even though his hands still didn’t want to leave Jace’s body. Nor could he resist bending down to leave a kiss on Jace’s thigh, as he drank in Jace’s rather dazed smile.  

“Wait, shit,” Jace suddenly exclaimed, “we don’t have condoms and stuff.”

Alec grinned. “Yes, we do. This place is _very_ thoroughly stocked. It must be a usual hiding place for long periods of time; there are condoms, lube, even dildos…”

Jace laughed heartily. “Perfect. Gotta hand it to the Shadowhunters, as far as preparation goes.”

Alec shook his head fondly, as he dived towards the bedside table and opened the bottom drawer. It was full to the brink with condoms. He took a couple out, as well as the lube that was in another drawer.

“How did you find all that anyway?” Jace asked him, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I had a lot of time to kill, didn’t I? I explored this entire place.”

Jace simply hummed in understanding.

“By the way, _you’re_ wearing one too,” Alec told him pointedly. “I don’t want to make _too_ much of a mess.”

Jace snickered as he nodded, but he stopped as soon as Alec opened one of the packages and rolled the condom on him, now far more occupied groaning at the sensation. After Alec did the same to himself, Jace drew him in for a kiss, which turned very heated straight away, with Jace locking him in place with his legs, starting to rock against him to let their erections grind together.

“Fuck,” Alec exclaimed, meeting Jace’s movements with his own for a few quick moments, biting hard on his lower lip to keep himself together.

Then he leaned back, not without letting his cock trace a line on the inside of Jace’s thigh, which, along with spreading Jace’s legs wider, seemed to meet Jace’s approval. Everything was indeed so damn intense, from the smallest of touches, and not only that; as Alec coated his hand with lube and started teasing Jace’s entrance with a finger, even just _watching_ Jace’s pleasure was much more striking than it had been before. The rough edges of reality, from the heat to the smells to the pure physical contact, had something that couldn’t be replicated in a projection. Alec grabbed Jace’s hand, as his other one stretched Jace open from the inside, and _he_ almost had to restrain himself from coming, completely untouched.

Jace wasn’t much better, considering the way he trembled and moaned with every thrust of Alec’s fingers. And far too soon Jace urged Alec to remove them, so that Alec could lay on top of him. Jace’s arms wrung around Alec in a fierce grip while their lips collided, and both of them groaned loudly as Alec didn’t waste any time in entering him. Jace was breathing heavily, wrapping his legs around Alec to better give him access, and Alec would’ve wanted to go slow and ease him into it, but Jace started moving his hips impatiently. A yelp left Alec’s lips as his cock fully sheathed itself into Jace, and it felt so good, too good, that he had to rest his forehead against Jace’s and stay completely still.

But not for long. Alec could feel the smile on Jace’s lips as he kissed him softly. They had really made it here, was the sole thought in Alec’s mind, and he smiled back, ignoring the tear that had trickled from the corner of his eye.

Jace was the one to deepen the kiss, his tongue exploring the inside of Alec’s mouth, and that spurred Alec to slide almost entirely out of him, so that he could push back in all the way. Jace broke off the kiss, his head falling on the pillow beneath him as he cried out, and Alec’s mouth took advantage of that to turn its attention on Jace’s exposed neck. Soon enough, Alec picked up a pace that rattled them both, as well as the bed under them. Alec knew they both would’ve wanted to make it last as long as possible, but they were already too far gone to hold themselves back.

So they didn’t, finding a rhythm together that burned through their system. A whimper escaped from Jace every time Alec hit his prostate, and, since he had already been close, it wasn’t long before he became tense in the ache for his release.

Alec doubled his efforts, murmuring, “Come, come for me, babe,” into Jace’s neck, into his skin, until Jace simply fell apart, a prolonged sound coming out of his wide-open mouth, as his walls started contracting around Alec’s cock. Alec didn’t have any more inhibitions then, thrusting wildly inside of Jace until his release shot up in him too, and he kissed Jace through both their completions.

They didn’t move for a long while after that, besides Alec reluctantly slipping out of Jace and discarding both their condoms on the floor somewhere. Gradually, they regained their breath and their minds still resting against one another, until Jace started chuckling.

“What?” Alec asked him.

“Nothing, I just think you just fucked my brain out.”

They both burst out laughing.

Eventually, they settled down, Alec hugging Jace to his chest like it had become his favorite habit. Jace fit just right in his hold. “We’ll get out of here, Jace,” Alec whispered against Jace’s hair, “and it’ll be alright.”

Jace hummed, placing one last kiss to Alec’s lips before they both fell asleep, feeling almost at peace. Almost.

When Alec woke up, he was alone, an empty space next to him where there shouldn’t have been. Already about to panic before he opened his eyes, a muted note played on the piano not far from the bed was what calmed him down. Sighing in relief, he immediately sat up, watching with a smile Jace in his element, realizing with a pang that he had missed music as a fundamental part of their life just as much as Jace most likely had.

Jace must’ve heard him move, because he spoke, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Alec shook his head, still smiling. “No, I – keep going. I love to hear you play.”

“You do, don’t you,” Jace teased, before he turned more somber, his fingers hovering over the keys. “It feels like it’s been ages, even if I know that it’s not technically true.”

“Yeah, I feel it too,” Alec agreed.

“Come sit with me,” Jace told him.

Alec did so eagerly, joining Jace at the piano after he had gotten up and put on a pair of clean boxers and a shirt. Jace hadn’t even bothered with the latter, and Alec kissed his bare shoulder as he sat down next to him. It was a tight fit, but Jace didn’t seem to mind, resuming to play without muting the sound.

“Hey, I know this,” Alec said after the first few accords, glancing at Jace only to see that a fond smile had appeared his face. “It’s the – the first song I heard you sing.”

Jace’s smile widened even more. “Yeah. This was the start of everything for us, wasn’t it?”

Alec smiled as well, nodding, before he started outright laughing. “ _God_ , yes. Didn’t we masturbate in our bathrooms after that? I was in the damn _hospital_.”

Jace snorted loudly. “Oh my god, you really did _that_. Now that I know you I’m even more flattered. Mr. Law and Order, so turned on by yours truly that he couldn’t resist masturbating in a hospital bathroom, while _injured_? The indecency…don’t you have any _shame_?” 

“Shut _up_ , you jerk.” Alec shoved Jace with his shoulder, his stomach starting to hurt for how much he was laughing. “And I _so_ did, I was so embarrassed! I need to make you pay for that, you know that, right?”

“Bring it on,” Jace retorted in a lower tone, winking at him…and they were gone again, doubling over the piano for a good while. Jace was the first one to recover, wiping tears from his eyes. “Stop distracting me now, I was trying to _play_ something.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Alec took a deep breath, a few more laughs escaping him before he calmed down entirely. “Go on.”

Jace restarted the song, surprising Alec when he began singing it. The mood shifted along with that, from playful to that brand of electric that Alec had come to associate with their connection. At some point Alec found himself with his head on Jace’s shoulder, so that he ended up both hearing and _feeling_ the notes coming out of Jace. If only that moment could’ve lasted forever.

“Hey, at least we can say we have a song,” Alec whispered when silence finally settled on them and they still weren’t moving.

“Yeah, we do, don’t we?” Jace whispered back.

Alec raised his head, and the path to Jace’s lips was simple, inevitable. They didn’t rush it, their mouths moving together languidly, savoring each other as if they were on a romantic vacation and everything was okay.

There wasn’t much to _do_ in that cabin. There were no electronic devices at all, since they would be traceable. So, after eating something rustled up from what they found in the cupboards, they could only sit back on the bed. Jace started his own memoire, and they stayed in companionable silence, deep in concentration over their notebooks…for all of ten minutes.

Then, as if on cue, they both threw everything away and were on each other all over again. Call them restless and insatiable, but they did have a _lot_ to make up for, that was what Alec kept telling himself. Not that he really cared.  

Even though they couldn’t project themselves in dozens of different positions, they still tried to spice things up a little. Jace ended up bent over a windowsill, one of his hands reaching backward to grasp something of Alec, as Alec pounded into him with abandon.

“Yes! Right… _there_! Keep–” Jace’s voice died in a groan, and he had to lean on both hands to not pummel forward. Alec had already given up on saying anything coherent, already in too deep, both literally and figuratively. Enthralled by the way Jace’s ass clenched and unclenched under him, his grip on Jace’s hips kept tightening and tightening with every thrust, as if he intended to leave his mark on Jace. And to be fair, he did.

But he didn’t want it to end just yet. Alec suddenly stilled while he was buried hilt-deep into Jace, the delay sending sparks all throughout his body and, most likely, Jace’s as well. Jace looked at him, clearly about to protest, but he seemed to change his mind, leaning back until he was almost flush against Alec’s chest. Alec had his arms wrapped around Jace, and he held him as their eyes met, _something_ unnamable passing between them that spurred Alec to try and reach mentally for Jace once again. When it didn’t, obviously, work, Alec kissed him soundly instead. The angle wasn’t the best, but that wouldn’t have stopped him for anything in the world.

Then the moment passed. Jace bent forward again, and Alec didn’t waste any more time, being rewarded by Jace’s eager sounds as he picked up an even more rattling pace than before.

When his orgasm came, Alec zoned out for so long that he didn’t even realize Jace had come too, his arms trembling for the effort to keep himself upright on the ledge, and Alec had to quickly grab him to not let him fall head-first.

Chuckling, Alec guided them both back to the bed, where they collapsed side by side, still out of breath.

“Fuck, I think that was the best orgasm of my life,” Alec stated, incredulous.

“That? No, we can do better,” Jace replied with a smirk. “But I think If we don’t calm down, this cabin will be known as the sex-bin from now on,” Jace joked.

“By who?”

“Us, of course,” Jace answered. “After we get out of here.”

Alec hummed. He didn’t want to say _If_ , but the word hung above them.

And they were back at it just a few hours of rest later…having no idea what time of the day it was. There _was_ a grandfather clock in the room, plus Alec had a watch, but they had concluded that, since they had _so_ much time to kill, it was best if the hours passed by unnoticed. They would know when time was up either way, as they would run out of blockers.

This time, they stayed on the bed, Alec the one on his hands and knees, even if it had taken some convincing.

“What, you literally were with a random guy, and you won’t let _me_ top you?” Jace had asked him rather crossly.

“But I never do that kind of stuff!” Alec had protested. “That was _entirely_ uncharacteristic of me, I never liked…you know…being vulnerable, especially with someone I didn’t know.”

“But you know _me_ , don’t you trust me?” Jace had been playing with Alec’s chest hair, a pouty look on his face.

“Of course, and I’m not saying no! I just don’t like it as much…” Alec had noticed Jace’s raised eyebrow, and he had smirked. “What? You’ll just have to make me change my mind, won’t you? Up to the challenge?”

Jace had kissed him then, his hand wandering down until it had wrapped around Alec’s cock, which was rising up as the idea of what was about to happen started to intrigue Alec more and more.

“You know what?” Alec had added, already breathing heavily, “I think that that night it was your influence guiding me.”

“What?” Jace had been sucking a bruise on Alec’s neck, not caring about talking anymore.

“We’ve been taking up each other’s personalities a bit since our bond came back, haven’t we? Didn’t you notice?”

Jace had looked at him. “I can’t believe you’re theorizing right _now_. I’m _offended_.”

Alec had laughed, then he’d had to bite his tongue as Jace had doubled his efforts on him. By the time he had ended up on his hands and knees, he was already more than convinced.

Jace was tracing Alec’s spine with his tongue, while he kept his thrust slow, but deep. It was something close to a torture, and Alec both wished Jace would hurry _up_ but also never stop. 

“ _Jace_ ,” Alec whined, he didn’t even know to which end. Jace’s hands trailed down his sides, where he was most sensitive, so he let out a hiss, followed by a gasp as Jace pushed into him that much harder. “Please, Jace…”

“What?” Jace mumbled, after he finally started picking up speed, which threatened to send Alec off balance. But Alec fell on his elbows only too eagerly, a chant of _yes, yes_ going through his mind. “Tell me,” Jace had somehow still the energy to talk, “am I bigger than dear Dick?”

“Wha – _seriously_ , Jace? Oh my god, I can’t believe y–” Alec moaned loudly as Jace kept hitting over and over the right spot. “Actually, _no_ you aren’t,” he managed to let out anyway. 

Jace stilled. “Wha- how _dare_ you?” Jace said in an outraged tone that betrayed his amusement. “That’s it, I’m out.”

It hurt to laugh, or it felt _too_ good, since it made him shake around Jace’s cock buried in him, but Alec couldn’t help it. “Well, didn’t you see that guy? He was loaded…a bit too much, if you ask me. I’d say you’re the perfect size for me.”

Alec couldn’t see him, but he just knew that Jace had a dopey grin on his face. “Uhm, nice save.” Jace placed a kiss on Alec’s lower back, while he slid out of him. “C’mon, turn around, I want to kiss you.”

 Alec smiled as he fell on his back, sighing into the kiss after Jace fell into his arms.

“Wait, I have another idea,” Alec said.

He rolled them over, settling himself on Jace’s lap while Jace sat up, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him again. Alec lowering himself on Jace’s cock took them both by surprise, and after a few times of him doing that, they were already winded again.

They had picked up a rhythm, Jace’s hips surging up to meet Alec half way, when something changed. Alec had been looking Jace in the eye, as he felt it; it was like a dam had broken in his mind, causing a flood inside of it. He could see Jace, but he could also _feel_ what he felt, and feel _himself_ through Jace’s perspective.

“Alec,” Jace breathed, in awe, but also in fear, “the blockers, we need…”

But it was already too late, they were too close, they couldn’t stop. Their lips collided, and a cry echoed from deep inside of them. Jace’s arms tightened around Alec, and Alec found himself with his back on the bed, panting helplessly as Jace pounded desperately into him. Or maybe he was doing that to him, or both, or neither. And Alec knew that he should’ve felt guilty about allowing that to happen, but he could only think _finally_. Finally, this was what they had craved for; every sensation rippling and feeding from each other, coursing through their veins, sparking in their minds, their beings... It was something they had already experienced before, but not quite like _this_ ; no, nothing could’ve ever prepared them for the duality of their physical bond _and_ their psychic connection. And, unable to truly _grasp_ all that it meant, they could only _live_ it. Their orgasms could only come as an explosion, one after the other after the other, until they were so entwined together that they were not themselves anymore, but a tangle of the same soul.

Afterwards, they looked at each other with a whole new understanding, even though they had to immediately, as soon as they could move, rush towards their blockers. They swallowed them before they could think too hard about it, otherwise they couldn’t have brought themselves to do it. It felt like some kind of death.

Then they collapsed on the bed, _falling_ into each other arms more than anything, unable to say anything until they had calmed down enough to resign themselves to the fact that an invisible, but impenetrable wall was between them once again.

“Did you feel that?” Jace was the first one to speak, after they had settled down more comfortably, with Alec hugging Jace from behind.

Alec merely nodded, his eyes closed, his nose pressed against the tattoo on the back of Jace’s neck, smelling Jace’s pungent sweat that was still drying on his skin. His head was still spinning. “We now have an idea what it will be like. Pretty good, if you ask me.”

Jace chuckled weakly. “Don’t even make me think about it.”

“But hey, we’ll get there,” Alec stated firmly, he didn’t know if to convince Jace, or himself.

Jace stayed silent for a long while, before he spoke again. “Alec?” Alec hummed in response. “Where would we go, if Valentine is still out there?”

Alec reflexively tightened his hold on Jace. “Anywhere we need, I guess. The Shadowhunters said they’ll help us, if they’re still around. If they’re not…we’ll manage. I’m a cop, you know, I have a _few_ skills, and you’re quite skilled too.”

Jace scoffed.

“Hey, don’t do that.” Alec pressed a kiss to Jace’s shoulder. “We both haven’t exactly been at the top of our game, but that’s because we were caught unprepared. It won’t happen again.”

Jace made a sound that seemed to be of agreement. But even if it wasn’t, it didn’t matter, since Jace turned around, and Alec saw a look on his face that he couldn’t quite decipher, which was admittedly irritating, considering that not long ago he wouldn’t have had to. Alec held his breath, then, as Jace’s hand came up to touch his face.

“But what if Valentine _is_ dead…we haven’t said what we’d do then.” Jace’s words, his voice much smaller than before, surprised Alec even more.

“What – what do you mean?” Alec replied, even if he knew exactly what Jace meant. That was something that had been plaguing him as well.

“Our lives are still miles apart,” Jace went on. “But I don’t – I don’t want to be parted from you.”

Alec took a deep breath, his hands tracing circles on Jace’s back as he laid their foreheads together. “And you won’t. Together, remember?”

“Yeah, but what does that mean? You’re saying that you – you’d move to London with me?”

“Yes,” Alec answered without hesitation. That wasn’t a spur of the moment; he had thought long and hard about it, more than he would ever admit, about his and Jace’s situation, and what it meant for their future...and that was the only conclusion he could come to. He would do anything for Jace, and to be _with_ him.

“But – but,” Jace stuttered, rising himself on his elbow to better look at Alec, “what about your family, your friends, your job? You can’t just abandon everything, if it’s not a life or death situation…”

“I’m not _abandoning_ anything,” Alec retorted, “if we get out of here safely, I’ll be able to contact my family again, won’t I? I wouldn’t be living on another planet, we’re in the 21 st century, technology exists! And I can still do my job in London…actually, since I literally _disappeared_ without an explanation, I probably don’t have a job in New York anymore, so that would be welcome. I could have a fresh start. Listen, I’m not saying I wouldn’t miss them, my city, my old life, but I – I wouldn’t be able to…I can’t,” Alec had to gulp loudly, _“_ I _can’t_ live without you, Jace. And I don’t _want_ to. I want _you_ , and to make this work, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”

A kaleidoscope of emotions passed over Jace’s face, which Alec could barely keep up with. As it turned out, he didn’t need to, since Jace was kissing the life out of him a fraction of a second later.

“So I gather you’re happy about it?” Alec put in, chuckling as he had to spit out a few strands of Jace’s hair, since Jace had buried his face against his neck.

Jace raised his eyes on him again, nodding, his smile so bright that Alec couldn’t help but return it. “Yes, very. Nobody…has ever wanted to do anything like that for me.”

Jace had probably meant to say that lightly, but it didn’t come out as such. Alec looked him firmly in the eyes, smoothing the crease on Jace’s forehead. “Everyone’s an idiot, that’s what they are.”

“Shut up.” Jace shoved him playfully, before resting his head on the pillow again, his happiness not playful at all, but deep, stark, morphing all his features into something else. “You won’t have to do any of that, by the way.”

Alec had been too caught up, and he had to blink a few times. “What?”

“You’re not coming to London with me, _because_ …” Jace pressed a finger on Alec’s lips to shut down his protest, “ _I’m_ moving to New York with you. If you want that, that is.”

It was Alec’s turn to raise himself on his elbow. “But, Jace, you don’t have to…what about – okay, I know I sound like a hypocrite, but what about your family, your friends, your music career? I already said I will do it, so why–”

“And I love you for that, Alec, a _lot_. But _you_ don’t need a fresh start.” Jace sat up, elbows on his knees, looking back at Alec with a rueful smile on his face. “I’ve lived in London all my life, and I’ve _had_ many good memories there…but it’s always been the place where _he_ lived, too. Valentine. And where I had my worst, _worst_ memories. I tried, I _tried_ to reclaim the city as mine, to retrace my steps, replace the bad with the good, the dark with the light…but it’s never really worked. London has never been…my _home_.” Alec didn’t know if he was breathing, as Jace took his hands. “But now that I have _all_ of my memories of when we were kids, you know what I’ve realized?” Alec shook his head, and Jace smiled his bright smile again. “I used to watch you with your family, how they treated you, how they _loved_ you, and I envied you _so_ much. I always wanted what you had…and I _do_ have it. _You_ are my home, Alec, and you’ve always been.”

Alec couldn’t speak quite yet. He sat up in a fluid motion, catching Jace in his arms, holding him as tightly as he could. “And you are _my_ home, Jace,” he croaked.

Jace nodded against his shoulder, something between a chuckle and a sniff to be heard as he hugged Alec back. And they stayed like that, holding each other, even in sleep. 

*

Time started accelerating. When only a few blockers were left, they started to get ready; they packed the bags they’d been given with everything they might need on the road, they finished writing their recollections and put them safely in their respective coats. They cleaned everything, themselves included, putting on clothes unlike how they had been spending the past week. Their isolation was about to come to an end, and they needed to be prepared for anything.

Eventually, they ran out of blockers. When that happened, they spent the last few hours trying to think of every scenario they could encounter, talking themselves out of all of them. Finally, they sat at the kitchen table, waiting for the effect of the last pill to fade.

They felt immediately when it did. They looked at each other from across the table, and all they could do, as everything fell into place inside and between them, was smile. They didn’t even need to reach out for one another, because they were already _in_ each other completely.

 _Can you hear me?_ Jace tested out. They had never read each other’s mind before, so he wasn’t exactly sure how it worked. But when Alec nodded, and Jace heard a soft _Yes_ echoing in his mind as if it was his own thought, that was just another piece of the puzzle finding its rightful spot.

Not long after, they appeared. Jace and Alec had previously gotten up from the table, and they now stood side by side in front of it, hands entwined, chins held high as two projected figures took form in the room.

Simon and Clary. Their faces were a little rough, Simon had his arm in a cast, but when they both smiled brightly, Jace’s sigh of relief came from deep within him.

“It’s over, we won!” Clary statement seemed almost unnecessary.

But not for Alec, apparently. Jace looked back at him, puzzled, as he felt a hand on his arm, holding him back from rushing towards his best friends. Alec didn’t return his stare. “I’m sorry, but I – _we_ don’t know how much trickery is possible in the realm of parabatai. How do we know it’s really _you_ , or that Valentine isn’t controlling you?”

Jace flinched, turning his head back towards Simon and Clary, cursing himself for the fact that he was already being careless. Alec wasn’t wrong in being skeptical, no matter how much Jace’s heart was screaming at him that he _was_.

But thankfully this was one of the scenarios they had prepared for, so Jace knew what to do. “We just need to ask you a few questions,” he told them firmly.

“Of course, of course,” Clary and Simon said together, raising their hands pacifically.

“You’re right,” Clary added. “I understand that you need to be sure. Ask away.”

They all looked at Jace, Alec included. Jace cleared his throat rather nervously. “Clary, when we first got together, we made each other a promise. What was it?”

Clary smiled. “That we would never give up on each other, even in case it didn’t work out, and…” Her smile turned more rueful. “And to never lie to each other.”

The silence was heavy as Jace nodded to himself, gritting his teeth to keep himself from lashing out. “Very well, Clary. And did we keep that promise?”

Clary averted her eyes, wringing her hands. “Not really. You didn’t tell me that you weren’t feeling it anymore, and I didn’t tell you about Simon. Also, now you know that I didn’t tell you many more things…”

Jace crossed his arms, his anger about to reach the surface. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Alec put a hand on Jace’s shoulder. “And we will discuss that, but ask Simon something first.”

Jace didn’t know whether being grateful for Alec’s calming presence, because he didn’t _want_ to be calm. He had been calm enough already! Yet, as a warm, reassuring feeling started seeping from Alec into him, Jace could only bask in it. He sighed. “Simon, what was the first thing you ever told me?”

Simon’s hand was caressing the broken arm in a gesture of protection. Jace hated seeing that, hated being the cause of apprehension in his friends, who were probably bracing for his explosion…yet, he also couldn’t exactly feel sorry for them just _yet_. “Oh,” Simon started speaking, “I think it was something about needing a friend in a new city? I really wanted you two to not start hating each other, and I hoped that if you started liking me we could’ve all gotten along.”

Jace nodded again. “Fine, that’s correct. They seem honest to me, Alec, even if I apparently don’t know them as well as I thought…and you know that I’d rather find any excuse to kick both of their asses right now, but I don’t see any. Sadly.”

“Jace…” Clary started.

“Could you just tell us what happened first?” Alec quickly jumped in, diffusing the tension once again. “I’m still not one-hundred percent sure, and we need to know anyway.”

Clary and Simon shared a look. “Well,” Simon said in a forcefully cheerful manner, “why don’t we show you instead? Follow us.”

They disappeared, and Jace looked back at Alec, nodding at him, before they closed their eyes and slipped into the mental path that led directly to Clary and Simon’s physical forms.

When they opened their eyes again, they were in Valentine’s facility.

It was a wreck; walls crumbled, furniture upturned, people crawling the place, either dragging equipment away or cleaning the rather bloody corridors.

“Valentine’s dead,” Clary suddenly stated, and Jace and Alec focused their attention on her. “I killed him.”

“You – you did?” Jace stuttered, his eyes so wide that he wouldn’t have been surprised if they popped right out of his head. He didn’t think he’d stop being surprised for a long while still.

“Yeah. Do you…want to see him?” Clary signaled towards a closed door to their right. “Luke is dead too, and Mom wants to give them both a proper burial, for old time’s sake, but we wanted to wait for you to see them first. If that’s what you want, that is.”

Jace felt icy all of a sudden, the simple door in front of him turning much more menacing by the second. But he must’ve nodded, because Clary opened it and started leading them inside.

 _You sure you want to do this? We can just leave_ , Alec’s whispered thought reached him.

Jace met Alec’s eyes, and the apprehension was clear in them, but that strangely gave him the push he needed. _Yes. I need the closure._

Alec held his gaze a moment longer, before he nodded and took his hand, which Jace was also very grateful for. They entered the room together.

The two bodies were lying on beds similar to the one Jace had been strapped to, looking as if they were just sleeping. But most of all, it was truly striking, and painful to see, how _human_ Luke seemed now, with his eyes closed, his face relaxed, Jocelyn sitting by his side with his hand in hers. Jace couldn’t help but focus his attention on them first, especially as Jocelyn looked up and asked, “Are they here?”

Clary nodded at her mother, pointing to where Jace and Alec were. Jocelyn stood, slowly walking up to them, staring at a spot that wasn’t exactly Jace’s eye level, but close enough. “Jace, I just wanted to tell you that we didn’t – we thought it was best if we didn’t involve you in this more than was necessary. If only we had _known_ everything that had happened, maybe we could’ve helped you find your parabatai years ago…but I just hope, that you can forgive us.”

“Yeah,” Jonathan jumped in, coming closer to them from where he had been leaning against a wall. “We’re very sorry, for everything.”

Jace stayed silent, his tongue heavy and pasty in his mouth, while his hold on Alec’s hand tightened instinctively. Then he looked at Clary, at Simon, at Jocelyn and Jonathan. He was angry, he couldn’t deny that, and he wasn’t disillusioned enough to think that it wouldn’t take him a while to get over it all…but he also knew what to say. “Of _course_ I forgive you. That doesn’t mean that I – that I don’t feel betrayed or disappointed by all of you…but you’re my family, for better or for worse. If something good came out of all of this, it’s definitely us all being in each other’s lives. And I’m really glad you’re okay.” Tears had started to glisten in both Clary’s and Simon’s eyes, and Jace knew that he wasn’t much better, so he just added, “You can tell them what I said.”

Clary repeated Jace’s words to Jocelyn and Jonathan in a croaky voice. After that, Jace took his hand away from Alec, and opened his arms. “C’mon, come here. All of you.”

It was rather awkward to get everyone around Jace, since only half of them could see him, but they managed it anyway. “Oh thank god, Jace, I’m so glad you don’t hate us,” Simon’s relieved tirade was their only soundtrack, “I was literally so worried, I swear I’ll do anything you want, we’ll make it up to you, I love you, mate…”

“Oh shut up, you idiot,” Jace told him, chuckling as he spit he didn’t know whose hair from his mouth. “Alec, what do you think you’re doing over there?”

“Oh yes, Alec, join us,” Clary said.

“Is Alec here too? Of course, come here,” Jocelyn agreed.

“C’mon, mate! Can I call you mate now?” Simon jumped in.

Laughing, Alec wrapped his arms around the bundle of people, towering over them all except Jonathan. “No, you can’t.”

“One day, man, one day!”

And Jace started laughing openly. He could barely breathe, trapped as he was between too many people, and not even all of them came close to _feel_ him. Yet, it was strangely the best hug of his life. And when he noticed a glimpse of Valentine’s body over the others’ heads, none of the usual emotions hit him, not the bitterness, nor the dread; it just didn’t matter anymore. Jace closed his eyes, and he smiled.  

 _You okay?_ Alec’s thought, followed by Alec resting his head against Jace’s, made it even better. Jace merely nodded. “Guys, I’m moving to New York.”

There was a beat of silence, then, “What?!” came Clary and Simon’s outburst, as they broke off the hug to look at Jace in shock.

“What? What happened?” Jonathan wanted to know.

“He’s moving to New York!” Clary explained. “But, why…oh.” She glanced at Alec, as comprehension dawned on her.

“But wait! Can’t Alec move here instead? I swear you’d fit just right with us, we’re a fun bunch!” Simon elatedly suggested. 

Alec was about to answer, but Jace preceded him, “Alec wanted to, but _I_ don’t. _This_ is what I want, guys, I – I need a fresh start, from everything. I hope…that you can understand that?”

Both Clary and Simon opened their mouth, clearly wanting to protest further, but no sound came out.

“He wants a fresh start,” Clary mutedly explained to her mother and brother, her face much more somber than before. “Of course, Jace, we understand, but…”

“I will miss you, _all_ of you,” Jace spoke through the lump in his throat. “And I’m sorry for the band, Simon, I wouldn’t want to abandon it, but maybe it’d be an opportunity to revamp it?

Simon didn’t say anything, throwing himself into Jace’s arms instead. “Oh, who _cares_ about the band. I’ll miss you too, mate.” Jace clapped his back fondly, hugging him tightly.

“Wait, Jace, just…” Clary jumped in. “Are you _sure_? I mean, no offense, Alec, but you two barely know each other...”

“C’mon, Clary, I did the same thing, didn’t I?” Simon reminded her, after breaking off the hug.

“Yes, but we had known each other for _decades_ …I just, I don’t want you to make rash decisions, Jace,” Clary retorted.

“You’re right, Clary,” it was Alec who spoke, and Jace turned towards him in surprise. “Everything’s happened in such a short time, and it’s all so complicated…but know that we’re not taking this lightly. We know it won’t be all easy, but now that Jace and I have found each other again…we’re determined to not lose each other, aren’t we?” Alec met Jace’s eyes, and Jace could only nod in response. “And I mean, it’s all still in the works, and Jace can easily change his mind any time he wants.”

“I won’t change my mind,” Jace cut in. “Guys, I’m sorry, but this is _not_ the end. I’m happy, I’m really, _really_ happy, like I’ve never been in my life, and Alec is a big part of that…so I’m not letting him go. And I’ll come back a few times anyway, won’t I? I mean, I still need to talk to my grandmother, and she’ll probably want me for Christmas for _sure_.”

Clary’s head was hanging low on her shoulders, as resignation seemed to settle on it.

“Jace,” Jocelyn intervened, “I can only imagine what you’re saying, but I think I have a good idea, and I can just say…all these years I’ve felt _so_ guilty over everything that’s happened to you, since I definitely had a hand in it. I wished all along that you could find your peace, your happiness…so if your heart is telling you to go, _go_. Clary, Simon…Alec has flown all this way for Jace, I think he’s proven his commitment enough, hasn’t he?”

A small, bashful smile appeared on Alec’s face, which was a pity Jocelyn couldn’t see.

Clary sighed. “I know, I know. I’ve _seen_ you two, and how you are together, and I _am_ so happy for you. But I’ll just…miss you, I guess.” She shrugged, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

Jace stepped towards her, wrapping his arms around her. “C’mon, Red. I can see you and Simon all the time, can’t I? And feel free to drop by anytime you want, even though it might be better if you give us a heads-up first…”

Clary laughed, and Jace let her go, smiling as well. Then he turned towards Jonathan, standing by with his arms crossed. “Tell him that he’ll have to keep living being deprived of all of this,” Jace motioned towards himself with a smirk, “which I know is such a shame, and I’m deeply sorry for that.”

“Oh, shut up,” Clary said through her laughter, which Simon, Alec and Jace himself joined too.

“I bet he said something about the Incident™, didn’t he?” Jonathan replied, rolling his eyes. “Now it can finally _die_ , and I won’t miss you at all, you dipshit.”

“He loves you,” Clary translated, and Jace simply shook his head.

Then he turned more serious. “And tell your mother…thank you, and I’m sorry for everything that’s happened to her, too. I hope we can all move forward.” Clary nodded. “We’ll go now, then. We have a long journey ahead of us.”

“Wait,” Alec said. “I also want to thank all of you, for helping me…us. We wouldn’t be here without you.”

“Can I hug you?” Clary asked him tentatively.

Alec chuckled, saying, “I don’t bite, I swear,” as he pulled Clary in for a hug. “Also you,” he told Simon, who whooped and didn’t waste any time in getting his share.

The sight was something Jace would’ve never thought possible. Alec had always seemed completely separated from his ‘real’ life, that now that he saw him interact with his friends, Jace felt filled to the brink with a sense of _rightness_. When they appeared back in their cabin, the feeling still didn’t leave him.

Clary and Simon were still there to give them instructions on how to proceed next. Other Shadowhunters were about to come pick them up and bring them to the airport.

“We can send you some of your stuff,” Clary suggested. “Do you already know what you’ll say to your grandmother?”

“Thank you, guys. And I’ll try to stay as close to the truth as I can. She – she never knew why Valentine kidnapped me, right?”

“No, she’s not a parabatai, if you were wondering.”

It was settled, then. They didn’t have much else to say to one another, not until they’d reached New York. Jace still pulled them both in another hug, needing to prolong the moment just a little longer. “See you.”

“See you, mate.” Simon was definitely sniffling.

That seemed like the last goodbye…when a thought suddenly occurred to Jace. “Wait a moment, you two! You’re parabatai, so does that mean that when I – Clary and I were…Simon, don’t you dare disappear!”

Too late. “Bye, mate!” was still echoing in the room, as Alec started laughing.

“This is not funny, Alec! You think you’re with someone, instead that person is someone else, too! Ugh, ugh, I can’t believe it, I need to go brush my teeth _many_ times…”

*

They were flying _home_. Jace was going to be _living_ with him. And if their lives had changed drastically recently, now they would even _more_ , and for the whole world to see…

No more hiding, no more isolation. Alec knew that trying to explain it all to his family and friends would be a rather unpleasant feat, not even mentioning the heat he’d get for disappearing like he had…but, compared to the horror of the past week, _that_ would be a _welcome_ struggle. It would only bring them forward, and not backwards.

Those were the main thoughts that accompanied Alec during their entire flight, which only spurred him to tighten his hold on Jace, who was dozing off on his shoulder, and place a kiss on his head.

The hours passed like they do in a dream. Not much was said; what _could_ they say, after all? Even when they found themselves in the taxi headed towards Alec’s apartment, their shared emotions spoke far more clearly and loudly than any word ever could. Jace seemed determined to look at everything as if he had never seen it before, and the fondness gripping Alec’s heart was too much for him to handle.

“Hey,” he suddenly told Jace, and when Jace looked away from the car window and turned towards him, Alec kissed him as if he’d never done it before. Jace chuckled in surprise, but wasn’t opposed to it at all. By the time Alec had to hand over money to the driver, he was rather flushed, and he would’ve felt embarrassed if Jace’s hand wasn’t still in his.

Then the moment arrived; they stood in front of the door to the apartment, and the next step would officially sign the beginning of a new…era. Alec took out his keys, and gave them to Jace.

Without needing to be told what to do, Jace opened the door.

The new era started with a nap. They were both too exhausted, mentally and physically, to do more than throw their bags on the ground, strip down to their underwear, and curl up together in bed.

“It’s harder in person. Of _course_ a cop wouldn’t have a soft bed,” was Jace’s only audible comment. Alec chuckled in response, wrapping his arms around Jace and falling asleep not long after. With Jace. In his bed. In _their_ bed. For real.

Alec was woken up by the creaking of the front door opening. He was alert, his eyes wide open, a heartbeat later…but when he heard familiar voices, he stopped himself from waking Jace. He would’ve hoped he’d have more time, but, oh well.

Alec slipped out of bed and walked into the living room, bracing himself to face the two people in there.

“Ah, so you’re really here!” was the shout he was immediately met with. “You…you _idiot_ , you utter imbecile, you – I _covered_ for you, and you didn’t even grace us with a _text_? A phone call? For more than a _week_? And now the _neighbor_ had to tell me that you’re back?!”

“Izzy…” Alec and Lydia both said at the same time, the former apologetic, the latter pacifyingly, even though she looked just as crossed.

“No, don’t you ‘Izzy’ me!” Izzy bit back. “You, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, have two seconds to explain yourself, or I swear I will whoop your ass!”

“I will, Iz, I’ll explain everything…” Alec bit his lip, “But first, I need you to meet someone.”

Jace had woken up in between ‘So you’re really here!’ and ‘You idiot’, and he was waiting for Alec’s cue. That was it; Jace stepped out of the bedroom.

Izzy had her eyebrows so furrowed that she resembled a vulture, and that didn’t change even when she took in the sight of Jace. Alec knew that he couldn’t justify himself just with bringing a man home, but he’d hoped that that would’ve softened her at least a _little_ bit.

Alec sighed. “Izzy, Lydia…this is Jace.”

A whole speech was forming in Alec’s mind after that, but that was when Izzy’s mouth fell opened. “Jace?” She turned towards Lydia. “I thought you said he was called _John_.”

Lydia frowned. “Uhm, I must’ve remembered wrong? Sorry?”

Izzy’s eyes were very round as they focused on Jace, her mouth still open as she studied him.

“Izzy, what...” Alec’s eyes were wide, too. “Do you – do you _know_ who Jace is?”

Izzy seemed to shake herself off a reverie, and looked at Alec. “Your…imaginary friend, he was called exactly that, wasn’t he?”

“You _remember_ that?” Alec couldn’t believe his ears. “You were, what, _six_ years old? How–”

While Lydia seemed more and more confused, Izzy spoke again, “So it’s really _him_? _That_ Jace? He’s _real_?”

Alec shared a dumbfounded look with Jace, who looked just as shocked as him. In the end, though, what could Alec do beside look at his sister, and smile? “Yes, Iz, he’s real, he was always real.”

The widest smile appeared on Izzy’s face, so slowly that it felt like witnessing a flower bloom. “I knew it! I _always_ fucking knew that he was real, and that you were lying to me! You, you–”

“No, Iz, I didn’t lie, I really had forgotten…”

But Izzy wasn’t listening to him anymore. She looked back at Jace with whole new eyes, which were glistening with tears as Jace smiled back at her. “Hi, Izzy. Nice seeing you in person.”

Izzy laughed as she threw her arms around Jace. “I can’t believe this is happening. Alec, come here, you shit brother.” One of her hands grabbed Alec’s arm and pushed him into the hug, which Alec joined all too eagerly, feeling a little choked up as he witnessed his sister _and_ Jace in the same room. “You too, Lydia, just roll with it, we’ll tell you everything, I mean I still don’t know everything, but it can just…wait.” Lydia was speechless, but she had probably learned a long time ago to not question her girlfriend, so she simply shook her head fondly, and joined in as well.

“Nice to meet you, Jace,” she said.

“You too, Lydia,” Jace replied, his smile big, a feeling of warmth and satisfaction radiating from him, which Alec basked in.

Now, _now_ it was perfect. He had left New York scared and helpless, and he had come back _complete_. Izzy’s whispered, choked up, “Welcome home,” nicely encapsulated that feeling.  


	17. Epilogue: Some Endings Are Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Feels good, doesn’t it?”_   
>  _“Mm?”_   
>  _“To have everything fall into place.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I haven't forgotten to end this fic. I actually finished writing the chapter months ago, but one failed work endeavour later i never had the time or inspiration to edit it properly. So what's the point lingering, here's the final chapter! Thank you SO much to everyone who followed and liked this crazy story, which became so much bigger than i would've ever expected! It's sad to see it go, but i hope you're satisfied enough by this epilogue

Izzy and Lydia had been seemingly stunned into silence. They sat on the couch opposite from Alec and Jace, who were instead perched on the coffee table in front of it, looking anxiously at them. They hadn’t really discussed it beforehand, but it had become clear when Izzy had realized who Jace really was that Alec _wouldn’t_ have been able to not tell her the whole truth, so Jace had silently nodded at him to proceed. Now, they waited for the girls’ reaction.

“It does make some…sense,” Izzy finally said. “I mean, back when we were little I just accepted what Alec told me as the truth, and all these years I’ve carried that doubt about what the _hell_ had happened, and even though at some point I realized that ‘imaginary friends’ were not possible, I don’t think I ever let that possibility go, you know? I always had this _feeling_ that Jace was real. And I mean, who’s to say that psychic abilities aren’t possible? ‘Normal’ human brains are capable of more than we can even begin to understand, thus a further enhancement through evolution wouldn’t be so far-fetched…but does that mean that it’s genetic? You say _dad_ is one too? But why not _me_ , or Max? And–”

“Iz, just,” Alec interrupted her, his arms raised as if to physically protect himself from her onslaught of words, “could you please leave the sciencing to another time? _We_ don’t know that much either, so if you want I can hook you up with that scientist, Magnus Bane? _He_ knows a lot more than us.”

“Oh, yes, _yes_ , I’d love that,” Izzy replied, clapping her hands with an elated smile. Then she seemed to think of something else, and she turned worriedly towards her girlfriend. “You…okay, Lyd?”

Lydia blinked a few times. “Ehm…well, I – I don’t really know.” She laughed nervously, her eyes darting back and forth from Alec to Jace, and vice versa. “I just – I think my brain might be short-circuiting right now.”

Alec nodded, feeling his throat very tight with nervousness. His sister’s easy acceptance was a relief, but Izzy had already been a part of the whole story, and she had one of the most open minds Alec had ever encountered, so the fact that he could rely on her wasn’t too much of a shock. That was why he needed _Lydia_ , one of the most _straight-forward_ minds he had ever encountered, to believe him.

“That’s understandable,” Jace was the one to intervene, “just imagine how _we_ were feeling when all this stuff started happening to us.”

Jace sent him a look, which Alec responded to with a small smile.

“Oh, yeah, I literally thought I was going _crazy_ ,” Alec admitted, chuckling lightly, grateful for the fact that at least they were able to laugh about it now, while only a few weeks earlier the world had seemed to be about to end. Then Alec turned serious again, clasping his hands tightly as he spoke. “The point is, I know that this is a lot, and I wouldn’t have wanted to involve you in this. But I just…I’m tired of all the lies. You are my family, and I want you to be a part of my… _new_ life.”

Izzy took Lydia’s hand, her smile gentle. “And _I’m_ glad you told us, Alec. Actually, I’m kinda mad that you didn’t tell me sooner, you really thought I’d think you were crazy?”

Alec shrugged. “Ehm, _yes_? What _other_ explanation could there have been? Plus, at first I thought that if I simply ignored it, everything would’ve gone away…” Meeting Jace’s eyes, Alec grinned. “Now, I’m kinda glad that it didn’t.”

Jace shoved him playfully with his shoulder. “I _might_ think the same,” he teased, and Alec openly laughed.

“Aw,” was the sound that made them remember that they weren’t alone. Alec cleared his throat, surely bright red in the face as he turned back towards his sister and Lydia, who were looking fondly at them. He was _so_ not used of being at the receiving end of a reaction like that.

“Alec, I just,” Lydia started speaking, “I might need some time to adjust to the idea, but know that I’m really… _happy_ for you. For both of you, that you found each other, that is.”

Lydia cleared her own throat, and Alec was reminded that she was not much more comfortable talking about feelings than he was. But that was why Alec felt all the more grateful for her words. “Thank you, Lydia.”

“Parabatai,” she mumbled, as though trying out the word. “What a concept. Imagine if this had happened to us, Iz…”

“For real!” Izzy exclaimed. “I’m actually jealous, to be entirely honest. Having a psychic connection would be _so_ fascinating…”

“Well,” Jace jumped in, “if you’re into the high chances of walking in on people having sex...”

“But that’s just life,” Izzy rebutted with an eye roll, causing everyone to burst out into laughter.

“Really, though,” Alec said after they had calmed down, “thank you both for not freaking out right now.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, big bro. _Mom_ will do that for the both of us, plus _some_. All this time she’s been calling me almost _hourly_ asking for you. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Damn it. _Mom_.” Alec smacked his forehead, the thought of facing Maryse Lightwood’s wrath almost making him wish he was back in Valentine’s facility. Almost.

Jace squeezed Alec’s hand in comfort. “Hey, it’ll be okay. I’m sure she’s just worried for you.”

“Oh, you can _bet_ she is,” Izzy cut in. “But since I’m still feeling _generous_ , _I’ll_ handle her, Alec.”

“What? No, Iz, I owe her an explanation…”

“Of course you do, I just mean that _I’ll_ call her to tell her you’re back, but you’re feeling really tired because of the journey so you’ll see her at lunch later today. You categorically _can’t_ not come, obviously. Deal?”

Izzy had gotten up, so Alec did as well, pulling her in for a hug, holding her tight. “Yes, thank you, sis. You’re the best.”

“Of course I am,” she said while leaning back, a smile playing on her lips, “and I can’t wait to see her face when you introduce her to _Jace_.”

Alec’s eyes widened. “Oh, fuck…she _remembers_ that name! How will I explain it to her? I can’t tell _her_ the truth, she wouldn’t understand.”

“Why do you need to explain? Just tell her it’s the biggest coincidence ever,” Lydia said, shrugging.

“It’s _fate,_ ” both Jace and Izzy proclaimed at the said time, laughing when they realized that.

“Okay, fine, shut up.” Alec rolled his eyes.

Jace leaned against Alec’s arm, still laughing. “What? It _is_ a vague enough explanation that she won’t be able to argue with it. If you want her to meet me, that is.”

Alec opened his mouth, “I – of _course_ I want that, don’t _you_ want…?”

Jace shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I want to meet your family.”

He had said that far too casually, and Alec frowned as remembered that he had a way of knowing what he was actually feeling without having to ask. Slipping into their connection came so easily now, and he immediately felt the maelstrom of eagerness and _nervousness_ that was Jace. This meeting had been a long time in the making.

So Alec shook his head fondly, wrapping an arm around Jace’s shoulders to try and bring him some comfort. “Yeah.”

“Okay you two,” Izzy interjected, still smiling. “We’ll leave you to whatever the hell this is. See you at lunch.”

“Wait, you’ll be there?” Alec asked her.

Izzy rolled her eyes. “Duh. You wouldn’t survive without me, plus I want to see _everything_.”

Then, out of the blue, she threw her arms around Jace. Jace laughed in surprise, but hugged her back. Alec didn’t need to check to know what he was feeling this time; the joy and wonder of being accepted so easily, so openly, was written all over his face and in the way he closed his eyes for a brief moment. 

“Again, I couldn’t be happier for this new development,” Izzy murmured to him. “Welcome to the family.”

“Thank you, Izzy,” Jace croaked, and Alec was unable to resist the urge to place a grounding hand on Jace’s back. 

“The station!” Alec suddenly burst out, though, before the girls could go away, remembering another crucial point. “Lydia, what did they…?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to bring it up, considering everything else, but…” Lydia grimaced. “Well, let’s just say they’re not very happy with you right now.”

Alec sighed. “Am I fired?”

“Not yet. They’re giving you the benefit of the doubt for the time being, given your situation and all, but you need to come as soon as possible and explain yourself. If you come up with something good they might be inclined to take you back, with a lot of _ifs_ and a very likely demotion, suspension or probation…”

“We talked about it,” Izzy intervened, “and we think that the best you can do is put it on your mental state, with the promise of curing yourself for a certain period of time so that they can reevaluate you then.”

Alec’s stomach was churning uncomfortably, but he nodded gratefully. “Yeah, I think that’s best too, I’ll do that. I’ll pass by the station this afternoon.”

Demotion, suspension or probation…really, that was only the least that could happen; it wasn’t ideal, but not the worst either. Alec wasn’t looking forward to facing his boss, not one bit, but he’d grit his teeth and _do_ it. He could never regret the actions that had led him to this sea of trouble, after all, so he’d have to _own_ them.

That was why, when the girls left, he turned towards Jace with an easy smile, ready to face the future, but also rejoicing at the prospect of at least a few more hours just for the two of them.

Jace, however, had his arms crossed, and he stood by the couch with a clouded look in his face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Alec asked him. But, of course, he already knew. “Jace, this is _not_ a problem, everything will be alright.” He walked up to Jace, placing his hands on Jace’s shoulders, rubbing them gently. “I don’t _mind_ , really, having a bit more time before I have to go back to work full time. This way we’ll be able to get used to our new life together.”

Jace didn’t look comforted. “I don’t know, Alec. It seems like you’re sacrificing way too much for me.”

“And you aren’t?” Alec put in, raising an eyebrow. “You’ve just uprooted your whole _life_. Now you need to find a job, or your visa will be revoked. You’re away from everything you’ve ever known, and you’ll have to get used to _so_ much more than I do.”

“I don’t see all that as a problem,” Jace sighed, finally wrapping his arms around Alec. “I’m actually…excited, in a sense? I have so many ideas, like ways to kickstart my career. I could start doing covers, you know? And put them on YouTube, I’ve always liked doing that. And I can do any other common job in the meantime…do you know that I was a bartender for years?”

“No, I didn’t know that.” Alec smiled, resting his forehead against Jace’s. “You see? It all goes up from here, or if it doesn’t, we need to be able to trust each other, and _rely_ on each other. I’m excited too, I couldn’t be _more_ excited to have you here and start this new chapter. I know that not everything will be easy, and who knows? Maybe we’ll realize this is not what we want…but I want to look at the bright side right now. You just need to remember that you could never be a burden to me, _never_.”

Jace paused for a long moment, simply breathing in their vicinity. “You know,” he finally said, capturing Alec’s lips in a quick kiss. “I wouldn’t have taken you for a smooth talker, at first, but I’m _very_ glad that you are.”

“I’m full of hidden talents,” Alec teased, before lowering his voice, whispering into Jace’s ear, “I can’t wait for you to find out about all of them…”

Jace yelped, as Alec’s hands started tickling his sides. “Wha – stop, you damn trai–” Jace’s voice died in his yells and laughter, and Alec took advantage of that to throw Jace on the couch, doubling his attack by pinning Jace’s legs under him. “You…will pay…” Jace could only say, even though for the moment he strangely didn’t make any move to retaliate.

He was breathless by the time Alec stopped, puffs of hilarity still coming out of both of them. Jace seemed ready to protest _then_ , but Alec swallowed any word by crushing his lips against Jace’s in a far more heated, and pleasant onslaught, which Jace gave in to all too eagerly.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to put this couch to good use…” Alec murmured against Jace’s throat.

“Mmm,” Jace moaned, as they adjusted themselves more comfortably on it. “You better.”

*

The couch wasn’t exactly as sturdy as Alec must’ve thought, because it kept creaking and groaning almost as loudly as them, so that they often had to slow down to not crush it. However, making love in Alec’s apartment, with their bond wide open and thrumming happily between them, intensifying the way their bodies joined…made everything else quite irrelevant.

So Jace locked his arms and legs against Alec’s back, and let Alec take him with as much love as urgent _need_ , while they panted against each other’s mouths, their kisses rough and sweet at the same time.

Then, Jace was pushing Alec against a wall, biting and sucking all the way down his neck, his collarbone, his nipple, while one of his hands pumped wildly both of their cocks in between them.

“I missed this,” Alec breathed, a chuckle in his voice. “Who knew that I’d think that only one position was so limiting…”

Jace looked up at him. “Are you really talking right now?” he told him, pointedly quickening his ministration. Alec’s eyes fluttered shut, his mouth falling open as he leaned his head back against the wall, his hands traveling down to grab Jace’s ass. And when those hands started urging the movement of Jace’s hips, in tandem with Alec’s, Jace was satisfied enough to turn his attention back to Alec’s unexpectedly inviting, hairy chest.  

Then Jace found himself in front of a flat surface, which he realized was the kitchen table as Alec bent him over it. “Nice,” Jace joked, moaning as Alec traced his tongue down his spine, while Alec’s cock entered him with ease, immediately picking up a speed that had Jace rocking helplessly, after which all words escaped him. Until _he_ was the one bent over Alec, thrusting deeper and deeper into him.

But something was missing, so Jace blinked back on the couch, the need to kiss Alec urgent and primal, as he widened his legs as much as he could to give him better access. “Harder _, harder_ ,” he begged unnecessarily, because Alec already knew that he ought to not hold back, and he was slamming into Jace with all the drive of a desperate man, an animalistic groan escaping out of him at every slap of his hips against Jace’s. So, closing his eyes, Jace sat back and let the fire and heat they were creating build from every crevice of his being, until it inevitably erupted all around him.

And rather sonorously, so that Jace couldn’t help but think about the poor neighbors. Only for a second, though, because after that he was far too busy kissing Alec, while their bodies, slick with sweat, collapsed against one another.

They stayed on the couch even after throwing away their condoms, every limb tangled together or they would’ve fallen from it. Not that Jace minded, as his face was buried rather comfortably against the crook of Alec’s neck, Alec’s arm his pillow, while Alec’s hand distractedly caressed his side and back. Needless to say, he never would’ve wanted to move.

After placing a lazy kiss against Alec’s lips, though, something crossed Jace’s mind and he let out a groan. “Ugh, why are you so _distracting_? I still need to call my grandmother.”

“Oh,” Alec replied. “Shit, sorry.”

“Shut up, I’m not really sorry,” Jace chuckled, forcing himself to sit up, rubbing eyes to try and wake himself up. “Speaking of, I think it’s time to start using my inheritance, if we have trouble paying for bills and stuff.”

 Alec sat up as well. “What? No, Jace, I can’t let you pay for my stuff, that’s not fair…”

“Hey, I either live here, or don’t,” Jace shot back, turning his head towards Alec. “If I do, I _need_ to contribute my share. You know that I don’t like not sustaining myself, and that’s _never_ going to change. I’ll just have to resign myself to the thought of using my savings. It _is_ a fresh start and all.”

Alec sighed, but he smiled at him. “Of course, you’re right. And you know what? I think we should find a new place, a place that is entirely _ours_ , or we’ll always feel as if you’re only crashing at _my_ place. Maybe we won’t be able to do it straight away, but…”

Jace shut him up with a kiss, smiling into it. “Yes, that’d be perfect. We’ll get there, I know it. And wow, we’re truly adults if we’re excited about buying a house, aren’t we?”

Alec chuckled. “It was bound to happen, I’m afraid.”

“Mm. Also, Mr. Lightwood,” Jace wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, his face a breath away from Alec’s, “not bad for a first time in our ‘new life’, eh?”

“Not bad, you say?” Alec tackled Jace back on the couch, crushing their lips together. “I’ll show you _not bad_.”

Jace laughed rather breathlessly as Alec started kissing his neck, and he wouldn’t have wanted nothing more than to just let him continue doing that, but he had to force himself to stop this new endeavor, his fingers tangling in the hair at the back of Alec’s head. “You’ll show me later. Now, let’s get more presentable, so that we don’t traumatize my grandma _completely_.”

Jace knew that at that hour Imogen’s assistant would be in front of the computer, so Jace could safely Skype him, and he would call Imogen to come to the screen. Hopefully, she was home. Also, he needed to buy a new phone.

As Alec placed the computer on the kitchen table – thankfully at another angle than the earlier activity – Jace could feel nervousness rush into him as if ice-cold water was being pumped into his veins.

“Would she be okay with…me, you know, being a man?” Alec asked tentatively. He was sitting opposite from Jace, so that Imogen wouldn’t see him straight away and they could ease her slowly into the news.

“Oh, yeah. I mean,” Jace started playing nervously with his hair, combing it as properly as Imogen liked it, “she’s been cool with it so far, but it’s not like I’ve ever introduced her a _boyfriend_ , you know? I think she’s glad that mine were always just flings, and I just know that _that_ might’ve cemented her belief that I could never be serious or settle down with anybody but a girl…so we’ll see how she takes it.”

Alec nodded at him in understanding, stretching a hand forward so that Jace could take it. Jace intertwined their fingers gratefully, bracing himself. After a deep breath, he started the call.

And he realized just how _much_ he’d missed his grandmother, when she was the one to answer it almost immediately. Even just _seeing_ her face, from her stern lineaments to her critical eyes, was enough to cause a lump to form in his throat. As soon as _she_ recognized him, her usually expressionless appearance morphed into clear relief.

“Jace,” she breathed, “you, are you okay? I heard that Valentine,” she stumbled on the name, “took you again. They told me that you got free, and that you were somewhere safe where you couldn’t contact me, but…”

Jace had to blink many times as he replied, “I know, Gran, I’m so sorry. But I’m really okay. It’s over, Valentine is gone. I – it’s good to see you.”

Imogen was clearly studying him, and Jace tried to not give away anything as Alec projected himself behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He grateful he did that, though.

“You too, my child,” Imogen finally said. “But where – where are you? When will you be home?”

The hope in Imogen’s voice hit Jace like a boulder. Could he…have made a mistake? Maybe he should’ve taken some time, before moving his entire life elsewhere. Suddenly, as the guilt took ahold of him, Jace didn’t know what to say.

Alec was immediately on it. _“_ You can go back any time you want,” he quickly told him, “even tomorrow, I can book you a flight…”

“No, I…” Jace inadvertently spoke out loud, as he met Alec’s eyes at the other side of the table, which were full of concern and guilt for Jace’s own decision. Thankfully, though, because it made Jace remember why he was doing this; it _wasn’t_ just for Alec. It was simply that, beside the few people he called family, nothing good awaited him in London, only streets and houses that would haunt him for the rest of his life. As he tried to convey all that to Alec through their connection, he turned back towards Imogen, “Gran…I’m not coming back. I mean, I’ll come and visit from time to time, but I – I’ll be staying in New York from now on.”

 “ _New York_? In _America_?” came Imogen’s dumbfounded voice.

“Yes,” Jace confirmed, “I’ve thought hard about it, and you might be happy to know that I’ll be using my inheritance until I can stand on my own feet again…but I really can’t go back to London. There’s too much there…that I want to forget. I need this, Gran.”

Jace cursed the fact that his voice cracked at the end, but that was what made Imogen, her mouth slightly open, pause and regard him with more attention. “Are you…sure? That this is what you want?”

Jace nodded, before his gaze fell on Alec in front of him, their hands still intertwined, Alec’s presence still lively and clear behind him as well. “Yes, and…there’s more, actually.” Imogen raised her eyebrows, and Jace felt weirdly exhilarated as he went on, “Well, I kinda know someone here. I’m…with someone here.”

“Ah,” Imogen mouthed. “I should’ve known that it was something like that.”

“No, I swear it’s not just that…”

“But it’s a big part of it,” Imogen concluded.

Jace couldn’t exactly correct her, so he bit his lip as he nodded. “Yeah. But I – I’m in love, Gran, and you know that I don’t say that easily, or…ever. But this is different.” Jace squeezed Alec’s hand even harder, Alec’s smile in his line of vision warming him from the inside. “This is _real_ , and I’ve never been surer about something than I am of this. Do you want…to meet him?”

Both him and Alec were holding their breath, as they both stared into the screen to grasp any change in Imogen’s demeanor. She blinked a few times, an “Oh,” the only thing coming from her mouth.

“His name’s Alec. Alec Lightwood,” Jace started rumbling. “He’s a cop. He – he’s the best person I know, Gran. I assure you you’d love him, if…”

“ _So_? Where is he?” Imogen urged him. “Didn’t you want me to meet him?”

Jace chuckled as he covertly took a big sigh of relief, and he looked at the real Alec getting up from his chair, as Alec’s projection disappeared. “Yeah, he’s here.”

Alec walked around the table, reaching Jace’s side. Jace nodded encouragingly at him, and Alec took a deep breath, before finally entering the frame.

“Hi, hello, Mrs. Herondale,” Alec said, plastering a big smile on his face. “It’s – it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Imogen squared Alec up and down – of how much of him she could see, of course – before replying to him, “Hello. So you’re the one who took my grandson away from me.”

Jace closed his eyes. “Gran…”

“Oh, no, ma’am,” Alec tried to recover, “I’d never…”

“Youths these days, don’t recognize a joke if it doesn’t hit them in the head,” Imogen chuckled at her own words, and Jace and Alec joined her with relief. “Talking seriously, though,” Imogen went on, “you’ll be living together from now on, if I understood that correctly?”

“Y-yes,” Alec answered her, “and I swear, ma’am, that I love,” Alec’s hand grasped Jace’s arm almost unconsciously, “I love your grandson beyond words, and my – my priority is making him as happy as I can.”

The lines of Alec’s face were set, honesty and determination oozing out of him, and Jace ended up getting lost for a moment looking at him. When he finally turned back towards his grandmother, Imogen was studying them very attentively, and Jace hoped that she saw even a fraction of what he did.

“Thank you for your words, Mr. Lightwood,” Imogen spoke again, “Jace’s happiness is also my priority, so I will be holding you to them. Now, can I please have a moment alone with my grandson?”

“Of course.” Alec’s smile was far more genuine now. “But please call me Alec.”

Imogen nodded. “Alec it is. Then I guess you’ll be calling me Imogen, if you’re to be part of the family.”

“Thank you, thank you so much for your kindness…Imogen.” With those parting words and a squeeze of Jace’s shoulder, Alec went into the bedroom, leaving them alone.

Jace sighed as he turned his attention back on his grandmother. “Gran, I am happy, like I’ve never been.”

Imogen didn’t say anything, holding eye contact with Jace for a long moment. Jace didn’t even dare blink. Finally, she averted her gaze first. “I believe you, my child. For how much it hurts me to think you so far away from me, I can’t do much more than wish you all the luck, joy and success in anything you’ve set your mind into.”

Jace didn’t even try to hold back the tear that had trickled down his face. “I’ll miss you, Gran.”

“I’ll miss you too, Jace. I am…so proud of you.” Imogen’s eyes were shining as well. “See you for Christmas?”

Jace let out a laugh as he rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. “Yes, see you then. But hey, I’ll call you often once I have a phone.”

“I’ll be counting on that.” With one last smile, the call abruptly ended, and Imogen’s face disappeared. She clearly didn’t want to linger on that emotional moment. She had a reputation to uphold, after all.

Jace didn’t mind, though. He knew his grandmother, and her acceptance and support meant to him more than he could say, in any form they came.

He was trying to wipe away more tears as he got up and started walking towards the bedroom door, but Alec beat him to it, coming out of the room and wrapping him in his arms without saying a word. Jace fell into the embrace, surprising himself when that didn’t make him stop to cry, but rather triggered new sobs to escape out of him. He didn’t know why the call with his grandmother had _hit_ him so hard, compared to his goodbye with his friends. If he thought about it, it might be because his life, his _real_ life had started when Imogen had taken him in, and now that chapter was officially over. Sadness was inevitable, he concluded, but that only made him more determined to make it worth it.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Alec unsurprisingly asked him. He had spoken in a whisper, and Jace could feel that he feared to offend him by insinuating that Jace wasn’t sure of his own decisions, just as much as he feared to make him actually change his mind.

Jace didn’t hesitate in raising his head, cupping Alec’s face with both hands while a tearful smile opened on his face. “Yes, silly. It’s sweet that you keep asking, but you don’t need to do it anymore. I know you don’t want me to make a mistake, but this is what I want, a hundred percent.”

“Yeah?” Alec still looked hesitant, so Jace simply kissed him, wrapping his arms around Alec’s neck so that he could hop on him. “Woah!” Alec exclaimed in surprise, both of them laughing as he managed to not tumble them both on the ground.

“No more sad faces.” Jace was peppering kisses all over Alec’s face. “Okay?”

“Okay, okay.” Alec was still chuckling as he captured Jace’s lips in his, even more so when he spun them both around. “To our new life,” he proclaimed.

“To our new life,” Jace echoed, falling back on his feet. “Now, reunion number…three was more or less a success. How many more are there?”

“Oh,” Alec grimaced, “my mother and brother, then….my father.”

“Right, your father! I had completely forgotten that we still don’t know his deal…”

“We’ll see him later this afternoon, when he should be home,” Alec said. “And I think you should probably also meet my friends. I’ve been horrible in keeping up with them, I’ve basically ghosted them for months...” Jace raised both eyebrows at him, and Alec made a face. “Yes, I have friends beside Izzy and Lydia, you know.”

Jace laughed. “Of course, right, I think I got a glimpse of them at some point, was it after you were back from the hospital?”

“Yeah.” Alec took his phone out his pocket. “When do you want to meet them?”

“Why not tonight? Are there fun places to go around here? I would say so, since it’s New freaking _York_.”

“I thought you’d want to stay in and, I don’t know, settle down tonight?”

Jace rolled his eyes fondly. “That’s for old people. We’re _young_ , babe, tonight we’ll be having _fun_.”

“You’ve just called me _old_ and _babe_ in the same sentence, so I’m kind of receiving mixed signals here…”

“Oh, shut up.”

They shut up by kissing once more, then Alec playfully shoved Jace away, focusing back on his phone. “Okay, so tonight it is. Oh, and…”

“Yeah?”

“Lunch is still a few hours away, so I guess…it’s better if I go to the station sooner rather than later. I – I’ll be back in time for lunch to pick you up, is that okay?”

Jace smiled. “Yeah. I think I’ll be taking a shower and steal some of your clothes, since I don’t exactly have any.” Alec chuckled, but he didn’t seem exactly please by those words. “Everything will be okay, you hear me?” Jace told him.

“Yeah, I know.” Alec returned the smile. “I have you.”

*

Alec tapped his fingers repeatedly on the steering wheel as he waited for Jace to come down, the conversation he’d just had with his boss whirling over and over in his mind.

“So how did it go?” Jace asked him as soon as he entered the car.  

Alec sighed, managing a small smile in Jace’s direction – it’d be at least a _while_ before he’d stop rejoicing at the sight of him. “More or less like the girls said. I’ve been suspended for a few months, until I can show a certificate that attests my fully recovered mental state.”

Jace nodded, taking one of Alec’s fidgeting hands in his, a gesture that had a striking, immediate calming effect on Alec.

“And I think,” Alec continued a bit livelier, “I think I should go back to Tessa, you know? Lie or not, it can’t hurt actually going to therapy. A lot _has_ happened to me lately, to _us_ , that it’s better to deal with sooner rather than later…and _she_ would understand better than any other common doctor. You – you could even come too, if you’d like.”

Jace held Alec’s eye contact as he took in his words, a soft, pensive look on his face. “Yeah, I think that could be a good idea,” he said in the end.

The smile that opened up on Alec’s face was much more genuine now, as he looked back at Jace with a sense of relief easing into him. He hadn’t liked one bit disappointing and abandoning his boss and his colleagues, who had all relied on him, and facing them and their judgmental, distrustful looks hadn’t been pleasant at all…but he needed to remember that he _hadn’t_ acted out of pure selfishness. Not that he could tell them – they would surely accuse him of exactly _that_ if he even just mentioned that a boyfriend was involved – but all that mattered was that in his heart he _knew_ that it had been bigger than himself, and he couldn’t have done anything less.

Bringing Jace’s hand to his lips, kissing softly every single one of his knuckles, feeling some sort of _pride_ when the gesture caused Jace to smile, only served as a reminder of exactly that.

After indulging himself into that feeling for a moment, though, Alec had to force himself to bring them back to the task at hand, “Are you feeling ready to meet my mother?”

Jace’s answer came with a snort. “I can’t wait.”

Alec grimaced sympathetically, intertwining their fingers, hoping that that would at least bring him some comfort – he didn’t know which one of them.

“Hey, I’m serious,” Jace added, squeezing Alec’s hand back. “You know that I’ve always liked your family, so I _literally_ can’t wait. Yeah, I’m nervous, but…”

Alec nodded. “I know.” _It’s a chance of a lifetime_. “So enjoy the moment, cause you have _nothing_ to worry about, okay? I’m sure she’ll love you. Max too, and I think Dad as well. Izzy and Lydia already do, so…I guess I’m the one who should be nervous.” Alec chuckled.

“Actually, I think,” Jace leaned forward, smacking a kiss on Alec’s cheek, “that your mom will forgive you, so you _also_ shouldn’t worry so much.”

Alec rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to smile dopily at Jace. “Okay, fine, let’s just go then.”

“Right, you have a _car_. Where did you hide it all this time?” Jace said, smirking as he twirled his head around to study it.

“In a garage. I only use it for special occasions,” Alec told him, getting into the traffic jam and already hating it.

“Uh, uh, does that mean I’m special?” Jace teased.

Alec chuckled, even though his answer was nothing but serious, “Always.”

“Mmm,” was Jace’s only reply, and Alec knew that he was touched.

They spent the rest of the drive chatting randomly, mainly about the places and the people they passed, which Jace had a lot to comment on, as he watched everything with starry eyes. It was kind of adorable, Alec had to admit.

Reaching the familiar steps of Maryse’s house shut them up, though. After they luckily found a parking spot not too far away, they walked hand in hand in utter silence until the front door was right in front of them. Alec rang the doorbell rather forcefully to get past his nerves.

For who knows what miracle, it was Izzy who opened the door, hushing them in as she rapidly instructed them of her battle strategy, “I think it’s better if you go in on your own first, Alec, so that Mom won’t feel the need to hold everything in in front of a guest for the entire time. I say let her release some steam first, _then_ when she’s calm enough you can start explaining yourself, and _bam_ , here’s my boyfriend Jace. Got it?” 

“Iz, I don’t need you to tell me, I haven’t been born yesterday,” Alec whispered back to her between gritted teeth, while Jace watched them bemusedly on the side.

“You were about to let her open the door and see you holding Jace’s hand from the get go! Just, follow my lead, for everyone’s sake,” Izzy bit back, her lips pursed.

Alec was rolling his eyes so hard that he just knew he’d end up blind, but he still decided to do what his sister had said. For everyone’s sake. “You wait here, okay?” he told Jace, somewhat hesitantly.

But Jace didn’t hesitate to nod at him, squeezing his arm comfortingly before he leaned back against the corridor wall, only words of encouragement to be read in his mind. _You can do it_.   

Alec squared himself. He _could_ do it. He had faced much worse than this, hadn’t he? The entrance to the living room was right in front of him, so Alec stepped through it feeling as if he was entering a bloody arena.

Maryse was sitting on her favorite armchair, her legs crossed, one of her feet dangling impatiently. Lydia was there as well, sitting on the sofa right next to the chair, unsuccessfully trying to make small talk, even though it was clear that Maryse wasn’t listening to her at all. Both women’s attention diverted to Alec and Izzy almost immediately anyway.

Then, however, all eyes were on Maryse alone as the Lightwood matriarch rose to her feet. Alec’s heart jumped straight to his throat as she started strutting resolutely toward him without any preamble, and he had to stop himself from stepping back or closing his eyes, determined to take whatever came next like a man.

Easier said than done. He was already about to cave, a string of apologies and begs for forgiveness on the tip of his tongue…when Maryse collapsed on his chest, her arms tightly wrung around him. Alec froze for a whole four seconds before all tension deflated out of him, and he returned the hug.

“Mom,” he croaked, “I’m so sorry.”

“You idiot,” was all Maryse said, her cheek pressed tightly against Alec’s chest, so that Alec had the feeling that she was listening to his heartbeat. That only made him feel even worse.

“I swear, I wanted to call,” he managed to say next, struggling to get past the lump in his throat, “it’s just that…”

“ _What_? What prevented you from sparing _two_ seconds to send me a text message? To give me any sign that you were okay or… _alive_?” Maryse had taken a step back, glaring up at Alec with all the rage that only a worried mother could have.

Alec opened his mouth, and surprisingly the lie came easily out of him, “There was this… _man_ after us, and I was afraid that he could track us through our phones, so I – I had to get rid of mine.”

“ _Us_?” Maryse still looked pissed, and skeptical, but she allowed that detail to distract her.

“Mom, I want you to meet someone.” Alec was feeling less nervous, and more…embarrassed, now, so he averted his eyes. That was a mistake, though, because he only met Izzy and Lydia’s gazes instead, who were urging him along. “My – boyfriend.”

Maryse put her hands on her hips. “Seriously? _That’s_ what all this is about? Did _you_ know about it?” Her glare fell on the girls, who looked guiltily at each other, causing Maryse to scoff in outrage. “And you didn’t care to tell me _anything_? Was all that bullshit about Alec ‘needing time to himself’ and that I ‘shouldn’t have bothered him’ _really_ necessary?”

“It’s my fault, Mom,” Alec quickly jumped in, “I asked them to cover for me. I – I didn’t want you to worry…too much, that is.”

Maryse was nowhere near satisfied by that. “So there _was_ more be to worried about! What’s this ‘man’ you mentioned going _after_ you?”

“It’s a shit of an abusive father…Mom, I _had_ to help him get away from him, _especially_ since I do that as a _job_. I – can I just introduce him to you?”

Maryse was still frowning, but, whether out of defeat or curiosity, she agreed with a short nod.

Alec turned around, the anxious feeling rushing back into him as he tried to prepare himself to _act normal_. He didn’t even need to call out to him, because Jace entered the room a moment later. He was sporting a timid half smile so unlike him that Alec was rendered speechless until Jace came to a stop next to him. It was the sound of Izzy clearing her throat that spurred him back into action.

“Mom…this is Jace,” Alec declared, planting his own half smile on his face as he looked at his mother again.

Maryse had already been extending her hand to shake Jace’s, but she visibly recoiled at the name. So…it _wasn’t_ going to go unnoticed, just as Alec had feared. “J – _Jace_?”

Jace’s smile widened a bit. “Yeah, I – it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Lightwood.”

Maryse was blinking rapidly, and Alec could almost _see_ the gears spinning in her head as she rapidly looked from Jace to Alec, and vice versa.

Alec quickly let out a chuckle. “Yeah, can you believe it, Mom? That’s why I – I asked you about that childhood story the other day, cause I _seemed_ to remember that the name was familiar. Isn’t this…the funniest coincidence? That the guy I happened to meet on the internet has the same name I gave my imaginary friend so long ago?”

Jace started laughing believably enough that even Alec would’ve thought it was real, if he hadn’t known the truth. “It _is_ incredible, I couldn’t believe it when he told me!”

Izzy and Lydia both stepped closer, joining the hilarity. “That’s why I don’t want to hear any more word about how Lydia and I are too _cheesy_ for you tastes, big bro. Your life is literally a Hollywood movie now, so…” Izzy stated, crossing her arms with rather convincing smugness.

Maryse was looking between all four of them now, her eyebrows raised as she studied them. She was a lawyer, distrust was inbuilt in her…yet she must’ve concluded that, in this case, it was probably better for everyone if she just went along with it. After all, what could she say? She wasn’t the kind to believe in the impossible or the supernatural, and investigating further this rather unbelievable yet not entirely impossible circumstance shouldn’t have seemed convenient to her. Not for the time being, at least. That was what Alec had counted on, after all, and he was glad when he appeared to be right; Maryse’s features, after a few tense seconds, _did_ finally relax, and the look she fixed Jace with was only natural curiosity.

Also a bit of something else. She still hadn’t forgotten the whole ordeal. “So you…I don’t mean to pry, but I think in these circumstances I hope you can understand why I need to ask. What happened with your father?”

Jace sobered up straight away. “My foster father. He’s…he was not a good man. He’s gone now, he – he killed himself. Maybe because he couldn’t bear the guilt any longer, or…I don’t know. But I swear I didn’t ask Alec, I wouldn’t have wanted him to come all the way to the UK for me, even though I – I have to admit I needed the help. I wouldn’t have made it out of there without him.”

Jace couldn’t help but glance at Alec, and the emotions Alec saw there could never be manufactured. He impulsively took Jace’s hand, intertwining their fingers as tightly as he could. Then he faced his mother again, finally feeling any more reason to be nervous at all. “Mom, I know this is a lot, and I’m very sorry for acting rashly without letting you know what was going on, but all that matters now is that it’s over. I – I love him, and he loves me, and he’s here to stay. So we should…celebrate, what do you say?”

Jace tightened his hold on Alec’s hand, letting their shoulders touch as he smiled somewhat bashfully, his eyes lowered to the ground.

Maryse regarded them both, and not a fly could be heard in the room, before she finally let a soft smile appear on her face. “Yes, we should do that.”

*

When they left Maryse’s house Jace had to wonder why he had been worried at all. If him and Alec were a part of each other, it was only right that he would fit almost…seamlessly with his family. He remembered the countless times he had spent time with Alec’s parents and siblings, after all, and even though they had been completely unaware of his presence, he had still felt more at home with them than he ever was with Valentine.  

Now, they had ended up talking and joking and eating together as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. Max’s only comment had been that he hoped the two of them wouldn’t be as ‘disgusting’ as Izzy and Lydia, but Jace had made no promises, smirking as he took Alec’s hand in his. Max had made a face, but he’d had to cover his laughter soon after.

“What did I tell you? They love you,” Alec said jovially as they made their way towards the car.

“What did _I_ tell you? They forgave you,” Jace retorted, laughter in his voice.

Alec rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t hold in a smile.

“So where are we going now?” Jace asked him as soon as they were back on the road. It was early afternoon, but the day already seemed to have been a million hours long. They had spent an entire _week_ alone in a cabin, so that these many interactions felt incredibly draining, and Jace couldn’t wait to be back in Alec’s apartment, just the two of them. Yet, he knew they still had a long way to go. “You want to go to your father, don’t you?”

Alec’s hands tightened their hold on the steering wheel. “Yes, but first I need to make a couple more stops.”

It was like everything was coming full circle. Jace found himself entering Magnus Bane’s apartment, taking in all the whacky furniture and the host’s bright smile in a whole new light.

“I heard what happened,” Magnus told them, “by the Shadowhunters. I’m glad everything turned out alright, but I can’t help but feel guilty. If only I had realized who you were, I might’ve warned you more about the dangers that…”

“It’s not your fault, Magnus,” Jace smiled at him, “I – _we_ are just grateful to have met you in time, so that we weren’t complete in the dark while facing Valentine.”

Alec nodded next to him. “Yes. We won’t forget the help you gave us.”

Magnus tried to shrug those compliments, but his smile was even brighter as he regarded them both. “Well, you’re very welcome then. Jace, it’s a pleasure to meet you in the flesh. I bet it feels weird being really here, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah,” Jace glanced at Alec, “but the best kind of weird.”

“Then don’t let me distract you from your new-found life together. I wish you all the best things.”

“Wait,” Alec jumped in, “we would love to see you again, of course. As…a friend, if you’d like. We know you’ve been in hiding for a while, so we just thought…”

“You could use the company,” Jace filled in, even though as soon as he said it he started wondering whether they were being insensitive. “I mean, not that we know much about your life, we don’t mean to assume…”

Magnus smiled ruefully. “No, you’re right. I’ve been quite lonely, always looking around every corner, being suspicious of anyone who tried to get close to me. You know, I think I was the one to give Valentine the idea to lobotomize parabatai.”

Jace’s eyes widened, while his entire body froze on the spot. He didn’t mean to draw any conclusion, but bile was already rising to his throat.

“I mean,” Magnus averted his eyes, looking far off as if he was not seeing the room anymore, “I was a student, interested in every sign of the supernatural in the world, and you can imagine my amazement when I discovered the existence of parabatai. After that, my path was set. I was too fascinated to stop studying and researching everything that was to be known…especially after Valentine and his parabatai approached me. They were eager guinea pigs, they wanted to know just as much as me, so it was a suitable arrangement for both of us. Secretly, though, they were really trying to find a way to severe their connection. They hated it. Or at least one of them did, and the other only wanted to fulfill his parabatai’s wish. Yet, even when I figured out which part of the brain was the one enabling their psychic ability, I still had _no_ idea that Valentine would actually…”

“It’s okay,” Jace intervened, the catch in Magnus’s voice saying more that he could. “It’s not your fault. Valentine…has tricked many people. Nobody would ever believe even half the things he’s done, I’m sure.”

It was sickening to think about either way, and Jace had to share a worried look with Alec.

“I’m so sorry,” Alec said, placing a comforting hand on Magnus’s shoulder, “that this happened to you, Magnus. Or, wait, I heard this isn’t your actual name?”

Magnus managed a small smile. “No, it’s not the name I was born with, but I’ve renounced that one. Please, keep calling me Magnus.”

A smile opened on Jace’s face as well. “Well then, Magnus, do you accept our offer? We will understand, if being friends with parabatai is not…”

“I would love to get to know you better,” Magnus interrupted him. 

“Then it’s set,” Alec said a bit more cheerfully. “Actually, tonight I’m having Jace meet my friends at this pub, the Hunter’s Moon. You’re very welcome to join us, even though I must warn you that my sister might attack you with questions. She’s a scientist too. I should probably tell her…”

Magnus laughed heartily. “Oh…well, wow, I mean, yeah, why not. It’ll be fun, I’ll gladly meet your sister. I – thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” Jace replied, turning somber all of a sudden. “Valentine’s reign of terror is officially over.”

Magnus’s relieved nod was all the comment needed.

After having left the apartment, Jace felt ten tons lighter. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Mm?” Alec replied.

“To have everything fall into place.”

“Yeah.”

Jace, however, had the suspicion that Alec was stalling facing his father, because he took another detour. Not saying a word, though, Jace let him take them to a rather less-fancy part of the city. He knew it was where Tessa Gray had her office, he read it in Alec’s mind, but he had never been there. At the time Alec had come they hadn’t been speaking to each other.

“So we’re just showing up unannounced?” Jace asked Alec after he had parked the car.

Alec shrugged. “Well, yeah, I just hope they’ll let us in to talk for a few minutes.”

The entrance to the office was even more off-putting than the street.

“I can’t believe that you, all freaked out as you were back then, willingly came here and _stayed_ ,” Jace teased him.

“I was kind of desperate,” Alec shot back, sticking his tongue out at him that caused Jace to snicker.

“Who is it?”

The voice that suddenly spoke caught them both by surprise, and they jumped before they noticed two eyes watching them from a slot in the door.

“Ehm,” Alec started, “hello? Do you remember me? I’m Alec. Alec Lightwood. I just wish to speak to you and your...” he lowered his voice, “ _parabatai_. And your wife, Doctor Gray?”

The eyes regarded them some more, and not very warmly. “And who is with you?”

“This is my parabatai, Jace,” Alec answered, while Jace quickly nodded. “I know I kind of disappeared on you, so I wanted to…apologize.”

There was another moment in which nothing happened. Then, the slot closed as suddenly as it had opened, but much more soundly. While they waited, Jace felt a kind of trepidation that he didn’t really understand. This was just a curtesy that Alec had felt the need to give to these people, but it was not as if their lives would be heavily impacted if they didn’t talk to them ever again. Yet, Jace was starting to realize that having more people in this city who understood them, and who could help them, might make all the difference. They _were_ newbies, stumbling into a whole new existence with their eyes almost closed…

So when the door opened, Jace could only feel relieved.

The man’s blue eyes were much gentler, now that they could see the whole face. As was the smile that welcomed them. “There’s no need to apologize, Mr. Lightwood,” he said, “we probably should’ve been more upfront with you. It’s no wonder you freaked out.”

“Please, call me Alec,” Alec replied with a smile. “And I could’ve been more… _patient_.”

The man chuckled. “Maybe, yeah. Either way, we’re glad you met Magnus. He – he told us what happened to you, and that you were kidnapped by…” The man paused. “Please, would you like to come inside?”

“Thank you,” Alec said, before they were ushered into a narrow corridor.

After the door was closed behind them, the man addressed them again. “By the way, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Jace, is it?” he said, stretching out a hand.

Jace gladly shook it. “Yes. And back at you. We still haven’t met many parabatai, after all.”

The man nodded, glancing at something behind Jace before footsteps could even be heard. “I can imagine that. This is a big change for you, both of you, for sure. But let me introduce you to my parabatai. Jem, look who we have here, Alec Lightwood and his parabatai, Jace.”

A second man joined them. He was black-haired as his parabatai, but his features were clearly Asian, as Magnus had told them. His smile was even gentler, softer. “If it isn’t a pleasure to finally meet you both. I’m James Carstairs, but you can call me Jem,” he said, shaking Jace and Alec’s hands.  

“But what are my manners,” the first man jumped in, smacking his own forehead, “I haven’t even introduced myself. My name is Will. William Herondale.”

Jace’s eyes bulged as he stared at him in shock. “ _Herondale_? I – that’s my surname too.”

“It _is_?” Will sounded just as surprised.

Jace shared a dumbfounded look with Alec. “Yes. Do you – do you know Imogen Herondale? She’s my grandmother on my father’s side.”

“Well, I’d be damned,” Will exclaimed, “she’s my aunt, my father is her brother. Wait, you…you’re the kid that was kidnapped as a child? Whose parents were…killed?”

“Yeah…that’s me,” Jace answered with a grimace. “It was Valentine who kidnapped me back then too. He raised me as an experiment, he wanted to see if he’d be able to sever my parabatai connection. And…he succeeded, basically.”

Will’s mouth was in the shape of an o, but no sound was coming out of it. He glanced at Alec almost surreptitiously, before his gaze met Jem’s, who looked just as stricken. Jace just knew that they were saying more to each other than they were letting on. Was that revelation telling them something him and Alec didn’t know? But what could that _be_? Maybe he was just being paranoid.

Right then, multiple sets of footsteps could be heard at the end of the corridor.

“And what is going on here?” a female voice inquired. _Tessa_ , Alec’s thoughts surmised for Jace.

She was making their way towards them accompanied by two people, who couldn’t have been more than teenagers. One was a young blonde girl, the other a brown-haired boy.

“Dear,” it was Jem who answered her, “Alec Lightwood came back, accompanied by his parabatai.”

Jace almost flinched at the word, before remembering that for them to be there, those two kids ought to have been parabatai as well.

“Oh,” Tessa came to a stop in front of them, “you can’t believe how happy that makes me. Excuse me for a moment.”

She gestured the two teenagers towards the door, and everyone shifted out of the way to let them pass.

“Thank you for everything, Tessa,” the boy told her kindly.

“Yeah,” the girl echoed. “See you next week.”

“You’re very welcome. Remember to work on what we said,” were Tessa’s parting words, before she closed the door.

“So they’re parabatai too, uh?” Alec voiced what they had both been thinking.

“Yes, of course. It’s harder at their age, when dealing with one own’s growing emotions is already such a hassle,” Tessa replied.

His rash, angry younger self flashed before Jace’s eyes. Yeah, maybe it was better that Alec hadn’t deal with _that_.

 _Nonsense_ , came Alec’s reply in his head, accompanied by a rush of warmth that Jace had come to associate with Alec’s feelings for him. _It’s not like I was any better_. _We could’ve helped each other, or just been there for each other._

 _Maybe you’re right_ , Jace acquiesced, smiling fondly at him.

“Tes, can you believe that Jace here is my second-degree nephew?” Will was saying to his wife.

Tessa looked at Jace, and he was quick to stretch out his hand to her too. “Hi, we haven’t met, but I guess Alec has told you a bit about me,” he told her.

Tessa and Alec smiled at each other, one more bashfully than the other.

“Yeah, about that…I’m very sorry for bailing on you,” Alec said, rubbing the back of his head in his awkwardness. 

Tessa shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. It was me who failed to choose the right way to approach you. I had just…never encountered a situation quite like yours. I thought that easing you into it would’ve suited you better, but maybe the facts would’ve reassured you more.”

“I guess we’ll never know what could’ve happened,” Alec told her kindly, “I’m grateful either way, for the advice you gave me. I _did_ need to spend more time with Jace, it turns out.” He added chuckling.

“About that,” Tessa cut in, “I heard that you two were involved with the Shadowhunters’ last operation? How did Valentine learn about your existence, Jace? Why would he kidnap you? And what do _you_ mean,” she addressed Will, “that he’s your nephew?”

“Don’t you think it’s better if we all go inside? I will make some tea,” Jem suggested.

“Always the most considerate, our Jem,” Will teased him, ruffling his hair as they started making their way.

“Who will do it otherwise?” Jem was rolling his eyes, but there was a fond smile on his face.

Tessa turned towards Jace and Alec, whispering conspiratorially, even though her husbands could clearly hear her. “I can’t with those two. They’ve never changed all these years.”

“You love us,” Will shot back.

Tessa could only cock her head in agreement.

After they had all settled down in the room Alec had been in all those weeks ago, Jace and Alec tried to recount everything as best as they could.

“I see,” was Tessa’s first comment. “You’re Will’s kidnapped nephew _and_ the child Valentine had kidnapped as an experiment. Also Alec’s parabatai. I didn’t know all of this was connected to one another.”

Her gaze met both of her husband’s, and Jace had that sensation again, that some unspoken communication was passing between them. And he was more and more certain that they knew something him and Alec didn’t know.

“What do you know that we don’t?” it was Alec who voiced that thought, his voice low and serious, leaving no space for beating around the bush. 

Their three guests looked at each other once more, before Tessa said, “Have you…spoken to your father recently, Alec?”

That alone said more than it might’ve seemed. Jace’s stomach dropped as he looked at Alec.

“Not yet,” Alec answered, his hands balled into fists, “I was planning to a while ago, but obviously I didn’t have the chance, since Jace was taken soon after and I had to fly to London. He has a role in this entire story, doesn’t he?”

Tessa slowly nodded. “Listen, Alec, and Jace too. Robert is…a complicated man. I’m not going to tell you how to act or react to what he’ll have to say, but please, I’m asking you to keep an open heart. He has come a long way…”

Alec placed his cup of tea on the coffee table, then he rose. “Thank you, for everything. So we’ll see each other next week?”

Tessa seemed about to protest, but in the end she could only resign herself to that dismissal. “Yes. Remember, that you must be willing to work with me, for real this time, or we won’t get anywhere.”

“Yes, thank you, Tessa,” Jace jumped in, rising as well. “We will keep an open heart, and an open mind,” he added with a smirk.

“And you can chat with us any time you want,” Jem said, “you know what visiting is, right?”

“Yes, we do,” Jace replied, “we’ll really be looking forward to have more parabatai to talk to. We’ll surely hit you up with lots of questions.”

“Fire away,” Will said cheerfully, “and we definitely need to invite you for dinner some time. Say hi to Auntie Imogen from me, by the way.”

“Will do.”

Jace felt very much uplifted from that visit, but nothing could hide the fact that Alec had fallen completely silent, besides the few pleasantries he exchanged before the two of them were escorted at the door. Their guests could see it too, and Jace had to be thankful that they were graceful about it.

They were half way to the car, Alec walking straight ahead as if he wasn’t seeing anything in front of him, before Jace finally concluded that he needed to do something about it. “Alec, hey.” He grabbed Alec’s arm, forcing him to stop.

Alec reluctantly turned towards him, his eyes downcast so that Jace couldn’t resist cupping his face with both hands, trying to smooth the creases that had formed there.

“It’s okay, we already knew your father was involved in some way,” Jace reassured him, “now we need to just listen to him, then go on with our lives no matter what.”

“What if it’s really bad, Jace?” Alec sounded pained. “He hid what I was from me all my life, what if…?”

“He’s clearly not a _totally_ bad guy if Tessa and the others don’t hate him,” Jace suggested. “Please, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay? And anything that happens, don’t forget that I’m here for you. I’m kind of an expert in bad fathers, you know. Yours _can’t_ be worse than mine.” 

A chuckle escaped from Alec’s lips, but he shook his head before finally looking Jace in the eyes. “Never say never.” He still took Jace’s hands in his. “But thank you.”

And when Alec leaned forward, Jace let him fall into his arms all too eagerly, holding him as close as he could. Being able to give _him_ support was something that Jace didn’t know would feel so good.

*

He hadn’t wanted to do it. He _still_ didn’t want to do it, and get the incontrovertible proof of his father’s lies. Yet, while he drove towards Robert’s house, dead silent in his rage, Alec felt the _need_ to do it.

Visiting someone who wasn’t Jace was still quite foreign to him, so he had to concentrate much harder. It took him a while, but, in the end, he managed to lock onto his father’s _presence_ – that was how he chose to call it – in the realms of his mind. It wasn’t very _pleasant_ – most of the memories associated with his father weren’t the best he had – but projecting himself after that came easy enough.  

Their eyes met through the mirror Robert’s face was reflected into. They were in a bathroom, and Robert was washing his hands. He stilled as soon as he recognized his son. He didn’t turn around, though, and Alec didn’t give him the time to anyway.

“I’m coming over now, you better be there,” he told him curtly. There was no point in saying anything else, and no particularly hard emotion grew in Alec at his first psychic interaction with his father, only more of the same. So a moment later he simply returned to the car. “He’s home,” he informed Jace.

Jace nodded mutely. There wasn’t much else to say between them either. Not quite yet.

The door to Robert’s apartment building turned out to be already open, so they saw no point in wasting time with formalities. Alec _strode_ inside more than anything, climbing up the stairs two at a time, not needing to _see_ that Jace was following right behind. _Jace’s_ presence was literally second nature to him after all.

Robert’s apartment wasn’t as grandiose as the house he’d shared with Maryse for many years, but it couldn’t be said that Alec’s father didn’t like commodities. Alec found him sitting in his very richly, modernly furnished living room, clearly trying to feign an air of tranquility and openness, judging by the three tea cups waiting on the coffee table and by the way Robert didn’t shy away from greeting them as soon as they entered.

“Hi,” Robert said, rising and walking up to them with a successful-enough smile, even though it couldn’t quite mask his anxiousness. Not in Alec’s eyes anyway. “I’m glad to see you’re okay, son. And welcome…Jace.”

Even just that hint of knowledge was threatening to cause Alec to start blowing smoke from his ears, so he thought better not to say anything, but rather cross his arms.

It was Jace who stepped forward and shook Robert’s proffered hand – Alec hadn’t realized there were quite _so_ many people he’d have to do that with. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Lightwood.”

“Back at you. But please, call me Robert.” Robert gestured to the couch. “Take a sit, and a cup of tea. I bet you have a lot of questions, so make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you. We _do_ have a lot of questions,” Jace replied amicably, while in his mind he was scolding Alec for his callousness. _I’m gonna kick you if you don’t start acting normal. Please, just give him a chance._

Alec sighed. “Dad.” Robert looked at him with trepidation, the hope of finding some sympathy in his son’s eyes shining through on his face. “We already had tea, so let’s just sit down,” was all Alec could manage instead.  

Robert nodded, trying to mask his disappointment as they all found their seats. Silence reigned, and it was clear to Alec that Robert and Jace were waiting for him to say something.

Alec sighed again. No reason to stall any longer. “Just tell me why you never told me,” he started. “ _Why_ , Dad?”

Robert’s fingers were fidgeting, a nervous tick his son had inherited. Robert sounded tired as he finally spoke, “What would’ve been the point, Alec? I thought that your parabatai connection was gone forever.”

“What would–? That is really _all_ that you have to say?” Alec’s voice had already risen, so he tried taking a deep breath before continuing a bit more slowly, “Did it _ever_ cross your mind that I might’ve wanted to find Jace anyway?”

“And so what, Alec?” Robert’s tea cluttered on the coffee table as he put it down. “Should I have flown you to another country to have you meet an _imaginary friend_ you didn’t even _remember_?”

Alec gritted his teeth, wishing those words away, no matter that – _especially_ since they made some modicum of sense. He simply _refused_ to accept that no other option could’ve been possible. Had Jace and him been _entirely_ hopeless? Was there really no other way things could’ve gone?  “But _you_ knew he was real, didn’t you? And fine, maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to come along, but still…couldn’t you have found some help or, I don’t know, done some research on what had happened to me? How _could_ you know that my connection was really gone forever? Why didn’t you _do_ anything to make sure of it?!”

“Research.” Robert chuckled bitterly. “Son, you must realize now that there’s not much _research_ on parabatai, and if there is, it’s by someone who can’t be trusted. I didn’t _know_ who to trust, so the best solution seemed to keep you in the dark, safe from… _them_.”

 _It does make sense, Alec_ , Jace told him softly. _It_ would’ve _been too dangerous._

Alec pretended he didn’t hear that. “What about the _Shadowhunters_? Didn’t you know about them?”

“No,” Robert replied, “I never knew they existed until a few years ago. And even then, I didn’t think they’d be very…accepting of me.”

Alec raised his eyes on his father, whose face was even more somber now. Alec’s stomach dropped, and he had to force the question out, already dreading the answer, “And why is that?”

“You were in the Circle, weren’t you?” Jace surmised.

Robert lowered his eyes to the ground. “I’m not proud of it. Actually, it’s the biggest regret of my life.”

“How _could_ you?” Alec asked that to the carpet, his voice low, vibrating with barely repressed anger. “You hated your parabatai too?” he spat out.

“I wouldn’t say I hated him, but…” Robert audibly gulped, “I guess it’s not like that for you, since Jace is here now, but _I_ hated having someone in my head, everywhere I went. He was so… _confusing_ , while I just wanted to be _normal_.” Bitterness was oozing from his tone. “Valentine – Valentine had seemed the solution. He promised me he’d give me my _life_ back. But I never,” Robert’s voice cracked, “ _ever_ would’ve joined him if I had just _known_ …how exactly he’d do that. My parabatai…”

“Was lobotomized,” Alec concluded, closing his eyes for a moment as the horror of that fact settled in him. He squeezed almost desperately the hand Jace intertwined with his.

“I was finally _free_.” Robert’s eyes, risen to the ceiling, were shining with tears, and Alec had trouble looking at him directly. “Or that was what Valentine triumphantly told me. But oh, was he wrong. I was never free, ever again. So I fled, left the country, hid myself away from every parabatai I’ve ever known. I built a family in the hopes I could forget, and be at least a _little_ happy…but you already know that turned out too. I ruined my marriage and was a failure of a father, _you_ being a parabatai like me seemed _such_ a cruel joke, and I never forgot Michael.”

It was hard to say what Alec was feeling. He couldn’t deny he was still reluctant to let go of his anger and distrust towards his father, but the sadness of that story _was_ getting to him. “I’m sorry, Dad. That’s just…horrible, I–”

“Michael?” Jace cut in, a strange note in his voice. “Your parabatai was called _Michael_?”

Alec glanced at him, confused, then at his father, who was staring at Jace with a strained look on his face. “Yes,” Robert strangled out, “Michael Wayland.”

It took another second before Alec’s eyes widened. “Wait, but wasn’t that–”

“The fake name Valentine used when he was raising me? Yeah,” Jace said, nodding more to himself than at Alec. “I always thought he had made it up.”

“No, he didn’t,” Robert said barely above a whisper, as if he didn’t have the strength to talk any louder.

“But wait, I mean, Dad,” Alec swallowed hard, “did you _know_ …?”

“Of course I knew,” Robert was staring at his hands, “you talked about Jace _constantly_ , and one day you mentioned that he was called _Wayland_ and that his father was named _Michael_.”

Alec rose to his feet without barely registering his movements. “And you must’ve realized that _that_ couldn’t be right, since Michael Wayland was dead, so it _must’ve_ been…”

“Valentine,” Robert said in an exhale.

Every sympathy he might’ve had for his father evaporated like smoke. “You knew all _along_ ,” Alec might as well have been growling, “that Valentine had Jace, is what you’re saying. And I’m _sure_ I must’ve mentioned that Jace was isolated, starved and afraid of his father…”

“Alec…” Jace had gotten up too, but Alec shrugged off the hand he had placed on his shoulder.

“And you did _nothing_? Don’t you _dare_ tell me you couldn’t have done anything! You could’ve called the cops, child services, you could’ve…”

“On what proof?” Robert sounded pained. “The words of an over-imaginative child?”

“I said don’t bullshit me! You were afraid of Valentine, weren’t you? That’s why you didn’t do anything!”

Robert rose to his feet. “Yes, _yes_ I was afraid, I was afraid for _you_! That guy was a _maniac_ , how did I know that he wouldn’t have taken you too and done to you what he had done to Michael? I _know_ that I was a coward, but back then, can you blame me for being relieved when you appeared to have been cut off from Jace forever? Yes, I was _relieved_ that you didn’t seem to remember anything, I thought it was for the best, because now you could have the life I never…”

“For the best! But not for Jace, am I right? What did you care about a random, far away, abused child? Oh yes,” Alec strode towards the door, nails cutting his palms, his back to his father, or he feared what he’d do to him, “I _do_ blame you.”

“Alec, stop.”

Alec stopped on his tracks, more out of surprise than anything. “Jace? Let’s get away from here, from _him_.”

“Alec, I’m not that child anymore, I can speak for myself.”

Jace’s hard tone make Alec turn towards him, eyes wide in confusion. “Jace, did you hear what he _said_?”

“Yes, I did.” Jace crossed his arms. “And I get it. What _could_ he have done, all on his own, without proof, and from another country? Be reasonable, Alec, he never owed me anything, so if _I’m_ not angry about it, you shouldn’t either.”

“Are you – are you _kidding_ me?” Alec choked out, at the same time his father said in a small voice, “You – you’re saying you forgive me?”

Jace turned to face Robert. “I wouldn’t call it that. I don’t know _what_ it is, but I’m done letting the past affect my future. Lots of people have hurt me, in numerous ways, and if I start counting every single person who was directly or indirectly responsible for it I wouldn’t have a _family_. Just…” Jace sighed. “I don’t want to start a feud. I want to _hope_ that you’re a better person now, Robert.”

Robert’s hands were shaking as he lowered his head in defeat. “I – I don’t know, I’ve been…trying. But I haven’t really done anything that noteworthy either.”

“Trying is a first step.” Jace smiled. “And thank you for being honest, not everyone would’ve had the guts to admit all that.”

Alec couldn’t believe his ears. The tea must’ve been spiked, because he was positive he was having some sort of hallucination. “Jace. How can you be so _calm_ about this?! I – I’m out of here.”

“Alec!” Two voices called after him, but he was already at the door.

Jace caught up to him on the street, his footsteps echoing behind him. “Did you hear what _I_ said? I’m not forgiving him! I just don’t want to be fueled and controlled by hate and anger anymore! Can you understand that, Alec?”

Alec rounded on him, a frustrated sound escaping from him as his hands gesticulated wildly in the air. “So am I just supposed to pretend that none of it happened?!”

“ _No_.” Jace walked up to him, catching Alec’s hands and holding them firmly, but gently. “Of course not. But you have a father who loves you and who is striving to be better. No matter how imperfect, I’d give anything to have one like that too.”

Alec had his eyes closed, shaking his head at the words. “I don’t think he’s that much better than Valentine, and who needs someone like that? Jace, I know that you don’t think that much about it because you don’t think that much about _yourself_. But you deserved, you _still_ deserve better, and I can’t just ignore how severely people have failed you.”

Jace’s smile was soft, a glint shining in his mismatched eyes. “Right, I forgot that I’m speaking to Mr. Protector of the Weak.” 

Alec frowned. “You’re not weak.”

Jace shook his head, letting go of Alec’s hands. “You’re right, failing me is not that high on the severity of crimes according to me. It’s just any other Tuesday. Still…I’m not letting you fuck up your relationship with your father. With that I _mean_ , just talk to him some more. Yell at him, whatever, demand more from him, okay. But don’t throw him out of your life. Will you do that? If not for yourself, for me? Please?”

A part of Alec still stubbornly wanted to not give in and keep holding on onto what he thought was the actual right thing to do…but how could he resist the eagerness in Jace’s voice? Alec sagged, leaning forward until his forehead rested against Jace’s, breathing in his vicinity. So far he’d blocked Jace’s emotions out, locked too hard in his own turmoil, but finally letting him in allowed some of Jace’s peacefulness to flow in him like balming water. It wasn’t lost on him how not long ago _he_ had been the one trying to lift Jace up from the edge of despair. It had been easy to hope for the better back then, when he wasn’t the one at the center of it all. Yet, if Jace had forgiven so many people and decided to embark with him into this whole new – exciting, yes, but uncertain – journey…maybe Alec just needed to do the same. Believe in him.

“Okay,” Alec whispered. “I promise I will try.”

And Alec was starting to feel kind of bad about his rash behavior, but feeling Jace’s lips against his put a smile on his face. “Thank you,” Jace said after breaking apart. “That was quite a lot of drama for one day, wasn’t it?”

Alec chuckled, unable to resist the need to wrap his arms around him. “Yeah. I’m so tired.”

Jace took a step back, slipping out of the embrace to take one of Alec’s hands. “Then it’s time to head back home. We deserve a nice dinner, then some fun. Still meeting your friends tonight, right?”

“Are you sure you want that? We could postpone…”

“Nope. This day wouldn’t feel complete otherwise, you feel me? Let’s go to this Hunter’s Door.”

“It’s Hunter’s Moon.”

“Whatever. I’ll be drinking you under the table either way.”

Thoughts of his father accompanied Alec for the rest of the evening, together with emotions that ranged from fury to sadness. More than once he was about to project himself in Robert’s apartment again and yell at him, or simply _look_ at him so that maybe he might’ve been able to make up his mind about him. But he always stopped himself at the last second; it had been enough drama for one day indeed, and he was honestly tired of it. He’d face him another time, another day.

When he arrived at that conclusion, Alec felt much more serene. It was his and Jace’s first full night in New York, and it didn’t deserve to be clouded by misery. After freshening up at home and resting for a bit, _he_ was the one to prompt them to head out again and go eat someplace nice. 

Alec had never dated much, so being able to bring someone, bring _Jace_ to his favorite place – an Italian restaurant not too far from the Hunter’s Moon – shone a light deep inside him that managed to erase any other shadow of the day. It was just him and Jace, eating, talking, holding hands and stealing a few kisses here and there. And their laughter brightened the room.

*

“Look who decided to show up!” was what they were greeted with as soon as they entered the bar after dinner, by a girl with dark hair and clearly Asian features. “We thought you might’ve realized you had better things to do and just dived back home…”

Jace snickered under his breath, while Alec, the suggestive tone not lost on him, grinned and bit back, “And I see you were so _saddened_ by that that you decided to start _rejoicing_ without us.” 

The table where Alec’s friends were sitting at was loaded with half-full drinks, as a matter of fact. Jace recognized only Alec’s sister and her girlfriend, while he had seen the other four only in passing once, in Alec’s apartment, what seemed like an eternity ago.

“You caught us!” Izzy exclaimed, smiling cheekily while she brought her hands up in front of herself.

Alec shook his head fondly. “Well then, everyone, this is Jace. My – my boyfriend.”

Alec was clearly resisting the urge to scratch the back of his head in embarrassment, which Jace found completely adorable. So he smiled, waving rather awkwardly at the people who were studying him with curious looks. No one seemed hostile, thankfully.

“Finally!” the first girl spoke again.

“Jace, _this_ one who is talking so much is Aline,” Alec told him with a smirk. “We’ve been friends since high school, and I’m afraid she’s always been this way.”

“Rude,” Aline shot back. “I’m just excited to finally _see_ you again, you traitor, and to meet the guy you apparently hadn’t mentioned to _neither_ of us.”

“I agree, it was rude,” the blonde girl next to her intervened.

Alec rolled his eyes. “You know that my business is _my_ business. It was just…complicated.”

 _To put it mildly_ , Jace teased him.

 _You said it_ , Alec agreed, a corner of his mouth quirking up.

“I’m hearing a lot of excuses here, and not enough apologies,” a guy with long hair in a ponytail replied in a sing-song voice.

“Fine, _fine_ ,” Alec said. “I’m sorry for ghosting all of you and not telling you what was really going on with me. You happy?”

Ponytail shrugged, then conceded with a nod.

“Speak for yourself,” Aline commented, crossing her arms. “I’m still not happy.”

“You’re never happy,” Ponytail retorted.

“C’mon guys, let’s not,” another guy with far shorter hair and a very nice jacket cut in.

Jace always thought that banter was the best insight you could have into any group of people, especially friends, so he was thoroughly enjoying the scene. Memories of his own friends back in London danced at the back of his mind, however, which turned his smile a little more rueful. 

Alec was shaking his head in that way of his, when he was exasperated but secretly fond. “ _Anyway_ , Jace,” he addressed him again, “the girl next to Aline is her girlfriend Helen. Ponytail here is Meliorn, and the one next to him is Raphael.”

“Nice to meet you,” Raphael said.

“Hey,” Meliorn was tagging at his hair, “why would you call me ponytail, Alec, I resent that.”

Both Jace and Alec grinned as they shared a secretive look.

“They’re both Izzy’s ex-boyfriends,” Alec went on in his introduction in a much more conspiratorial tone, “and I still don’t know why we kept them.”

Jace laughed heartily, followed by all the girls at the table – Izzy and Lydia most of all – while the two guys voiced their outrage. 

“I see, you finally show your face again and the first thing you do is insult us?” Raphael bit back.

“We will not forget that!” Meliorn exclaimed.

But when Alec burst out laughing too, they couldn’t help but join.

“We’ve already missed all the fun?” another voice coming from behind jumped in.

“Hey,” Alec turned around to greet the newcomers, “you came. Jace, these are my colleagues, Victor and Raj. I saw them at the station this morning and I invited them.”

Jace shook both of their hands. It seemed like that was all he had been doing that day. “Hello. And you haven’t missed much, just some fun introductions.”

“I can imagine,” who had been pointed at as Raj said. “Did Alec mention that he owes me big? I had to cover for him all this time!”

“I’m sorry, man.” Alec clapped his shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“ _Lydia_ , Alec,” Raj had lowered his voice, “I can’t believe you left me with her, what kind of friend are you?”

Jace could tell that Lydia had heard, and she was now rolling her eyes pretty hard. Both him and Alec grinned at her apologetically, as soon as Raj was too busy finding a seat at the table. Jace promised himself to make it up to her just as well.

“So you’re the guy Alec almost fucked up his career for,” the other guy, Victor, told Jace matter of factly. He put a hand on Jace’s shoulder, though, and he sounded teasing, so Jace took it in stride.

“Guilty as charged,” Jace shot back.

“You must be something else, then,” Victor replied, raising an eyebrow.

  _You are_ , was Alec’s thought from where he had gone to sit down.

Jace ignored him, suddenly feeling kind of hot in the face. “Nah, I’m just a regular guy who got very lucky. Alec is the one who’s something else.”

  _Idiot_.

Victor nodded thoughtfully, before smiling. “Well, welcome to New York then.”

“Glad to be here.”

“Hey, Magnus!” Alec called out.

Jace turned around. Magnus was walking through the bar looking kind of lost, but his face lit up as soon as his eyes landed on the group.

“Hey there,” Jace greeted him.

“Hey there back,” Magnus replied.

“Everyone, this is…a friend,” Alec was saying, “Magnus Bane.”

There was a chorus of hello while Magnus came closer.

“Hello, Officer,” Magnus waved at Lydia jovially. “Glad to see my life saver. Thank you again for solving my case.”

“Oh, so you solved it?” Alec asked her, his eyes widened.

Lydia shrugged, but she looked clearly proud. “Yeah, just a bunch of kids hoping to make some money. They made the mistake to put what they stole on the internet. _Amateurs_.” Lydia looked at Magnus. “But I didn’t know you were invited! Here, sit with us.”

Everyone had found a seat, Jace fitting in next to Alec, while Magnus sat down next to Raphael, when Izzy whispered at them, “Wait, so that one is…?”

“Yes,” Alec replied. “But don’t go off on him, be a little sensitive, you know? It’s a touchy subject for him.”

“Of course, of course.” But Izzy’s eyes were already alight with thousands of scientific questions, and Jace had to chuckle under his breath. “I’ll be very discreet.”

“You don’t know what it means to be discreet, babe,” Lydia teased her.

“Oh, shush.”

“So Jace,” Aline started, leaning with her elbows on the table, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “how did you two meet? You’re from _London_ , I hear.”

Jace tried not to seem discomposed. “Yeah, I am. And we met on the internet, you know, classic 21st century love story.”

“Mmm,” Aline hummed, looking at the hand Jace had unconsciously intertwined with Alec.

Immediately, Jace felt hot again, a fact both nerve-wracking – he was _never_ so awkward about his conquests – and exhilarating – Alec was no usual _conquest_. That could only mean that Jace had to look at his boyfriend’s handsome face and pointedly press his lips against Alec’s stubbly cheek, enjoying when Alec’s ears went all red. And Jace knew that he had a goofy grin on his face when he broke apart, but he found that he didn’t really care, not even when he caught Aline and Helen sharing meaningful looks with Izzy and Lydia. He hoped they were happy about what they saw.

 “And you moved all the way here,” Helen commented, not unkindly. “It’s a very…brave move, especially since this is the first time you see each other in person, right? I – I mean no offence, of course.”

“No, you’re right,” Jace told her. “It’s definitely a bold move, it’s natural that you all must be skeptic. In any other circumstance I’d be right there with you, I would’ve _never_ seen myself do something like this. But hey, either cupid has made us very stupid…or very wise.”

“We’ll let you know,” Alec cut in, and everyone laughed.

Jace easily bumped his shoulder with his. They already knew.

“But enough with the nagging,” Meliorn jumped in. “We’re here to have fun, remember? So what do you do for a living, Jace?”

“Cause that’s not a nagging question,” Aline murmured under her breath.    

Jace chuckled. “I’m a musician. I was in a band, back home, but I’m thinking of now starting my own endeavor.”

“Oh wow, interesting!” Meliorn exclaimed, earning a glare from Raphael who seemed to be deep in conversation with Magnus, which Jace could only be glad about. “Do you play an instrument, or sing?”

“Both,” Jace answered. “I play both guitar and piano, but I was the lead singer in the band.”

“Then you need to sing us something!” Izzy said excitedly.

Jace’s eyes widened. “Oh no, no…”

“ _Izzy_ ,” Alec scolded his sister.

“What? It’s a fair request!”

“Oh yes, please, you must! There’s a karaoke here!” Aline said.

Meliorn was grimacing. “Sorry, man.”

“He doesn’t have to, guys, c’mon,” Alec tried to intervene.

“It’s okay, Alec,” Jace relented, shaking his head at Alec’s reluctance. “Just so you know guys, _karaoke_ is beneath me, but I’ll do it just for you. That’s how much I want you to like me.”

Accompanied by a renowned roar of laughter as well as whooping sounds, Jace, after stealing a quick kiss from Alec, made his way towards the corner where he could see the karaoke station was.

 _Don’t you_ dare _serenate me a cheesy song, I’m warning you_ , came Alec’s mental voice. _Especially_ our _song. You hear me? I swear that I’m gonna kill you if you do that._

Oh, Jace had definitely something in mind, so he tried to shield his thoughts from Alec, which he knew was going to drive him mad, and he _could_ already feel him fuming from all the way on the other side of the room. But Jace only grinned.

He whispered his chosen title to the DJ, then picked up the microphone.

As soon as the song started playing, Jace saw recognition sparking in Alec’s eyes straight away. Then Alec started laughing, and nothing could’ve erased the grin spreading wide on Jace’s face. He started singing.

 He had chosen the right song, because everyone seemed to know the words, and the entire bar, Alec included, lit up and sang along when the chorus started.

_And I say, hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, I said hey, what's going on?_

Then Jace couldn’t resist, and he stretched out a hand, making the _come-hither_ gesture right in Alec’s direction. He looked outraged for a moment, and started vehemently shaking his head, but his friends wouldn’t let it pass and at the end he was unceremoniously shoved out of his chair by his sister.

When he reached Jace up stage, any intention to complain evaporated, though, and Alec was singing, very badly, into the microphone along with Jace with not a care in the world. Jace had never felt happier.

He stood corrected, when he looked back into the crowd and he spotted Clary’s red head and Simon’s ridiculous glasses, that was when everything became perfect.

 _Not too bad, is it?_ he told Alec.

Alec kissed him as an answer, longer and more deeply that would’ve been appropriate, but the world around them had vanished from Jace’s mind. _Not bad at all_ , he could only think, as the song ended.

_Twenty-eight years and my life is still_

_Trying to get up that great big hill of hope_

_For a destination._


End file.
